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Has anybody ever worked with people like this? They talk about other coworkers behind their backs and then are really nice to their face. I have worked with so many people like this and it really makes me sad. I worked with this one girl one time, she continously bashed our coworkers behind their backs to me, then was really nice to them when she talked to them. I never really did anything that would make her talk about ME behind my back, but I'm pretty sure she did.

 

I have a coworker now who does the same thing also. Now I have been guilty of blowing off steam about someone who slacked off, but I actually TALK to them about the problem and try to work it out.

 

Do you know what I mean?

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Feelin Frisky

Gosh yes. The American office work place is character assassination central. Either on purpose or by default people sabatoge each other for recreation. It can be really bad sometimes--you think everything is fine and there's no obvious hostiliy to worry about. Then one person can come along and poison everything to the extent that the only recourse is to seek employment elsewhere.

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LB, what do you do when you don't like a coworker? Do you let them know it?

 

Like I said in my original post, if I am having a problem with a coworker I tell them-nicely-and try to work it out. I just did that recently actually, things are much better. I generally try to get along with coworkers since we are all a team.

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Like I said in my original post, if I am having a problem with a coworker I tell them-nicely-and try to work it out. I just did that recently actually, things are much better. I generally try to get along with coworkers since we are all a team.

 

What if they're just an annoying person? What if they snort when they eat, mouth open, at their desk, while having a meeting with you? Or have an annoying voice? Or talk on and on and on and on about a subject that has no bearing on what you're working on? Or are just flat out stupid and make no sense?

 

Do you "work it out" with those coworkers? Or do you just smile and nod and then walk away rolling your eyes?

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What if they're just an annoying person? What if they snort when they eat, mouth open, at their desk, while having a meeting with you? Or have an annoying voice? Or talk on and on and on and on about a subject that has no bearing on what you're working on? Or are just flat out stupid and make no sense?

 

Do you "work it out" with those coworkers? Or do you just smile and nod and then walk away rolling your eyes?

 

I feel like I'm being cross-examined.

 

I have never really worked with a therapist who is overly annoying like that. They have had their "quirks" but nothing so crazy that I can't stand talking to them on a regular basis. You have to have good social skills to be a therapist, so maybe that's why I have never encountered anyone like this.

 

I did work with an "eccentric" coworker one time, she was always making jokes and saying things like "dawling, you are beautiful" or things like that. That is not my personality, but it was her's so I didn't try to tell her to change. She did her work and was a good therapist, that's what matters the most.

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I have never really worked with a therapist who is overly annoying like that. They have had their "quirks" but nothing so crazy that I can't stand talking to them on a regular basis. You have to have good social skills to be a therapist, so maybe that's why I have never encountered anyone like this.

 

I did work with an "eccentric" coworker one time, she was always making jokes and saying things like "dawling, you are beautiful" or things like that. That is not my personality, but it was her's so I didn't try to tell her to change. She did her work and was a good therapist, that's what matters the most.

 

I imagine in your career you'll interact with far more than just therapists.

 

My point is this: Everyone has their quirks, some more severe than others. I think it's highly unreasonable to expect that you'll be able to "work out" whatever your issue is with every single one of them, particularly if the thing that's bugging you is an inherent part of their personality. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue, smile, and nod...and yes, vent to someone who understands (often another coworker). You may think that's being two-faced.

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I work with people like that every single day. People are always tattling on others, critisizing others, complaining, bashing, etc. It happens on the low end of the ladder all the way to the very top. I've engaged in it too. One of the managers has horrendous smelling breath, and I'd never address it with her because there is no point- but my assistant and I get in the car after leaving and vent about it all the way home.

 

Sometimes it's malicious, and sometimes it's just venting. Often, when you vent about something, you get it out of your system, then the frustration passes and you're good to face another day with the person.

 

Talking about people is just human nature. It happens in social circles as much as it does office environments. I know people talk behind my back- I just don't want to know about it.

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Yes, i know exactly what you mean. At my previous position, my working environment was so negative. Everyone there would focus on the negatives, and yes two-faced business happened all the time. I think a lot had to do with the age of my coworkers; they were good people, just immature. This negative influenced me as well in all aspects of my life. My bosses even lectured me one time on being professional, when they lacked professionalism themselves! I have since left this position to a new place of employment, and am so much happier! Is this a possibility for you?

