She's a runaway train!

[Spark1111]

I run a two person office. Yep, I am the boss of one employee. She decided two years ago she had been too unhappily married for too long, separated and started dating.

 

Her first relationship was with a separated man whose wife had no idea he was dating! THe wife calls the office repeatedly demanding to speak to my worker. I told her the wife could not continue to call the office and she had to deal with it on her own time. She did.

 

Okay, she is on an emotional rollercoaster, on meds, and sees a counselor, but is still acting like a 16-year old. Dating sites, emails, texting, hooking up, with one dead beat after another, like a woman out of prison.

 

What she does on her own time in her personal life is her business, and I am not unfeeling towards her pain and confusion.

 

But here is the problem. She tells everone everything!Secretaries, custodians, etc. She has no verbal boundaries, even discussing sex acts at lunch.

 

People are now avoiding her like the plague, or stopping by for the entertainment value of another wacky, or salacious story of hers!

 

I feel sorry for how she is ruining her reputation, and how she does not realize it. So naive! But yesterday, two additional employees stopped by to give an earful regarding her.

 

We work in a very conservative work environment.

 

What do I do? Do I speak with her about appropriate conversation in the work place? Do I tell her the truth of what I am hearing and not disclose the sources?

 

AM I at risk here professionally?????

 

Help! She's a run away train wreck....Will she take me down with her????

[queeniegirl]

My boyfriend JD has the same problem, kiss and tell kind of thing. Everything, right down to the last detail, it's crass, gross, and embarassing. Some people just dont' know when to shut up, they have no sense of boundaries so yes, I would speak to her. Hope it does some good.

[Angel1111]

From one manager to another: terminate her.

[GorillaTheater]

From one manager to another: terminate her.

 

I tend to agree, but paper it well. A better idea may be to use a little progressive discipline, starting with a written warning (and only including those antics you can document), preferably signed by her.

[2sure]

I think you should slap her. Just once, really hard, upside the head . And tell her this is an office not a therapy session or a dating reality show.

[Angel1111]

To elaborate on my above statement, I spent about 3 yrs trying to control people like this and I can save you the time and energy that it takes. They cannot be fixed and they will never be effective employees. It seems that the only wake-up call they understand is to be fired. And if she doesn't wake up after that, that's her problem. Find someone who will appreciate and who deserves a job.

[Angel1111]

I tend to agree, but paper it well. A better idea may be to use a little progressive discipline, starting with a written warning (and only including those antics you can document), preferably signed by her.

 

I agree. For the troublemakers and the ones who were out to get my job, I documented like crazy. By the time I fired them, they didn't have a leg to stand on. All they could do was sit there with their mouths open because they didn't believe I'd do it.

 

But documenting doesn't mean that it has to go on for months. Usually it only takes a few weeks. If you have an HR department, call them and get some pointers - they're great at the kind of thing.

 

And, yes, this makes you look like a bad manager when you have an employee like this. It's very possible that she'll take you down with her.

[Spark1111]

Alright, today was the first stern talking to about appropriate conversations for the work place. I pointed out that she is NOT LEGALLY anything and should not be discussing this anywhere during the work day.

 

I also told her that her antics are being gossipped about and coming back to me from all quarters. It ends today.

 

She turned beat red and thanked me......

 

I'll keep you posted.

 

Could she be in the midst of a breakdown? Wouldn't that change things?

 

Just asking. If she were to be fired, could she sue claiming that she was having a breakdown?

[GorillaTheater]

Alright, today was the first stern talking to about appropriate conversations for the work place. I pointed out that she is NOT LEGALLY anything and should not be discussing this anywhere during the work day.

 

I also told her that her antics are being gossipped about and coming back to me from all quarters. It ends today.

 

She turned beat red and thanked me......

 

I'll keep you posted.

 

Could she be in the midst of a breakdown? Wouldn't that change things?

 

Just asking. If she were to be fired, could she sue claiming that she was having a breakdown?

 

Anybody with a filing fee can sue. She MIGHT try to go the ADA route. So document now with a written warning or at least an email to HR, before she has any chance to mention a "disability". You yourself do NOT want to mention the word "disability" with respect to her, or even act like you consider her to be disabled.

[jj33]

Spark if your 2 person office is YOUR company then you probably are HR. If thats the case, then you should get an employment lawyer to give you specific advice as to what is appropriate under your state law as well as federal law. You want to be covered in case she sues.

 

How is her performance? This is also the time to start writing up her performance in general. Late? Work slipping? Any complaints from customers vendors etc?

 

As Gorilla said you want to start documenting everything and make a record so that you can discharge her for grounds other than her comments if it comes to that.

 

Always easier to fire someone for performance than because she is acting like an idiot.

[Angel1111]

Yes, be very careful about what you say to her. I strongly recommend that you talk to someone in HR so that they can point you in the right direction. And, as someone else mentioned, don't feed her ideas about what the problem may be. You're not her friend and don't put yourself in that position. It's the most common mistake that managers make.

 

Whether she is or isn't going through a breakdown isn't your problem. She's the type of person who loves drama and she'll continue to bring these problems into her life. Even if she settles down and marries, there will probably be some new drama. Her personal problems aren't your problems. Part of your job as a manager is to make sure that you hire people who benefit the company.

 

Document your conversations even if it doesn't seem necessary. It'll probably happen that she'll stop her unprofessional behavior for awhile but then it'll start up again. Don't let your guard down.

[Spark1111]

I think you should slap her. Just once, really hard, upside the head . And tell her this is an office not a therapy session or a dating reality show.

 

Oh, I so fantasize this! Or a stern shaking. I hate feeling like the big, bad mommy, but she IS acting like the promiscuous teenager!:p:p

[Spark1111]

Yes, be very careful about what you say to her. I strongly recommend that you talk to someone in HR so that they can point you in the right direction. And, as someone else mentioned, don't feed her ideas about what the problem may be. You're not her friend and don't put yourself in that position. It's the most common mistake that managers make.

 

Whether she is or isn't going through a breakdown isn't your problem. She's the type of person who loves drama and she'll continue to bring these problems into her life. Even if she settles down and marries, there will probably be some new drama. Her personal problems aren't your problems. Part of your job as a manager is to make sure that you hire people who benefit the company.

 

Document your conversations even if it doesn't seem necessary. It'll probably happen that she'll stop her unprofessional behavior for awhile but then it'll start up again. Don't let your guard down.

 

Thank you, I know in my compassion I have overstepped boundaries already. I sympathized with her pain in deciding the demise of her marriage.

 

I just could not see the downward spiral coming as quickly as it apparently did. We do not socialize after work or go to lunch with each other.

 

Only recently, (last two months or so) has the gossip reached my ears, and I treated it as gossip. I ignored it.

 

But when two employees approached me directly on the same day is when I posted this. I knew I could no longer have the luxury of ignoring the gossip, as I been complained to directly.

 

It is a two person office in a very skill specific field within a larger, very conservative, corporation. So it does feel like a marriage, for better and for worse.

 

After the stern talking to, she is distant but at least, more professional.

 

Good point, Angel1111. Let's see how long this lasts.

 

Why do some people sooooooo love the drama?

 

And why do some people need so much attention for stupid stuff, like the number of guys they are dating????

 

It does feel like high school all over again and it has to stop......now.