Seriously discouraged; thinking of quitting; freaking SHOCKED at this decision.

[always_searching]

I am usually a pretty stoic person, but I am so pissed off right now, I'm about ready to start blubbering--better yet, screaming--like an hysterical person!

 

So, as you can probably tell, this is a rant, but I'm posting it in the "Business and Professional Relationships" section, because I'll need advice on how to act pleasant around these lying jerks with questionable taste whom I actually thought well of.

 

Here's the story: I'm in grad school. The year I entered, the professors in the department I am in decided to have a Student Teacher. It was all quite by chance--one of the professors went on Sabbatical, and the girl chosen was already working as an assistant to one of the professors. Anyway, she's gotten so much help from the department, it's unreal--great for her, but unfair and unfortunate to the rest of us. It's not even as though she's a much better student than we are. The kicker is: she doesn't even care about the field, but is just doing it because, according to her, she is good at it, and it will pay the bills before she finds a husband.

 

Okay, I should stop, as I am friends with her, and this rant really isn't about her.

 

Anyway, she's leaving this year, going to a PhD program, and needed someone to take her place as assistant. So, I was interested, and probably could have gotten the job, but lost interest after I found out that they were doing away with student teaching. A professor whom I admire and respect a great deal--and had a slight crush on--told me that the department just decided against it.

 

That was three weeks ago.

 

What do I find out tonight? The guy they hired to take the assistant position is teaching after all. The freaking department, apparently, re-thought their decision and hired this JERK to be the student teacher!!!

 

He is a nice person, don't get me wrong, but I know both of our abilities, and, though he may be better at regurgitating other people's thoughts and networking (aka kissing-ass), he is NOT a better thinker than I am, and is a terrible and BORING presenter! I feel so sorry for the kids he's teaching! He's totally unreliable--he was late to class pretty much EVERYDAY last semester, when I freaking was usually 5 minutes early, and was only AUDITING THE CLASS!

 

AHHHHHHHHH! I could scream! I'm about ready to say screw philosophy! Clearly, it's not about philosophy, but sophistry and being the best sycophant you can be! I mean, I genuinely like my professors; I genuinely like learning; I genuinely like the prospect of teaching--I would do it for FREE, for God's sake! That little ass only cares about titles, honor, and his pride. I'm sure he's interested in the money too.

 

This is unbelievable. I have to work with my professors for my thesis, but don't know how I'm going to look them in the face without crying, yelling, or calling them out on their obvious favoritism--I know there was at least one other student, besides me, who expressed interest in the position, and was MUCH more qualified. I don't know if I can do this--I can't finish my thesis knowing that they--the people I'll be working with--all picked this jerk over me.

 

What do I do? I'm sure I shouldn't take it personally, but I do! If I could just suck-up a little more, say the things they want me to say, think they way they want me to think: I would have the position.

 

I'm so angry--I'm seeing colors. Literally: there are blue and red spots dancing in my line-of-vision whilst I type. I am seriously having trouble breathing.

 

Oh, God, I need your advice, before I explode...

[JamesM]

 

What do I do? I'm sure I shouldn't take it personally, but I do! If I could just suck-up a little more, say the things they want me to say, think they way they want me to think: I would have the position.

 

I'm so angry--I'm seeing colors. Literally: there are blue and red spots dancing in my line-of-vision whilst I type. I am seriously having trouble breathing.

 

Oh, God, I need your advice, before I explode...

 

Not sure God is a poster here, but perhaps He may respond.

 

I guess I am curious why you think one must be a suck up (your term) to get a position. Do the ones deciding who gets the position, really know the weaknesses that you see in this guy? Why do you think you do not think or say what "they" want? Have there been incidents that make you say this?

 

Could it be that he is more friendly to the professors? Sometimes it is who you know not what you know.

 

I do understand your frustrations as I have been in a situation where I felt I was treated unfairly. The most difficult part is not being able to really do anything about it.

 

Are you stuck there, or is there somewhere else that might be better?

 

Vent your anger. Tomorrow is another day.

[amerikajin]

All I can say is, get used to it because the world of academia is not necessarily a meritocracy. It's about knowing the right people and being in the right place at the right time. Loads of nepotism, and you can't do anything about it. The best thing you can do is keep your options open, and network so you can find your niche somewhere.

