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New person at work being bullied


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BubbleFreak

I have noticed that a new person at work is being bullied by two other staff members. They constantly put him down, boss him around, talk to him in a curt manner, ignore him in the staffroom and bitch about how "retarded" he is. Recently they even accused him of something that resulted in the manager giving him an official warning, but I defended him because I knew it was a false accusation (I was there) and everything was sorted in the end. Let me note, these bullies have tried this behaviour on many other people including me, with no avail because most of us don't put up with their bs.

 

I feel bad for the new person. To make his situation somewhat better, I give him friendly encouragement at work, I've told him he can ask me any questions at all no matter how silly he may think they are, and I really think he is responding well to my efforts to help him. Every time he works with me he seems happy and enthusiastic, a little slower than other people, but then again he is just a newbie. But when either of the bullies are working, the new person becomes overly apologetic and anxious about everything, even when he is doing nothing wrong, and he makes a ton of clumsy mistakes.

 

A few days ago the new person told me he felt rejected and that I was the only one that day who had bothered to talk to him like he was a real person, but he didn't want to tell a manager or make a big deal about it... So... I've just kept being nice to him, sorta keeping him under my wing at work, but I've noticed he has started "shadowing" me even during break times, following me around like a puppy dog, definite warning bells!

 

I hate the bullying and I am trying to help him, but I also don't want him relying on me too much. What can I do?

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I have noticed that a new person at work is being bullied by two other staff members. They constantly put him down, boss him around, talk to him in a curt manner, ignore him in the staffroom and bitch about how "retarded" he is. Recently they even accused him of something that resulted in the manager giving him an official warning, but I defended him because I knew it was a false accusation (I was there) and everything was sorted in the end. Let me note, these bullies have tried this behaviour on many other people including me, with no avail because most of us don't put up with their bs.

 

I feel bad for the new person. To make his situation somewhat better, I give him friendly encouragement at work, I've told him he can ask me any questions at all no matter how silly he may think they are, and I really think he is responding well to my efforts to help him. Every time he works with me he seems happy and enthusiastic, a little slower than other people, but then again he is just a newbie. But when either of the bullies are working, the new person becomes overly apologetic and anxious about everything, even when he is doing nothing wrong, and he makes a ton of clumsy mistakes.

 

A few days ago the new person told me he felt rejected and that I was the only one that day who had bothered to talk to him like he was a real person, but he didn't want to tell a manager or make a big deal about it... So... I've just kept being nice to him, sorta keeping him under my wing at work, but I've noticed he has started "shadowing" me even during break times, following me around like a puppy dog, definite warning bells!

 

I hate the bullying and I am trying to help him, but I also don't want him relying on me too much. What can I do?

 

Something like this really depends on what kind of human resources staff you have. If you have an HR department or a supervisor who will take action and put an end to this sort of thing, then document the bullying and let HR deal with them. I suspect, however, that this is the typical workplace situation in which people just kind of mind their own business and hope that other people sort out there own stuff. The bullies are taking advantage of the fact that they know their jobs and what they're supposed to do, and they know that the newbie doesn't. The bullying and bossing gives them an inflated sense of superiority.

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Be there for him, and he will most likely remember you and thankful for what you have done for him, for many years to come.

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BubbleFreak

Another staff member brought it up with me that she has also noticed the bullying, and she is doing the same as me, which is just being there when the newbie needs help and some kind words. I'm sure more people have noticed too, and those that care enough will eventually do their part to show that the ostracising and bully behaviour is not acceptable.

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Enchanted Girl

How did you act to keep those bullies from bullying you? You said they tried to bully other people, but it didn't work because those people knew how to handle them.

 

Tell him to stop apologizing and accepting their insults. Tell him to act more confident (even if he doesn't feel it) when he speaks to them and teach him to talk to them like you do. Eventually, maybe, they'll start respecting him and leaving him alone.

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BubbleFreak
How did you act to keep those bullies from bullying you? You said they tried to bully other people, but it didn't work because those people knew how to handle them.

 

Tell him to stop apologizing and accepting their insults. Tell him to act more confident (even if he doesn't feel it) when he speaks to them and teach him to talk to them like you do. Eventually, maybe, they'll start respecting him and leaving him alone.

