I'm not going to law school!

[RecordProducer]

(This thread is for those who know my case; if you don't know me from before, you'd be probably wasting your time reading this. )

 

If you recall, I wrote in one of my threads about law school "because they questioned my worth, I made it" (or something like that). Because they questioned my worth, I decided to go for something that was never me. Because my husband told me that I had no marketable skills, because he made me feel worthless (cuz I am not wealthy), because he was using my situation against me, because he threatened and blackmailed me - I decided to add worth to my worthless self and become a lawyer.

 

Only recently did I realize that I was playing the role he assigned me; I believed that I was just a poor girl from a second-world country with no value. Just the statement "you have no marketable skills" is so insulting that the person spilling it doesn't deserve to be trusted. A young, intelligent (enough to get into law school) woman with a college degree in business, who speaks several languages, with professional skills in music production has no marketable skills? What about the millions of people who work in administration; do they have some special skills? Or are they worthless too and yet somebody is writing their paychecks every month? He said his ex-wife had marketable skills (she's a masseuse), but not me. The context was me telling him that I won't put up with his threats for divorce, that I can leave and get a job and support myself.

 

It was said to put me down, to make me feel bad, to make me think that without him I can't survive, so I'd better put up with his crap and do what he wants. Just a month later, I decided to get a degree in psychology. He said there's no money in it, so I felt I would still be worthless if I became a psychologist. So I went for the law, not because of the money, but because I wanted to be "somebody," to have some worth.

 

The fact is: I do have skills that are very marketable and have had success in the music business in the past. I didn't do anything about my music because he told me before we got married that he didn't want his wife to be a singer (he recently told me that he never said that, that I was lying - yeah, right!).

 

In any case, I am not going to become a lawyer, I am going to be what I already am - a record producer, RP. I worked with some prominent people back in my country; I will find work here in the US, too. Moreover, I am better now than before and my music is more suitable for this market.

 

Why would I disown my skills and be something that I don't want to be? Why would I spend $100,000 on tuition and three years of suffering in law school when I don't even want to be a lawyer? I just wanted to have a "real job" so I can be accepted by him and financially independent. But that independence would cost me three years of dependence on him, lots of money and - most importantly - decades of a career that's not for me. I am glad I got accepted to some good schools and I am glad I had an experience with the US educational system, though.

 

He's been kicking me out of his house/life for a long time. Sooner or later, I will have to move out. The marriage is sexless, loveless, painful, and apparently he doesn't love me. I tried my best to fix it and work on it, but it takes two to tango.

 

I joined a cover band and I will sing on weddings about twice a month to get some cash (about $250 per gig). Well, the chief of the band thinks my skills are quite marketable. He said he was looking for an exceptional singer (and said he found her in me) - and my husband said "but they found YOU instead?" (that was obviously a joke, but what was more obvious to me was that he forgot to say "Congratulations! That's great and I am happy for you!" )

[jerbear]

Hey RP,

 

Good to hear from you and that you've realized your passions.

 

I wish you the best in all your endeavors.

[OpenBook]

I don't think you should BECOME a lawyer, I think you should HIRE one... preferably one with excellent marketable skills:D:D, and get yourself away from that sad and pathetic excuse of a H you have there.

[RecordProducer]

Hey RP,

 

Good to hear from you and that you've realized your passions.

 

I wish you the best in all your endeavors.

Thanks, Jerbear.

 

I don't think you should BECOME a lawyer, I think you should HIRE one... preferably one with excellent marketable skills:D:D, and get yourself away from that sad and pathetic excuse of a H you have there.

Hahahahah! That was really funny!

[jerbear]

OB just gave me an interesting idea.

 

Country music tends to sing about life and random topics. Well the oldies that is. RP, when you get there, you can write a song on husbands.

[HokeyReligions]

I think about you RP. I kind of imagine you like the daughter I lost. Your situation sounds similar to mine in so many ways and I always wanted better for my kid. I know this sounds twisted, but in a way I comforted myself after her death with the knowledge that she was 'saved' from a life like my own.

 

I was raised being told one thing and shown another so that I never felt of any value either. But kind of opposite from you. My ONLY value is as a paycheck to support others. My responsibility is to work and make as much as I possibly can to support others. I supported my husband thru 99% of our marriage and will continue to do so. I supported my mother the last 8 years of her life living with us and partially for the 20 years before. And more recently to my husbands best friend whose wife left him about a month ago and took everything and then he got into a major car accident and lost his job. Guess who is sending him a couple hundred a week now? Thank goodness I can work some overtime to make the money I send him! We live paycheck-to-paycheck on my regular salary. Any extra cost would do us in!

 

I proud of you for growing and realizing that you are worth something and that you do bring value to the world.

 

It wasn't that long ago that I stopped apologizing for not having a better career and making more money. I still feel twinges of guilt, and you may too - but you can talk yourself out of those.

