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Why do most Christians feel okay with having sex before marriage?


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fortyninethousand322
Doesn't god in your bible say that you shouldn't have sex before marriage?

 

God didn't say not to have sex before marriage because he was being mean. There were specific reasons for this. One, sex outside of marriage usually meant you were someone's mistress, part of a concubine, or a prostitute. Not very high on the pecking order in antiquity. Plus, you had issues of paternity (bastard children, legitimate heirs, etc.).

 

Given that we have DNA testing to prove paternity, and we have relationships that can be sexual without making someone a prostitute or a mistress or a concubine. Proscriptions against pre-marital sex are no longer valid, IMO.

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Doesn't god in your bible say that you shouldn't have sex before marriage?

 

Two reasons:

1) A good percentage (I would say at least 50%) of all Christians don't believe the Bible is inerrant and the ultimate authority or that it was directly revealed by God.

2) Even the ones who DO believe the Bible is inerrent are still human beings who--like everyone else--are stupid and do stupid things.

 

Hope that helps.

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Doesn't god in your bible say that you shouldn't have sex before marriage?
You forgot to mention how some Christians like to impose their beliefs on others if they have sex before marriage. Where I'm from, most Christians believe that if you have premarital sex w/ someone, you must marry them.

...and have kids... immediately! :eek:

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Doesn't god in your bible say that you shouldn't have sex before marriage?

Yes, He does, and that has not changed. That is His plan for His people. His plan is for a woman and man to experience that level of intimacy only with the one you are committed to through marriage. He designed it to be an act of physical, emotional, and spiritual joining together, which is not to be taken lightly or reduced to merely a physical act. The problem is, people are, at times, impulsive, they are pleasure-seekers, they want whatever they can get out of life, and they want instant gratification. Therefore, they decide to live for whatever they want at the moment, and they reject whatever parts of the Bible would deny them to get what they want in the moment. So they think they can do whatever they want, and that as long as it feels good in the moment, it's OK. They don't deny that it is against God's will, they just believe it's a lesser sin that they give in to. So it's a combination of society putting a lot of pressure on people to have sex before marriage, and then not wanting to deny themselves, so they consider it to be one of the "lesser sins" that they can make up for or repent for later on. There are also the types that pick and choose from the Bible what they want to follow based on their own desires or what they feel is politically correct at the time. They still believe in God, but believe His rules are no longer relevant for today's society, and therefore, everything said in the Bible is fluctuating based on what is politically correct or what is popular in society at the time. I would call those lukewarm Christians or Christians in name only, since they don't consider God's word to be relevant to them, and they don't consider it necessary to obey God's word, but they still have the belief in God's existence, and Christ's existence, therefore, they call themselves Christians, and may even go to church from time to time or on holidays, but they live their life according to their own whims, rather than as Christians are called to do.

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TheFinalWord
Doesn't god in your bible say that you shouldn't have sex before marriage?

 

Good question!

 

Because they adopt the world's philosophy of how to have a relationship: Hook up, shack up, break up, repeat.

 

Conversely, the bible says, leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife for life. :D

 

Paul actually says a lot about this. He states its actually better not to get married, because you can focus solely on the Lord's Will for your life. But he states that if you can't control your sexual desires, to get married so you won't live a life of sin.

 

“But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

 

Hook Up, Shack Up, Break Up - YouTube

 

A lot of this has to do with this current generaton of spiritually weak men:

 

How to Identify a Real Man - YouTube

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Why do most Christians feel okay with having sex before marriage?

 

Just because someone does something, it doesn't mean they feel okay about it. Unfortunately, many give in to pressures to make an SO happy, even if they don't feel that good about it.

 

Christians feel grateful that God loves them despite their imperfections. Most Christians would never say that they are sinless beings walking the earth...we all fall short of our moral compasses, in one way or another.

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TheFinalWord
Just because someone does something, it doesn't mean they feel okay about it. Unfortunately, many give in to pressures to make an SO happy, even if they don't feel that good about it.