[always_searching]

Thank you both for your replies.

 

 

I apologize if I don't make much sense--I just smoked (cigarettes) and drank myself into oblivion. (I've been having a rough few weeks with friends, my step-mother, my thesis, my life in general...)

 

Anyway, I know he is a suck up because I've been in enough classes with him to observe how he acts. AND I've been witness to his interactions with professors, which is boardline disgusting.

 

Believe me, I love my professors and act accordingly. I mean, I'm (usually) not inappropriate with my love, respect, and overall admiration, and I'm not disgustingly obvious about it like the guy who I'm talking about.

 

I know he says the right things, because he agrees with everything that each of them says (for the most part), even though what one says may very well differ from another. Ugh. Seriously, I've never been so sickened by a decision in my life! I have lost before, but I have never lost to someone whom I deemed as undeserving. If I lose, it is because the person I lose to is better. I don't believe he is.

 

I can't believe I feel that philosophy--Wisdom, herself--has f---ed me over. Okay, well, more her henchmen have f---ed me over in favor of someone who couldn't give a rat's ass about her.

 

Okay, I may be acting borderline dramatic here, but I think this may be my last straw. I have felt that life has been unfair before--I have had some pretty terrible **** thrown my way, be it from a vindictive step-mother, an alcoholic father, bad friends, lack of general luck, etc.. BUT, I have tried to be fairly optimistic until recently. Philosophy and academia are my loves. I have never wanted something--or someone--more than I wanted this. I would have given very nearly ANYTHING to get this position, and lost to someone whom I don't think ought to have gotten it.

 

I mean, what the hell? I want to know why. You know, I have half a mind to say screw it and tell all of them off.

 

Everything and everyone (with the exception of my mother) that I have loved or had ANY admiration and respect for has screwed me over. I give-up. I can't take anymore. Why the hell should we live in such an unfair and unjust world?

Edited June 25, 2010 by always_searching

[SadandConfusedWA]

Store this info in your brain and wait paitently until you come to a position of power to exert appropriate revenge. This is how academia works anyway.. As per the recent words of my boss "This w*anker rejected my grant in 2003 even though it was absolutely brilliant!!! Today, I am reviewing his grant" *evil laugh*

[SadandConfusedWA]

I also think that success in academia doesn't have that much to do with ability (although you do need to have *some ability*). But the key is having an influential person piggyback you at the early stages of your career. This usually involves kissing some a$$ in the right way.

[amerikajin]

Store this info in your brain and wait paitently until you come to a position of power to exert appropriate revenge. This is how academia works anyway.. As per the recent words of my boss "This w*anker rejected my grant in 2003 even though it was absolutely brilliant!!! Today, I am reviewing his grant" *evil laugh*

 

Indeed, the world of academia is full of ego. Reprisals are common. I think the problem is that academia, like other fields, has become an industry. The economics of academia revolves not around teaching, it revolves around grants and research. I think half the research that academics do is bullshyt, although that depends on the field. But whether it's useful or not, being able to get grant money is the key to survival in the academic world. It's the difference between being a professor and being an adjunct with no tenure. I have observed several fields in academia and some of the pettiness I've seen among supposedly grown men is beyond mere ridicule. It makes me think that taxpayers would be livid if they knew they were wasting their money on some of these little shytes. On the flip side, there are quite necessary research projects, which is why the pettiness and turf-battling really grinds my gears.

Edited June 25, 2010 by amerikajin

[amerikajin]

Thank you both for your replies.

 

 

I apologize if I don't make much sense--I just smoked (cigarettes) and drank myself into oblivion. (I've been having a rough few weeks with friends, my step-mother, my thesis, my life in general...)

 

Anyway, I know he is a suck up because I've been in enough classes with him to observe how he acts. AND I've been witness to his interactions with professors, which is boardline disgusting.

 

Believe me, I love my professors and act accordingly. I mean, I'm (usually) not inappropriate with my love, respect, and overall admiration, and I'm not disgustingly obvious about it like the guy who I'm talking about.

 

I know he says the right things, because he agrees with everything that each of them says (for the most part), even though what one says may very well differ from another. Ugh. Seriously, I've never been so sickened by a decision in my life! I have lost before, but I have never lost to someone whom I deemed as undeserving. If I lose, it is because the person I lose to is better. I don't believe he is.

