max3732 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Something I noticed on a date last week is that when I got nervous I would start talking really fast and almost start stuttering on certain words. This doesn't happen in normal conversations. What can I do to try to overcome this issue? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Ha! I talk too much when I'm nervous. Anyway, knowing that you do it is a good start. I suggest that when she's speaking, take a sip of your drink, deep breath in and out....and relax as you exhale. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 First of all, you have to figure out why you get nervous in those situations. As you wrote it, that is the core from which the rest of the problem arises. As a practical exercise, write out every single thought that comes into your head, to complete the sentence, "I get nervous around a woman because _________________." Write it out in long-hand; don't type it on a computer or other electronic device. Do NOT censor or edit yourself. The next day, go back and start the exercise all over again. After you've gained your intuitive insights from this exercise, post to let us know what you've discovered about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 you will be less nervous on the second date with her, try the deep breathing for 15 minutes before you meet, breathe from your belly not your chest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Something I noticed on a date last week is that when I got nervous I would start talking really fast and almost start stuttering on certain words. This doesn't happen in normal conversations. It's just another form of public speaking and talking too fast is a common problem when delivering a speech or presentation. Been a few years, but membership in Toastmasters (or other similar organization) really helped me in those kinds of situations. You might look into your local chapter... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 l use to get that not so much with women but just in some situation with people at different times. One good thing about getting older though,bit by bit ya stop giving a fk :bunny: But anyway yeah , if you can draw from inside and just slow your self down , make yourself keep your cool, it can improve a lot, takes practice, time. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 Learn to take a deep breath & possibly a sip of water when you find yourself doing this. When you are nervous, train yourself to speak so slowly it almost sounds painful to your own ears. At that point hyped up on nerves, he slow speed is probably the right speed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 11, 2019 Author Share Posted August 11, 2019 First of all, you have to figure out why you get nervous in those situations. As you wrote it, that is the core from which the rest of the problem arises. As a practical exercise, write out every single thought that comes into your head, to complete the sentence, "I get nervous around a woman because _________________." Write it out in long-hand; don't type it on a computer or other electronic device. Do NOT censor or edit yourself. The next day, go back and start the exercise all over again. After you've gained your intuitive insights from this exercise, post to let us know what you've discovered about yourself. To answer your question. I get nervous around women because I want a girlfriend/wife/family more than anything, I feel like I'm constantly being evaluated, I have a short period of time to make a good impression, and I really want to show her the best version of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 max3732, What *is* the best version of yourself? If you are not expressing it every moment of your life, then that is really where you need to start. That is, the 'best version' of yourself needs to be something that comes as naturally and easily to you, as breathing. (If all of this makes sense as your permanent solution for the problem?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 19, 2019 Author Share Posted August 19, 2019 max3732, What *is* the best version of yourself? If you are not expressing it every moment of your life, then that is really where you need to start. That is, the 'best version' of yourself needs to be something that comes as naturally and easily to you, as breathing. (If all of this makes sense as your permanent solution for the problem?) How in the world do I do that? The other day I went to a small café where it was just me and attractive women working there. I went to talk to them and just felt nerves taking over and I could hear myself talking very fast. Sometimes I also start blinking more than usual too. I tried to slow down and calm myself, but it's involuntary. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 What can I do to try to overcome this issue? start making out with your date Link to post Share on other sites
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