 

Christians feel grateful that God loves them despite their imperfections. Most Christians would never say that they are sinless beings walking the earth...we all fall short of our moral compasses, in one way or another.

 

Definitely! God's mercy is insane. No matter what you've done, He will forgive it! There may still be consequences in the present, but no Christian should live in condemnation :)

 

one of my favs...

 

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father has compassion on his children,

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

14 for he knows how we are formed,

he remembers that we are dust.

15 The life of mortals is like grass,

they flourish like a flower of the field;

16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,

and its place remembers it no more.

17 But from everlasting to everlasting

the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,

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iambookworm
Doesn't god in your bible say that you shouldn't have sex before marriage?

 

Yes, because the bible says sex is only for procreation and not for pleasure. These days, it is mostly for pleasure. :)

 

Just my 2 cents.

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Yes, because the bible says sex is only for procreation and not for pleasure. These days, it is mostly for pleasure. :)

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

The book Song of Songs is entirely about the love between a husband and wife--and most experts believe it to be filled to the brim with sexual allusions. Also, Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes to "enjoy the wife of your youth".

 

I don't know why you said the Bible says sex is for procreation only. Maybe that's what society wants you to believe about the Bible. But nowhere is that idea found anywhere.

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TheFinalWord
The book Song of Songs is entirely about the love between a husband and wife--and most experts believe it to be filled to the brim with sexual allusions. Also, Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes to "enjoy the wife of your youth".

 

I don't know why you said the Bible says sex is for procreation only. Maybe that's what society wants you to believe about the Bible. But nowhere is that idea found anywhere.

 

Not that I'm aware either. It's primarily a Catholic doctrine, I believe. Most Protestants don't adhere to that doctrine.

 

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

 

Do not deprive :D

 

From what I read, sex is one of the main advantages of marriage. Paul doesn't address sex from procreation in this context, but mainly for taking care of sexual desires.

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My Catholic brother-in-law-to-be, practices other parts of the religion, but is strangely silent over the fact that he's had premarital sex with my sister for about twelve years now. He was in no hurry to get married, and still seems to be finding excuses to put it off.

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Ross MwcFan
You forgot to mention how some Christians like to impose their beliefs on others if they have sex before marriage. Where I'm from, most Christians believe that if you have premarital sex w/ someone, you must marry them.

...and have kids... immediately! :eek:

 

I'm sorry that that's how things are where you live. :(

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Eddie Edirol

Alot of so-called christians just say they believe in God just in case when they die and see St. Peter at the pearly gates, they can say "I believed all my life, let me in!" They dont go to church or even pray regularly, only when they need something.

 

Others just pick and choose what rules convenience them, then say God will forgive them about the broken ones, like pre-marital sex.

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Alot of so-called christians just say they believe in God just in case when they die and see St. Peter at the pearly gates, they can say "I believed all my life, let me in!" They dont go to church or even pray regularly, only when they need something.

 

Others just pick and choose what rules convenience them, then say God will forgive them about the broken ones, like pre-marital sex.

That's true, unfortunately. That is the perspective of some lukewarm Christians. But there are also many Christians who do try to live by the word of God and to comply with His will, knowing that it comes from a creator who loves them and has their best interests at heart. Unfortunately, even if they do try to live in compliance with God's word, they sometimes fail, since even the best of Christians can succum to temptation.

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That's true, unfortunately. That is the perspective of some lukewarm Christians. But there are also many Christians who do try to live by the word of God and to comply with His will, knowing that it comes from a creator who loves them and has their best interests at heart. Unfortunately, even if they do try to live in compliance with God's word, they sometimes fail, since even the best of Christians can succum to temptation.

 

Good point. Makes me think of this verse:

 

"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." (Revelation 3:15-16)

 

It's verses like this which should make us FEAR God. People don't like to use the word FEAR, especially in a "positive and encouraging" modern evangelicial church, but we really should fear God. Just writing this makes me realize I need to repent and stop being so lukewarm.

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I have no problem at all with "lukewarm" Christians. For the most part, they take the good and ignore the rubbish, and rarely preach, judge or treat non-Christians like second class citizens. They're not fanatics, they tend not to deny relaity in favour of dogma.

