Does anyone else think that they may be a narcissist?

[CantGetEnuff]

Self diagnosing is always hard I guess, but this is how I analyze myself...

 

1) I care about myself more than I care about anyone else. I rarely factor in other peoples' feelings when I make decisions.

 

2) I have changed jobs and made other big decisions before without input from my spouse.

 

3) I think most people are absolute morons.

 

4) I think I am almost always the smartest person in the room. (On occasion, when surrounded by esteemed company, I will admit that this is not the case).

 

5) I think the rules don't apply to me (or my family). I am beyond irritated when someone tries to enforce a rule against us and I generally try to argue my way out of it.

 

6) I sometimes wonder what it must feel like to be dumb like most other people.

 

7) I enjoy verbally imposing my will on people. It almost always works if you are passionate enough and clever enough.

 

I could go on and on.

 

All of this being said, I do not view myself as "a bad person." I just am what I am.

 

Do the above statements describe any other forum goers? I'd love to meet some fellow (maybe) narcissists so we can trade notes. I feel quite isolated by my reflections above.

 

Please, no bashing. I'm just talking some stuff out.

[Artdeco]

Do the above statements describe any other forum goers?

 

Yes, most of them (except for maybe item 5).

But I think that the list would apply to many. I don’t necessarily see it as a description of narcissism per se. There is more to narcissism than what you have listed here. We all care about ourselves the most, even if we don’t admit it. Normal. And most would consider themselves, or the group they’re part of, smarter than and superior to others. This is due to the so-called in-group/outgroup bias. Nothing special.

[Nilfiry]

1) I care about myself more than I care about anyone else. I rarely factor in other peoples' feelings when I make decisions.

 

2) I have changed jobs and made other big decisions before without input from my spouse.

 

3) I think most people are absolute morons.

 

4) I think I am almost always the smartest person in the room. (On occasion, when surrounded by esteemed company, I will admit that this is not the case).

 

5) I think the rules don't apply to me (or my family). I am beyond irritated when someone tries to enforce a rule against us and I generally try to argue my way out of it.

 

6) I sometimes wonder what it must feel like to be dumb like most other people.

 

7) I enjoy verbally imposing my will on people. It almost always works if you are passionate enough and clever enough.

 

Most people would not admit it even if they noticed it, but all these things apply to most people to some extent. If they think they are not that way, then it is usually only because they have not been involved in situations where their conveniences and best interests directly clash with others.

 

Take number 1, for example. In most situations, your average person would try to consider and accommodate others as long as it is not too inconvenient for the person; however, when the stake is large, this may not be the case. Case in point: when prices are normal, people shop peacefully, but when there is a massive sale, like black friday, people suddenly become more willing to fight and trample on others to get what they want first. Number 5 is another good example. Most people have no problems criticizing others, but when they are the ones being criticized, then they are much more likely to get offended because mentally, it is the same as picking a fight.

 

Point is, most people are a-holes. Some just hide or suppress it better than others as long as there is no clash of interests.

 

To put it in another light, however, it can be considered as necessary for survival. People look after themselves because they cannot always count on others looking after them. When everyone has their own goals and agendas, you would only be hurting yourself if you do not struggle to look after yourself first. Life does not always give free handouts to everyone. The altruistic usually dies first (not that I am saying altruism is a bad thing).

[thefooloftheyear]

Narcissist is seemingly the most over used and mis applied term in the English language...Everyone that's ever been dumped was with a narcissist...

 

Truth is that "true" narcissists are actually quite rare...I don't have the credentials nor do I wish to do any armchair Psychoanalysis or diagnosis...

 

My guess is no...You aren't

 

TFY

[CantGetEnuff]

If I end up being just an "egotistical a-hole," I think I could live with that. Haha. Maybe I'll wear it as a badge of honor.

 

And thanks to the people who have chimed in already. It's interesting to interact with people on here when (I think many of us) are being much more honest than we might be in 'real life.'

 

I figure I have nothing to lose by not being 100 percent honest here.