 

I can't believe I feel that philosophy--Wisdom, herself--has f---ed me over. Okay, well, more her henchmen have f---ed me over in favor of someone who couldn't give a rat's ass about her.

 

Okay, I may be acting borderline dramatic here, but I think this may be my last straw. I have felt that life has been unfair before--I have had some pretty terrible **** thrown my way, be it from a vindictive step-mother, an alcoholic father, bad friends, lack of general luck, etc.. BUT, I have tried to be fairly optimistic until recently. Philosophy and academia are my loves. I have never wanted something--or someone--more than I wanted this. I would have given very nearly ANYTHING to get this position, and lost to someone whom I don't think ought to have gotten it.

 

I mean, what the hell? I want to know why. You know, I have half a mind to say screw it and tell all of them off.

 

Everything and everyone (with the exception of my mother) that I have loved or had ANY admiration and respect for has screwed me over. I give-up. I can't take anymore. Why the hell should we live in such an unfair and unjust world?

 

Stop analyzing and just accept that you've chosen to work in a field where people are going to do some of the things you're upset about now. The best thing you can do is to keep a low profile and network with people and stay on their good side. And CYA at all times.

[always_searching]

Thanks, Amerikajin and SadandConfusedWA.

 

You both are right, of course. I just feel somewhat betrayed. It would be different if they were looking for someone, but just weren't interested in me. But to have someone you trust either flat-out lie to you ("We're doing away with the student teaching position.), or change his mind in favor of a guy (I know for a fact) he is clearly friends with without telling you, when he knows you're interested is just annoying and slightly back-handed.

 

I just wouldn't do that to someone.

 

But yeah, rather than let this be destructive, I suppose I could use it to my benefit: help it encourage me to work harder, etc.

 

Hahaha, wallowing in self-pity is easier and, ironically, makes me feel better. So, I may stick with it for the next few days.

 

[Krytie TV]

OP, I hate to be a dissenter here, but what I'm about to say is not me simply ragging on you. It's something I dealt with in my life as well and want to pass it on to you. I spent three years in grad school previously and am there again, so I get it.

 

First off, your perception does NOT equal reality. You would be well served to immediately admit that you are not the sole judge of others' ability and/or performance. To be honest, you sound like you feel rather entitled because you are "the shyt". Been there. I have been assessed at a 142 IQ and used to always think I was "smarter than" that person, or "better presenter" than that girl, you name it. You know what separated me from them? They were willing to do everything it took, put in the extra work, and take the "crap" positions to get some face time with faculty. In your case, your unwillingness to take the "crap" position was another hard worker's windfall. Does that make him a horrible kiss-a** or does that make him someone willing to do what it takes? That's for you to decide.

 

Second, and I say this with the most sincerity, ditch the grandiose attitude. You are not better than anyone else in your program. Everyone there earned where they're at. In my case, 8 of us were taken out of 74 applicants. No one in that group was less gifted than I, though I had myself convinced otherwise. What did it get me? Eventually failed/kicked out of my program because my "independent ideas" and "philosophical disagreements" with the faculty made me replaceable rather than a savant. Go figure.

 

Honestly man. Put up and shut up. Do what you're supposed to do and do it without complaint. If you have actually tried for the ONE position in your department, you may be teaching now instead of the jerk that currently is.

 

Not until you learn and practice humility will you have the tools to excel in your graduate career. Good luck man, it's tough work.

Edited June 25, 2010 by Krytie TV

[always_searching]

OP, I hate to be a dissenter here, but what I'm about to say is not me simply ragging on you. It's something I dealt with in my life as well and want to pass it on to you. I spent three years in grad school previously and am there again, so I get it.

 

First off, your perception does NOT equal reality. You would be well served to immediately admit that you are not the sole judge of others' ability and/or performance. To be honest, you sound like you feel rather entitled because you are "the shyt". Been there. I have been assessed at a 142 IQ and used to always think I was "smarter than" that person, or "better presenter" than that girl, you name it. You know what separated me from them? They were willing to do everything it took, put in the extra work, and take the "crap" positions to get some face time with faculty. In your case, your unwillingness to take the "crap" position was another hard worker's windfall. Does that make him a horrible kiss-a** or does that make him someone willing to do what it takes? That's for you to decide.

