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Sleeping with coworker, but getting really concerned!!!


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gettingonwithlife

I've known this guy for about 5 yrs now. When we first started working together we were both married, so were just more like acquaintances through work only. Well things have changed in the last 2 1/2 yrs. I'm no longer married and he is currently going through a divorce that will be final in about a month. We had gotten to be pretty good friends in about the last year or so. He would talk to me about his problems at home & vice versa. Well about 5 months ago he had to make a choice (his wife or his child). Being the kind of person that he is he chose his child, so his marriage has ended. Well things continued the same for several months, just talked at work & occasionally on the phone and we actually rode around late one night just talking. Well in the last month things changed drastically. We have been spending alot of time together. Well we talked about everything & decided to just see how things played out & that whatever happened happened we were both adults and could deal with it. That same day, matter of fact probably not even an hour later, yep u guessed it.... We slept together. Well since then we have had several sexual encounters & both seem to enjoy it very very much. We had been spending lots of time together, mostly at his house. Trying to stay out of the public eye, so that is doesn't get back to work. It's really strange that we can keep it strictly work at work, nobody has the foggiest or if they do haven't mentioned anything, and we all know how gossipy people can be. So we are almost 100 percent sure nobody thinks anything. But things are getting a bit weird off the clock. At first it was all fine and dandy, until I started to get attached. But I was honest & straight forward with him about everything. And I feel like he was as honest as he knows how to be for the time being. He still has feelings for his soon-to-be ex and I don't think he completely knows how to deal with moving on from them yet. I don't know what to do???? I like him enough that I want to see this ending in a long-term relationship, but I don't want to get my heart broken in the mean-time and I'm afraid that is what is about to happen. In the last week or so he has started kinda pulling back, we have actually only spent 1 day together & that was the night we had the attachment talk. Since then the only time we have seen each other is at work, where it is strictly professional. We have talked on the phone & I was suppose to go stay with him last night, but he called & cancelled saying he was sick. I'm not completely believing the sick business. I'm kinda thinking it may just be his way of pulling further away. Somebody help me please!!!!! I need some really really good advice.

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I'm afraid it looks like he's bailing. Sorry.

 

But thats not a bad thing considering all things. He's still hooked on his ex. He's just out of a relationship and so are you. The casual stuff is all well and good but you need to be careful not to jump from the fire to the inferno (okay I tweaked the saying but hey ho). If you try to pull him closer now, he will pull away at an even faster pace. If you back-pedal he'll know you're lying. Your only option right now is to sit tight and see whether he comes to you. If he does, cool things down a little and don't be quite so available. If he doesn't - well, you're taking time to get on with other things for yourself anyhow.

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If you look through the seperation & divorce forum, or even the Other Woman forum (NOT that you are)..you will find that many people experience this when dating a man about to be divorced. Let him deal with that whole process and resettle his life, then see where you and he go. To push the attachment right now will result in your relationship, and possibly friendship, ending.

 

Even when he goes back & forth, which he will...hold off. You need to pull back from the attachment , go back to being a supportive friend, and when the dust settles you can decide to resume the intimate relationship or not.

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gettingonwithlife

Well I'm hoping that maybe I just freaked out over nothing or maybe just too soon!! Everything seemed to be ok yesterday after we talked. He really was sick, ended up with a doctor's appt & now on high blood pressure meds. I feel really bad about doubting him in the first place now. I guess I just panicked a little because of the recent attachment/honesty talk we had. I'll just back off a little for now & go back to being more supportive for now like 2sure said and then go from there. And I think I was a bit shocked at work when he actually made a couple of sexual remarks when nobody was around. HEHEHE!!!! Thanks for the replies!!

 

If anybody else has some advice or has been through anything related, please don't hesitate to share share share!!!!

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