Should I send an email of concern? poss. anorexic coworker

[laRubiaBonita]

there is a chic at work, she is my age, late 20's early 30's. i know her, but i am more an acquaintance. She has recently become a topic of conversation in the office because she looks as if she is anorexic. Some people also think she may be bulimic. She is tall-ish 5’8 or so, and she must weigh no more than 100 pounds. She looks like she will collapse at any moment.

 

Since I do not work directly with, I do not know if this is true, but I have heard she has become quite nasty and mean. She always had a little attitude, but it was playful- now I have heard she is just a b!+ch.

 

I do know she works out a lot, she used to look really buff and toned, but now she looks horrid.

 

I have struggled with being both anorexic and bulimic- simultaneously, and I did almost die because of it.

 

Some of us in the office have talked and the consensus is that we feel someone should say something- but none of the people I have spoken with really feel comfortable saying anything because no one is that close to her.

 

I really feel like I should send her an email and just tell her that people are concerned- I would not presume to say she has an eating disorder, but I would tell her that I have been down that road and I almost didn’t make it back.

 

I know when I was into my ED, it really didn’t matter that people were concerned- I wasn’t really concerned with other people thought…. But it did make me realize that my issues weren’t going unnoticed- and that others were aware that I had problems. Knowing that people knew didn’t help me overcome anything; it didn’t make me feel any obligation to get better. I had to be hospitalized multiple times, for months at a time- and that didn’t really make me want to get better; I almost died- and that didn’t make me want to get better…… so I kinda feel like even if I say something, it would more be out of empathy and understanding.

 

I have no words of wisdom for her- other than it’s harder to get back to good than it is to get to bad… and I always thought she had a cute butt, but it’s gone now- and it may not come back of she has to gain weight. That is the sucky part about regaining…. It takes a little while before you fill out like you want and it settles in.

 

So my question is should I send her an email or not?

[laRubiaBonita]

seriously.... no one wants to give me their opinion?

[Fight4Me]

Wow, this is tough. I'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea of an email (too impersonal), or suggesting "others have noticed," because that screams gossip.

 

My advice, as uncomfortable as it may be, is to befriend her and speak personally to her about this. There could be other health issues going on that is causing the weight loss. Maybe she has been moody because she feels isolated and avoided. She may be very grateful to find out that someone actually cares about her.

 

Is there some way you could ask her out to lunch (your treat) or someplace where you could discuss in private? By the way, if she divulges anything to you, keep her confidence and let the "others" know it is being handled, but that's all you'll say.

 

Good luck.

[laRubiaBonita]

Wow, this is tough. I'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea of an email (too impersonal), or suggesting "others have noticed," because that screams gossip.

 

My advice, as uncomfortable as it may be, is to befriend her and speak personally to her about this. There could be other health issues going on that is causing the weight loss. Maybe she has been moody because she feels isolated and avoided. She may be very grateful to find out that someone actually cares about her.

 

Is there some way you could ask her out to lunch (your treat) or someplace where you could discuss in private? By the way, if she divulges anything to you, keep her confidence and let the "others" know it is being handled, but that's all you'll say.

 

Good luck.

 

thanks for the suggestion. i used to be better 'friends' with her, we have mutual friends at work... i was talking to one guy about it, he thinks i should at least let her know i am concerned.

and i agree- email is impersonal, but i am not the best at conveying my thoughts verbally, plus i do not want her to feel like she has to answer to me, or explain anything.

[Norville_Rogers]

I wouldn't email her either. And since you and her used to be closer friends in the past....it might be nice to ask her to have lunch to "catch up" with her. Then maybe you could mention that you've noticed a dramatic change in her phyically. Just make sure that you let her know that you care about her and what is said between you and her is confidential. If she refuses then you might want to bring it up to HR. That's what they are there for....situations like this. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

[laRubiaBonita]

I wouldn't email her either. And since you and her used to be closer friends in the past....it might be nice to ask her to have lunch to "catch up" with her. Then maybe you could mention that you've noticed a dramatic change in her phyically. Just make sure that you let her know that you care about her and what is said between you and her is confidential. If she refuses then you might want to bring it up to HR. That's what they are there for....situations like this. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

 

The Head of HR already said something- but not to her (of my knowledge).

