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Clinical traits of a sociopath.


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basscatcher

1. SUPERFICIAL CHARM -- the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, and slick. Not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. He never gets tongue-tied and has freed himself from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.

 

2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH -- a grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. An arrogant guy who believes he is a superior human being.

 

3. NEED FOR STIMULATION (PRONENESS TO BOREDOM) -- an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Often has low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because he gets bored easily.

 

4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- can be moderate or high; in moderate form, and will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever (in extreme form, he will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest).

 

5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS -- the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.

 

6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT -- a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.

 

7. SHALLOW AFFECT -- emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.

 

8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY -- a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

 

9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE -- an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.

 

10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS -- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

 

11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR -- a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

 

12. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS -- an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

 

13. IMPULSIVITY -- the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

 

14. IRRESPONSIBILITY -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

 

15. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS -- a failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

 

16. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS -- a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

 

17. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY -- behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.

 

18. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY -- A diversity of types of criminal offenses (regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them); taking great pride at getting away with crimes.

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Pada why are you posting about me again? :lmao:

 

Hope you are doing better. But no matter how much you reflect on your past you cannot change it.

 

Now dig into one of those candy bowls on your desk and eat some chocolate. Then reflect on that. :D

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I don't know why anyone would want someone with those traits at all - irrespective of whether the person has a diagnosable disorder.

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most of us already know this stuff PADA :laugh:

 

True Alpha. It is good to know yourself. :p

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lol I can own up to 7 of those 18 traits... Was there any information on how many of those traits someone has to have to be considered a sociopath? (or more clinically, to have anti-social personality disorder)

 

Sometimes these lists can be a bit dangerous as most people show at least one of the mentioned traits some of the time or in some situations.

 

Interestingly, anti-social personality disorder is usually applied to men, whereas similar traits in women tend to lead to a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder - a label which has received bad press in the past, but still hardly indicates a person who is a menance to society.

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basscatcher

I'm confused today and reading up on stuff. I ran across this and found it very interesting.

 

a4a-I don't need candy. ugh my behind is spreading and I don't want to contribute to much to it..

I can't change the past but I can learn so I don't repeat it!!

 

Alpha--you may know all this but others don't.... If it didn't have some value in it I didn't know before I wouldn't have found the need to share it ... right???

 

The rollercoaster is moving on me and I'm not comfortable with where its going to take me. I'm uneasy...

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basscatcher

If you've been snared by a sociopath, you may find that you have difficulty maintaining No Contact. You may find yourself thinking about him and wanting to talk to him. Here are some of the reasons—and why they are not good reasons.

 

1. You're still in love with him

The person you loved never existed. It was an illusion created by the sociopath to manipulate you. If you still have feelings for him, they are feelings for what you wanted him to be, not for what he is.

 

2. You feel sorry for him

The sociopath may cry, plead and grovel, insisting that he will change. You want to believe him. Unfortunately, this is not the case with sociopaths—they do not change. He is using the pity play trying to take advantage of your good nature and suck you in again. Don't fall for it.

 

3. You don't want to admit you were wrong

You may have a lot invested in the relationship—especially if he's been taking money from you—and you don't want to lose everything. You think you can force him to make you whole. Yes, you may negotiate, and he may agree to repay you. But don't expect him to actually do it.

 

4. You want to have the last word

You want him to understand how he hurt you. You want him to apologize. Here's what you need to know: He will never understand your feelings, because sociopaths have no empathy. If he apologizes, it will only be a tactic to bleed you some more.

 

5. Better the devil you know

Some people would rather put up with emotional, psychological and even physical abuse than face the unknown. If this is you, understand that it is unlikely he will treat you any better in the future, and it is very likely that he will treat you worse. The unknown may be scary, but it also offers a chance for a new life.

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Sometimes these lists can be a bit dangerous as most people show at least one of the mentioned traits some of the time or in some situations.

 

.

 

very true from time to time I could fit a number of those traits... minus the criminal parts....

 

I have done #5 quite often. I often have to do #1 at the same time as #5. It is my job at times to shmooze and get what is needed.

 

(#1 not being = going pee pee.....) :D

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Alpha--you may know all this but others don't.... If it didn't have some value in it I didn't know before I wouldn't have found the need to share it ... right???..

the only ones that don't apply to me are 4, 9, 12 and 15....:laugh:

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excellent bit of information, pada – I've got a relative who fits about 4/5 of all these traits, and I've always wondered how to describe him. Now I know. ewwwwwww ....

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1. You're still in love with him

The person you loved never existed. It was an illusion created by the sociopath to manipulate you. If you still have feelings for him, they are feelings for what you wanted him to be, not for what he is.