 

They're more prepared to view the Bible correctly as allegory.

 

The world needs more of them.

 

So true. Didn't think I'd add to this thread, but had to second quickjoe on this one. So-called "lukewarm Christians" are able to have their faith without degrading the beliefs of others. They are able live by their own principles and support others as they live by theirs.

 

Even though I'm not a religious person myself (I'm agnostic, if anything), I respect those Christians who can respect others, rather than try to shout them down, or worse, take away their rights as human beings. They view the Bible's teachings from a 21st-century point of view. They don't discard some of the Bible's content that doesn't suit them, while pointing to other aspects of the Bible's content as "truth"--seeing no conflict in doing so. They acknowledge that the Bible is a document that can, and should, evolve as we grow more enlightened and more civilized. They recognize the complexity of life.

 

I find those Christians refreshing. I find those that preach hate and exclusion to be awful.

Edited by josie54
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TheFinalWord

Even though I'm not a religious person myself (I'm agnostic, if anything), I respect those Christians who can respect others, rather than try to shout them down, or worse, take away their rights as human beings.

 

I don't think that is an unreasonable request. It's refreshing that an agnostic can see the positive side of Christianity, even if they don't agree with it. :) But your request for this type of Christian is actually the foundation for the new wave of "seeker friendly" churches :) We are listening. It matters how unbelievers see us. :)

 

I do think you have a different definition of "luke warm" than most Christians. Luke warm essentially means someone who is missing the point of Christianity; there's no fruit :) Not really a positive attribute. But being judgmental and hateful is also not a positive attribute for a Christian. A hateful and judgmental Christian would might be a good example of a "lukewarm" Christian, using the context from where the term luke warm originates in the bible. ;)

 

The term carnal and spiritual Christian is probably a better description. We associate judgmental attitude and hate with the carnal nature :) The carnal Christian believes they are holier than thou, that is the origin of their judgmental nature. This is carnal, b/c the point of Christianity is we are supposed to recognize that we are all sinners and mess up. The spiritual Christian recognizes it's only by God's grace we are saved. The carnal Christian is still wrapped up in the law. One is drinking milk, the other is eating meat, as Paul states:

 

"Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly —mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings?"

 

Edited by TheFinalWord
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So true. Didn't think I'd add to this thread, but had to second quickjoe on this one. So-called "lukewarm Christians" are able to have their faith without degrading the beliefs of others. They are able live by their own principles and support others as they live by theirs.

 

Even though I'm not a religious person myself (I'm agnostic, if anything), I respect those Christians who can respect others, rather than try to shout them down, or worse, take away their rights as human beings. They view the Bible's teachings from a 21st-century point of view. They don't discard some of the Bible's content that doesn't suit them, while pointing to other aspects of the Bible's content as "truth"--seeing no conflict in doing so. They acknowledge that the Bible is a document that can, and should, evolve as we grow more enlightened and more civilized. They recognize the complexity of life.

 

I find those Christians refreshing. I find those that preach hate and exclusion to be awful.

Actually, what I bolded in your post is what lukewarm Christians do, as the poster Eddie pointed out earlier in the thread. Some Christians do that, pick what they want to accept as truth and discard what doesn't suit them.

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BetheButterfly

Hello Ross,

 

"Why do most Christians feel okay with having sex before marriage?"

 

I think most Christians who feel ok with having sex before marriage nowadays do so because of the following reasons:

 

1. Sex feels good. Many people allow the delicious feelings of sexual acts to be more important to them than God's commands.

 

2. Many Western societies are sex-crazed. In the USA for example, sex sells. Because sex is in the movies, the music, the billboards, and so on, it wears down the desire of many Christians to obey God. Only a relatively few nowadays actually decide to withstand the "peer pressure" and wait until marriage, and then only have sex with their marriage partner.

 

3. Some people naturally like to rebel against rules, including God's rules. There arepeople who do not like the idea of rules governing what they do/don't do in their life. Some Christians are no exception. In organized sports, there are rules that are required to be obeyed and if not, the player is kicked out of the game or gets disciplined in some way. Some players experience being disciplined for breaking the rules of the game. Well, there are Christians who "break the rules" that God has. That should be no surprise.

