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How do I learn not to take pity on strangers?


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Old 10th March 2019, 4:21 AM   #1
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How do I learn not to take pity on strangers?

Sometimes a poor person will come up to me and ask if I have any spare change or anything and then when I give it to them, they will then change their whole story around and insist that they need more, and when I tell them I cannot spare more, they will say that they saw more in my wallet, when I give them the spare change I had before.

It makes me feel like total crap, and a total wussy, like I've been taken advantage of, because they couldn't even appreciate the spare change I gave them when they asked for it. So I feel like I need to stop taking pity on people who look like they are homeless and ask for it, but I keep repeatedly fall into this trap, and they keel making me feel like crap for it afterwards, and make feel like I've been taken advantage of. Is there a way to get out of this without them hounding me so I don't have to threaten to punch them out or worse, in order to get them to back off?

Or do you have to turn into a jerk sometimes, and harness that almost violent instinct to get people not to take advantage of sometimes?
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Old 10th March 2019, 12:23 PM   #2
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Donate to charities instead. And if you see a homeless person and you want to help them, give food or clothes.

You have a kind heart and it's great you have compassion and can only do so much.
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Old 10th March 2019, 3:19 PM   #3
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I just tell them "Sorry I have bills to pay." as kindly as possible and keep walking. Asking for money is their racket and they know pretty quick whether or not they can get money from you. The kinder you are, the more they will try to get out of you.
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Old 10th March 2019, 3:41 PM   #4
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I tell them "I don't carry any cash." Most of them are scammers. Our police department did a press release that there are actual panhandling companies who pick people up, drop them off on the street corner, and pick them up later. Some of these are also tied to human labor trafficking.

I learned my lesson 15 years ago. A guy limped to the people's car windows, and then I was still sitting there waiting on a client to exchange work with me at a gas station when I saw him spring over to buy himself a coke. They're mostly just fake.

I report any that have dogs with them, especially if the dog is not on a leash or limping because there are some that will injure a dog and then panhandle for vet fees.

We have a lot of street people who have legit mental health issues. They are the group I feel worst for. Some of them are probably on disability, but not sure how hard it is to get for mental disability. Many are vets. Just realize that we do have disability benefits for those people. It's hard to believe someone hasn't helped them get those, and I just find that hard to believe. I know I've seen kind police going up and talking to ones in wheelchairs trying to help. Of course, there's shelters where even if they had no room, you could still get someone to sign you up for disability or whatever.

At least half are addicts of some kind that have burned bridges by their bad behavior with their families. Some are people just out of prison who can't get a job because they can't be trusted. I see so many young reasonably fit people out there every day that I just think they're scammers. Because those people, unless they have a terrible prison record, could go to the warehouse district and find work unloading trucks or something.
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Old 10th March 2019, 4:13 PM   #5
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Why should they get your money you earned?

They can earn money themselves!

Tell them that - “get a job” works!

I tell them “if I have extra money it goes to my kids - who work a lot to make ends meet!”

Stop giving them anything... then they just want more.


And you are paying for them to not work... heck, cell phones have a line item that WE all pay... so THEY get free cell phones!

Don’t you wish someone paid for all the stuff you need?

If they need more that badly they can get a job!
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Old 10th March 2019, 8:51 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
, they will say that they saw more in my wallet,
It is very kind and compassionate of you to help homeless people. You could just keep some change or small bills in a different place than your wallet -
- a pocket or any other place that you could access easily enough.
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Old 11th March 2019, 1:27 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
Sometimes a poor person will come up to me and ask if I have any spare change or anything and then when I give it to them, they will then change their whole story around and insist that they need more, and when I tell them I cannot spare more, they will say that they saw more in my wallet, when I give them the spare change I had before.
You aren't helping poor or homeless people by giving them money. And you may even be enabling the behaviors that put them there in the first place.

As has been said, you get much more "bang for your buck" by supporting charities and organizations addressing the root causes...

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Old 11th March 2019, 1:50 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Ronni_W View Post
It is very kind and compassionate of you to help homeless people. You could just keep some change or small bills in a different place than your wallet -
- a pocket or any other place that you could access easily enough.
No, that’s helping them to beg for more free money.

In my area - the past three years we have seen the homeless move into our town by the hundreds.

Giving them money makes it worse! Non profits bring them food and supplies while they sit all day smoking, doing drugs and drinking all day long. They have no reason to change - they get everything they need brought to them. The messes they leave is disgusting!

They are pooping on sidewalks and on the sides of buildings. Peeing in full view. This idea of “giving” them anything doesn’t work! They just expect more and more. The police can’t do a thing... and the homeless take full advantage of it.


When you give - they tell their friends - and more show up for free hand outs.
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Old 19th March 2019, 1:10 PM   #9
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I think it is good to be compassionate and lend a helping hand so I would say do not be seeking to lose this generous trait,

If the same person keeps hassling you for favours then you have to take a stand and refuse politely but firmly,

in general though, I feel we need more compassion and kindness to our fellow human beings.
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