 

.

 

 

I think you had a bit of creating the illusion as much as, if not more than he did.

 

I think you were hoping to fit a square peg into a round hole.... (gutter minded people this is not a pun) :p

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basscatcher

Why is No Contact important?

Sociopaths are experts at breaking down their victims, piece by piece. If you have contact with him, you will be back in his game and he will continue to manipulate you.

To begin your recovery, you must put him out of your life.

 

"No Contact changes the dynamics of the situation. The victim is now in control." .

With No Contact, you are saying "no more."

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basscatcher
I think you had a bit of creating the illusion as much as, if not more than he did.

 

I think you were hoping to fit a square peg into a round hole.... (gutter minded people this is not a pun) :p

 

 

True--He gave me lots of illusions.. Big grandois ones I had a hard time swallowing. The last one was he wanted to give me his new harley so he could go out and buy a bigger one. He claimed the one he has is the perfect size for me and he needed a bigger one...

 

as I was/am reading about all this stuff. Co-dependants are the ones who are attracted to sociopaths...

 

I have a history of co-dependency.. This is where the illusions came in.

As I am reading it states if you find yourself in relationships with these type of persons carrying some of these traits you can be sure you are co-dependent.

 

All this information is from a few Psychology websites on relationships.

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Why is No Contact important?

Sociopaths are experts at breaking down their victims, piece by piece. If you have contact with him, you will be back in his game and he will continue to manipulate you.

To begin your recovery, you must put him out of your life.

 

"No Contact changes the dynamics of the situation. The victim is now in control." .

With No Contact, you are saying "no more."

 

 

Whoa........ are you a victim now? :confused:

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basscatcher

If you're in this situation, here are two important guidelines:

  1. Always be on mental red alert when dealing with a sociopath.
  2. Never deal with a sociopath alone; have a witness.

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basscatcher

Months or even years after you end it with the sociopath, he may show up again. He'll tell you he's in trouble, and you're the only one who can help him. What do you do? Don't bail him out. Ignore him. Let him suffer the consequences of his behavior.

He's testing to see if he can start bleeding you again. Remember, sociopaths do not change.

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superconductor
Why is No Contact important?

Sociopaths are experts at breaking down their victims, piece by piece. If you have contact with him, you will be back in his game and he will continue to manipulate you.

To begin your recovery, you must put him out of your life.

 

"No Contact changes the dynamics of the situation. The victim is now in control." .

With No Contact, you are saying "no more."

OP, I don't want to be a fly in the ointment here, but isn't that what the good folks here at LS have been telling you all along?

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You don't need to have 'sociopath' in all those lists of what to do and not to do. The 'nc for a sociopath' is just as good for any other NC.

 

You don't need all this pada. 1. He's not a good deal. 2. So drop him.

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Pam, on a more serious note (and hoping I'm not breaking rules here) you might want to google Dr Irene as she has a very detailed and helpful website aimed people in similar positions to yourself. It's quite blunt and she pulls no punches regarding 'victim mentality' but you could find it useful :)

 

Unfortunately I don't yet have PM facilities or I could send you some other helpful links

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basscatcher
Whoa........ are you a victim now? :confused:

 

 

I don't think of myself as a victim.

I'm sure from what this information is saying (even though I'm just as much a part of it as he is) I am a victim.

 

Think of this:

 

Back in April I told him "We are done. I can't continue a relationship like this. It is too hard on me emotionally. You need time to heal and are not ready or able to invest seriously into me. We are done."

 

He didn't like it. He told me I would never be rid of him. He told me he would still call me.

In which he did. At first I kept reminding him that we were done and he continued to persue me and the more I listen the more he slowly broke me down until I went to dinner with him.

 

He worked on me little by little (and I allowed him to by talking and listening to him.) until I found myself doing more and more things with him over the 3 month after-breakup period.

 

I found my head and heart becoming confused and less clear about reality.

 

I could feel something wasn't right and that I was being sucked back in and I knew it wasn't good.

 

When he did the 180* turn on me and told me he loved me (which he told me this 3 times in a 2 week period) I was instantly in shock and full of so much doubt. How could he just spin on a dime after 9 months of a rollercoaster over his Xgf, tell me he now loves me and he wants a second chance.??

 

He has been working on me. Breaking me down. Working his way back into my heart/head/life.

The last week he has showered me with so much touch and affection.

 

My senses were saying "RUN this can't be authentic, he will go back to the way he was before in a matter of time."

Also, I think if his Xgf was to break up with her bf and start calling him, his head and heart would be back with her again and I would be back at square one..

 

He isn't stable.. He flips from one to another way to easily... If he gave himself at least a month or more I would be so uneasy but he moves in hours or a day or two...