[darkmoon]

have two trying to get into my life, but now I am immune to them, and while they thought they would be able to manipulate me...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Do you think you're always right about everything? Blame everyone else in your personal life for any interpersonal problems and never take the blame? Do you feel genuine love for your children? Do you get angry when they make a mistake (i.e. lose a soccer game)? Do you believe in forgiveness? Do you believe you make mistakes? Do you feel remorse? Are you interested in other people's perspectives if the topic is something other than "you?"

 

Narcissism is a behavior trait on a scale/spectrum. Obviously nobody here is qualified to diagnose you, but you definitely seem higher on the spectrum than a lot of people.

[CantGetEnuff]

CautiouslyOptimistic,

 

Now I'm afraid that I'm painting myself to perhaps be worse than I am.

 

It's not like I'm a monster or anything. I love my kids to death. I do love my wife, even though things haven't been optimal for years due to my behavior. But I think she is a good person and I wish her well.

 

And my kids play sports and I feel I'm very supportive with them. I don't "armchair coach" like many of the parents do. My kids are also very bright, but that is not surprising. Haha

 

I do feel badly about my behavior. I am trying to do better. It's not like I kick kittens or puppies or whatever. I've allowed my attraction to women to hold too much influence over how I act.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't think narcissists are known for harming puppies and kittens . I think that's psychopaths!

[CantGetEnuff]

CautiouslyOptimistic, whew!!!!

 

At least I'm not one of THOSE weirdos.

[littleblackheart]

I didn't know what narcissists were until I got into therapy when I left exH.

 

As my life unravelled the 2 psychologists I spoke to seemed to think exH was a malevolent narcissist. I looked into it a bit and it seems to fit, but I'm not a medic and I've been told NPD is notoriously difficult to diagnose.

 

Narcissism as a personality trait isn't that uncommon so you may well be one, like plenty of others.

 

To qualify for a diagnosis, that personality trait needs to be pervasive and affecting others in a negative way.

 

Do you need to see your reflection in the mirror multiple times a day?

 

Do you lie a lot to get attention?

 

Do you get under people's skin for fun and need to have the last word?

 

Are you incapable (literally, as in you don't have the capabilities) to think about anything but yourself?

 

Do you need constant validation?

 

Have you bern told that you were self-centered and lacked empathy and emotional response by people who know you well? And you have a close circle of friends?

 

Do you lose your temper quite drastically when you don't get your way?

 

Do you seek revenge on those who wronged you? Like using stuff from someone's past to denigrate them?

 

Are you financially irresponsible?

 

Do those who don't know you think you're great?

 

Do you exaggerate your successes?

 

Are you chameleon-like? Like you change your values and opinions depending on your audience.

 

Do you think you are a misundersdood genius?

 

 

ExH had all of these traits (and a few more), but mainly he lacks self-awareness. If you are a lot of those things, you're in trouble!

[MajesticUnicorn]

I've thought it at times.

 

It's strange, when I was younger I was such a giver. Always put others needs before my own, always went out of my way to take care of others. To a fault.

 

Now that I've grown up and gained more confidence in who I am as a person, I do find myself putting my needs before others most of the time. I don't consider others when making decisions. I also don't like it when rules are enforced on me. I often plan things out in my head and get frustrated if they don't go according to plan (I'm a control freak).

 

Not sure if I'd go as far as saying I'm a narcissist, but I do think I have some narcissistic qualities. I've especially been trying to improve on this in my relationship as I think I can be very selfish at times.

[Mr. Lucky]

I wonder if it's a narcissistic trait to wonder if you're a narcissist?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Arieswoman]

I wonder if it's a narcissistic trait to wonder if you're a narcissist?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

 

 

 

 

(10 characters)

[Songbird4]

I’m not a psychiatrist but I have a degree in social and behavioral science and have studied abnormal psych in great detail. EVERYONE has narcissistic traits, some more than others, but a true narcissist would never ask whether or not they were a narcissist. Narcissists don’t believe they have anything wrong with them nor do they believe they’ve ever done anything wrong. By you asking whether or not you are and stating facts about yourself means that you have self awareness. A narcissist does not.

