New job- my partner is so difficult to get along with!

[D-Lish]

I started a new job recently. I love it! The pay is awesome with copious benefits and a great deal of responsibility. I am happy here because I feel challenged and respected.

 

I have a partner that I travel with often. We have to work closely with regard to operations. Our desks face one another, and we spend endless hours in hotel rooms together, breakfast, lunch and dinner meetings - basically we are together all the time.

 

The problem is that she is a difficult person to be around. I can't recall having seen her smile- the closest she comes to is sneering. She's negative, mean to the managers we oversee, and just generally bitter.

I don't know much about her personal life, but she doesn't open up about anything either. I'd pin her at about 50 years of age, no husband, no kids.

 

We recently spent a night away that included 8 hours in a car and an overnight in a hotel. The only thing she opens up about is her distaste for her former partners. She seems to have a problem with those that are bubbly and relaxed- which sort of describes me!

 

Her former partners have gone on to have promotions within the company- which doesn't surprise me.

 

I suspect she is a little depressed- angry mostly.

 

When we go to a store to check in, the staff stiffens up and she goes at them with criticism. I spent an hour consoling a young 22 year old manager from one of the stores under our supervision that she had in tears on our last visit. The girl was going to quit and I had to step in and talk to her. The girl called head office and said she wouldn't deal with my partner anymore- only me. My boss called me at the end of the day and told me that "X" wasn't exactly a people person, praised me for diffusing the situation and asked that I look after that particular store from here on out. I don't know what he said to her- and she never discussed it with me.

 

My dilemma is that I need to find a way to get along with her. I am very diplomatic, and can normally find a way to get along with difficult people. I just can't seem to find a way to deal with her. The other day most of the office went to dinner after work and invited me. I went, and the next day she didn't speak to me.

 

Obviously I am not going to give up developing relationships with my other co-workers because she doesn't like it. I was so frustrated at the end of the day after being ignored, that I asked her what was going on. She was packing up her things and just said I was welcome to do what I wanted after work but she was there to do a job and not to get involved with making friends. She's not even all that nice to me, yet she got mad- seemingly jealous almost that I went out with our co-workers!

 

She's been there a long time and although others seem to have given up on her a long time ago- I do have to spend a lot of time with her and want to make things comfortable.

 

Any suggestions? I am at a loss as to how to get along with her. She's just angry most of the time. As much as I love my new job, it brings me down a bit.

Edited November 8, 2009 by D-Lish

[Mary3]

I would ask : Why do you both have to spend that many hours together ? Maybe it was always done that way in the company,,...but I am SURE she drove the other lady/employee away and then you came.

 

Bitter people can never be satisfied. I would not even try anymore. I had a lady like this and she was very bitter , a back stabber , a boss bu-- kisser and loved misery.

 

Everyone avoided her. I tried to not be in a room with her. I cant EVEN imagine being with her the amount of time you are with Ms. DOOM.

 

Can you creatively suggest to your boss seperate hotel rooms and can you tell her you dont feel like lunch...?

 

The amount of time you have to spend with her is INSANE.

 

Can you creatively move your desk so you dont face her. ?

 

Tell her you are BUSY BUSY anytime she wants to make your life miserable ?

Edited November 9, 2009 by Mary3

[D-Lish]

Hi Mary...

Thanks for responding.

 

We are both field managers for one region. She is operations, I am Visual (it's retail). When we travel together, we do the breakfast, lunch, dinner thing together. We have to do at least one overnight together a week where we have two stores that are 4 hours away. We do make seperate ventures, but because it's x-mas and we're crazy right now...we are together so much.

 

I am pretty new- so I haven't yet made suggestions or asked for some respite from her company. I think this is just the way things have been done. We are considered partners- so we spend most of our working time together. AT head office our desks literally touch one another!

 

I could not go to lunch or dinner with her- but, for expense purposes- we charge together. I am considering asking about sep rooms. I just don't know how much they will allow. When we do a store opening- we do it in tandom. It's brutal.

 

At least I know I am not crazy- when her name is mentioned, people cringe.

 

I just want to find a way to make things less uncomfortable. At the moment I make any excuse possible to travel apart.

[Blackfrost]

 

Bitter people can never be satisfied. I would not even try anymore.

