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I can't get past the gap in my employment


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I had my own business (cab company) for a couple of years ,which folded. After that I worked for fed x for almost a year. Then I fell into a sort of despair and have completely lost my confidence and have had only short term jobs which have all ended kind of badly.It has turned into a loooong time. Now I am so at a loss to explain all the failure and inconsistency that it has become a fear and a phobia. It has gone on too long and I can't get out of it. I would call it depression and a collapse of self confidence and a loss of direction and sense of what I am capable of. Another layer of the problem is that my self employment only refers back to me as far as references. I have lost my sense of place in the scheme of things and throw in economic collapse on top of that and you get the idea.

 

I tried to go back to my old career of photography(which was successful 10 years ago, but I don't have the edge anymore or the optimism to sell myself anymore)

 

I think my outlook is the most bleak it has ever been. Pile a bunch of debt and horrible breakup and you have a pretty good picture of where I am at. I do not write this for a pity party but with few resources I need your advice and council. Help. I think there is an underlying depression in all this that is destroying me.

 

If you want to know the truth, I don't believe in myself anymore and I feel broken down and hopeless. I am also too old for this and I just want to fit into the world again.

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Employment gaps are common. Nearly everyone has one or more. BIG , Dark, Gaping, Gaps.

 

You just have to be creative. Extend dates. Put in some class work. You traveled to Europe for a year to pursue photography etc. Get it?

 

It sounds to me like the BEST thing you can do for yourself right now is go to a professional resume writer. Really - they dont just deal with professionals, they can market anyone.

 

I wouldnt normally tell someone they needed one - but the thing is, you obviously need a shot of confidence. And you'll get it. They can make you look so good on paper , you will get some confidence just from that. You'll believe your own BS. Which sometimes, is enough to get by or to get re-started.

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GorillaTheater

I understand depression; I got hit with it when I was 40 and trying to recover from a long and tough physical illness. Came close to losing my family and career over it before reaching the point where I sought help. The meds + counseling turned me around pretty quickly, considering the pit of despair I found myself in. In less than 6 months I was back to normal (at least, what passes for normal with me).

 

So I think your first step should be seeking help for the depression. I'm no clinician, but it sounds like you're there.

 

And although I can't speak to the ethics of this solution, I'd be tempted to pass off the period of unemployment or checkered employment as one of self-employment. But first things first: get help in getting your mind right; the rest will follow.

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