Faith vs Relationship

[aya]

I really need to talk to somebody else other than my own church, and I don't know who else I should turn to.

 

I got baptized a while ago, but I haven't been really practicing, as I don't really agree with my church and have been too busy to explore other church, too.

 

My church is against marriage of Christian to non-Christian. A close friend of mine at the church, who is 40 years old and has been seriously seeking marriage partner, finally met right person for her and getting married soon. The church is boycotting her wedding altogether, they even avoid talking about it, just because her fiance is not Christian. They have all the explanations, all of which sound not enough for me to boycott her wedding and practically ignoring it. My friend, after lots of crying, struggling, etc, told me that she decided to choose her partner over her faith.

 

This really upset me because, right now I am in a very good relationship with non-Chrisitan guy. He is very supportive of me going to the church. I have dated with Christian guy before, but I was very miserable; he was violent, abusive, lies, cheats, etc. My current boyfriend is very nice person and matured, and we get along very well. I am very happy to find him. I always felt that God prepared this person for me.

 

But my friend at the church are clearly against my relationship. Who knows, may be they are praying against my relationship. I am getting paranoid, and I am very upset as the church was a place which always give me peace of mind and I really can't live without having faith. I don't want to think that my relationship is not God's will -- it's been going very well and we really care for each other. I think it is a silly dilenma to think that I have to choose between God and my boyfriend.

 

I am sorry it is a very long posting. But I would very much appreciate it if you could give me some guidance.

 

Thank you very much in advance.

[Tony T]

If you think God is a loving God, do you think He/She/It (whatever you believe God to be) would come between you and someone you love.

 

Churchs, faiths and beliefs were ALL created by human beings. Somewhere in the evolution of man of millions of years, he came to the point where a spiritual component was important. However, it was man who created the many spiritual paths and beliefs a person could choose.

 

Some people choose not to believe in a god at all...and that's fine. But most of those have a spiritual nature which is their choice to reveal or not to reveal.

 

Most great and bloody wars through history had somewhere in their cause a religous component. How wonderful!

 

In any case, you have the choice of either believing in God or believing in a church. There are many churches and each fulfills a spiritual need for its particular members. Find one that fulfills your needs and is compatible with YOUR beliefs. If you are Christian, then you know the kingdom of Heaven is within YOU...and that you were made in the likeness of God and therefore are subject to receiving Godly wisdom.

 

Even the earliest churches have evolved in beliefs over the years. There is one, headquartered in Rome, that once forbid people to eat meat on Fridays... now it's just fine. That same church, at one time, excommunicated people who married outside the faith...now it's just fine as long as the other person is baptised.

 

There are other churches that don't allow members to dance, drink, wear shoes, etc.

 

The point that I am trying to get across is best expressed in a book by Joseph Campbell, "The Hero With a Thousand Faces." The Hero he's talking about is God. Through the years, God has taken on many forms for humans. In Greece, there was a different God in charge of almost every aspect of life.

 

The ultimate God is the one who resides inside of you, just like your belief teaches. Why should you give up your life to your church and have them run it for you. God gave man a free will and no church can take that away. There is earthy punishment for those who violate certain laws, such as murder, robbery, etc. There are also serious consequences for those who violate certain moral codes, such as adultery, lying, etc.

 

But the worst punishment we can ever receive is when we violate our ownselves and give up our power to choose our own path because of some manmade institution that tells us we can't marry somebody because their eyes are too close...or they are of a different religion. It would be the exact equivalent if Harvard made a rule that a condition of graduation was that you couldn't marry any person who hadn't graduated from Harvard. Gimmee a break!!!

 

Churches are organized to fulfill a need for those who choose to belong to them. They serve a great human need to meet the spiritual needs of those who accept their beliefs. But they can be a burden for those who don't.

 

I respect every person's religion but I have studied them enough to know they all have back doors. Some will condemn you to hell but allow your relatives to pray you out of there on certain days. Some create a purgatory, where you just sort of broil a while until the sin is cooked out of you and then you go to heaven. I think they have a Limbo, too, which is heaven without the ability to see God. I find it rather curious that in the same breath they say the kingdom of God is within you.

 

This is a serious issue that you shouldn't just depend on my opinion to make. I have thought this out for myself and my choices and opinions are my own personal ones and apply to me.

 

I hope you will recognize the God in you, exercise the free will you were given, and make your own choices based on your own spirituality and guidance. If God is love, then why would He discriminate between his creatures as to who should love and be with whom.

 

I hope you will marry the person you love and who you decide is best for you, irrespective of their religious beliefs, as long as they have a deep respect for your spiritual path. If this is important to you, talk it out well. You have to have the common sense and wisdom to know when spiritual beliefs will be a problem and when they won't. Just understand that, as in every case, you will pay all the consequences if you make the wrong choice in a mate...no matter what religion.

 

This religious squabbling has never made sense to me...but, then again, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I think every person ought to cut his own path to salvation and all others should step out of the way and be silent in reverence that humans have that choice.

 

I really love the Pope personally. I'd love to have him at my home for dinner. But, Lord, if he asked me about religion he'd be very sorry. Dominus Vobiscum!

[quankanne]

[color=darkblue]I really love the Pope personally. I'd love to have him at my home for dinner. But, Lord, if he asked me about religion he'd be very sorry.[/color]

 

JPII is a pretty ecumenical kind of guy, and the Holy Spirit knew what it was doing when he got the guy elected to the seat of Peter 25 years ago, Tony! I get the feeling that John Paul would say something like, "the faith that you have -- the relationship you have with God -- is the most important thing you've got, above anything else." Even more important than picking and chosing a religion in which to express that faith. Though I think it would follow that him being the head of the oldest Christian church on this planet, he'd root for the religion that is centered on Christ.

