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Admiral Thrawn

I've checked with a Christian site, where the members unanimously disapproved of 'cuddle-parties'. These are events where strangers, talk to each other, and make verbal requests, to anyone you want for purposes of:

1) Playing with hair.

2) Nosing.

3) Light kissing.

4) Cuddling

5) Back massage.

6) Foot massage.

 

And non-sexual touch in general.

 

Unanimous diapproval of this event. Costs $ 30.00 admission. Let's up this up for discussion here. What are your views on non-sexual touch? There is an article written on it by a professed born-again Christian who thinks that these parties prevent pre-maritial sex by providing a non-sinful 'vent'. What do you think? What about love? Do you believe in love and expressing it?

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Let's up this up for discussion here. What are your views on non-sexual touch? There is an article written on it by a professed born-again Christian who thinks that these parties prevent pre-maritial sex by providing a non-sinful 'vent'. What do you think?

 

I think I've read other posts in which you've described yourself as touch deprived. Might getting some sort of pet help?

 

Re the cuddle party....personally the idea strikes me as a little cringeworthy, but for someone who has a real phobia about touching other people I guess it might be helpful. Not too sure how helpful it would be for the recipients of the touch-phobic person's tactile attentions though....

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I saw at thing on "cuddle parties" on HBO or something. Looks fine , I wouldent personally be into it , but I could see why some people would. Im not personally into touch of any kind from people I dont know .It pisses me off and seems like a crossing of my boundaries.But a friend or close aquaintence is okay.

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Admiral Thrawn
I saw at thing on "cuddle parties" on HBO or something. Looks fine , I wouldent personally be into it , but I could see why some people would. Im not personally into touch of any kind from people I dont know .It pisses me off and seems like a crossing of my boundaries.But a friend or close aquaintence is okay.

 

So you are saying, if anyone you knew, went up to you out of the blue, one day and said "You have lovely curley hair. Can I comb my fingures through it or feel your beautiful hair?" You would be cool with that?

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So you are saying, if anyone you knew, went up to you out of the blue, one day and said "You have lovely curley hair. Can I comb my fingures through it or feel your beautiful hair?" You would be cool with that?

 

My answer is no F-ing way..... if the person attempted to do so without permission they may just draw back a bloody fingerless hand.

 

I see no reason to physically touch a stranger..... nor do I want one touching me.

 

why don't you just go pay for a professional non sexual massage? They do feet too.......:D

a4a

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Admiral Thrawn

Due to harsh negative feedback I have obtained from the Christian site, and from my parents, I'm not able to go to a cuddle-party.

 

Their reasons are as follows:

1) I dont know anybody there. It is not a Christian event, even if it were, they would strongly discourage it.

2) Dress code is pajamas.

3) They did not like the pictures on the web-site.

4) Too 'new-age' cult-like.

5) They think it is really organized 'foreplay', and people who get 'hot' with each other will simply exchange numbers, or hang out after the party and simply bang each other to complete the job. In that sence, seems to orgy-like.

6) It is silly to go up to strangers and ask if you could play with their hair, and I should just find someone who has long hair who likes me.

 

I tend to disagree, but appearently, I'm overwhelmed by the negative feed-back with my mom threatening to virtually disown me.

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why or how would your mother know what you do........ cuddle party ect.

 

Please don't tell me that when you have sexual relations you hold conference with her over that as well?

 

a4a

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Admiral Thrawn
My answer is no F-ing way..... if the person attempted to do so without permission they may just draw back a bloody fingerless hand.

 

I see no reason to physically touch a stranger..... nor do I want one touching me.

 

I was referring to someone that you know, who you may even be somewhat attracted to. If you treat your friends that rough, it is a wonder you have any.

 

why don't you just go pay for a professional non sexual massage? They do feet too.......:D

a4a

 

Because I want to foot massage a woman, not the other way around.