 

I've managed to keep them from bullying me simply because I am even better at the job than them, and if they challenge me about something I've done I confidently give them reasons they have rarely found reason to argue with. My confidence just comes with being good at the job and knowing it. I also help them when they need me to help them and I don't make a fuss about it, but I feed their ego by thanking them when they help me. It's win win I guess.

 

How other people have handled the bullies? By telling them to mind their own business and no one asked for their opinion. In a way, it's also social ostracism against the bullies, because no one likes how they initially talk to people. When other staff members put them in their place, it's strange, but they seem to become more amiable towards them. I really don't get it.

 

I've told the new person that he says sorry too much, and everytime he says it I'll poke him with my pen. It's sort of turned into a game, and he says sorry to the bullies out of habit then he turns around to me and sort of man giggles... it's pretty funny and I poke his arm with my pen. Same time I'm being serious, because he has no reason to apologise to people who have exactly the same position as him.

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Enchanted Girl

Okay, well, hopefully he'll learn not to do that. He reminds me of me honestly. For a long time, I was the same way and I got bullied at jobs and at school and all kinds of places because of it.

 

I don't know why those kind of bullies exist, but it seems like they are always testing people. Like you said, they are nice to the people who put them in their place. I guess they are testing people (probably subconciously) to see who they can pick on and who they have to respect. It's taken me a long time to be able to talk back to those kinds of people and not let them boss me around.

 

So I hope he learns the same.

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BubbleFreak

Enchanted Girl, I'm glad you have learned to stick up for yourself. Thanks for sharing your story. I used to be bullied in primary school and I remember how aweful it felt having other girls shove me around in the school bus and pulling my hair and whacking me with drink bottles, and the teacher not caring when I complained to her. It sucks to be bullied, for sure.

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That is horrible how they are treating him !

 

He will have to grow a pair in the end to protect his job. ( not to be mean ) Stand up when he is falsely accused .

 

He will do this for his self survival or they will fold him.

 

He is scared right now. He needs your support. I would just say :" Joe , I am here for you, but don' follow me around so much. Just know I am watching everything they say and do. I will defend you if need be. "

 

Eventually he will get more relaxed but right now I am sure he is a big stress ball....

 

Every job has a jerk who wants to tout himself and at the risk of hurting a new employee.

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I find that the only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them.

I worked with a girl once that was a complete a-hole to me for no reason- she used to sneer at me and make snide comments. I just went off on her one day and called her out. After that, she wanted to be my best friend at work... I even got a facebook friend request shortly after that.

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At my last job, there was this big guy that used to wrestle around with people and try to mess with them and he did it to me a few times. He was like 6'4" and 230 pounds or so. I was only 5'9" and 170 pounds at the time.

 

One time I just came at him when he wanted to "wrestle" with me or whatever and tackled him. Then I dragged him around and basically took it to him. After that he never tried to "test" me again. :D

 

Of course I wouldn't suggest this in office type jobs. It was just the way things worked in the warehouse that I used to work at. I'm just saying that you have to stand up in some way otherwise things won't change.

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I'm a big guy and one time this guy at school tried to bully me. He kept on doing it, so I grabbed him and through him in a trash can then kicked the trash can and rolled it down the hall with the guy who bullied me in it.

 

I've not been bullied in such a long time. This guy in the story really just needs to learn to look out for himself. As for the bullies if they piss you off see if you and all the other people they piss off can get togather and get them in trouble or fired.

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I'm a big guy and one time this guy at school tried to bully me. He kept on doing it, so I grabbed him and through him in a trash can then kicked the trash can and rolled it down the hall with the guy who bullied me in it.

 

That's awesome. :D

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BubbleFreak

Yeeap, clinging to me again today, and butting into my conversations when I was talking to other staff. I'll let it go for now, but after a while I'll take Mary's advice and say what she said to say, I like it. I also feel I need to say it, for his benefit as well as mine. And it's true I will be keeping an eye on things for a while but I don't want a "follower", doing my own thing is more my style.