 

Second, and I say this with the most sincerity, ditch the grandiose attitude. You are not better than anyone else in your program. Everyone there earned where they're at. In my case, 8 of us were taken out of 74 applicants. No one in that group was less gifted than I, though I had myself convinced otherwise. What did it get me? Eventually failed/kicked out of my program because my "independent ideas" and "philosophical disagreements" with the faculty made me replaceable rather than a savant. Go figure.

 

Honestly man. Put up and shut up. Do what you're supposed to do and do it without complaint. If you have actually tried for the ONE position in your department, you may be teaching now instead of the jerk that currently is.

 

Not until you learn and practice humility will you have the tools to excel in your graduate career. Good luck man, it's tough work.

 

Well, thank you for your honesty--albeit slightly harsh.

 

Believe me, I do not think I am "the shyt." I know, and am honest, about my shortcomings. My (girl) friend who had the position last year, even though she admittedly doesn't even care about philosophy, was most definitely deserving of it. She is not heaps better than any of us, but she is slightly so, and deserved to get the position.

 

Regardless, I found out the guy (who I also like as a person and am "friends" with, mind you) got the teaching position before he accepted the assistant position--which, you should note, I do not consider a "crap" position.

 

I am, usually, fairly humble, and I may sound rather harsh in my description of this guy, but I have known him for a year, and know his motivations, because HE'S TOLD ME. Does he want to go on to a PhD program, teach philosophy, and do whatever it takes? Of course he does. But he is only interested in it for--self admitted--prideful reasons: honor, recognition, etc. I too would have done whatever it took to get the teaching position, and am interested in it for the right reasons: I want to educate. I care about the development of young people's minds. I know him! He is one-dimensional: he is going to teach the only three philosophers he's carefully studied and give a bias reading. The students will be indoctrinated rather than educated.

 

I'm going to stop ranting. You're right: I'll do what it takes. If they want a suck-up who regurgitates their thoughts back to them: I can do that. I don't particularly care for deception and have never opted to use it before, but I want to do well. If it takes kissing ass, I suppose that's what I'll do.

 

That being said: I think it's sickening that academia has come to that. That it's about networking and indoctrination rather than actual thinking and original contributions to the academic community.

 

Thanks again for posting--Good luck to you as well!

Edited June 25, 2010 by always_searching

[GreenBamboo]

 

I'm going to stop ranting. You're right: I'll do what it takes. If they want a suck-up who regurgitates their thoughts back to them: I can do that. I don't particularly care for deception and have never opted to use it before, but I want to do well. If it takes kissing ass, I suppose that's what I'll do.

 

That being said: I think it's sickening that academia has come to that. That it's about networking and indoctrination rather than actual thinking and original contributions to the academic community.

 

 

To OP: I totally understand you. Please be careful of quitting since that may only hurt you. Keep your coolness, chin up, and look for other healthier environment if possible.

 

As for ass-kissing and deceit to their thoughts, I have an employee who like to do those things. The thing is his manager constantly changes (due to too much politics) and the minute he has a new manager, watch his attitude change!!! Very funny.

 

I have pity on this employee who need to sell his soul to do those things, as well as the manager who thinks he will be 'loyal' to him/her.

[Scrybe]

You were interested in a position.

You later found out that it would not involve teaching.

You then lost interest in the position.

Someone else was picked from the pool of people still interested

At the last minute the "decision makers" decided to put the teaching component into the mix.

You're angry and feel betrayed.

 

Added to that:

You're bad mouthing the former assistant because she doesn't have the same level of interest in the field that you do and she has been fortunate enough to get help from others and because getting married ultimately is more important to her than her future career.

 

You're bad mouthing the new assistant because you think you're better than him in everyway and you think he'll be a terrible student teacher.

 

 

You're angry at the decision makers for not giving you the chance at the position and feel betrayed because they didn't go with the obvious superior choice (you). Since they changed their mind they are liars.

 

Did I get it all right?

 

So here is my opinion which you are welcome to ignore:

 

Job - Because the position no longer had what you wanted (teaching) you turned your nose up at it. As a result you were not in the right place at the time. In the real world no one goes knocking down your door to drag you to an opportunity. You have to be around when it arrives. Sometimes that means taking on tasks and responsibilities that may seem beneath you.