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Yes, i know exactly what you mean. At my previous position, my working environment was so negative. Everyone there would focus on the negatives, and yes two-faced business happened all the time. I think a lot had to do with the age of my coworkers; they were good people, just immature. This negative influenced me as well in all aspects of my life. My bosses even lectured me one time on being professional, when they lacked professionalism themselves! I have since left this position to a new place of employment, and am so much happier! Is this a possibility for you?

 

I don't want to leave my current job, this happened more at my other job. My current coworker is a nice girl, I am friends with her. She is just very negative about everyone we work with..it seems she always has a gripe. Then she is very sweet and nice to their face. It's strange to see her interact so positively with everyone after she bashes them to me. It's not a job dealbreaker, as there will probably ALWAYS be someone like that in every work environment. At my old job there were like 10 people like this, so it was much worse.

 

Like D-Lish said, it is human nature. And I completely agree that you can't work out EVERY problem that comes up...I'm just saying that I make an effort to try and speak to people if there is a conflict that CAN be resolved.

 

I also think there are different degrees of venting. Speaking about how you are frustrated with a coworker is much different then calling them names and putting them down.

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I don't want to leave my current job, this happened more at my other job. My current coworker is a nice girl, I am friends with her. She is just very negative about everyone we work with..it seems she always has a gripe. Then she is very sweet and nice to their face. It's strange to see her interact so positively with everyone after she bashes them to me. It's not a job dealbreaker, as there will probably ALWAYS be someone like that in every work environment. At my old job there were like 10 people like this, so it was much worse.

 

Like D-Lish said, it is human nature. And I completely agree that you can't work out EVERY problem that comes up...I'm just saying that I make an effort to try and speak to people if there is a conflict that CAN be resolved.

 

I also think there are different degrees of venting. Speaking about how you are frustrated with a coworker is much different then calling them names and putting them down.

 

 

The best and most professional of us vent. Being professional often entails putting on your best front while in the work place despite personal differences. SO... when you don't like someone, you put on a brave face and do your work despite the personal issue.

 

I only vent in front of people that I can trust- because venting in front of the wrong people can put your job on the line.

 

Someone that is negative all the time isn't demonstrating venting behaviour, they are demonstrating their character. Be careful with this girl LB, you don't want to become guilty by association, nor do you want to let her negativity bring you down (it could).

 

If you're cool with addressing problems in the workplace as you said you were- this is one of those issues that is worthy of confronting. The "negative nellie" never gets promoted- so being negative nellie's sidekick isn't going to help you get a promotion.

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Someone that is negative all the time isn't demonstrating venting behaviour, they are demonstrating their character. Be careful with this girl LB, you don't want to become guilty by association, nor do you want to let her negativity bring you down (it could).

 

If you're cool with addressing problems in the workplace as you said you were- this is one of those issues that is worthy of confronting. The "negative nellie" never gets promoted- so being negative nellie's sidekick isn't going to help you get a promotion.

 

Yeah, you made some excellent points, thanks! My supervisor is aware of her negativity and has told me before not to get sucked into it, because she knows that I am not like that. My coworker is very negative about patients as well. She is always saying how manipulative they are and she just speaks about them in a negative manner. Yes addicts/alcoholics can be manipulative liars, but they are still people. Having an addiction is like living in hell. My coworker has never had any kind of addiction so maybe that's why she lacks the right kind of empathy? I don't know.

 

I have been trying to keep my distance from her because I don't want to be known as her "sidekick" like you said.

Edited by Lauriebell82
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Yeah, you made some excellent points, thanks! My supervisor is aware of her negativity and has told me before not to get sucked into it, because she knows that I am not like that. My coworker is very negative about patients as well. She is always saying how manipulative they are and she just speaks about them in a negative manner. Yes addicts/alcoholics can be manipulative liars, but they are still people. Having an addiction is like living in hell. My coworker has never had any kind of addiction so maybe that's why she lacks the right kind of empathy? I don't know.

 

I have been trying to keep my distance from her because I don't want to be known as her "sidekick" like you said.