 

well, i did send an email- saying that i care about her, and that i am not assuming or trying to pry, but that i have noticed a significant weight loss, i mentioned what i struggled and till struggle with, i told her she could respond to my email if she wanted to OR not, that she did not have to explain any how or whys, and that i was here if she ever needed anything at all. then i just said i hoped she was ok and that, as always, i wish her the best. it was worded better- i think- but that is the synopsis.

[Jilly Bean]

Why are you assuming she has an eating disorder?

 

She could very well be battling cancer, or some other type of illness. Something PERSONAL and PRIVATE.

 

Regardless, this isn't territory a co-worker should tread into...

[zengirl]

Why are you assuming she has an eating disorder?

 

She could very well be battling cancer, or some other type of illness. Something PERSONAL and PRIVATE.

 

Regardless, this isn't territory a co-worker should tread into...

 

I'm going with this.

 

You know, I used to be VERY skinny. Like Size 00, itsy bitsy thin/thin/thin. And whenever strangers came up to me, I used to get angry as hell if they tried to share their "anorexia" story and say I needed help. I've never had eating issues, though back then I did eat junk food I don't eat now (mostly for energy reasons). I would've considered it harassment if a co-worker had ever done that to me. I really think it was none of your business.

 

If I weren't on BC, I'd still be pretty damn skinny. (I'm thin anyway.) If I went off my BC, I'd lose 10 pounds and at least a dress size within a month or less. (I know. It's happened pretty recently.) I'm sure that'd seem strange to some people -- as though I was doing something drastic -- but others should realize that everybody's body is different. Her body really isn't anybody's business, and y'all shouldn't be gossiping about it.

 

Now, if you see her sticking her finger down her throat and vomiting her lunch up every day in the restroom or she tells you she eats 3 carrot sticks and a watermelon slice a day or something, perhaps some healthy intervention is in order. . . but you shouldn't try to diagnose others just by looking at them.

[You'reasian]

there is a chic at work, she is my age, late 20's early 30's. i know her, but i am more an acquaintance. She has recently become a topic of conversation in the office because she looks as if she is anorexic. Some people also think she may be bulimic. She is tall-ish 5’8 or so, and she must weigh no more than 100 pounds. She looks like she will collapse at any moment.

 

Since I do not work directly with, I do not know if this is true, but I have heard she has become quite nasty and mean. She always had a little attitude, but it was playful- now I have heard she is just a b!+ch.

 

I do know she works out a lot, she used to look really buff and toned, but now she looks horrid.

 

I have struggled with being both anorexic and bulimic- simultaneously, and I did almost die because of it.

 

Some of us in the office have talked and the consensus is that we feel someone should say something- but none of the people I have spoken with really feel comfortable saying anything because no one is that close to her.

 

I really feel like I should send her an email and just tell her that people are concerned- I would not presume to say she has an eating disorder, but I would tell her that I have been down that road and I almost didn’t make it back.

 

I know when I was into my ED, it really didn’t matter that people were concerned- I wasn’t really concerned with other people thought…. But it did make me realize that my issues weren’t going unnoticed- and that others were aware that I had problems. Knowing that people knew didn’t help me overcome anything; it didn’t make me feel any obligation to get better. I had to be hospitalized multiple times, for months at a time- and that didn’t really make me want to get better; I almost died- and that didn’t make me want to get better…… so I kinda feel like even if I say something, it would more be out of empathy and understanding.

 

I have no words of wisdom for her- other than it’s harder to get back to good than it is to get to bad… and I always thought she had a cute butt, but it’s gone now- and it may not come back of she has to gain weight. That is the sucky part about regaining…. It takes a little while before you fill out like you want and it settles in.

 

So my question is should I send her an email or not?

 

Don't jump the gun or make hasty assumptions. Ask the right questions:

 

What kind of diet does she eat?

 

If she's been a long time vegetarian or vegan, this will affect her physique accordingly...

 

What's going on in her life?

 

If she just got over a divorce or loss of a loved one, it could affect her eating/sleeping habits.

 

What's her metabolism like?

 

If she's always had a high metabolism, she's probably always been a thin woman.

 

Lastly, this sounds like an emotionally fuelled instigation.

Edited July 25, 2010 by You'reasian