 

You have traits, perhaps more than some but I believe you have something else that needs some mental health attention. Your feelings about others and your grandiose thinking about yourself might stem from past trauma that’s been suppressed in your psyche. Narcissist rarely get therapy- they don’t think they need it so rarely do they get treatment but you seem truly interested in figuring out WHY you are the way you are. Seek therapy and find some answers. Good luck to you.

[CantGetEnuff]

Haha, I have to love the consistency here sometimes.

 

We have one poster poking fun and implying that I'm a narcissist partially because of me asking the question in the first place...

 

and then on the OTHER hand...

 

We have another poster making the opposite argument, that a narcissist would never ask the question!

 

I understand this place is no way, shape, or form a substitute for expert analysis; it's just interesting that you get two such different takes on the exact same fact pattern.

 

And for the record, I really dug into narcissist info last night, looking at psych sites, and yeah I probably have some narcissistic traits, but full-blown narcissists are just...wow. I don't think that's me.

[Rayce]

lol... this sight has a little bit of everything. It's kept my interest so far. Everyone has narcissist traits.

Edited February 7, 2019 by Rayce

[Songbird4]

Haha, I have to love the consistency here sometimes.

 

We have one poster poking fun and implying that I'm a narcissist partially because of me asking the question in the first place...

 

and then on the OTHER hand...

 

We have another poster making the opposite argument, that a narcissist would never ask the question!

 

I understand this place is no way, shape, or form a substitute for expert analysis; it's just interesting that you get two such different takes on the exact same fact pattern.

 

And for the record, I really dug into narcissist info last night, looking at psych sites, and yeah I probably have some narcissistic traits, but full-blown narcissists are just...wow. I don't think that's me.

 

 

 

 

 

Im glad you read about narcissists. It’s actually really interesting stuff to read. I just wanted to share my two cents. Also, I have a narcissist parents. A true narcissist and even though he’s been horrible to me and my siblings when we were younger, he puts all the blame on us. To this day I am the problem, not him.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

To this day I am the problem, not him.

 

Not a psychologist, but I believe this trait has to be there in order to actually BE a narcissist. They truly don't think they are ever wrong. MAYBE they will "admit" that some people "take things the wrong way" with regard to their behavior, but that is STILL the other person's fault....not the narcissist's.

Edited February 7, 2019 by CautiouslyOptimistic

[Ronni_W]

Haha, I have to love the consistency here sometimes.

 

We have one poster poking fun and implying that I'm a narcissist partially because of me asking the question in the first place...

 

and then on the OTHER hand...

'Consistency', in this context, isn't the whole world thinking the same thing; it is ONE person being consistent in how he or she views the world, and/or what she or he believes or accepts for truth,

and/or how he or she expresses and interacts with others.

 

The term 'narcissism' is best considered as also an 'umbrella' for other personality traits, including a superiority complex, selfishness, and human arrogance. All of which cannot exist within a psyche

unless there is also a massive dose of multiple-level ignorance. (Self-delusion and illusion.)

[littleblackheart]

MAYBE they will "admit" that some people "take things the wrong way" with regard to their behavior, but that is STILL the other person's fault....not the narcissist's.

 

Yes. Permanent state of victimhood / 'life is unfair' syndrome. This is how it was explained to me.

[ChatroomHero]

Eh, self awareness is good. I am well acquainted with a narcissist. What I feel is that when they 'admit' they are wrong, they are doing it not because they feel they are wrong, but they are trying to appease someone and figure they are controlling the situation by being able to manipulate someone into feeling ok because they tricked them into thinking they were really apologizing.

 

 

The thinking they are always right and they are the smartest person in the room is the one that as long as they think that, I don't feel they will get better. I have heard a person say something on speaker phone that 4 people heard, then fully deny ever having said that. If you play back the recording 4 seconds later, they still deny it through specious reasoning...they say, "you could have altered it with software to make it sound like I said that". You say, "In 4 seconds, how could I alter it and play it back?", they say, "I know one guy that could do it in 2 seconds". You say, "That's the most absurd thing I have ever heard", they change the subject and call you a liar.

