my work situation...

[smile123]

I will try to make this short! This summer I am working as a waitress at a restaurant (it's my 3rd summer there). Now, throughout the past 2 summers, I have always had the cooks/dishwashers (all Spanish people) constantly flirt and hit on me since I am the youngest female to work there (I am 21). I always brushed it off and never gave to much thought to it because of my boyfriend.

 

As for my boyfriend and I, we started dating when we were 16, and it has almost been 5 years. I love him very much, and I would say we have a great relationship and are very comfortable with each other.

 

However, this summer, one of the dishwashers who has been flirting with me has caught my attention for some reason. I will admit (although I try to deny it), that I am attracted to him and he is very cute. At times I find myself engaging in harmless flirting (such as teasing or joking around), but I have never said or done anything inappropriate (nor do I plan on it).

 

This particular man asked me for my number one night as I was leaving the restaurant, and I told him that I was sorry, but I have a boyfriend. His response to this was that he was just looking for another friend. At this point, I was caught off guard, and I felt like it would have been mean to not give my number to him because that would basically be saying I didn't want to be his friend.

 

Now, the whole point of this thread is that I'm a bit confused about how I've been feeling lately about this whole situation. He has texted me the past few nights saying things such as how I am beautiful, pretty, etc., and it makes me feel good about myself and I get butterflies in my stomach. I have not said anything to him that would make me think I liked him, and whenever we talk it is just about work and what not. I know it probably sounds wrong when I say that I find it flattering, and, to a certain extent, even like the attention, but I feel like...why would I feel this way if I love my boyfriend?

 

Oh, and I should also mention that I secretly find myself excited to work with this guy, and I try to make an effort to talk to him while I'm there (but, once again, nothing that would be inappropriate...more just small talk). Is this just simply infatuation? I was thinking that maybe since I have been with my boyfriend for such a long time at a young age this may have something to do with it?

 

I have been beating myself up about this situation and how I've been feeling, and even though I have not done anything or hinted to him that I like him, I feel as though I am perhaps emotionally cheating on my boyfriend? If I love my boyfriend, why would I be feeling the butterflies in my stomach and excitement to work with him? Do you think I just like the attention?

 

Lastly, you should know that I talk to my boyfriend about everything that goes on at work (the flirting, being hit on, etc.) and I tell him what they say to me because I do not want to keep it a secret. Also, he knows that this particular guy has my number, and I do not keep it from him that we have been texting. I want to be this guy's friend, but I feel like this is just setting myself up for something bad.

 

Ahhhh, I feel like such a terrible person, and I want these feelings to stop! Does anyone have any advice/opinions on anything I have said?

 

PS...I have thought about what it would be like to be with this man instead of my boyfriend, and I do not see it happening. We do not speak the same language (it is difficult for us to talk), and I feel as though even though he is nice, he could never come close to being as amazing as my current boyfriend is. So why do I feel the way I do?!?!?!

Edited June 20, 2010 by smile123

[smile123]

Can somebody please respond? I don't have many people to talk to about my situation, so any feedback would be appreciated!

[smile123]

I know I sound desperate, but I really need to hear what other people think (even if it is mean)! I feel sick to my stomach over the situation

[getexnow]

wow, you sound soo.............

 

well, i have a girlfriend and she is also working almost the same situation as yours. she is a crew in a chicken house.

 

in your situation, it seems you started to love this person. if i were you, you have to choose now between HIM and your boyfriend.

 

if you will choose your boyfriend then start avoiding this man. he will just be an apple tempting you to make mistakes.

 

it is unfair for our side, men, that our girlfriend is flirting with other man.

 

well, you made the first mistake, you gave your number and that started it all. you should have given him your boyfriend's number.

 

if i were your boyfriend, i should talk this man and warn not to flirt with you again..

 

this man doesnt have RESPECT.. he is trying to get other's stuff...

 

well, maybe your boyfriend doesnt love you that much since you havent mentioned what his reactions were.

 

hope you could weigh things now.

 

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

how to get your ex back | get ex back

[tman666]

What you're feeling is not love. You told this guy you have a boyfriend, and he's still pursuing you. If I were your boyfriend and I found out about this (specifically, YOU allowing this to continue willingly), there would be some big problems. Not only is the dishwasher fellow disrespecting your boyfriend, he's also disrespecting your relationship (and indirectly, you) by pursuing you while you're in a committed relationship.

 

You've been with your boyfriend for 5 years now. Has it run it's course? Do you see a future with your current boyfriend? Do you really love him or do you just like the idea of being in a safe, committed relationship?

 

On the flip side of the coin, you're still young, so if you feel the need to go "sow your oats", now's the time to do it before you're married with children...

Edited June 21, 2010 by tman666

[Kentucky Jelly]

Sounds like you have lost your mind.

 

If you really were in love with your boyfriend it would be unlikely that you would give this Mexican dishwasher a second glance. My guess is there are other problems you are not talking about.

 

My advice to you is if you want to have a trist with this dishwasher guy be double sure with the birth control. Some of these Mexican guys really like to sew there seed if you know what I mean.

[magda]

Heh. He totally lied, obviously, when he said he just wanted to be friends. I've had some guys ask me for something and when I said I had a boyfriend they said, "I don't care " Sounds like that is exactly what is going on here, except that you're sexually atrracted to him.

 

Other than that, I don't know what to say. either act on it, or don't. If you don't want to act on it, stop replying to his texts, etc. Sometimes sexual tension feels better just because in settled relationships, you don't get that same excitement anymore.

[smile123]

getexnow-

 

I am sorry that you are dealing with a similar situation!

