How do I get out of sharing an apartment with my boss?

[SadandConfusedWA]

Long story short, I had a big crush on my married boss for years. I did my best to hide my feelings as people that cheat and have affairs disgust me and I didn't want to go there. I did feel that he was attracted to me, and we shared many after hours e-mails that were pretty personal. In the past year, I felt like I have moved on about 90% with still some residual feelings.

 

For a long time, I have avoided going to company dinners and social events as I thought that the less contact I have with the boss, the quicker I will move on. Turns out, I should have been going all along. Since I started going, I have noticed a few things:

 

1) He ignores me and acts like he barely knows me - he is TOTALLY different when we have meetings, day to day interactions and through e-mails. At dinners, he pretty much talks to everyone but me.

 

2) He flirts with MANY other women. In fact he is a bit of a sleaze. I have also discovered through talking to those women that he shares similar after hours personal e-mails with them. Basically, what I took for signs of interest was nothing at all. This really opened my eyes.

 

In conclusion, he doesn't give a f and I am about #99999 on his list of women.

 

Now on to the current problem. We are supposed to go away to a 5 day conference to an exotic location. There will be only 2 of us going, and I overheard him talking others out of going. He also suggested strongly that we should rent a small apartment and share it, rather than have 2 separate hotel rooms.

 

I don't want to share an apartment with him. I am afraid that we will come back one night after few too many drinks and things will happen. I don't want to be used and discarded.

 

Let's assume that nothing will happen. I still don't want to be waking up every day and eating breakfast and going to bed within a small space with him. It will f-u-c-k with my emotions and I don't need any more turmoil.

 

Is it OK to say that I would feel more comfortable with having separate hotel rooms? Will saying this be awakward? What to do?

[2sure]

Do what any of the other co workers would do.

Say " I prefer my own room and space".

[norajane]

Do what any of the other co workers would do.

Say " I prefer my own room and space".

 

Yes, yes, and yes.

 

You are under NO obligation to share an apartment with this guy, none.

[Fight4Me]

I agree with the others and suggest you be very firm about it. If you let him talk you into it, and even if something doesn't happen, people at work are going to gossip as to whether it did. You need to protect yourself personally and professionally.

 

Asking for your own hotel room is not unreasonable, and I bet HR and the legal departments agree with this.

[Krytie TV]

You seriously don't know that it's OK to tell your boss that you don't want to share a bed with him? Really?

[SadandConfusedWA]

He has not asked me to share a bed, just an apartment with 2 separate beds.

 

 

So you guys really think that I am not being silly by not wanting to do this? I just don't feel that it's appropriate, and yes people ar work would assume that something has happened even if it didn't.

[skydiveaddict]

He has not asked me to share a bed, just an apartment with 2 separate beds.

 

 

So you guys really think that I am not being silly by not wanting to do this? I just don't feel that it's appropriate, and yes people ar work would assume that something has happened even if it didn't.

 

 

 

Hell no. If you want your own room I would insist on it.

[curiousnycgirl]

As everyone else has said, yes you have every right to insist on separate hotel rooms. However I would try a softer approach, at least to start.

 

I would simply say that I do not feel comfortable sharing an apartment.

Not comfortable is code for harrassment! If he knows anything he'll know that.

 

If he doesn't then there is always time to put your foot down more firmly

[SadandConfusedWA]

As everyone else has said, yes you have every right to insist on separate hotel rooms. However I would try a softer approach, at least to start.

 

I would simply say that I do not feel comfortable sharing an apartment.

Not comfortable is code for harrassment! If he knows anything he'll know that.

 

If he doesn't then there is always time to put your foot down more firmly

 

 

I think that I am going to say exactly that. "I am not comfortable with sharing an apartment". I might do it through e-mail because it's easier and it's good to have it as a record in writing, just in case.

[carhill]

What to do?

 

Book your own hotel room at a different hotel than corporate normally provides. EOS.

[SadandConfusedWA]

What kind of male married boss book his single female employee in the same place for overnight stay with him?

 

Even if nothing happens, you can bet that your reputation will be ruined. You will probably assumed as the girl in the office who slept with the boss after not one night, but several nights with him alone under the same roof.

 

Maybe he will expect or demand sex from you once you get there and it's night and no one else is around.

 

Yes, thank you. I thought maybe this is a normal practice and I am being crazy. I am especially suspicious since he talked our other male co-worker out of gonig with us with some lame excuse.

[Mary3]

He sounds like a total Jerk and he just wants to play with your whistle..

 

Just ask him what room is yours ?

Edited June 3, 2010 by Mary3

[veena7]

I think u need to change your job.

Regards.

Veena:)

[SoleMate]

What kind of male married boss book his single female employee in the same place for overnight stay with him?

ONLY the kind that is hoping to share a bed with her. Duh.

 

I've been in the workforce 25 years, done lots of business travel with many different co-workers, and I can assure you a suggestion like this has NEVER arisen. If I were chewing when heard a proposal like that, the shock would cause food to fall right out of my mouth.

 

This is so horrible that I would suggest you contact an employment lawyer for a consultation and advice. Just ASKING for such a bizarre rooming situation may be actionable. HR certainly needs to get involved and educate him on appropriate travel policies. He is a risk to you on many levels.

[Mary3]

ONLY the kind that is hoping to share a bed with her. Duh.

 

I've been in the workforce 25 years, done lots of business travel with many different co-workers, and I can assure you a suggestion like this has NEVER arisen. If I were chewing when heard a proposal like that, the shock would cause food to fall right out of my mouth.