 

 

I agree with Mary, especially on this point. THere can be any number of reasons why she doesn't want to be nice to you - including the very real possibility that (if you are one those girls in your profile pic) she is jealous of your youth and personality that comes with it.

 

I've worked with a few older women that absolutely hate younger women, thin women, attractive women, well dressed women, or even happy women, and my advice is to avoid them as much as possible - there isn't alot you can do to change that aspect, unless they decide they want to be your friend.

[Mary3]

I agree with Mary, especially on this point. THere can be any number of reasons why she doesn't want to be nice to you - including the very real possibility that (if you are one those girls in your profile pic) she is jealous of your youth and personality that comes with it.

 

I've worked with a few older women that absolutely hate younger women, thin women, attractive women, well dressed women, or even happy women, and my advice is to avoid them as much as possible - there isn't alot you can do to change that aspect, unless they decide they want to be your friend.

 

Beautifully Spoken !!

[Mary3]

Hi Mary...

Thanks for responding.

 

We are both field managers for one region. She is operations, I am Visual (it's retail). When we travel together, we do the breakfast, lunch, dinner thing together. We have to do at least one overnight together a week where we have two stores that are 4 hours away. We do make seperate ventures, but because it's x-mas and we're crazy right now...we are together so much.

 

I am pretty new- so I haven't yet made suggestions or asked for some respite from her company. I think this is just the way things have been done. We are considered partners- so we spend most of our working time together. AT head office our desks literally touch one another!

 

I could not go to lunch or dinner with her- but, for expense purposes- we charge together. I am considering asking about sep rooms. I just don't know how much they will allow. When we do a store opening- we do it in tandom. It's brutal.

 

At least I know I am not crazy- when her name is mentioned, people cringe.

 

I just want to find a way to make things less uncomfortable. At the moment I make any excuse possible to travel apart.

 

You could tell her you were exposed to the H1N1 virus and for procautionary purposes you dont want to get close to anyone ! lol....Well its not funny because alot of people have suffered but this is simply an idea. Think of a BUG and that you feel you are coming down with something and its not advisable to sit sooo close and to share hotel rooms...

 

I'm sure all our great members here can come up with some great ideas for excuses not to be around this lady so darn much !

[D-Lish]

I agree with Mary, especially on this point. THere can be any number of reasons why she doesn't want to be nice to you - including the very real possibility that (if you are one those girls in your profile pic) she is jealous of your youth and personality that comes with it.

 

I've worked with a few older women that absolutely hate younger women, thin women, attractive women, well dressed women, or even happy women, and my advice is to avoid them as much as possible - there isn't alot you can do to change that aspect, unless they decide they want to be your friend.

 

Yes, the blonde is me... and I am thin and stylish- but still 40:o. She isn't an attractive woman- but a lot of that comes from being so mean! I dress in the format of our brand, and she dresses in black and only black and does not choose to emulate our brand.

 

The young girl she tore apart is a stunner- in my heart I knew a lot of the anger came from that.

 

It's just so very hard to be so new to a company and say to the big boss that you think "X" ripped a young girl to shreds because she is hot, and it stems from jealousy.... That's dipping into drama I just don't wish to engage in.

 

You could tell her you were exposed to the H1N1 virus and for procautionary purposes you dont want to get close to anyone ! lol....Well its not funny because alot of people have suffered but this is simply an idea. Think of a BUG and that you feel you are coming down with something and its not advisable to sit sooo close and to share hotel rooms...

 

I'm sure all our great members here can come up with some great ideas for excuses not to be around this lady so darn much !

 

I think once January comes around we will go our sep ways a little more.

 

The guy that trained me is just great- a very awesome, cool gay guy. We speak every day- and he pops by my desk and texts me all the time telling me to keep my chin up. I know he is pulling for me in the upper ranks.

 

I think I am looking at this as a test.

[jerbear]

I think once January comes around we will go our sep ways a little more.

 

The guy that trained me is just great- a very awesome, cool gay guy. We speak every day- and he pops by my desk and texts me all the time telling me to keep my chin up. I know he is pulling for me in the upper ranks.

 

I think I am looking at this as a test.

 

Good luck! BTW, the separate travel arrangements is a GOOD thing. Also stay on different floors if possible. Gives you more space and freedom to live life a little.