 

4. Some Christians mistakenly believe that we can disobey God without consequence/discipline. This is a common complain I hear from devout Muslims who know of Christians who do not act like they love/fear God, but rather see accepting Jesus as their Savior as a "get out of hell for free" card. :( However, Christians who do not want to obey God do not understand that truly loving God includes wanting to obey Him.

 

5. Many Christians struggle with sexual temptation. It is hard to withstand temptation when you love something. #5 can go with #1. If a person loves sex and has a hard time controlling desires, it is easy to give in to temptation. It is the same in a way to a person who loves chocolate and has a hard time not giving in to the temptation of eating chocolate when possible, even if it is best not to eat so much.

6. Christians are people too. Christians are not perfect. We are imperfect people who struggle in many areas. When I was first married at 23 years old, I was a virgin. However, my first husband and I had many issues and divorced. :( Neither of us are perfect. After I divorced, I did sadly have sex with a man who I thought I would get married to, and it didn't happen. I'm most definitely not perfect. Before getting married, my husband and I had sex. We are not perfect. However, we repented and didn't have sex again till our wedding night!!! :)

 

7. God does forgive people who repent, and He does help people to live for Him if they want to and strive with all their heart to obey His commands. After having sex before marriage, my husband and I asked God for forgiveness and for the strength to wait for marriage before having sex again. It was hard... but what helped us a lot was premarital counseling before we got married at our church, and being held accountable by a wonderful older Christian couple, as well as my parents. :) (Both of my parents, by the way, were virgins until they married at age 18, and they have been married for more than 35 years, with their marriage growing stronger through the years!)

 

Doesn't god in your bible say that you shouldn't have sex before marriage?

 

Well, God does say no to sexual immorality. One has to remember that the Tanakh and the Christian Bible are rooted in Jewish beliefs and traditions, where people were married young for the most part and virginity (especially of the female) was considered very important.

 

So, in essence, it is important to God for people to get married before having sex. Marriage and family are very important institutions. Although God did not command they be formed by going to the government and getting a certificate of marriage or reciting words after a spiritual leader, it is true that God wants sex to be part of a committed relationship.

Edited by BetheButterfly
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Butterfly, your last paragraph got me thinking...

 

Sometimes old customs and views have a basis for coming into being. It's not always just an arbitrary set of rules. I wonder if there isn't a reason why women--especially--are pressured into keeping their virginity until marriage. I would offer the idea that women, more than men, are negatively damaged both emotionally and physically by premarital sex; and that it's for their own good. Men are obviously included in this but, from what I've seen, men aren't as devastated by premarital sex as women are for many reasons.

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BetheButterfly
Butterfly, your last paragraph got me thinking...

 

Sometimes old customs and views have a basis for coming into being. It's not always just an arbitrary set of rules. I wonder if there isn't a reason why women--especially--are pressured into keeping their virginity until marriage. I would offer the idea that women, more than men, are negatively damaged both emotionally and physically by premarital sex; and that it's for their own good. Men are obviously included in this but, from what I've seen, men aren't as devastated by premarital sex as women are for many reasons.

 

Yeah, I do think many women get hurt a lot easier by being rejected by men who have sex with them, then many men do. Many women see sex as more than just a physical activity, but also a mental and spiritual connection. This is how I see sex. Now, there are men who see sex as a physical/mental/spiritual connection too... including my hubby. :)

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Yeah, I do think many women get hurt a lot easier by being rejected by men who have sex with them, then many men do. Many women see sex as more than just a physical activity, but also a mental and spiritual connection. This is how I see sex. Now, there are men who see sex as a physical/mental/spiritual connection too... including my hubby. :)

 

I'm pretty sure many of the issues in my marriage were the result of my wife's premarital sex. I didn't realize at first. I figured I would just overlook it since we all make mistakes. But it was a huge issue. I almost felt like I was paying the price and getting lashed out at as if I were one of her exes.

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