Amanda Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 I have been flirting with a colleague for about 4 months now. He is higher up the rank than me, but not my direct boss. Well yesterday he came into my office just for a chat, and we ended up talking for about 2 hours. We discovered we had so much in common, and ended up telling each other things that no one else in the office could handle knowing. It definately pushed our relationship to a new level, although the intensity is now electrifying and I don't want things to crash and burn. I have to play it cool, but it is so hard seeing him every day. Also, he's 32 and I'm 21, do you think this is an issue? Link to post Share on other sites
Arcane Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 If you value your career, NEVER get involved with someone from work, especially not someone in any kind of supervisory position. It will only lead to trouble and could end up costing one or both of you your job. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 YOU ASK: "Also, he's 32 and I'm 21, do you think this is an issue?" Not at all. Both of you are young enough to get jobs at other companies once the recession is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 God, what a couple of negative posts! I really don't think that beginning a relationship with someone at work is likely to spell the end of my career or a stint on the dole. I personally know 2 friends who have found their husbands through work (not that i am thinking that far ahead). Besides, I am on rotations and will only be on his floor for 2 more months. Does that make a difference? And I want a real answer to the age difference question please. Link to post Share on other sites
jessicakicksbut Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 The bad thing about seeing someone from work is if you get serious, then things sour and you end up breaking up, you have to deal with that person on a daily basis as long as you keep your job. Also, be weary of other co-workers spreading rumors that are both true and untrue about both of you. I don't know what it is about some co-workers, they'll hear you are seeing this man, and the next thing you know there will be rumors going around that you are having his child, or if he is seen talking to another female co-worker often, he automatically has two women he is seeing. If you can not handle these type of rumors, it is best if you do not proceed with the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 Amanda - I don't think the age difference should matter at all if both of you want a relationship. Just make sure you have a talk with him, as a friend and before dating, to make sure you both have the same understanding about the job situation, in case things don't work out. And good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 At your ages, your chronological ages is far less significant than your maturity levels. If you sense there is no problem there, then you should be fine. Yes, a lot of people have met at work and have gotten together. Lots have also had nightmarish experiences. The main thing you need to be sure of is that your friendship is not situational...that is, more because the two of you work together. Yes, it always seems in the beginning that you've got so much in common. That's what is called "mirroring" which is what people do to win over the other person...and it helps in assuring the survival of the species. But it doesn't help people in the long term. Get beyond the BS and make sure the two of you really have something together. Make sure this isn't just a bit of a crush with a boss in your company. I also don't feel good about relationships you have to keep quiet, which is what you would have to do while the two of you work together. I promise you it will ultimately be discovered. Who cares? Just be sure your company has no rules about it. Bottom line: This is got just about as much chance as any other relationship so go for it. There are absolutely no guarantees in love...or anything else in life for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Carly Posted May 13, 2003 Share Posted May 13, 2003 While there would clearly be the complications of becoming romantically involved with someone at work, I don't think that's good enough reason for not giving it a try. It would just have to be done right: Wait until yoru rotaion is over before dating; be sure to declare your dating relationship to superiors if you continue to report to him after the rotaiton so that you can be re-assigned (and it will be you, since you are the subordinate). If you don't wait, dating between a subordinate/supervisor places you in a conflict of interest that will give you no end of grief. I am talking very, very serious ramifications down the pipe, depending on the work you do. If you are in a medical or certain corporate settings, you better be very careful in terms of being set up for serious legal issues. Having said all of this, the work setting is an ideal setting for finding a good mate, because (assuming you do similar work) you have similar tastes, education, values, etc. These factors are VERY predictive of relationship success. l On the other hand, the corporate distance between your postion and his could be important. Is he highly superior to you in rank? Are we talking CEO vs. supply clerk? (OK, hard to imagine since you are in a career requiring rotaions, but you get my point.) Oh, and on the age difference: I am becoming the queen B**TCH on this board when it comes to significant age differences. The 11 years between 32 and 21 don't send me big warning alarms, but your chances for relationship success would be better if you were closer in age. Please keep us posted on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 Wow, these posts have been really helpful. For interest's sake, I am a junior lawyer in a large corporate law firm (currently practicing industrial relations, so yes I know all about the legal ramifications for this relationship!), and he is a senior associate. He is obviously concerned about this aspect of things and had a chat to me this morning (his 'disclaimer', I guess) to make sure I was comfortable with what was happening. I appreciate his candour in this regard. I think I'll continue with the flirting until I move onto my new section (a whole 10 floors above his office), just to keep things as safe as possible. I have cemented a solid friendship with this guy because I never thought he would see me as having relationship potential. Thus, most of the BS is now out of the way. Anyway, I am not rushing into anything and will take the proper precautions if we ever begin anything serious. Thanks for your comments! Link to post Share on other sites
Pookette Posted May 15, 2003 Share Posted May 15, 2003 Amanda: You know what? I say go for it. I met my husband at work. He was 32 and I was 21 (no b.s.!!) He was a supervisor and I was just a tech. As long as he wasn't my direct supervisor, we were fine. It was never an issue there. We will be married 1 yr. come August. If you feel the sparks flying, GO FOR IT!! However, you are very wise to keep it cool for now. That's the smartest thing to do. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Carly Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Amanda, You are a clear thinker with a warm heart. Enjoy! Carly Link to post Share on other sites
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