[D-Lish]

Good luck! BTW, the separate travel arrangements is a GOOD thing. Also stay on different floors if possible. Gives you more space and freedom to live life a little.

 

I agree JB- but a part of my job is being a partner to this girl.

I have to figure out a way to interact with her every day.

[sb129]

Bitter people can never be satisfied. I would not even try anymore. I had a lady like this and she was very bitter , a back stabber , a boss bu-- kisser and loved misery.

 

SOunds like my assistant. I have to spend every hour I am at work in her company and she brings me down.. i am hoping that she quits before I get back from maternity leave.

 

No pearls of wisdom DLish, just that I know how you feel!

[alphamale]

I'd pin her at about 50 years of age, no husband, no kids.

disregard her, she's angry at the world

[JamesM]

Yes, the blonde is me... and I am thin and stylish- but still 40:o.

 

If I could say this without sounding too flirty, I honestly cannot believe you are 40. You look fantastic (and I have always thought so), but I have figured you were at most 35. I am impressed.

 

 

I think I am looking at this as a test.

 

That is the absolutely best attitude to have. Think beyond her and what this will mean to your future. Think of what type of situation(s) your last job brought you. Imagine if you were back there, and someone offered you this job but with her. It would mean working with a tough personality, but it would mean getting away from the situation you were in. Based on your past posts, my guess is that you would take it.

 

And then if I told you that in six months, you would no longer be working with her but with a fantastic person who suited you just perfect, could you endure her? My guess is yes.

 

Now your challenge is to do everything in your power to understand her. Find out her past. Listen to her talk especially the little things. And when she tells you or instructs you on her to do things, nod understandingly and either take it to heart or pretend to take it to heart.

 

It reminds me of about fourteen years ago when my wife was given the bad news that she was getting a new boss. And this woman was known to be a horrible person to work for. This opinion colored my wife's thoughts of this lady, and we (my wife and I) took many walks with her venting and worrying. After about three months, I began to notice a change. My wife began to admire qualities of her new boss, and the boss realized what a great worker my wife was (and she is, I am not biased:D).

 

That awful boss became a friend and ended up being one of the better bosses for my wife.

 

Moral of the story is....not really sure. No, it all comes down to attitude and how you will think of this lady. Think of her as a biatch and you will see her defined that way. Try really hard to see the qualities that (probably) make her good at what she does, and you may see a different person. And when you do, she will see the qualities in you that she is missing currently.

 

I had a boss who ranks as the best I had, and he would tell me when I had a problem employee under me, "Two things, you don't have to go home with him/ her, so we are talking about part of your day. And you only have one (or two) problem employees to figure out." Usually this gave me focus, and I could better understand how that person thought.

 

D-Lish, you have this one lady in a company of wonderful people. Keep your attitude and learn who she is and what makes her tick. Concentrate on her good qualities and find out why she is as she is. This will no doubt have her thinking differently of you.

 

You may be surprised that in a month or two when you (most likely) move up...you will actually miss working with/for her.

[Mary3]

I used the stance : She is mentally ill...She really was. It was like bipolar , she would cry and then get all demanding and then happy faced. It was like a wild roller coaster ride with no exit off.

 

So I treated as such in the end. As someone who was sick from a very abusive childhood.

 

If you did what she wanted you were her buddy. If you crossed her she got all dark and reported you to the boss.

 

Nobody wants to work with someone like that.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I cannot believe that you are expected to share a room with this woman. Do the men who travel for your company share rooms?

 

She's a shrew and nothing is gonna change that I'm afraid. I'd look at it as a test, or a temporary hardship.

 

And I'm with JM, not being flirty or anything:p, but you look awesome for 40!

[jerbear]

You know what I suggest...

 

Give her a pussy cat and your partner will LOVE ya! Then upper management would wonder what you did and promote you as JM mentioned.

[SadandConfusedWA]

If you have some patience, attempt to understand her.

 

Nobody is just bitter and angry out of their own free will (unless they are mentally ill). She probably had a rough a past. The key is to get her to open up. I usually get people to open up by opening up myself. Share a personal story or two that you think she would have some interest in. This is much more effective than asking questions. Once you understand where she is coming from, you might see her differently. People usually sense if you like/dislike them and respond accordingly.

 

This makes me grateful that I share an office with a nice girl that's rapidly becoming my new bff.