 

Cat (that's what your sign-in name reminds me of), faith is a gift of God; religion is the vehicle that mankind created in order to express their beliefs.

That said, I think the members of the church in question are off their rockers. Yes, there is a very real concern when two people of differing beliefs marry, but that's because of the problems or issues that arrive when they're confronted with certain situations. But to say someone isn't worthy because he or she doesn't believe EXACTLY they way they do is a crock of sh*t. Heck, even Jesus wasn't a Christian, and look how HE impacted the world.

 

If your girlfriend and her fiancé share the same moral values, they are way ahead of the crowd, because that's what an ideal marriage is about, not about marrying the perfect WASP or JAP or Mexican Catholic boy because that's what is expected of you.

 

Someone here at the office made the comment that spouses help get each other to heaven. I don't know if it's because they're praying for you that you get there or they're modeling faith to you or even if it's your behavior toward them (how you treat them) that does it, but any which way you look at it, it's how faith guides you in that relationship. And faith doesn't necessarily equate religion, though a religion theoretically gives you the tools you need to develop that faith.

 

Maybe it's time to find another faith home, both you and your girlfriend, because those kinds of church "friends" guiding you on your spiritual journey are causing you to detour on a negative route.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I must add my voice to the others who have responded to your post.

 

It seems human "politics" cannot be avoided no matter where we are today. At the workplace, in our communities, our schools, and even in our places of prayer and worship.

 

This is what happens when self-serving individuals and groups try to assert ownership and control over that which is not tangible --- even our own spiritual connections to whatever higher power we choose to pray to.

 

When we get right down to it, the "truth" in ALL religions is the same no matter what language you choose to pray in. It exonerates that which is "good" in the world---generosity, forgiveness, tolerance, humility...and above all else *LOVE* for yourself and your fellow human being. For we are ALL children of God.

 

And knowing this, what “God” would ever condone you for loving another person while there are blasphemers out there committing murder in his name??!!

 

Do not allow the ignorant agendas of any fundamentalist organization to assert ownership over your spirituality or govern your right to faith and prayer. Your relationship to “God” will always be there. And you do not need to pray within the ordained walls of some fancy building, drop money in a collection plate, or have some self-appointed “representative” to help you make that spiritual connection. Your human “soul” is your conduit, and it is the most powerful and precious gift he has given you. And no human being can ever claim ownership over that which already belongs to Him.

[quankanne]

[color=darkred]This is what happens when self-serving individuals and groups try to assert ownership and control over that which is not tangible[/color]

 

LOL, this comment reminds me of the SNL character, "Church Lady," the one Dana Carvey used to do. She was holier-than-thou and would slice people for not practicing their faith precisely as she had. A caricature, yes, but there was a lot of truth in how she portrayed someone who claimed she was good religious folks, but in reality treated people like crap because they didn't live up to her standard of belief.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "...this comment reminds me of the SNL character, "Church Lady."

 

Well, isn't that special!!!

[katybird]

Tony: the Catholic Church does not excommunicate anyone for marrying outside the Christian faith at all - the spouse doesn't even need to be baptised. However, the marriage, to be seen as valid, needs to be done by a priest. (There are various ways this is achieved, with allowances for mixed-faith celebrations involving rabbis or whatever.) I just thought I'd mention that because there's a lot of misinformation about the Church out there, already.

 

I don't know if we're qualified to give this girl advice. Frankly, what she has to think about is her role in her church and her church's role in her life. If her entire family is very involved in this church, and it has a big role in her life, then marrying outside the rules of her church may be a mistake for her. There are some congregations that shun members who go astray, and this can be very painful for that person. "Love conquers all" is a piece of silly nonsense when applied to anyone except God, himself.

 

She may, however, be in a situation where she can attend another church with less strict rules and not cause too many waves when she does so.

 

She may even find that she agrees with her church on the subject - it may be a problem for her to be married to someone who does not have the same faith she does.

 

I could marry a person who was a practitioner of a different religion - like Hindu or Moslem - provided they actually believed and practiced it. I would be much less comfortable with an atheist or agnostic.

[jessicakicksbut]

Like yourself, I am also a Christian who has dealt with relationships before where my partners were either Christian or Non-Christian. My ex-fiance was a Christian who was also very abusive. When we broke up, I broke away from the church for a while and met my last ex-boyfriend, who was far from being Christian. He did not have the right ideals, morals, values, etc. which created a lot of problems in the realtionship. Right now, I am dating a very nice Christian male...but believe me, I was ready to throw in the towel on meeting a nice Christian partner, so I can understand exactly what you are going through.

 

The subject is a touchy one, especially since the Bible states as Christians we should be "equally yoked" with those we are relationships or friendships with. On the other hand, your boyfriend is very supportive of you going to church, and he will go to church with you, right? He's nice, kind, and holds all the traits a Christian typically would. I would not give up on him, and continue to pray to God that he will find salvation through Jesus Christ. If the realtionship is meant to be, and you are continually praying for the relationship, God will allow it to happen.

 

Believe it or not, one of the ministers I know became a Christian when he was in his 50's. His wife was a practing Christian when she dated him 30+ years earlier, but he would not accept Jesus into his heart. He was accepting of her going to church though, but he would not totally "buy into it" if you know what I mean. After years of praying, he finally became a Christian. She never gave up on him and continually prayed, and he eventually became saved. He took it a step further, went back to school nights and became a minister.

 

I hope everything works out for you, and will say a pray for you. In the meantime, I would possibly keep shopping around for other churches. It is the job of Jesus to judge, not the church, and I feel that they are a bit extreme with bacially making you an outsider because of your current relationship.