mabus Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I'm a little confused by my co-worker, I'll start with some background. I'm 23 single and she's 36 married with 2 kids. We have shared an office for the past 3 years, I thought we had a good work relationship/friendship. We'd had a bit of an argument a few months ago, she seemed to think we were getting too close. A month or so before that I commented about her blouse being a bit revealing and suggested she do up one button more. But a few months before that I came into the office and we were talking I was standing by my desk and she ask a question then glanced at my groin. After our argument thinks seemed a bit frosty but I bought her an xmas present as we had bought for each other in previous years. She seemed surprised I had bought it. She didn't buy for me. We then had our holidays. I returned back to work a week earlier than her and we had a disaster hit our town, the day after she rang me at the office just to say "hi". When she returned to work she appeared herself again but then a few weeks ago she started to be nicer than usual eg, I fixed her home computer which she paid me more than I had quoted I only charged her for the parts required to fix it. Then last week at a after work farewell drinks party she bought me a drink. This has been completely out of character for her as she kept her work and personal lives seperate. I'm not going to complain but just a little unsure as to how to proceed. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Are you asking if she fancies you? The answer is no. Are you asking if its ok for you to fancy her? The answer is no. And in answer to your more candid question, be friendly, polite and professional. That means no flirting, no touching, no looking, no sharing of your personal lives and no ideas Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 This has been completely out of character for her as she kept her work and personal lives seperate. I'm 23 single and she's 36 married with 2 kids. We have shared an office for the past 3 years, I thought we had a good work relationship/friendship. We'd had a bit of an argument a few months ago, she seemed to think we were getting too close Don't do anything. She has changed the dynamic between you two as she felt you two were too close for comfort. GOOD for her.. This isn't about you, it's about preserving her self respect, her marriage and not letting herself become too attached to you. If you try to talk to her about feelings, or why she is different around you it will just make things worse. Back off of her and just focus on your work. She wants it casual and distant so respect her choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mabus Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 Thanks for making me sound like the bad guy . I respect the woman whole lot more than any of you think. About 6 months ago I rang her while I was away on a trip and she helped me through a rough time at work, I did this during work hours. During our conversation she asked why I didn't ring on the weekend and I stated the above that I respect her privacy. Her reply was "I think were a bit past that crap". Admittedly she is attractive for her age. But I'm not interested in her at all. I have always kept it professional, we have had the odd chat on Facebook on weekends but I have never made any kind of advances to make her think I want more than what we had a good working friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Thanks for making me sound like the bad guy .Nope you did that yourself, and this statement makes you sound immature too I respect the woman whole lot more than any of you think. Or more than you indicated in your first post. About 6 months ago I rang her while I was away on a trip and she helped me through a rough time at work, I did this during work hours. During our conversation she asked why I didn't ring on the weekend and I stated the above that I respect her privacy. Her reply was "I think were a bit past that crap". and that has to do with? Never mind. Admittedly she is attractive for her age. But I'm not interested in her at all. I have always kept it professional, we have had the odd chat on Facebook on weekends but I have never made any kind of advances to make her think I want more than what we had a good working friendship. So keep it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Mabus, just keep things completely professional. Don't comment on what she wears, if her blouse is undone or anything of the sort. Don't contact her on the weekend. Don't do her extra favours or anything. And pay no heed to jasminetea. She has this thing about being difficult, she's under this delusion that it's somehow funny or insightful, but in reality (as you can see here) she's just a painintheass. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 I don't believe I made any mention of a belief I have that I am funny or insightful, I merely gave you my opinion of your behaviour as this forum was set up to do. I'm sorry that you're unable to take constructive criticism of your actions. It would be great if you could understand that just because someone doesn't believe what you believe it doesn't make them a bad person. Maybe you'd be happier if you didn't expose any part of yourself where anyone to post their opinions of you, if you don't like them? Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 she's just a painintheass. Nah, I don't think so. She's just telling it the way it is, no sugar-coating business with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Nah, I don't think so. She's just telling it the way it is, no sugar-coating business with her. Well, if she had something useful to add, then that would be fine. But it's clear she doesn't. S'ok, that's why there's an ignore list. Mabus, any update? Don't want the thread to get hijacked here... Link to post Share on other sites