 

Secondly, comments about a non-sexual massage is out of the context of this discussion. Believe me, I've already got harsh criticisms from this from another board, and any suggestions to go to a professional message or hooker are just downright offensive and serve no meaningful purpose in this discussion.

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ReluctantRomeo
I should just find someone who has long hair who likes me.

 

This does seem to be good advice. I have to say that the cuddle-party sounds a bit sketchy, although full points to you for trying this with your mom :)

 

I think as human beings we need physical and emotional contact with others though. I would start with the emotional contact:

 

  • practice asking people simple questions (eg "how is your week going?) and listen well to their answer. Practice some feely questions as second questions. Eg if they say they went to the park say "did you enjoy that?".

 

 

For the physical contact, here are some suggestions:

 

  • hang out at your church youth group (your parents can't object to this surely?) and raise the subject of massages. Ask if someone can show you how to massage (but something safe like shoulders).
     
  • practice physical greetings on friends. Handshakes will do, or quick and non-intrusive hugs.
     
  • when you visit a house with pets, practice making friends with the pets in a kind and gentle way.

 

The keyword with all of this is non-intrusive. Keep the touch light and casual and with people who welcome it and where there is an emotional relationship. No random touching of strangers!

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AT there are legit massages..;) ..... not the "happy ending" kind.

 

As for a friend touching my hair or other parts of my body.... minus physical sports ect, ..... I do not think it is all that appropriate, unless they are your good friend. Even then I would feel a tad weird if a person kept being touchy feelie .........

 

a4a

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So you are saying, if anyone you knew, went up to you out of the blue, one day and said "You have lovely curley hair. Can I comb my fingures through it or feel your beautiful hair?" You would be cool with that?

 

 

not anyone , but poeple I know often reach out and grab my curls...lol. If i know them well enough , thats fine, but if not they just get glared at.

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Admiral Thrawn
why or how would your mother know what you do........ cuddle party ect.

 

Please don't tell me that when you have sexual relations you hold conference with her over that as well?

 

a4a

 

I live with my parents. My father was also against the cuddle party idea.

My mother is close to God. She prays allot. So, I guess it just worked out that I told her about it, because God is in control of this house, and if this is against God's will, then I may be inadvertently 'forced' to disclose things to my mom. Cant really put my finger on it.

 

My mother would not approve, and neither would the Bible, of any sexual relations outside of marriage. My mother is very particular with any girl I decide to go out with. In her view, they must be born-again Christians and be physically attractive. My mom ain't want me dating no ugly woman.

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Admiral Thrawn

 

[*]hang out at your church youth group (your parents can't object to this surely?) and raise the subject of massages. Ask if someone can show you how to massage (but something safe like shoulders).

 

Wow. The issue is not how to massage, is whether girls want to be massaged, and more importantly if they will let me massage them. I think girls will only accept a massage from people they either know very well, or are attracted to, in the most liberal cases. Some girls may not accept any touch from anyone unless you are their boyfriend. At a cuddle party, at least you know there is a reasonable expectation that the participants expect to be asked that type of question and can respond with a yes or a no, rather than turning the question against you and socially sanction you for asking it.

 

[*]practice physical greetings on friends. Handshakes will do, or quick and non-intrusive hugs.

 

Pleutonic handshakes and hugs are usually on a greeting context, when you meet someone or when you are leaving. In church, when people leave, or when people are encouraged to shake other people's hands, then that is done whether you know the person or not. So, there is no real problem in that department, but a hug feels much better than a handshake, especially if the girl is hot.

 

The keyword with all of this is non-intrusive. Keep the touch light and casual and with people who welcome it and where there is an emotional relationship. No random touching of strangers!

 

Yup, you mean an emotional 'rapport'. I am well familiar with the idea of non-intrusive touching - but massaging, or playing with nice long hair is intrusive, isn't it?

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What are your views on non-sexual touch?

 

I don't approve, "cuddle parties", but if you're single, I see no harm in non-sexual touch.

 

There is an article written on it by a professed born-again Christian who thinks that these parties prevent pre-maritial sex by providing a non-sinful 'vent'. What do you think?