 

Professors and assistants - Blaming the decision makers for your misfortune and spewing vitriol about 2 other associates that had nothing to do with where you landed in all this just sounds childish and immature. What happened to taking responsibility for your choices?

 

Even if I got it wrong and you were still vying for the position and got overlooked - you got to ask yourself why. Why did they pick him over you? Try really, really hard to look for an explanation OTHER than a conspiracy against you. Is it possible that maybe...just maybe you were't a good fit for the job? If you are is it possible that maybe...just maybe he did a better job at presenting himself?

 

Qualifications and talent are important but aren't always what gets you through the door. You have to be a salesperson and the product you're peddling is the best product on the planet - you. You're job is to convince them of this. Sometimes the most talented and qualified people crash and burn at selling themselves for the position. Think about it.

 

But if what you say is actually true and this guy kissed ass to get where he is now then do you really want to work in a system like that? Either you start kissing ass too or rise above it and find a situation that suits your level of integrity.

 

But integrity means doing it without the childish complaining, whining and name calling okay?

 

 

I am usually a pretty stoic person, but I am so pissed off right now, I'm about ready to start blubbering--better yet, screaming--like an hysterical person!

 

So, as you can probably tell, this is a rant, but I'm posting it in the "Business and Professional Relationships" section, because I'll need advice on how to act pleasant around these lying jerks with questionable taste whom I actually thought well of.

 

Here's the story: I'm in grad school. The year I entered, the professors in the department I am in decided to have a Student Teacher. It was all quite by chance--one of the professors went on Sabbatical, and the girl chosen was already working as an assistant to one of the professors. Anyway, she's gotten so much help from the department, it's unreal--great for her, but unfair and unfortunate to the rest of us. It's not even as though she's a much better student than we are. The kicker is: she doesn't even care about the field, but is just doing it because, according to her, she is good at it, and it will pay the bills before she finds a husband.

 

Okay, I should stop, as I am friends with her, and this rant really isn't about her.

 

Anyway, she's leaving this year, going to a PhD program, and needed someone to take her place as assistant. So, I was interested, and probably could have gotten the job, but lost interest after I found out that they were doing away with student teaching. A professor whom I admire and respect a great deal--and had a slight crush on--told me that the department just decided against it.

 

That was three weeks ago.

 

What do I find out tonight? The guy they hired to take the assistant position is teaching after all. The freaking department, apparently, re-thought their decision and hired this JERK to be the student teacher!!!

 

He is a nice person, don't get me wrong, but I know both of our abilities, and, though he may be better at regurgitating other people's thoughts and networking (aka kissing-ass), he is NOT a better thinker than I am, and is a terrible and BORING presenter! I feel so sorry for the kids he's teaching! He's totally unreliable--he was late to class pretty much EVERYDAY last semester, when I freaking was usually 5 minutes early, and was only AUDITING THE CLASS!

 

AHHHHHHHHH! I could scream! I'm about ready to say screw philosophy! Clearly, it's not about philosophy, but sophistry and being the best sycophant you can be! I mean, I genuinely like my professors; I genuinely like learning; I genuinely like the prospect of teaching--I would do it for FREE, for God's sake! That little ass only cares about titles, honor, and his pride. I'm sure he's interested in the money too.

 

This is unbelievable. I have to work with my professors for my thesis, but don't know how I'm going to look them in the face without crying, yelling, or calling them out on their obvious favoritism--I know there was at least one other student, besides me, who expressed interest in the position, and was MUCH more qualified. I don't know if I can do this--I can't finish my thesis knowing that they--the people I'll be working with--all picked this jerk over me.

 

What do I do? I'm sure I shouldn't take it personally, but I do! If I could just suck-up a little more, say the things they want me to say, think they way they want me to think: I would have the position.

 

I'm so angry--I'm seeing colors. Literally: there are blue and red spots dancing in my line-of-vision whilst I type. I am seriously having trouble breathing.

 

Oh, God, I need your advice, before I explode...

Edited June 28, 2010 by Scrybe

[Scrybe]

What Krytie said was't "slightly harsh" but was actually gently, firm and wise. What you've been saying about your "friends" sounds pretty harsh to me Krytie seems to speak from experience so I'd take it in if I were you. I didn't work in academia but my wife has. I've also been in the working world since I was a teenager and what Krytie says is true.

