Do you think my co-worker wants me?

[royal]

I've got a crush with a new woman I'm working with in my company's marketing department. I've been thinking about her alot as you will understand soon. She is absolutley stunning. Canadian born 32-year old with Spanish-German parents (HOT). Beautiful face. Athletic. Creative and smart with a well-balanced personality. Likes to have fun kinda girl. Oh yeah, and she lives with her boyfriend...When she started, guys were coming up to me after I introduced her, saying "What are you doing, trying to get me fired bringing a girl like that into the office?".

 

Me? I'm in the middle of separating from my common-law wife of 8 years. A 32 year-old ex-hippie gone high tech. I'm a manager at a major financial institution. This woman ("J" for short) is slightly below my level, although doesn't report directly to me. We do work closely together on many projects, however. As others have mentioned here, I've had to sign a 'code of conduct' which prevents me from overtly hitting on her during work hours. Anyways, it's been a long time since I've had to actually hit on someone and know if their interested or not.

 

Can any other thirtysomething corporate/creative types out there tell me, based on the actions below what you think the odds are there's any attraction to me on her part?:

 

*Since she's started working with our team, we are always smiling at eachother.

*She's even accepted my invitations for lunch (although she then proceeded to invite another person along).

*One time, "J" left the office to go work out knowing I was working late and said "If you'd like to talk about that project later, I'll be around." Suggesting to me that maybe she wants to fool around (or just wishful thinking?).

* A couple times, I've gone to her desk after everyone had gone and she asked what I was doing that night.

* We went out for drinks to celebrate a completed project and spent most of the night talking with eachother like a date.

*Her first day in the office she saw a picture of my son and asked "is that your nephew?" (interesting that she didn't say "Is that your son?")

* When meeting with me for three straight meetings, I commented that she was going to be sick of me soon and she said "No, of course not."

 

 

My brain is telling me it's 50-50. My "other part" is saying "YES!YES! Go for it! Fortune rewards the bold!". As far as I know she is happy with her boyfriend (they own a house together and I've never heard her complain). I think we're very similar, though and would love to at least be her "back door man". I'm trying to keep the overt hitting on conversations out of the office in fear that I might be completely out of touch and get fired for harassment. Help me out here because I'm so attracted to this woman if I know she's probably interested, I'll come out and say:

 

"J, I know we work together and that what I'm about to say could end up with me getting fired or at least make you feel uncomfortable. But, ever since I first met you. I've found you to be so attractive and can't stop thinking about you. When I first met you, I was really attracted to you and now, as I've gotten to know you better I find you even more interesting. I know you and I could have alot of fun together etc. etc..."

 

If not, how do I overcome these feelings for someone I work with every day?

 

Lovesickely yours,

Royal

[Curt]

Interesting.

 

Maybe she wants you to be her friend.

 

Curt

[Stacey]

You know that she is in a committed relationship and yet you still think that you should proposition her. Nothing in what you have written has given even the slightest indication that she is interested in pursuing a relationship with you outside of the office. From my point of view everything she has said and done seems completely normal and does not justify this obsession you have cultivated.

 

I was also blessed with what you might call a pretty face and am sick and tired of being treated like a piece of meat in the office environment. I have had several men develop 'crushes' on me and ask me out in each new workplace I go to, despite the fact that I am in a relationship. I am a naturally happy and friendly person, but desperate guys with boring or frustrating personal lives (like yours seems to be) always seem to take my friendliness the wrong way. If I smile at you, eat lunch with you, ask about your social life, speak with you exclusively at a function, or answer a (rhetorical) question in a nice way, this DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM INTERESTED IN YOU SEXUALLY.

 

Asking her out or acting on these contrived feelings will only make you look like a fool and make her feel embarresed. At the very least the working environment will be completely awkward afterwards. It's a shame that men think primarily with their d*cks - it means that working women will always have to moniter their own behaviour. GROW UP.

[optima9876]

I agree both of the previous posts. She probably only wants your friendship. I think stacey was a little rough on you but I think you are almost obsessed. How can you possibly care/love/be attracted to someone that you dont even know for sure has the same feeling for you. You know what i mean? I think you're "infatuated" with her looks and you think you like her because she has been friendly towards you. If you still would like to go further with this, a simple "could i take you out to a dinner date sometime" would be the best bet. If she pauses in her answer or gives the slightest doubt you know it's friendship. The awkwardness will follow. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[rclynn]

I think she's just be a nice co-worker....... nothing in your bullet points leads me to believe she thinks of you as anything but a co-worker----take for instance the "going to lunch" one..... she asked someone along, which covers her butt with her boyfriend is someone sees the two of you out..... and her going to work out and telling you she'd be around later if you needed something.... that was nothing more than to let you know she'd be back....... your reading WAYYYY too much into her actions.......... step away!!!

[royal]

Thanks for the objective perspectives on my situation. I'll admit to some infatuation on her looks. But I'm still not sure it's only friendship.

I was in a one-on-one meeting with her yesterday....and we started talking about our lives outside of work. Eventually, the subject got around to my separation. She was really great sharing her personal life with me and even offered to babysit my son. I found out that we have alot more in common too. Her boyfriend is alot different from her and four years younger. She wants to have kids, but he doesn't. The kicker was when she said that if I ever needed someone to talk, laugh or get drunk with she would be there for me.

 

Does this offer seem a little more than a nice co-worker to you still? If my girlfriend/wife offered to get drunk with a male co-worker at work, I would be a little suspicious.

 

She is a really great girl and I would be happy to have her friendship. Anything more would be like a dream come true.

[Baubles]

royal- I think she's just trying to match your level of interest to be polite/friendly at work. She may genuinely be interested in a friendship though. she does live w/ a boyfriend also...

 

going to lunches, staying late, offering alone time w/ another man to work on a project, making conversation on their personal lives- I do this at work ALL the time- means nothing other than a work relationship.

 

I have to agree w/ Stacy's post- I feel a bit sorry for this woman- she has a live-in boyfriend- you should back off- if she's interested she'll let you know, otherwise she's not. She may also be "feeling" for you due to the seperation and trying to lend an ear.