Disaster

[fabulousgal]

Hi everyone:

 

Just looking for some support and advice. I've been with my company for the majority of my young professional adult years 24-29. Luckily I've been pretty successful, in a very demanding arena. We are in software consulting and travel 90%. I've been a single woman throughout and don't date much. I would say I don't have a good work/life balance but I do have boundaries like I won't work one day a week etc.

 

The last year I've really stepped it up. I got a lot of praise from people. We had a company event this weekend in a place that is known for its partying...one thing I haven't been able to kick on the weekends usually, probably bc I am single. Not sure if I was just uber jet lagged because I had to travel REALLY far to get there, or just felt like I had heard these topics being covered all ready, but when I arrived I just wasn't that serious about all the company meetings we had.

 

I ended up going out really late one night w coworkers, getting way too drunk, forgetting to set my alarm, and missing the morning meetings. Not a huge company so its very noticeable. Since the company president(s) are always praising me to others, they were really angry. So angry in fact that the senior leaders decided not to award me a very important yearly award that I'd be recieving that night. I apologized profusely (even before I knew the award would be affected).

 

I was devastated because the people I work with and that award was really important to me. My work is what I have and invested myself in, especially over the last year...I felt I was "growing up." But yet I made a fool of myself in front of everyone and was irresponsible.

 

Over the last ferw months I've been deciding on what I want to do and questioned this job. I also frustrated with always being away and not dating and building out that part of my life. None of these are excuses for my behavior, just to set some context of why I may not have been thinking things through like a sane person.

 

I've had meetings and chats w my bosses' and they have been supportive and accepted my apology. They have explained I am a role model and they want to support me and for me to be successful.

 

Anyway thanks for your time. I feel really horrific, depressed, and maybe a little mad bc I did work my butt off and made one mistake. I don't know how I am going to shake this, I feel like I can't just jump back into my work like normal. Emotionally I can't. I've taken a few low key days where I'll work from home this week.

 

Should I just take time off? What should I do? I am going to see a therapist this week to help me with some of the depressed emotions.

 

Thanks.

[tman666]

If your career is getting in the way or pursuing other things are are important to you, you may want to reevaluate your priorities. You've only got one life to live, and if something major is missing, it's your responsibility to fix it or suffer the consequences of potentially feeling regretful.

 

Within the context of your job, it sounds like maybe they skipped giving you the award because they're wanting to push you to step up even more. They're probably aware of your partying habits and they probably want you to transition from a 20-something young professional to a more mature leader within the company. You have to decide what you want though.

 

It could also have something to do with the saying: 1 "oh *****" cancels out 10 "atta boys".

[spiderowl]

Just reading your message, I was struck by how much you have put into this job and how you have been the person they can rely on. You made a mistake and let yourself down one evening and the next day. It's not a good move and you knew it. You've apologised. I can see that they didn't feel they could give you the award straight after that as it would have appeared like they were condoning irresponsible behaviour. I would think though that they must know that this was out of character.

 

I suspect your company depends on you a lot. They've said you are a role model and it's understandable that they'd want you to stay one. However, this is a huge pressure to be perfect and it sounds like you've tried very hard to be perfect for them. If I was your boss then what could I have done? As it was a rather public situation and others were aware what happened, I'd have had to refrain from giving the award for the reason I mentioned above. I would have been somewhat worried that this might be the start of a downhill trend for some unknown reason and that yiou were about to go off the rails. I would be worried in case this was not going to be a one-off, so I expect I would have to stress to you that this is not what we expect of you. At the same time, I would be mindful of what an excellent employee you are and that I wouldn't want to lose you or demoralise you. It's a bit tricky. Of course, what I could have done, had I appreciated you as much as I should, is to tell you you were an idiot, laugh about it wryly and tell you I don't expect it to happen again.