 

You seem to attempt to be humble but you're still ranting on about these other people and not looking inward. Still blaming others and you're acting like you got people 'dialed' just because you've known them for a year? You sound condescending. Just because you consider these people your 'friends' doesn't give you the right to judge there motivations and put them down about it.

 

Try to learn from the experience. Ask yourself some deep questions about what you want and what you're willing to do to get it. I for one still believe you don't have to sell out your values to get what you want. I've never done that and never will. I've taken the "long road" compared to my peers to get where they are in their careers but those peers who've lied, cheated, stole and kissed ass to get where they want don't have the level of security, comfort and well being at their positions. They are miserable. I'm not. I refuse to cut corners and I'm doing well and have pretty much caught up with all of them.

 

Good luck to you.

Well, thank you for your honesty--albeit slightly harsh.

 

Believe me, I do not think I am "the shyt." I know, and am honest, about my shortcomings. My (girl) friend who had the position last year, even though she admittedly doesn't even care about philosophy, was most definitely deserving of it. She is not heaps better than any of us, but she is slightly so, and deserved to get the position.

 

Regardless, I found out the guy (who I also like as a person and am "friends" with, mind you) got the teaching position before he accepted the assistant position--which, you should note, I do not consider a "crap" position.

 

I am, usually, fairly humble, and I may sound rather harsh in my description of this guy, but I have known him for a year, and know his motivations, because HE'S TOLD ME. Does he want to go on to a PhD program, teach philosophy, and do whatever it takes? Of course he does. But he is only interested in it for--self admitted--prideful reasons: honor, recognition, etc. I too would have done whatever it took to get the teaching position, and am interested in it for the right reasons: I want to educate. I care about the development of young people's minds. I know him! He is one-dimensional: he is going to teach the only three philosophers he's carefully studied and give a bias reading. The students will be indoctrinated rather than educated.

 

I'm going to stop ranting. You're right: I'll do what it takes. If they want a suck-up who regurgitates their thoughts back to them: I can do that. I don't particularly care for deception and have never opted to use it before, but I want to do well. If it takes kissing ass, I suppose that's what I'll do.

 

That being said: I think it's sickening that academia has come to that. That it's about networking and indoctrination rather than actual thinking and original contributions to the academic community.

 

Thanks again for posting--Good luck to you as well!

[always_searching]

Good evening, Scrybe. Thank you for your responses. Note my responses below:

 

You were interested in a position.

You later found out that it would not involve teaching.

You then lost interest in the position.

Someone else was picked from the pool of people still interested

At the last minute the "decision makers" decided to put the teaching component into the mix.

You're angry and feel betrayed.

 

Added to that:

You're bad mouthing the former assistant because she doesn't have the same level of interest in the field that you do and she has been fortunate enough to get help from others and because getting married ultimately is more important to her than her future career.

 

You're bad mouthing the new assistant because you think you're better than him in everyway and you think he'll be a terrible student teacher.

 

 

You're angry at the decision makers for not giving you the chance at the position and feel betrayed because they didn't go with the obvious superior choice (you). Since they changed their mind they are liars.

 

Did I get it all right?

 

Yes and no.

 

First section: Yes.

 

Second section: No. I never "bad-mouthed" the former assistent. I was just stating facts about her desire for marriage and ambivalence regarding philosophy.

 

Third section: No, I don't think I'm better than him in every way--he makes a better man than I do, for example (), and, yes, I think he will make a terrible student teacher.

 

Fourth and final section: I feel that when someone goes out of his way to tell me that he did away with a position, that he ABSOLUTELY was not looking to fill it with a student, and then fills it with a student less than three weeks later has, in a sense, lied. If he had said, "At this time, it doesn't look like we'll be filling the position with a student," fine. However, he was very clear about the position no longer being available to students. So, yes, I felt betrayed and lied to.

 

Note that he is one of my favorite professors, and I don't think he deliberately wanted to deceive me. I was angry at the time when I wrote this initial post in this thread, and drunk for most the rest of it, so take my ranting with a grain of salt.