 

Totally LB, you just take baby steps away from someone like that! This is the instance where you demonstrate professionalism by distancing yourself.

 

So, do you like your relatively new job?

Is this the specialized field you would like to stay in?

Hope you are settling back in after the honeymoon!

 

xo

D

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Has anybody ever worked with people like this? They talk about other coworkers behind their backs and then are really nice to their face. I have worked with so many people like this and it really makes me sad. I worked with this one girl one time, she continously bashed our coworkers behind their backs to me, then was really nice to them when she talked to them. I never really did anything that would make her talk about ME behind my back, but I'm pretty sure she did.

 

I have a coworker now who does the same thing also. Now I have been guilty of blowing off steam about someone who slacked off, but I actually TALK to them about the problem and try to work it out.

 

Do you know what I mean?

 

 

Allll day long I deal with this. It is annoying to say the least. This is why it’s a good idea to keep your personal life out of the office mix. They are not really your friends, they are just acquaitences you work with, looking to get their jollies at your expense.

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A company I used to work for actually encouraged employees to rat each other out during training. This makes working for this corporation virtually impossible if you're a trusting personality. EVERYONE was two-faced from coworkers all the way up to managers & directors.

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skydiveaddict
Has anybody ever worked with people like this? They talk about other coworkers behind their backs and then are really nice to their face. I have worked with so many people like this and it really makes me sad. I worked with this one girl one time, she continously bashed our coworkers behind their backs to me, then was really nice to them when she talked to them. I never really did anything that would make her talk about ME behind my back, but I'm pretty sure she did.

 

I have a coworker now who does the same thing also. Now I have been guilty of blowing off steam about someone who slacked off, but I actually TALK to them about the problem and try to work it out.

 

Do you know what I mean?

 

Yes I think I do

 

I work for a wind turbine company. And us guys who are in the field doing the work on the turbines are in the home office about once a month. And the back biting and hard feelings that go on in the office is really stunning. I don't mean to sound sexist, but the office fighting is entirely amongst women.

 

Within five minutes I will have a complete run down on who said what about who:

Pam doesn't like Julie anymore because her friend said something about her Ex, who is now someone else's bf, who was seen having drinks last fri with another girl, Who's married (can you believe it?) But the rumor is they're getting a divorce but still. Anyway, Jill took one of my bottled waters out of the fridge but won't admit it (I know 'cause Amy saw her do it), but now Amy denies the whole thing, so we're not talking anymore. I never trusted Amy anyway, since she's been talking to Patty (you know Patty always hated me for bugging out on her wedding but really, did she expect me to wear that awful bridesmaid dress? I guess some girls will hold a grudge forever)

Well then Ruth tells me not to worry about one silly bottle of water, and I say, "well Ruth, bottled water doesn't grow on trees ya know". Ruth only drinks that disgusting tap water. So she would care? Besides, have you looked at her recently? "Hello make-up queen!" Try some BOTTLED water for a change! etc etc etc

Edited by skydiveaddict
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Yes I think I do

 

I work for a wind turbine company. And us guys who are in the field doing the work on the turbines are in the home office about once a month. And the back biting and hard feelings that go on in the office is really stunning. I don't mean to sound sexist, but the office fighting is entirely amongst women.

 

Oh, I completely agree with you. Now there is more workplace drama. My other coworker is rude and mean (not the two-faced one) and she yelled at me today over a very stupid thing. I was literally crying. My other coworker (male, the only one in the whole office!) told me I need to toughen up and not let her get to me. It's hard though, as everyone can atest on here, I can be quite sensitive when I feel I'm being attacked. It's so hard. We are having a meeting because apparently evereyone has been complaining to our supervisor about everyone else..it's going to hit the fan on Monday!!!

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My other coworker is rude and mean (not the two-faced one) and she yelled at me today over a very stupid thing. I was literally crying. My other coworker (male, the only one in the whole office!) told me I need to toughen up and not let her get to me. It's hard though, as everyone can atest on here, I can be quite sensitive when I feel I'm being attacked.

 

You'll probably take this as an attack to, but what can you do?

 

LB, please... work on this. Your career is on the line. You've already been fired once for behavior problems. You don't want it to happen again.

