xmasquex Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 I recently started working at this place and I am 21. I'm very shy and have never really had a serious relationship before. Plus, I have a hard time talking to people, so I've been very out of the "social world" for a while now. Anyway, I got offered a job by the owner, since my family is good friends with him. He really talked my mom into doing it, to help me break out of my shell. It's been a few weeks now, of working there, and last week he came onto me. I had a feeling he liked me, by the way he looked at me and such. Anyway, I was in the back room when he started telling me how pretty I was and everything. He hugged me and I hugged him back. Then, he left and came back, and continued talking to me. Before I knew what was happening we were making out and it just goes from there. If we are alone and no one else is working, and if there's no customers, he's pulling me back into his office where we kiss and stuff. I still don't know my job very well because it seems he's constantly all over me. He's told me that he loves me, and that if he was younger, he would marry me. The trouble is, he has a girlfriend who also works where we both work. They aren't married but they've been together for a long time. In a way, it's like they are married. Plus, he's got 2 daughters! I feel horrible because his girlfriend is so nice to me, but I really like him. I don't know maybe I've just been lonely for so long and finally have someone to compliment me and everything. I'm not used to being treating like this, so I think part of me only likes him because of that. Anyway, now that this has happened, I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to break it off because if I did, I think it would ruin my job. I really don't know where else I would work though, because of how nervous I get. It's my first job and I don't want to ruin it. I really wanted to get this off my chest, and see if someone could give me advice, since I'm so stressed out about this. He made me promise not to tell anyone, but I feel like I might explode if I don't tell someone. . . Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 Your headed for alot of heartache with this guy. I know this guy gives you attention... but please dont just fall for the first guy who looks at you like your pretty. Get another job... just vanish. Yes, its going to be hard... but it will be much harder down the road if you dont do it now. Also, consider talking to your mom about this. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 16, 2007 Share Posted August 16, 2007 You're young and this is new to you, but you really need to stop this in its tracks! It's dangerous from every aspect - it wouldn't be too hard for his girlfriend to find out and then you really need to watch out. He'd have to fire you at that point anyway because his gf would make him. So, you have a couple of options. Be straight with him and tell him this situation can't continue because you aren't comfortable with it. Quit your job and just have no more contact with him. Tell your mom and have her rip him a new one for taking advantage of you. Either way, start looking for a new job and get out of this immediately. You're vulnerable at this point, and let this go too far. He's an ass for putting you in this position and for cheating on his gf. You really don't want to get started down the road of being an Other Woman and developing feelings for him - that will send your self-esteem and confidence plummeting, if it hasn't already. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 Norajane is right, vanish on him. This job will end anyway because his gf will find out. If your boss and his gf hang in the same circle as your parents your reputation will be ruined because his gf will tell people and make you look a skank. I would tell my mom what happened and why you quit. Trust me, your Mom will know how to handle it from there. Look for a new job that has other young people working there. It is normal to be nervous when you first start a job - everyone goes through it. Just listen well, be on time and ask questions when you don't understand. You will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
lala2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 "Tell your mom and have her rip him a new one for taking advantage of you." I think it is okay to tell her mom, but not okay to have her confront this man. She is 21 years old and needs to learn how to start figuring things out for herself. I am in a similar situation right now, where nothing has happened but I am falling for my married manager. It is horribly wrong, but I think that I am finally starting to get over it. However, you have already crossed the line. I do agree that this relationship will most likely end up hurting you. If you can, try to find another job. Most importantly, do not limit yourself to this man. Date other people, you are young like me and have a lot of years ahead of you. You should not be a secret to people. Find someone who isn't afraid to show you off. Have some more confidence and self-esteem in yourself and you will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 How old are you?Sorry just saw that you are 21. Quit your job . Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 Allow me to put this in another way. Trusted family friend sees something he wants and finds out you need a job. He creates a job for you or conveniently has an opening. He takes advantage of you, knowing full well you're emotionally incapable of resisting, thus receptive. You are getting your ego stroked by someone who played you like a fiddle. Look to yourself and see why you would want a man who lacks integrity. Are you willing to allow someone of that nature to drag you down further? I feel for the g/f, especially with two daughters. It looks like this isn't the first time it's happened, based on how you've portrayed him Link to post Share on other sites
amber1 Posted August 28, 2007 Share Posted August 28, 2007 Definitely confide in your mom for some support. Quit the job. Obviously this isn't the place where you should be. Like someone said before, find a place to work where people are around your age. It may help you come out of your shell more if you are around people your own age, plus it will be a lot more fun than having to work with people much older than you! Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 this situation has trouble written all over it! always think about the future.. I, myself like to do a lot of what if's. like what if he hires someone new and shes younger and he likes her, and hes all in tune with her and now your in the dark and you feel rejected. What if the g/f walks in on you guys? what is an owner walks in? What if its just a fling and once he gets tired of you hes back doing the pda (Public display of affection) with his g/f? its already to late to stop it because you now like him, but end it before it gets to be to much.. dont let it het weird before it does.. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 I think I would tell my mom, who would then tell my dad. Dad would tell the GF and probably take out a full page ad in the local newspaper. Things would not be pretty for this guy. Trialbyfire explained it simply. This man saw a shy, pretty, young lady and he is taking advantage of you. He's not training you for your position because he didn't really hire you for it. He hired you to be his "secret" 2nd girlfriend. It's in no way your fault unless you blindly continue to keep up the sham. You must leave the job and I wouldn't give two weeks notice. I just wouldn't go back. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 The first thing I thought of when I read your post: sexual harassment. Even though you were, in many ways, a willing participant, it seems like he took advantage of your shyness and your lack of self confidence. You yourself admit your interest in him is mainly because he pays attention to you. Depending on your comfort level, you don't need to quit your job. But you DO need to tell this jerk to back off (perhaps in a more polite way). Either way, you need to decide if you want to be know as the whore that came between a man and his woman (and two children) or as the young woman who walked away from a very distasteful situation. Remember, this man has two children (presumably with the girlfriend you speak of). That alone should give you enough motivation to stay away. He's a pig and he's using you for instant gratification (he's exploiting your shyness). Don't be his ego booster. Link to post Share on other sites
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted September 15, 2007 Share Posted September 15, 2007 This guy is an utter PIG for convincing your parents he was doing a NICE thing for you by helping you get out into the world and BIG SURPRISE - it was all because he wants to play with a youngin'. What an utterly disgusting piece of filth he is. Yeah, sure he loves you, xmas. Please get real and realize you're only a playtoy to some scumbag who has zero integrity and zero character and OBVIOUSLY zero respect for you and your parents. You're too young to realize what an utter scumbag he really is - and that's what he was counting on. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoebe Posted September 15, 2007 Share Posted September 15, 2007 Trusted family friend sees something he wants and finds out you need a job. He creates a job for you or conveniently has an opening. He takes advantage of you, knowing full well you're emotionally incapable of resisting, thus receptive. Listen to Trialbyfire, she's spelled out the REAL situation here. My advice to you is: 1) Quit - you were only hired to be the other woman. 2) Tell your parents - the fact that this man talked your mum into getting you to work for him means that he didn't just take advantage of you, but he took advantage of your parent's trust. They need to know what kind of person this man really is. Link to post Share on other sites
musikaprinsesa Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 Get another job... just vanish. Yes, its going to be hard... but it will be much harder down the road if you dont do it now. Link to post Share on other sites
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