 

So here is my opinion which you are welcome to ignore:

 

Job - Because the position no longer had what you wanted (teaching) you turned your nose up at it. As a result you were not in the right place at the time. In the real world no one goes knocking down your door to drag you to an opportunity. You have to be around when it arrives. Sometimes that means taking on tasks and responsibilities that may seem beneath you.

 

I don't know where so many people are under the impression that I thought the assistant job was benieth me--I NEVER claimed that. All I said was that my interest in the job was due to my wanting to get experience teaching. The experience was no longer an option, so, I didn't take the assistant job. That's all. Obviously, it was the wrong choice to make--I take responsibility for that choice. However, I want to make clear that it had nothing to do with thinking the job was beneth me.

 

Professors and assistants - Blaming the decision makers for your misfortune and spewing vitriol about 2 other associates that had nothing to do with where you landed in all this just sounds childish and immature. What happened to taking responsibility for your choices?

 

I do take responsibility for my choice, but we make choices on based upon information. I was misinformed, and my choices reflected that.

 

I am not spewing vitriol about two other associates: I was just restating what both have told me, and expressing my annoyance with the circumstances: one not caring about philosophy and the other kissing ass. Clearly, whatever their motives are, they're working for them, whereas mine haven't been working so well for me, despite whether mine are better or worse.

 

I'm glad for them. I'm just extremely pissed-off for me, and my initial posts reflect that.

 

Even if I got it wrong and you were still vying for the position and got overlooked - you got to ask yourself why. Why did they pick him over you? Try really, really hard to look for an explanation OTHER than a conspiracy against you. Is it possible that maybe...just maybe you were't a good fit for the job? If you are is it possible that maybe...just maybe he did a better job at presenting himself?

 

You didn't get it wrong: I decided against it after the teaching position was (apparently) dropped.

 

Believe me, I have plenty of weaknesses, and no, I'm not--nor was I--feigning humility. The best proverb I can think of is "Know Thyself." I do know myself, for the most part: my strengths and my weaknesses. I have plenty of both. That being said, unless they want someone who seemingly thinks in the exact same manner as they do: I was a good fit for the job.

 

It is very possible he did a better job presenting himself.

 

Qualifications and talent are important but aren't always what gets you through the door. You have to be a salesperson and the product you're peddling is the best product on the planet - you. You're job is to convince them of this. Sometimes the most talented and qualified people crash and burn at selling themselves for the position. Think about it.

 

You're absolutely right.

 

But if what you say is actually true and this guy kissed ass to get where he is now then do you really want to work in a system like that? Either you start kissing ass too or rise above it and find a situation that suits your level of integrity.

 

But integrity means doing it without the childish complaining, whining and name calling okay?

 

Well, then, I have integrity in most every respect except for when writing, half-drunk, on loveshack.

[always_searching]

What Krytie said was't "slightly harsh" but was actually gently, firm and wise. What you've been saying about your "friends" sounds pretty harsh to me Krytie seems to speak from experience so I'd take it in if I were you. I didn't work in academia but my wife has. I've also been in the working world since I was a teenager and what Krytie says is true.

 

Well, I'm just honest. I've told the former assistant pretty much exactly what I said here. We're friends--she knows me and my weaknesses and I know her and her weaknesses. As I said here, I think she's a stronger student than I am, and slightly better in philosophy. I've told her that. I also think that it's crap that she doesn't really care about philosophy, but has gotten so many advantages. I've told her that as well. She too thinks it's unfair, and has expressed her gratitude at her fortunate luck.

 

As far as the new assistant: we're freindly, but not really great friends. We've had discussions, but since we pretty much disagree in every respect, we don't talk very often. If we did, I would tell him pretty much exactly what I stated here. I don't believe in saying anything elsewhere that you wouldn't say to the person's face. If he asked me how I felt about him getting the position: I'd tell him.

 

You seem to attempt to be humble but you're still ranting on about these other people and not looking inward. Still blaming others and you're acting like you got people 'dialed' just because you've known them for a year? You sound condescending. Just because you consider these people your 'friends' doesn't give you the right to judge there motivations and put them down about it.

 

Most of my response to this is above, but note that it's nothing to do with having these two people "dialed." I'm only stating what they've directly told me and/or what I've witnessed.