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At my last job, there was this big guy that used to wrestle around with people and try to mess with them and he did it to me a few times. He was like 6'4" and 230 pounds or so. I was only 5'9" and 170 pounds at the time.

 

One time I just came at him when he wanted to "wrestle" with me or whatever and tackled him. Then I dragged him around and basically took it to him. After that he never tried to "test" me again. :D

 

I'm a big guy and one time this guy at school tried to bully me. He kept on doing it, so I grabbed him and through him in a trash can then kicked the trash can and rolled it down the hall with the guy who bullied me in it.

These things don't always work out so well. When I was in school and fought back I got beat up and then got in trouble with the teacher multiple times.

 

I still think it would be a good idea in this case for him to let the builles at work know that what they are doing is not ok. They might say something back and so forth. Doing this is very tough for some people.

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pureinheart
Be there for him, and he will most likely remember you and thankful for what you have done for him, for many years to come.

 

Ya, the "new person" might become her boss someday...I saw it happen many, many times...thank God I was cool with everyone...lol...

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pureinheart
I have noticed that a new person at work is being bullied by two other staff members. They constantly put him down, boss him around, talk to him in a curt manner, ignore him in the staffroom and bitch about how "retarded" he is. Recently they even accused him of something that resulted in the manager giving him an official warning, but I defended him because I knew it was a false accusation (I was there) and everything was sorted in the end. Let me note, these bullies have tried this behaviour on many other people including me, with no avail because most of us don't put up with their bs.

 

I feel bad for the new person. To make his situation somewhat better, I give him friendly encouragement at work, I've told him he can ask me any questions at all no matter how silly he may think they are, and I really think he is responding well to my efforts to help him. Every time he works with me he seems happy and enthusiastic, a little slower than other people, but then again he is just a newbie. But when either of the bullies are working, the new person becomes overly apologetic and anxious about everything, even when he is doing nothing wrong, and he makes a ton of clumsy mistakes.

 

A few days ago the new person told me he felt rejected and that I was the only one that day who had bothered to talk to him like he was a real person, but he didn't want to tell a manager or make a big deal about it... So... I've just kept being nice to him, sorta keeping him under my wing at work, but I've noticed he has started "shadowing" me even during break times, following me around like a puppy dog, definite warning bells!

 

I hate the bullying and I am trying to help him, but I also don't want him relying on me too much. What can I do?

 

Bullies are poison to the workplace...anywhere really. In reading some of the replies it appears as if you have a good repore with them, so I think they will eventually accept the new person...they will either move on or bully the next new person.

 

Bullies like power...they are control freaks and are extremely immature...just knowing how to deal with this type can cause miracles to take place.

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BubbleFreak

I told him if anyone at all is bullying him and it's becoming a problem, then he should tell the general manager as she cares about her staff. She is also the one that hired him. He was too intimidated to do that. Just then I found out that another staff member took it upon herself to report the bullying on his behalf. I'm not sure if that was a good idea or not, but now the managers are aware of what's going on and have decided to not roster the new person with one of the bullies until things settle down.

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pureinheart
I told him if anyone at all is bullying him and it's becoming a problem, then he should tell the general manager as she cares about her staff. She is also the one that hired him. He was too intimidated to do that. Just then I found out that another staff member took it upon herself to report the bullying on his behalf. I'm not sure if that was a good idea or not, but now the managers are aware of what's going on and have decided to not roster the new person with one of the bullies until things settle down.

 

You are a really cool person:), I wish the workplace were all like you. It sounds like your management knows how to handle it...

 

Unfortunately mine didn't...they encouraged bullies and some of them were bullies themselves. Luckily I had a lot of time so it didn't affect me, although I remember it being extremely uncomfortable at times and didnot want to go to work sometimes...

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You'reasian

It takes a special kind of person to take it and not rat out the perpetrators.

 

The old school, big boy way of dealing with this would be to find the bully when they are alone and have a discussion, if possible. The other of course is to intimidate them when they are alone - not the best way, but I guess it would work?

 

In the end, this guy is going to have to confront those who are bullying him.

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jean-luc sisko

the person can either:

 

- confront them

- call his/her manager and complain about this.

- contact HR, and document all instances of bullying/harassment.

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