How do I know if my counselor is any good?

[lonelyone]

I'm 40 and have emotional issues. Have been talking to the same counselor, Leanna, for the last 15 years. My emotional issues, more or less, have not improved.

 

I have a very specialized disorder, called Asberger's syndrome. It's a biological disorder that affects ability to socialize and make friends. Although Asberger's research is relatively new, I still find it hard to believe that she didn't pick up on the fact that I had a biological disorder (as opposed to just generalized emotional problems).

 

I actually received the diagnosis through a different psychologist, Carrie. It was even my idea to go get the diagnosis - it was not something Leanna suggested.

 

I now see Carrie (the one who diagnosed me) on a regular basis. She pointed out that what I need is an extremely structured treatment course, with coaching specifically geared toward improving my social skills.

 

I still see Leanna about once per month. When I asked her why she didn't suggest, years ago, that I get a biological assessment, she had a slew of excuses at the ready. She never once acknowledged any potential shortcoming on her end.

 

But the biggest issue I have with Leanna, more than not recognizing I may have Asbergers, is simply the fact that she never recognized how much I needed a structured treatment course. Whenever I came to a session, Leanna never had any specific agenda in mind - she usually just went along with whatever I had on my mind. She never "looked at the big picture," and she never came up with a plan to help me overcome anything. She simply gave input on whatever I was talking about, without taking it a step further.

 

Plus, whenever I confronted Leanna on why she never seemed to "go deep" or apply my current issues with the overall, bigger picture, she became a bit defensive, and said something about how that "isn't her specialty."

 

For all on Loveshack who have read all this thus far, thank you!!! 'Tis kind. I could really use some input on the following two questions.

 

1) Should I continue seeing Leanna? I only see her once a month, because she is a good resource should I ever need a letter of recommendation for anything. That is about the only reason I retain her.

 

2) Leanna mentioned that the highly structured treatment format "isn't her specialty." My question is, are the "specialities" of counselors very clearly defined? If it took me 15 years to find out that some counselors are more "structured" than others, then I would say that the different "branches" of counseling are very unclear to the rest of the world. Am I correct?

[dreamingoftigers]

There are very different specialties of counselors. Some just do talk therapy and suggest cognitive changes which can work if the person is healthy enough to process the information.

 

I would suggest doing your own research and if you needed a recommendation from Leanna that she would most likely still provide you with one. 15 years is a long time to see a counselor and have things not resolve in a way that you can guide your own life without the backup. I don't believe that I have ever heard of it taking this long to be discharged.

[desertIslandCactus]

Do whatever your pocket book can easily afford .. or whatever you want to soak your insurance company for.

 

Why do you want to make friends and socialize anyway ???

[lonelyone]

Why do you want to make friends and socialize anyway ???

 

If I don't make friends and socialize, doesn't that make you a socially isolated hermit?

 

At this point, that's practically what I am (hence my username). And I don't enjoy being a hermit; I am absolutely not a hermit by choice.

 

That's why I want to make friends and socialize. However, this society is not the least bit user-friendly when it comes to this. Whenever anyone catches-on that I'm "different" and "socially awkward," they become quite stand-off-ish. And even for those folks who are not as stand-off-ish, I still have trouble developing deep friendships with them.

 

And of course, having 15 years of counseling, just to find that none of the above things has improved, is quite frusterating!

[desertIslandCactus]

If I don't make friends and socialize, doesn't that make you a socially isolated hermit?

 

At this point, that's practically what I am (hence my username). And I don't enjoy being a hermit; I am absolutely not a hermit by choice.

 

That's why I want to make friends and socialize. However, this society is not the least bit user-friendly when it comes to this. Whenever anyone catches-on that I'm "different" and "socially awkward," they become quite stand-off-ish. And even for those folks who are not as stand-off-ish, I still have trouble developing deep friendships with them.

 

And of course, having 15 years of counseling, just to find that none of the above things has improved, is quite frusterating!

 

I think counseling is a waste of money.

 

Maybe I'm socially isolated. I can chat with the best of them .. but too lazy to really socialize. At my class reunion, I was lost.. Froze at entering the room full of people .. Had to have two former classmates Paged to come out to the hallway to Get me .. Now I ask you: How Bad Was That !!!!

 

Don't concentrate on making friends .. Do all of the things you wish to do and I would think you can develop friendships with those who share your common interests ..

 

I don't know if you have tried church .. But normally Christians will be more embracing that others ..