 

Try to learn from the experience. Ask yourself some deep questions about what you want and what you're willing to do to get it. I for one still believe you don't have to sell out your values to get what you want. I've never done that and never will. I've taken the "long road" compared to my peers to get where they are in their careers but those peers who've lied, cheated, stole and kissed ass to get where they want don't have the level of security, comfort and well being at their positions. They are miserable. I'm not. I refuse to cut corners and I'm doing well and have pretty much caught up with all of them.

 

Good luck to you.

 

I shall learn from this experience. I do want to do well in philosophy. I wouldn't be willing to lie, cheat, or steal, but I suppose a little ass-kissing couldn't hurt. Besides, I really like all of my professors anyway, so it wouldn't be insincere ass-kissing...

 

Haha, though, I think I would just start cracking-up at whatever I was saying if I was actually intending to kiss-ass, which would probably end up having an adverse effect.

 

Anyway, thanks for the well-thought-out responses and well-wishes!

[SadandConfusedWA]

Always_searching, I am wondering how much of your OP was your hurt feelings and emotions about the "betrayal" of your professor that you used to reallly like?

 

I am asking this because I have had a crush on my former professor and now boss (I don't feel that way anymore because he has proven to have less than desirable personality traits in every way ). But looking back, lot of my reactions to things were "overblown" due to the emotional component....

 

It is useful to be able to separate the two: the being tretated unfairly on a professional level and being betrayed emotionally...

[GreenBamboo]

In terms of ass-kissing, in my work place you have to be carefull. Manager B may not be happy that I have a good relationship with manager A since they are 'enemies'. Manager A's boss may not be happy either for whatever reason. So it's better to be professional only.

[Rabican]

He is a nice person, don't get me wrong, but I know both of our abilities, and, though he may be better at regurgitating other people's thoughts and networking (aka kissing-ass), he is NOT a better thinker than I am, and is a terrible and BORING presenter! I feel so sorry for the kids he's teaching! He's totally unreliable--he was late to class pretty much EVERYDAY last semester, when I freaking was usually 5 minutes early, and was only AUDITING THE CLASS!

 

Oh, God, I need your advice, before I explode...

 

See the bolded and underlined section and answer "What have you learned?"

 

Being good at your chosen profession and advancing your career is more often then not two different things with two completely differrent skill sets.

 

You can trivilize the value of networking or "ass kissing" as you call it, and think it is a skill set you can ignore, but your own story illustrates the value of mastering it.

[always_searching]

See the bolded and underlined section and answer "What have you learned?"

 

Being good at your chosen profession and advancing your career is more often then not two different things with two completely differrent skill sets.

 

You can trivilize the value of networking or "ass kissing" as you call it, and think it is a skill set you can ignore, but your own story illustrates the value of mastering it.

 

Touche.

 

Seriously, you're absolutely right. I've learned a valuable lesson. This situation will NEVER happen to me again. Or, if it does, it won't be because I lacked this networking skill, as you call it.

[always_searching]

Always_searching, I am wondering how much of your OP was your hurt feelings and emotions about the "betrayal" of your professor that you used to reallly like?

 

I am asking this because I have had a crush on my former professor and now boss (I don't feel that way anymore because he has proven to have less than desirable personality traits in every way ). But looking back, lot of my reactions to things were "overblown" due to the emotional component....

 

It is useful to be able to separate the two: the being tretated unfairly on a professional level and being betrayed emotionally...

 

I do think you're right, SadandConfusedWA. I think the situation was so emotionally taxing, because I adored him (intellectually and otherwise) for so long (Who am I kidding? I still do.), and I thought he thought well of me intellectually, and was fond enough of me for to pick me over the other guy. Truth be told, though he's fond of me, he's better friends with this other guy, and, though he thinks well of me intellectually, he also thinks I have "rough spots" in philosophy.

 

So, maybe this other guy was really better suited for the job. Regardless, I recently ran into him, and he was extremely grateful to have gotten the job, and, so far as I can tell, works his ass off. So, it's difficult to continue being mad at him.

 

 

I'll stop taking things so personally and focus more on networking. We'll see what happens.

[always_searching]

In terms of ass-kissing, in my work place you have to be carefull. Manager B may not be happy that I have a good relationship with manager A since they are 'enemies'. Manager A's boss may not be happy either for whatever reason. So it's better to be professional only.

 

Hmmm...I'll definitely keep that in mind.