 

You are the person your clients/patients look to for emotional stability and strength. You can't be crying in the workplace. You just can't, particularly if it's only a stupid thing.

 

I really have no clue if this sort of thing exists, but as a therapist you might. You know how there's anger management classes? Is there some sort of...I don't know..."toughen up" classes or therapy you could take yourself? A sort of "don't sweat the small stuff" class? I think it would do you a world of good, not just professionally.

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You'll probably take this as an attack to, but what can you do?

 

LB, please... work on this. Your career is on the line. You've already been fired once for behavior problems. You don't want it to happen again.

 

You are the person your clients/patients look to for emotional stability and strength. You can't be crying in the workplace. You just can't, particularly if it's only a stupid thing.

 

I really have no clue if this sort of thing exists, but as a therapist you might. You know how there's anger management classes? Is there some sort of...I don't know..."toughen up" classes or therapy you could take yourself? A sort of "don't sweat the small stuff" class? I think it would do you a world of good, not just professionally.

 

That wasn't really an attack. Just to clarify though, my career isn't on the line at all..my coworker's is. And lets not discuss my previous employment, that is not the topic of this thread.

 

I don't know if there is a "toughen up" class. There are "assertive" type classes, but I've already tried that approach and it hasn't worked. This has been happening for awhile, she has already been warned (about other things as well that don't have to do with me), but to no avail. I don't think she is going to change so I guess I am just going to have to grin and bare it.

 

There may be some self help type books to help with this issue, I should look them up on the internet. Thanks for the advice, you gave me something to think about.

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That wasn't really an attack. Just to clarify though, my career isn't on the line at all..my coworker's is. And lets not discuss my previous employment, that is not the topic of this thread.

 

I don't know if there is a "toughen up" class. There are "assertive" type classes, but I've already tried that approach and it hasn't worked. This has been happening for awhile, she has already been warned (about other things as well that don't have to do with me), but to no avail. I don't think she is going to change so I guess I am just going to have to grin and bare it.

 

There may be some self help type books to help with this issue, I should look them up on the internet. Thanks for the advice, you gave me something to think about.

 

Okay, I understand a little bit more. But I'm not sure you really understood my point.

 

Regardless of why this woman yelled at you (warranted or not, it really does not matter**), you just CAN'T be crying in the workplace. It is incredibly unprofessional and you will lose all credibility with your coworkers, superiors, and clients/patients. This is true no matter what line of work you're in, but even more so when your own emotional stability is practically a job requirement. Whether her job is on the line really doesn't matter, if YOU are still behaving and responding to her in an inappropriate manner. They could oust both of you.

 

And I realize you don't think your past employment history is relevant here, but it just may be if you haven't learned from the experience.

 

** That said, the less justified she was in yelling at you, the crazier it is for you to have cried about it.

 

In terms of toughening up, the thing I learned to do is listen strictly to the message and not internalize it/take it personally. Easier said than done, I know... but you can do it, if you just try to compartmentalize the message.

 

So when a coworker says, "I am so mad you did X!" or your husband says, "I hate when the kitchen is dirty!" (or whatever), try to focus on their issue. They don't like X. That's not a reflection on you or how they feel about you as a person. Rather, it's a description of a mere situation/circumstance they don't like.

 

Does that make any sense?

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Okay, I understand a little bit more. But I'm not sure you really understood my point.

 

Regardless of why this woman yelled at you (warranted or not, it really does not matter**), you just CAN'T be crying in the workplace. It is incredibly unprofessional and you will lose all credibility with your coworkers, superiors, and clients/patients. This is true no matter what line of work you're in, but even more so when your own emotional stability is practically a job requirement. Whether her job is on the line really doesn't matter, if YOU are still behaving and responding to her in an inappropriate manner. They could oust both of you.

 

And I realize you don't think your past employment history is relevant here, but it just may be if you haven't learned from the experience.

 

** That said, the less justified she was in yelling at you, the crazier it is for you to have cried about it.

 

In terms of toughening up, the thing I learned to do is listen strictly to the message and not internalize it/take it personally. Easier said than done, I know... but you can do it, if you just try to compartmentalize the message.