 

I recently turned down a $700/day position because it was too far to drive and I didn't like the working conditions - mandatory 10 hours day / 5 days a week. And I would be spending around 3 - 4 hours a day driving back and forth. My eyesight is bad and we have one car. Hubby wasn't thrilled with me turning it down becuase he had plans for that money, but I did and I'm not sorry. I'd rather work for less and be more comfortable with where I am. He has since been supportive of my decision - but it wasn't easy for him.

 

You have much more value than you even realize yet.

[Touche]

Well maybe H didn't say it but I will: That's great RP. Congratulations and I'm happy for you! It's always best to do what you love.

 

I hope things get better for you soon.

[whichwayisup]

Congrats RP!!

 

Don't EVER let that man make you feel bad, or doubt yourself. You're a beautiful, strong woman who is very talented! At the end of the day what matters is, you and your kids.

[2sunny]

Congrats RP!!

 

Don't EVER let that man make you feel bad, or doubt yourself. You're a beautiful, strong woman who is very talented! At the end of the day what matters is, you and your kids.

 

i second this motion! he he

 

i'm happy to understand that you are standing up for yourself and your best interest.

 

you seem like a lovely gal and i'm sorry for the pain this man has brought to your life in the past few years.

 

take good care of your kids... they need you and you need them!

[Ariadne]

three years of suffering in law school...

lots of money...

and decades of a career that's not for me...

 

Yeah, that sounded like total crap.

 

Good thing you got out of it on time.

 

Good luck with the music career.

[Star Gazer]

I knew you'd eventually come to your senses.

 

Great decision, RP. The practice of law is not meant for those who aren't in love with it.

[RecordProducer]

Hokey, any story from your life sounds so sad, I just don't know what to say. Good that you turned down the offer, better for you. Not only that you would spend 14 hours a day working and driving, but also any work that pays $700 per day means that the job is very stressful and diffcult. Nobody pays the big bucks so youcan have fun. That's $15,000 per month!

 

Touche, Sunny, WWIU, Ariadne, thanks for the support.

 

Star Gazer, if YOU say it's a good decision...well, you know best. It's not the law that I don't like, it's the everyday practice of an attorney, its formal nature, the servile mentality inside the legal profession, etc. But, most of all, I was born to make music - why waste my talent? And I am skilled at it. Each of us has their own role in this world. Besides, English is not my first language, which would make working as a lawyer really stressful.

[Angel1111]

I hope you're saving up that money to get away from that ass you're married to. What a pathetic excuse for a husband he is. Pursue your dreams because you're worthy no matter what you do or don't do. Stop dancing to that tune and do what makes you happy.

[Storyrider]

Hi RP. I'm glad you're feeling a sense of passion and new direction. Go for it.

[Trialbyfire]

Go with what works for you RP! If music is your first love, then do it. Proving yourself to someone else is just another exercise in futility.

[almost famous]

If you divorced your husband, since you haven't worked, wouldn't you be eligible for a good chunk of alimony? I'd look into that.

[Walk]

Hey RP. Congrat's on finding a band that knows your worth. You are an exceptional singer. I remember the clips you let me listen.... those were Amazing!

 

I still believe in the philosophy "Do what you love". I found what I love doing, and I believe it'll take me far. Maybe not fame, but at least a life I'm happy with. And that's really all I've ever wanted.

[RecordProducer]

Thanks guyz, you're awesome. I am glad you're so supportive of my passions. Walk, thanks for the comploment, so what is your passion you decided to pursue?

 

AlmostFamous (are you?), I have a postnup, so whatever amount was agreed on is what I am getting, which is enough to survive for a few years. That's good cuz I don't have to deal with lawyers; and it certainly makes life easier for a woman like me, who is unemployed, in a foreign country, with no friends or family nearby, with two kids on my back.

 

Today he kicked me out of the house. I mean, verbally, he made it very clear that he wants me out. I asked him to put it in writing and he wrote "I want you out of my life, I told you this for two years" (our marriage has lasted for 2.5 years). He wrote a check, handed it to me, and said "Just get out!"

 

Ouch! Those words hurt. As if I am a street dog or something. But a minute later, I felt so relieved. I would've probably never left on my own. I always cherished some false hopes, lowered my criteria, lied to myself, blah-blah-blah... This time, I have no choice. I have to leave - and it just made me feel soooo freaggin' good! It still does.

 

I am finally free from all the pain. I wasted 2.5 years of my life suffering because of him and now, I don't have to spend one more minute thinking about all the why's, what's, and how's that hovered above our marriage. I don't care about his version of the story. I only know that it HURT ME very much, which means he wasn't a good husband. I know I tried to save the relationship in a million ways while he kept saying "get out!" and "It's not worth it" and "We should split cuz we don't see eye-to-eye" - all while I loved the sh*t out of him and wanted so much for him to love me and want me back.

OK, case closed.

 

I am finally free.

[whichwayisup]

His loss, though I doubt he'll ever figure that out. He's a putz and is going to be a lonely and ALONE old man one day...