 

I can definitely tell you though that it is certainly not love with this person. I hardly know anything about him at all, especially since we can't even speak the same language. Since I do not know much about his persoanlity or him as a person, how could I love him?

 

In my situation, there is no choosing between the other person and my boyfriend. I would never cheat on my boyfriend or leave him because I love him very much and we have an amazing, fun-filled relationship.

 

My problem is that I feel guilty for feeling sexually attracted to this other man. I think I definitely need to follow your advice by trying to avoid him at all costs. Even though I will feel bad if I don't respond when he texts, I know that it will be for the best. It will certainly be difficult at work to avoid him, but I need to do my best.

 

it is unfair for our side, men, that our girlfriend is flirting with other man.

 

In response to that comment, I absolutely, 100 percent agree with you. It is not fair, and I need to stop this now before he tries to make a move or something.

 

well, you made the first mistake, you gave your number and that started it all. you should have given him your boyfriend's number.

 

I realize that now. I suppose at the time I was caught off guard, or, perhaps I wanted him to have my number deep down because I like the attention I receive from him (which sounds terrible on my part, because it basically seems like I am using him..AH!)

 

well, maybe your boyfriend doesnt love you that much since you havent mentioned what his reactions were.

 

Oh, believe me, my boyfriend is NOT happy with the situation. There is no doubt that he loves me very much, but he is angry with me for not putting my foot down and telling this guy to STOP (which I plan on doing in the near future if anything inappropriate is said to me by this man).

 

Thank you so much for your advice! It really made me understand that I need to stop all contact with this man whatsoever, and that this is the only way to make this situation end.

[smile123]

tman-

 

What you're feeling is not love.

 

Yes, I know what I am feeling is not love.

 

You told this guy you have a boyfriend, and he's still pursuing you. If I were your boyfriend and I found out about this (specifically, YOU allowing this to continue willingly), there would be some big problems. Not only is the dishwasher fellow disrespecting your boyfriend, he's also disrespecting your relationship (and indirectly, you) by pursuing you while you're in a committed relationship.

 

I never really thought of it like this until you brought this up. Why would I want to even think about liking someone who can't even respect me or my boyfriend? You're right...it is really wrong that he is still pursuing me so strongly even though I told him I have a boyfriend.

 

But, then again, perhaps that is my own fault that he is still pursuing me. I mean, perhaps I gave him mixed signals by giving him my number (even though we said we were just friends and I made it clear from the beginning that I had a boyfriend). And perhaps I need to stop being friendly to him at work, and start being more distant and, not necessarily cold, but not as bubbly and nice.

 

You've been with your boyfriend for 5 years now. Has it run it's course? Do you see a future with your current boyfriend? Do you really love him or do you just like the idea of being in a safe, committed relationship?

 

No, no, no! It has not run its course. I definitely see a future with my current boyfriend, and I love him very much. I cannot picture myself with anyone else. I know it might sound confusing because I'm posting about being sexually attracted to another man, but I know that I do not love him. I just want these feelings of perhaps infatuation to go away and end. I do not want a dishwasher man who cannot even speak my language to get in the way of my relationship.

 

I think the answer, like I said, is to just cut contact with him completely via texting and outside of work, and try to avoid him at all costs at work.

 

Thank you for your advice

[smile123]

Kentucky-

 

Sounds like you have lost your mind.

 

If you really were in love with your boyfriend it would be unlikely that you would give this Mexican dishwasher a second glance. My guess is there are other problems you are not talking about.

 

Perhaps I have lost my mind lol. It is interesting that you mention that maybe there are other problems. I honestly cannot think of other problems that we have. I mean, of course we have our stupid fights over small things every now and then, but nothing big that I can think of. Maybe there are deeper problems that I am not aware of?

 

My advice to you is if you want to have a trist with this dishwasher guy be double sure with the birth control. Some of these Mexican guys really like to sew there seed if you know what I mean.

 

I do not want to have a fling with this dishwasher guy at all, and I would never have sex with him (I could never, ever do that to my boyfriend).

 

Thanks for the advice! It definitely helped to me think about our relationship and if there may be something deeper underlying what has been going on with me lately and my attraction towards this man

[smile123]

magda-

 

Heh. He totally lied, obviously, when he said he just wanted to be friends.

Oh, without a doubt he wanted to be more than friends. I just haven't learned yet to speak up and be confrontational, so I just didn't know how to tell him no after he said just friends. I felt like I would hurt his feelings if I said I didn't want to be his friend. And, as I said earlier, maybe I even wanted him to have my number? I'm not quite sure about that yet. However, I do definitely regret it now :/

 

Sometimes sexual tension feels better just because in settled relationships, you don't get that same excitement anymore.

 

That is a very interesting point you bring up. Maybe I just miss the butterflies in my stomach and newness of my relationship with my boyfriend. We are far beyond that stage, and as much as I love feeling comfortable around my boyfriend, I will admit that at times I do miss the very beginning of our relationship where we were in I guess what you could call the infatuation stage.

[smile123]

So I haven't talked to or seen this man since Saturday night, and I felt like I was doing better with the situation and not thinking about it as much. However, he texted me tonight saying "hey beautiful, how are you?"..and as much as I wanted to answer him, I ignored it and did not respond. Why do I feel sick to my stomach that I didn't answer him? I mean, I am a person who doesn't like to hurt other people's feelings, and I'm a bit nervous how things will play out Friday when we work together if I ignore him this week. I know though that this is the first right step to making this situation come to an end.

 

I guess I don't really have any questions as to what I should do, but I'm feeling tempted to text this man, and I'm giving it my all not to.