 

If you seen my other thread from last night about NC in effect he went out with one of his biker chics last night..

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If you seen my other thread from last night about NC in effect he went out with one of his biker chics last night..

 

I can see this another way. Of course I do not know Charlie and perhaps if I did I would just stab him in the head with a fork and tell him to eat shyte......

but you are contradicting some of your long ago posts.. the man is now doing basically or tried to do basically what you wanted him to long ago.

 

But 7 months is not that much time. It can take awhile for a man to decide that he can say the LOVE thing. He talked tough to try to show you that he cares and wants you..... some men do not understand that showing possesiveness is not wanted.

 

As for him running out with a biker chick...... well you did tell him you no longer wanted to talk to him..... hell I would go out too.

 

I like you, but I think that you need to say that neither of you were meant to be in a LTR together. My bet is that if you stick with NC and don't mistakenly dial him or run into him at a local haunt that he will move on.

 

You did meet him for dinner, you did go to great lengths writting and having him read your thoughts about him. The ring, the gifts, the everything.........

 

I cannot see you as a victim here...... I just see two people that are not suited for eachother.

 

You are not that weak minded to be manipulated into dinner. You wanted to go.

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Brittanyjean06

My first love had all those traits. And they were scary. If I told you all the stories youd be shocked haha. Why did I stay with him?? They have this way of making them " appear " to be these moralized human beings. When in reality they're screwing you over once a week. I had the most sickness feeling in my stomach while with that kid, when I thought something wasn't going right. I should have listened to my gut. And you should to....if you have those gut feelings, than something isn't right. These people will leave you heartbroken their motto is " out of site out of mind " they can love to an extent but their goal is to have control over you. Weirdnesss

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basscatcher
I can see this another way. Of course I do not know Charlie and perhaps if I did I would just stab him in the head with a fork and tell him to eat shyte......

but you are contradicting some of your long ago posts.. the man is now doing basically or tried to do basically what you wanted him to long ago.

 

But 7 months is not that much time. It can take awhile for a man to decide that he can say the LOVE thing. He talked tough to try to show you that he cares and wants you..... some men do not understand that showing possesiveness is not wanted.

 

As for him running out with a biker chick...... well you did tell him you no longer wanted to talk to him..... hell I would go out too.

 

I like you, but I think that you need to say that neither of you were meant to be in a LTR together. My bet is that if you stick with NC and don't mistakenly dial him or run into him at a local haunt that he will move on.

 

You did meet him for dinner, you did go to great lengths writting and having him read your thoughts about him. The ring, the gifts, the everything.........

 

I cannot see you as a victim here...... I just see two people that are not suited for eachother.

 

You are not that weak minded to be manipulated into dinner. You wanted to go.

 

Yes, I wanted to go to dinner with him, Yes I wanted to go out with him, Yes I wanted him to love me, Yes I wanted to be with him, Yes I see great things in him,

 

But--

He wasn't fair to me in the relatioship, he held back affection and communication for 8 months of knowing one another.

 

He pined away for his xgf during the whole time of our relationship.

Then when I pull back and start to really put him off by turning down all his requests to go out and do things together he became more open and started to display himself as more interested in me.

 

This is off kilt.. It took for me to push him away and deny him to come after me with open arms.

 

This man is addicted to DRAMA... He didn't find himself interested in me strongly until he didn't have me and realized it. As long as I sat there like a patient, caring, loving woman he wasn't obsessed with me, now he is because he doesn't have me.

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Yes, I wanted to go to dinner with him, Yes I wanted to go out with him, Yes I wanted him to love me, Yes I wanted to be with him, Yes I see great things in him,

 

But--

He wasn't fair to me in the relatioship, he held back affection and communication for 8 months of knowing one another.

 

He pined away for his xgf during the whole time of our relationship.

Then when I pull back and start to really put him off by turning down all his requests to go out and do things together he became more open and started to display himself as more interested in me.

 

This is off kilt.. It took for me to push him away and deny him to come after me with open arms.

 

This man is addicted to DRAMA... He didn't find himself interested in me strongly until he didn't have me and realized it. As long as I sat there like a patient, caring, loving woman he wasn't obsessed with me, now he is because he doesn't have me.

 

The man needed and still will need a foot up his ass to make him realize what should be a priority in his life.......... recall my story of the Tater. Ya don't know what you got until it is gone........

 

It is unfortunate that men and women are not handed the tools to communicate/listen to their needs to partners upon their 21st birthday.

 

The man is clueless as how to treat a woman and because he had a whacko X probably even more confused...... but do you really want to be the one to train/save him?

 

IMHO neither of you are in good places to form a relationship.

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