 

He was a crappy husband to you, from day one. Just a shame you wasted so much time with him..

 

Anyway sweets, atleast you have your health, your twins and now your freedom. Enjoy it, even if it is scary..

[Angel1111]

A decent man would just sit down with you and tell you that things aren't working out and then discuss how you were going to split up. They don't behave like sub-humans and talk to people like that and make them feel like they're lower than a street dog - no matter what. His behavior is horrible. I hope you never put yourself in a position like that again. The next time you feel unloved, just leave and don't try to make it work. Either it works or it doesn't. I'm glad you're free and that you're taken care of for awhile.

[Green]

If its not to late I would still go to Law school. You;ll have plenty of time to still persue your dream and be a lawyer or law student. First off you can get alot of the loan money goverment subsidized so you pay zero interest while your in school. Secondly your entire grade is based on the final, so its not like you have to work hard until finals.

[RecordProducer]

His loss, though I doubt he'll ever figure that out. He's a putz and is going to be a lonely and ALONE old man one day...

Well, I wish him happiness, since I couldn't make him happy...

 

He was a crappy husband to you, from day one. Just a shame you wasted so much time with him..

Indeed is a shame that I wasted two years fighting for/with him instead of working on my music career.

 

Anyway sweets, atleast you have your health, your twins and now your freedom. Enjoy it, even if it is scary

I always say those are the most important things and the rest is just life - a little bit of sugar, a little bit of crap, then again some crap, then some more crap, then a lot of crap, then a fart (whew!), then some sugar, then a big cake... yum... then you figure out that the inside of the cake was filled with juciy crap...

 

A decent man would just sit down with you and tell you that things aren't working out and then discuss how you were going to split up. They don't behave like sub-humans and talk to people like that and make them feel like they're lower than a street dog - no matter what. His behavior is horrible. I hope you never put yourself in a position like that again. The next time you feel unloved, just leave and don't try to make it work. Either it works or it doesn't. I'm glad you're free and that you're taken care of for awhile.

I enjoyed this reply a lot! So much wisdom in so few words. Yes, I don't feel loved by him and I am relieved that the neverending cycle of his rejections will end vey soon.

 

... so you pay zero interest while your in school. .

KMT, I have zero interest in going to law school. I don't wanna be a lawyer.

[Arise_Serpentor]

KMT, I have zero interest in going to law school. I don't wanna be a lawyer.

 

Well, to quote the one episode of the Simpsons...If there is one thing the world needs more of, it's lawyers!"

[Green]

So if you have zero interest why can I quote you on all the following. Your just getting scared. You won't regret it.

 

So I am quite happy and excited. Life is in front of me again: new challenges, new people, new environment - a new life! I know that all this doesn't sound like a big deal to many of you, but to me it is. Especially with my failing marriage, slowly climbing up the staircase of success certainly feels better than slowly drowning in misery. Most of all, I am thrilled that I will be a lawyer; I will be able to try different aspects of the legal profession and find an area that I am passionate about. I will be able to help people through pro-bono work and make a difference.

 

Most of all, I am happy about the quality of the school. It's expensive though and I might incur some student loans in the third (last) year, but it won't be too much. The school's name is well worth it and my circumstances justify my choice.

 

Finally, accepted to a "dream" school, a solid second tier. I wasn't hoping for any Ivy League anyway. I was also wait-listed at a top-40 school in another state.

 

Well, this is pretty much my final decision.

 

 

I do like the law and I think I could handle the sacrifice, especially as my sons get older. I am also hoping that my mom would join me in a couple years. I believe that every single career in the world has advantages and disadvantages and that every job becomes more or less just-a-job at some point. But if you have a little bit of challenge at work, if you stay mentally busy, if you can afford a decent life for you and your family, and if you can make a difference in some people's lives - you did something with yourself and your life. No job is a dream job in reality. The goal is to earn a living and not hate your life from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. while earning it.

 

I love working with people and can't imagine myself being happy in a place where I would be seeing the same 17 people for thirty-five years. I like reading, writing and especially researching; I like dealing with people's personal problems and helping them (especially if they pay me! ). I like to think, advocate, advise, and solve problems. So, I chose the law because it's closest to my idea of a productive career - not because I want to save the world or make tons of money or because I expect a red carpet under my 500-dollar shoes in a big law firm.

[RecordProducer]

KMT, honey, I explained my situation. I decided to go to law school in June last year and 12 months later realized I never wanted to be a lawyer, I just wanted to be valuable enough for my husband, because he convinced me I had no marketable skills. But I do have marketable skills and I have an occupation that I dropped because HE asked me to drop it. Now I am going back to it.

I don't want to be a lawyer. Besides, in the pieces you quoted, I don't see passion for the law in any word. It's all about rationalization and self-persuasion. Isn't it too obvious?

 

Music is something that I've started making when I was 8 years old. I am a very skilled producer and I alrwady know I am passionate about it and don't have to assume or rationalize anything about it.

 

I am happy to be back in the music field. So, be happy for me.