[tinktronik]

If I don't make friends and socialize, doesn't that make you a socially isolated hermit?

 

At this point, that's practically what I am (hence my username). And I don't enjoy being a hermit; I am absolutely not a hermit by choice.

 

That's why I want to make friends and socialize. However, this society is not the least bit user-friendly when it comes to this. Whenever anyone catches-on that I'm "different" and "socially awkward," they become quite stand-off-ish. And even for those folks who are not as stand-off-ish, I still have trouble developing deep friendships with them.

 

And of course, having 15 years of counseling, just to find that none of the above things has improved, is quite frusterating!

 

It does indeed sound as if you have an isolated life with some difficulty connecting to others. If this causes you any distress you should make sure to seek resolve or improvement in that area. It sounds as if Carrie is the person to see that specializes in dealing with socialization training.

 

Counseling can be a very vague or very specific, depending on who you are referred to. I too saw a therapist for many years for "agoraphobia" that turned out to be a symptom of a biological disease I was suffering and not agoraphobia at all. It was very frustrating that I had spent so much time spinning my wheels with the therapist, when I could have been receiving treatment for the underlying disease had she alerted me the symptoms could be associated with a physical problem. I feel as if the therapist simply took my payments and went through the motions for years.

 

Have you considered speaking to Carrie bout suggestions for a secondary counselor and should you need one?

[Tayla]

Without knowing the counselors, It is hard to make a conclusion simply based on one persons experience.

 

Counselors goals are to allow the client to decide and work at their pace. They aren't there to hand hold and make the goal treatments...The client decides that..Unless the person is court ordered to undergo certain therepies....

 

You may have outgrown Leanna or in some oddball way blame her for not Diagnosing your current asbergers condition. Is she legally bound to diagnose? OR does her degree limit her? Trying to grasp here the persons involved and how your expectations may not have been within their rights to label...

Your writing skills do not seem to emulate a high case asbergers as they are extremely articulate and the use of common language befuddles them...Thus the difference in social skills and awkwardness in everyday conversation....In a quirky way...aspbergers patients have a HIGH INTELLECT for VERBAL Communication and LOW COMPREHENSION for the BEHAVIOR and MANNERISMS From social interaction...

[carhill]

In an apparent step 'backward', the upcoming release of the DSM is classifying Asperger's as autistic spectrum disorder, with the attendant medication pathways.

 

OP, like with life, counselors change and sometimes you evolve out of them, seeking new answers and new therapies and new ideas.

 

To me, this should be a team approach, with a psychiatrist managing meds for specific brain chemistry issues, a neurologist tracking structural and performance changes and a clinical psychologist performing cognitive behavioral therapy. No one person is an island. I've found such brain teams to be incredibly effective in managing disease processes and improving quality of life.

 

IMO, Leanna should just step aside or refer you out, without prejudice or reaction. A good clinical psychologist is nothing if not a completely neutral party. Completely objective. Leanna sounds like she's departing from that path. Better to move on. Best wishes

[Tayla]

It wouldn't allow editing.

Aspergers patients rarely can comprehend Social idioms yet the Poster made a clear reference with the term "See the big Picture"...such phrases do not fit the norm of such persons...I caution you to get other opinions before being classified as this category of conditions, you may be getting lead down the wrong path...what testing has been done?

[lonelyone]

Yes there are different types of counselors who treat in different ways. There is also big differences between old and new medicine (is Leanna by any chance older than Carrie?).

 

Yes, LoveLace, Leanna is quite a bit older than Carrie. I, too, have considered the idea that Leanna is, for lack of a better term, "old school." For example, I have endured a lot of bullying in my life, mostly verbal abuse by my peers. Most of it was in Junior HS but also as an adult. Leanna, while acknowledging that the bullying sucks, still takes the attitude that I need to "not be so sensitive" and "get over it."

 

It wasn't until some articles came out about ten years ago, talking about some very new research that was going on, about how bullying by your peers is as mentally devistating as some types of domestic abuse, and the long-term effects of bullying are completely justified, and certainly not a sign that you're "too sensitive."

 

When Carrie, who is a licensed psychologist who can legally diagnose, diagnosed me with Asperger's, it was a complete relief. Even though the poor social skills are still present, at least I know why I am the way I am, and why I can't seem to interact and connect to the rest of the world - even with the few acquaintances I do have, I feel unconnected and unable to relate to their lives.