Naga Jolokia Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Nah, I don't think so. She's just telling it the way it is, no sugar-coating business with her. I was just passing by and thought I'd offer my unsolicited take on this. Blunt is good. The world is too full of feel-good crap, gotta watch the feewings. There are times when reality has to hit someone in the face full-force like a ton of bricks before they get a clue. Even then, some people still have no clue... they're so stupid that they wouldn't know how to use the clue that hit them in the head if it came with an instruction manual. It's sad, but the world is just filled with people like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Naga Jolokia Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Well, if she had something useful to add, then that would be fine. But it's clear she doesn't. Errr... obviously you didn't read the first post from jasminetea: Are you asking if she fancies you? The answer is no. Are you asking if its ok for you to fancy her? The answer is no. And in answer to your more candid question, be friendly, polite and professional. That means no flirting, no touching, no looking, no sharing of your personal lives and no ideas I found that to be perfectly fine input. It was a direct and honest answer, clear and concise. Well said, jasmine! Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Its kinda becoming clear why that single mother turned you down Geraltt Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Naga and Shygirl, thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author mabus Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 I think I'll go else were for advice Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Actually, you have been offered very wonderful advice here. At no cost to you, even though it costed Jasminetea her precious time. And all you can do is whine about it just because it's not wanted to hear? Grow up, man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mabus Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 Its not that i didn't want to hear it, I'm happy to hear it. didn't want to get the wrong idea about her. Was just a bit sick of the nonconstructive comments. Will post an update later. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I'm a little confused by my co-worker, I'll start with some background. I'm 23 single and she's 36 married with 2 kids. We have shared an office for the past 3 years, I thought we had a good work relationship/friendship. We'd had a bit of an argument a few months ago, she seemed to think we were getting too close. A month or so before that I commented about her blouse being a bit revealing and suggested she do up one button more. But a few months before that I came into the office and we were talking I was standing by my desk and she ask a question then glanced at my groin. After our argument thinks seemed a bit frosty but I bought her an xmas present as we had bought for each other in previous years. She seemed surprised I had bought it. She didn't buy for me. We then had our holidays. I returned back to work a week earlier than her and we had a disaster hit our town, the day after she rang me at the office just to say "hi". When she returned to work she appeared herself again but then a few weeks ago she started to be nicer than usual eg, I fixed her home computer which she paid me more than I had quoted I only charged her for the parts required to fix it. Then last week at a after work farewell drinks party she bought me a drink. This has been completely out of character for her as she kept her work and personal lives seperate. I'm not going to complain but just a little unsure as to how to proceed. Proceed to what my friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mabus Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 As many of you have advised I have kept it professional but friendly, I not going to be an ass and ignore her if she contacts me outside of work. I might have to give a little more background so you get the full picture. Her husband is a fisherman who's only home every 10 days for the night for about 6 months of the year. So she does get needy, just yesterday she made a joke about needing a screw. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I might have to give a little more background so you get the full picture. Her husband is a fisherman who's only home every 10 days for the night for about 6 months of the year. So she does get needy, just yesterday she made a joke about needing a screw. Alright so she's a hot Milf that you want to bang..alright..well that isn't really different from how mine and many other guys minds work..everyone's got their fantasies. It's unfortunate that her husband isn't around for her as much as he should be but that doesn't change the fact that she's married. She's married bro and that needs to really sink into your head..because it's not..and it should be. Imagine if they divorced because of this affair she had with you..her kids end up being punished for it growing up with two seperated parents and maybe even becoming kind of messed up all because you wanted some sex. Could you live with yourself? It's not for you to judge whether their marriage is going down the hills or not...you don't have a clue about the status of their marriage. She's just talking. Don't even think about it..don't interfere with it...stay out of it...it's a red zone and that's that. But if none of this is going into your head then quit looking for our approval and do what you want to do..but may I say you'll have a lot of thinking to do about the kind of person that you are. Hope you make the right decision - Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Naga Jolokia Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Naga and Shygirl, thank you No problem. Your answer was clear, concise and to the point. Too bad it fell on deaf ears. And mabus, you'd be better off going elsewhere. This beotch ain't worth the baggage. You have your own from the sounds of it. Do you really want to carry two loads? Get a clue, man-- casual trim is everywhere. Question is, are YOU needy? Link to post Share on other sites
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