 

So when a coworker says, "I am so mad you did X!" or your husband says, "I hate when the kitchen is dirty!" (or whatever), try to focus on their issue. They don't like X. That's not a reflection on you or how they feel about you as a person. Rather, it's a description of a mere situation/circumstance they don't like.

 

Does that make any sense?

 

Yeah, it makes sense. I agree I should not have been crying. Nobody actually saw me cry (I went to my office) but my coworker yelled at me in front of other therapists and they all saw the look on my face when it happened. She has her own issues, she has a lot of mental health issues and is in recovery. It's weird, she has disclosed that she has suffered emotional abuse as I have, but does it to others. I guess it's like a person abused as a child in turn becoming an abuser themselves.

 

These are her own issues I think, I am trying to keep that in mind. I have to try to just ignore her when she acts that way. She does it in front of other people-including our supervisor-so everyone is aware of how she treats me. Maybe the more other's see it the more action will be taken regarding the issue.

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Yes I think I do

 

I work for a wind turbine company. And us guys who are in the field doing the work on the turbines are in the home office about once a month. And the back biting and hard feelings that go on in the office is really stunning. I don't mean to sound sexist, but the office fighting is entirely amongst women.

 

Within five minutes I will have a complete run down on who said what about who:

Pam doesn't like Julie anymore because her friend said something about her Ex, who is now someone else's bf, who was seen having drinks last fri with another girl, Who's married (can you believe it?) But the rumor is they're getting a divorce but still. Anyway, Jill took one of my bottled waters out of the fridge but won't admit it (I know 'cause Amy saw her do it), but now Amy denies the whole thing, so we're not talking anymore. I never trusted Amy anyway, since she's been talking to Patty (you know Patty always hated me for bugging out on her wedding but really, did she expect me to wear that awful bridesmaid dress? I guess some girls will hold a grudge forever)

Well then Ruth tells me not to worry about one silly bottle of water, and I say, "well Ruth, bottled water doesn't grow on trees ya know". Ruth only drinks that disgusting tap water. So she would care? Besides, have you looked at her recently? "Hello make-up queen!" Try some BOTTLED water for a change! etc etc etc

 

I agree it does seem to happen more with women. I guess thats where the term * catty * comes into play.

 

I once worked on the day shift and all they had was drama , drama , then they downsized and I had to go to evening shift and it was WORSE ! From day ONE there was a fight going on and they wanted me to pick sides.

 

Let me clarify : I HATE DRAMA

 

I can' stand fighting , backstabbing , mean mouthing , tattle tellers ( sp ) . I detest it in my life , won't have it in my home and live a pretty drama free life.

 

And it IS primarily from women. The men will tell eachother straight to their faces , they do not mince words , like this " Hey you lazy M__ get over here and help us "

 

Whereas with women it will be " pzsssst , Leslie is so lazy , look at her standing there" INSTEAD of saying" Hey Leslie we need some help "

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LB, sounds like you are dealing with a bully in the workplace, and I agree that toughening up is the way to handle it.

 

At the first job I landed out after I had to close my store, there was a girl that was just openly hostile toward me. Since I was new, I let it ride for a bit- but after a few weeks I turned around one day, and just let her have it. Not only did it end her nonsense, but she wanted to be my best friend afterward.

 

On a side note, I worked at a group home in my 20's- and the entire organization was women... Seeing counsellors burst into tears was pretty common place in that world. The level of stress in that position was pretty high.

 

Hopefully your supervisor does something about your co-worker.

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There is not one iota of human reasoning why a person is NOT allowed to express emotions in the work place. Its one forth of the total package of a persons entire entity. I think being fake in *covering* up ones true self in the workplace is the two faced thing that LB is trying to avoid. I appreciate her genuine honesty on her actions and her expression of.

 

I am not saying a cry baby or a yeller but someone who can express even the tender side doesnt make them a wimp...it makes them human.

 

Just because her career is in therepy doesnt mean she has the ALL KNOWING answers to lifes' challenges..we are each a work in progress....

 

LB....reality is...in the professional world we have to place a front on ourselves and keep things in check....90% of the time at my workplace the co workers and management have to place that FALSE two faced facade on and deal with matters. None of us are really being our true self, because if we did, well the world would just be a better place to work and live...and heavens forbid if folks saw our true self...they would actually find us as fallable...

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