 

 

You play a sport and they don't. You have spent years and years in locker rooms and playing with people of all degree of talent and have uncommon insight to what goes on. They never played. They make a statement one day about "what really goes on in the locker room is...". You tell them that is not completely accurate. They say you are dumb and don't know what you are talking about, they had a friend that played and HE knows and told him all about it. Then you talk to that friend he mentioned later and that friend will say, "I never really said that, he really took it out of context" and the narcissist will then say, "Nope, that guy is a liar , I haven't talked to him in a year because he lies".

 

 

In both cases they leave thinking you are dumb and KNOWING they are the smartest person in the room. You are embarrassed that they have no self-awareness and despite having all the proof you could ever hope for that shows they are not only wrong, but so wrong you can prove it scientifically 20 different ways, they will never accept it. Usually when it comes time to prove it to them they will just walk away because they are right and don't care what you have to say.

 

 

You could get a Presidential medal for Accounting and try to explain a tax situation and the narcissist will disagree with something and say, "You're really just a data entry clerk. You don't do real accounting" despite having no idea what your job entails or what exactly you do.

 

 

I find that the narcissist will call people that are beyond reproach, liars. Smear their character because you don't have to argue the facts with a known liar! You could find 50 people that would say, "One thing about Frank, he has never told a lie in his life and I would trust what he said over anyone"...the narcissist will meet Frank and in 10 seconds will call Frank a liar that lies about everything.

 

 

These are not the smartest people in the room by far. They may be at the top of their field in Medicine and may be the smartest in that arena and they think since they gained that status in one field, it applies to all fields because if Medicine is tough, Engineering is simple in comparison so they would be the worlds top engineer if that is what they chose, so they are an expert on engineering by default.

 

 

The one narcissist that I deal with seems to latch on to a new "expert" all the time. Just certain people become their hero and everything they say they take as god's word. When I meet those same people I find them intelligent and good at their field of expertise, but not necessarily exceptional in any way in any other subject. They meet a guy that played semi-pro somewhere and determine he is the greatest player ever to play. Then they meet a Hall of famer and say, "That guy wasn't good, he was lucky, he only got in the Hall of Fame because his grandfather is in the HOF".

 

 

OP, it's good that you have self-awareness of how you feel. Maybe you should take a step back and analyze how you come across in social situations and try to put yourself in someone else's shoes, if they were watching you. Swap places with someone that knows nothing about your field of work and then imagine them telling you all about your work and how it should be done and rolling their eyes when you try to interject. You might view yourself in a different light. Because that's likely how they view you...book smart and life dumb.

 

 

That's not an insult to you OP, I am just saying how a narcissist comes across. Very wrong in many instances, but not willing to admit it so they have to take those around them down to keep their "Higher" status.

 

 

At least those are my thoughts based on limited experience.

[Gretchen12]

Nah... I can't possibly be a narcissicist. I am too perfect to have a personality disorder.

 

Seriously I really believe most people care about others.

[preraph]

If you want to do a simple test to find out where you are on the spectrum of the various traits, there's one in Dr. Dale Archer's "Better Than Normal."

 

You could be a sociopath or a narcissist or both or just be delusional with some combination of other traits. Thinking you're smarter than other people is a very common criminal sociopathic trait, and it's a dangerous one -- because you're not!

[HiCrunchy]

lol no I'm the opposite.

Highly neurotic, self-deprecating and usually think I am wrong, I have to ask literally everyone's opinion before making a choice, not argumentative/confrontational and I always follow rules...eh you get the idea. Not to mention that good old dose of low self-esteem.

 

Well, you do sound like a narcissist based on your description. But except that ur self-aware of it, which is more than you can say for other narcs. I guess you could say narcissist exist on a spectrum, with you being less of a narcissist because you are self-aware, but more of a narcissist than an individual that feels the need to change and be better.

 

I hope that makes sense

Edited February 8, 2019 by HiCrunchy