 

That's the employer's side of things maybe. From your point of view, I can certainly see why you feel upset and demotivated. You have been an exemplary and hard-working employee and you made one little slip and here they are castigating you and denying you the award you deserve. No wonder you are angry and disturbed. This is the thing about work. Somehow, efforts are not appreciated but taken for granted and failures are jumped on. We are made to feel guilty for not being perfect when we have put so much into the job. It's at times like this when work-life balance starts to mean something. Relying on your job for your self-esteem is dodgy, for the above reasons. Maybe your lapse was your unconscious mind's way of saying 'stop, you are giving too much for little reward or recognition'. It's strange it should occur just as this point when you were about to receive an award. Maybe at some level, you see this award as pitiful reward for your sacrifices. Who knows?

 

I think you have to decide whether to accept your employer's chastisement or not. You could get angry with them, of course, but I'm suspect they would feel even more aggrieved after what happened. I can understand perfectly why you feel angry. You could aim to rebuild their trust in you but don't feel you have to be even more perfect. You could look for another job with a different company who you feel might appreciate your services and not expect as much. Whatever you do, I'd suggest you don't give quite as much as you were doing. You need to separate out work and private life and cultivate a social life that will support you and be a haven from work stresses. You deserve to have love, care and admiration that is not dependent solely on how hard you work and what you put into everything but just because you are a decent human being.

[fabulousgal]

Thanks so much for your replies. It helps.

 

I agree my employer probably felt they had no choice. But I do feel it wipes out everything I did over the last year, whether it's true or not.

 

I've got to buck up and pull it together. Last few days I've been in shambles. I was told hardly anyone knows what happened but I still am very anxious that people are judging me. I'm going to try to work outside of home today so I don't try to hide under the covers anymore (literally).

 

I've got to own up to it and move on. I need to decide what I need personally and speak up for it, and I can still be a great employee I am sure. Maybe not at 110% but great and more balanced nonetheless.

 

Thanks.

[jean-luc sisko]

it should blow over in time.

 

Until then, just knuckle down and do your job well. hard work would make them see you are committed, and would be in your stead should people.

[Ruby Slippers]

You sound like a hard-driving perfectionist. I relate.

 

You got to this point in your career by working hard. You made one big mistake, but it looks like everyone else is already moving past it. Just do the same.

 

And take this opportunity to re-evaluate how much time and energy you're spending on work. Sounds like you need to spend a little more time relaxing and taking care of your well-being.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I love that you (went?) to a therapist.

 

 

Draw some comfort from the fact that everyone involved can separate your capabilities from the exercise in poor judgment.

 

So indeed you still have the same potential that you always had, but now you're going to have to re-ascend the mountain that leads to the height of your potential.

 

I really like that you've been humbled by all of this (meaning, from an outlook after it happened, and not my taking any comfort from it relative to before it took place).

 

 

I guess you get past it by separating the various aspects of it:

 

1 - drinking did this to you

 

2 - you are still the capable and effective worker-bee that you always were

 

3 - this little challenge in your life is sure to evolve to make you stronger and better with time

 

4 - why you even look better, anonymously, for having been so bold as to unburden yourself here at LS

 

 

 

Of course it is hurtful, and it feels even worse that you can logically see that you could have avoided it... buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut it happened, so now you regroup and assess where you are NOW, and start taking those same impressive strides forward for which you are known.

 

 

Good luck

[2sunny]

start working on good balance. everyone needs to work a bit and play a bit.

 

maybe take an art class or ceramics just to have that outlet... exercise a bit to take care of your body and find ways to unwind by relaxing. maybe a puzzle or read a book, go to the movie or a play. invite others to join you with some of those things you implement into your balanced new life.

 

sometimes our biggest errors are there to show us that things are out of balance and just a good wake up call that you need to adjust and change things up in order to get things in better balance.

 

if you're being hard on yourself you may need that reminder that everyone makes mistakes - it's really what you learn from the mistake that determines who you really are; and what you DO about changing things is what determines your true character.