 

This is so horrible that I would suggest you contact an employment lawyer for a consultation and advice. Just ASKING for such a bizarre rooming situation may be actionable. HR certainly needs to get involved and educate him on appropriate travel policies. He is a risk to you on many levels.

 

Solemate is correct. This could border on sexual harassment.

 

Its like " Okay what if you don't share a room with him - what are the ramifications of that ? "

[stillafool]

Yes, thank you. I thought maybe this is a normal practice and I am being crazy. I am especially suspicious since he talked our other male co-worker out of gonig with us with some lame excuse.

 

You did????

[SadandConfusedWA]

Yes stillafool, I really did.

 

I made some progress and asked a female that I vaguely know from another building to share accommodation with me for the trip and she agreed.

 

This way the boss can't use the line that he is saving company's money etc. I am going ahead and booking it with her soon. It will soften the "no" I have to say to him as of course, I am worried of the effects of all of this on my career.

[Mary3]

Yes stillafool, I really did.

 

I made some progress and asked a female that I vaguely know from another building to share accommodation with me for the trip and she agreed.

 

This way the boss can't use the line that he is saving company's money etc. I am going ahead and booking it with her soon. It will soften the "no" I have to say to him as of course, I am worried of the effects of all of this on my career.

 

If he punishes you in any way for not sleeping with him after the trip I would go see an Employment Law Attorney asap !

[stillafool]

Yes stillafool, I really did.

 

I made some progress and asked a female that I vaguely know from another building to share accommodation with me for the trip and she agreed.

 

This way the boss can't use the line that he is saving company's money etc. I am going ahead and booking it with her soon. It will soften the "no" I have to say to him as of course, I am worried of the effects of all of this on my career.

 

 

Good you are making other accomodations. He's got some nerve.

[SadandConfusedWA]

If he punishes you in any way for not sleeping with him after the trip I would go see an Employment Law Attorney asap !

 

I am worried Mary, EVERYBODY loves this guy at our company. He has had 2 promotions and all our main bosses gave speeches how he is pretty much the best thing since sliced bread. How intelligent, capable, fair, honorouble, family men he is etc etc...

 

Noone is going to beleive me that he is a complete sleaze. Plus, becouse of position of power he has women lining up just to be near him.

 

I am a nobody really. I will be completly shafted in a power play. That's why I have to be careful about this.

[Jilly Bean]

Sad - what is the culture of your company? I ask because a male boss asking a female subordinate to share an apartment is so beyond the realm of professionalism, I'm in awe this was bantered about as an option.

 

He sounds like a total creep. You'd be best served to keep a healthy distance.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Sad - what is the culture of your company? I ask because a male boss asking a female subordinate to share an apartment is so beyond the realm of professionalism, I'm in awe this was bantered about as an option.

 

He sounds like a total creep. You'd be best served to keep a healthy distance.

 

I asked around actually and a couple of my married male co-workers said that they never have and never would share an apartment with a female as it's just not appropriate. I even asked my boss if he has done this before (as in shared an apartment with a female on business trip) and he paused then said that no, he never had. So this is definetly not a normal practice.

 

This was not even just bantered, he almost booked it already - went online with me sitting next to him and I stalled saying that we should look at other options first before we decide and he actually said "Yeah, have a look at other apartments, but don't look at separate hotel rooms"

[Mary3]

I am worried Mary, EVERYBODY loves this guy at our company. He has had 2 promotions and all our main bosses gave speeches how he is pretty much the best thing since sliced bread. How intelligent, capable, fair, honorouble, family men he is etc etc...

 

Noone is going to beleive me that he is a complete sleaze. Plus, becouse of position of power he has women lining up just to be near him.

 

I am a nobody really. I will be completly shafted in a power play. That's why I have to be careful about this.

 

Child Molesters can have the same M.O. as your boss above. Well respected until the revelation and then nobody wants to believe the child...

 

He is an old creep who uses his position to stick his sausage . But thats some old sausage and its time somebody reported him !

 

Let him just try and touch you again ! You have all of LS and a Good Attorney ( they are free consultation you know ) . Come here as often as you need.

 

That was when he feeds you BullSheeet then you know he is forcing you to keep your job by doing things for him sexually. You will OWN that company one day if he keeps it up !

 

Whenever he tries to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable you need to IMMEDIATELY say " Stop Mr Jones ( always call him Mr. ) and that makes me feel uncomfortable....

 

HUGE lawsuit if they ignore your pleadings but you MUST go to the front and report. The company needs a chance to terminate him first...

[Mary3]

I asked around actually and a couple of my married male co-workers said that they never have and never would share an apartment with a female as it's just not appropriate. I even asked my boss if he has done this before (as in shared an apartment with a female on business trip) and he paused then said that no, he never had. So this is definetly not a normal practice.

 

This was not even just bantered, he almost booked it already - went online with me sitting next to him and I stalled saying that we should look at other options first before we decide and he actually said "Yeah, have a look at other apartments, but don't look at separate hotel rooms"

 

He is a sick twisted B-stard ! I would walk away because you know in his sick mind you aren't protesting him enough. I would just say : Mr. Jones I will be having my own room , thanks.

And each night make sure you get into your room alone. I bet at night he is fantasizing about what he wants to do to you...

[Jilly Bean]

Do you have an HR dept at work, Sad? If so, I'd get this on record.