 

Jesus has told us that if we even think, or imagine having sexual relations outside of marriage, then we are just as guilty as commiting the act itself. I think these, "parties" encourages or instigates participants minds to go there. NOT GOOD.

 

What about love? Do you believe in love and expressing it?

 

You bet I do. There are a million other ways to express that though.

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These are events where strangers, talk to each other, and make verbal requests, to anyone you want for purposes of:

1) Playing with hair.

2) Nosing.

3) Light kissing.

4) Cuddling

5) Back massage.

6) Foot massage.

 

And non-sexual touch in general.

throw some alcohol into the mix and you'll have a full-blown orgy :lmao:

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How old are you, AT?

 

Don't you think there's something wrong with a society where we have to have cuddle parties in order to touch and be touched in a non-sexual way?

 

I'm sure Jane Goodall could use some help. {i.e. Seems like apes, gorillas, monkeys are always grooming one another. . . . .}

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they must be born-again Christians and be physically attractive. My mom ain't want me dating no ugly woman.

 

And what do YOU want? What if you meet a wonderful woman, who steals your heart, and may not be Christian, but is beautiful. Or, what if she's plain to your mom but beautiful to you and is Christian? Are you going to let your mother run your life that way? Religion or no religion, that is not cool.

 

As for the cuddle parties, I think it's an excuse to grope and turn into a rub'n'tug fest. Some may have fetishes, or just purely getting off on it.

 

If you want to join a cuddle party or something similar, talk to your Dr, maybe they know of a health group that is organized safely and not just found on the internet.

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I think this fellow really needs to speak to a counsellor. These posts of his alarm me.

 

 

lol, but not as much as some other posters posts,yikes...

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This sounds like an orgy with training wheels on.

:laugh: :laugh: Perfect! My sentiments exactly. AM said basically the same thing.

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Admiral Thrawn
How old are you, AT?

 

I'm 2 months less than 30 years old.

 

Don't you think there's something wrong with a society where we have to have cuddle parties in order to touch and be touched in a non-sexual way?

 

Yeah. I mean you could get charged with sexual harassment, sexual assault, lose your job, and all sorts of risks, not to mention emotional or physical risks of being hurt from simple non-sexual touch gestures.

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Admiral Thrawn

As for the cuddle parties, I think it's an excuse to grope and turn into a rub'n'tug fest. Some may have fetishes, or just purely getting off on it.

 

There are strict rules in the cuddle parties, that is, you have to get verbal premission before you initiatie any touch. You cant just start randomly groping people in such a party, and nobody is going to have the nerve to ask verbal permission to initiate sexual touches when the rules clearly state the party is non-sexual.

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i think cuddle parties may well be harmless, and certainly there are a lot of people who lack physical contact. mostly i think it's sad they're necessary.

 

however, cuddle parties are less weird to me than your mother dictating who you go out with. and if she's a christian, shouldn't she care more about the girl's heart than her face?!

 

whatever, by the ripe old age of 29 you should probably be focusing less on what your mother thinks and more on what you think. and it's fine to exclude any less-than-beautiful people from your partner search, as long as you remember this vision you're after will no doubt be doing the same. perhaps it's better to look for someone who understands you and makes you happy. just a thought.

 

all your posts about touching people at work or touching people's hair or finding ways to pick up women are saying the same thing. you are lonely, you lack the human contact you need and you want to change that.

 

i think the first step to changing that could be to recognise why other people might feel uncomfortable with the way you appear to be trying to go about it. it's perfectly understandable to need to touch someone. it's not so understandable to need to touch anyone.

 

so go with what you know. try to find fellowship with people in your church group, if that's where your socialising already lies. don't make touching strangers your focus. such an empty action won't fulfil you.

 

yamaha is right. look for a nice christian girl to settle down with. all of the other routes you're thinking about will probably only delay that and in all honesty, may well put off a sensible girl anyway.

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