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Does anyone else think that they may be a narcissist?


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Old 8th February 2019, 2:42 PM   #31
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@naive,

No I wouldn't say that I cut off "all emotional aspects" or anything. A person generally cheats with someone they genuinely like a person, not just as a "sexypants partner."At least that was my experience.

I've put the physical affairs in my rear-view mirror long ago and prefer not to go back and re-examine them, but yes I developed feelings for two of the women. They were both super smart (in different ways), sexy and clever.

With the online stuff, it was easier for me to just view that as quick sexy fun, and then put my phone away and get back to work.
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Old 8th February 2019, 2:58 PM   #32
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Sorry I didnt mean to bring up the past PA's. It was a selfish question on my part because of the intensity of my EA. A bit narcissistic on my part. Lol!
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Old 9th February 2019, 1:10 AM   #33
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How are you with empathy for others? The worst narcissists are those without empathy and they resemble sociopaths, but you can have empathy and still be a narcissist, and it takes the edge off of it.
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Old 9th February 2019, 2:11 AM   #34
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CantGetEnuff,

You're probably not a narcissist. Most likely you're just immature, selfish, and have a lot to learn about life, as many of the rest of us are or have been.

At some point, if you're fortunate, life will give you a truly swift kick in the butt. Then you'll have a decision to make as to whether you'll work through it tenaciously and honorably to become a person of substance or whether you'll become bitter and turn into a real jerk.

If you should decide to put in the hard work to get through adversity with grace when you are challenged beyond what you think you can endure, you just may emerge from the difficulty a truly great person who is humble, patient, compassionate and understanding toward others!

Many are the folks who have stood where you stand now. It's actually pretty common.

There are a hallowed few who learn (taught by parents or are just naturally gifted, these privileged few) as children the joys and rewards of esteeming others better than oneself and serving them with grace. The rest of us have to "live and learn" in order to become an outstanding individual. Here's wishing you challenges to face that, handled well, will catapult you to that end!

Last edited by LivingWaterPlease; 9th February 2019 at 2:37 AM..
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Old 11th February 2019, 9:05 AM   #35
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What amazes me is that you say your so smart yet you seem to be 10 miles off in your little list,
And you could easily diagnose yourself quite accurately if you really wanted to and were self aware enough with such smarts and the 2 billion things all over the net on narcs.

Also agree of the ridiculous use of the term narcissist too these days and especially by the every 2nd person that's been dumped . l think a more accurate term they're looking for is a/h or b@tch.
There must've been a narc breeding farm somewhere hidden away in this last 20 yrs

Last edited by chillii; 11th February 2019 at 9:10 AM..
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Old 13th February 2019, 4:52 PM   #36
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I am not a narcissist. I have been labeled an "empath", which is supposedly perfect prey for the narcissist. My husband was, in fact, officially diagnosed with NPD. One thing I know about him is that he would never question whether or not he was a narcissist. He doesn't have that level of self-awareness.

As far as believing you are always the smartest person in the room, there are so many daily examples of overt stupidity in the world, I think many people are starting to question the intelligence level of the average human being. Don't even get me started on politics.
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Old 14th February 2019, 1:07 AM   #37
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Personally, I think the term “narcissist” is thrown around much too casually these days. Certainly, on this board... It seems to be the latest trend. To me, it’s a convenient label used to excuse what would otherwise be described as very selfish, hurtful, and generally poor behavior.

Everytime I hear someone describe their “narcissistic ex” who treated them badly, I kind of ... Sure, some people have very narcissistic tendencies. But, just because someone treated you badly or hurt you doesn’t make them a narcissist.
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Old 14th February 2019, 1:12 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by LivingWaterPlease View Post
CantGetEnuff,
You're probably not a narcissist. Most likely you're just immature, selfish, and have a lot to learn about life, as many of the rest of us are or have been.

At some point, if you're fortunate, life will give you a truly swift kick in the butt.
Absolutely. Immature, selfish, entitled, arrogant, lacking in empathy, the list goes on and on...

And someday, life will give you a truly swift kick in the but. Perhaps, you will learn a few important lessons. Or, you will continue along your current path...

At least, you provide some entertainment on the boards...

Last edited by BaileyB; 14th February 2019 at 1:15 AM..
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Old 15th February 2019, 4:36 PM   #39
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I like you too.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 15th February 2019 at 5:27 PM.. Reason: Redact quote of prior post
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Old 16th February 2019, 9:00 AM   #40
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It seems to be the latest trend.
I think that's true. I see a few problems with this:

1. it invalidates the experience of those who did, in fact, live with a genuinely narcissistic person. I know now I'm more cautious about discussing my own experience with my abusive ex because I worry that I might not be believed. Which really adds insult to injury, because being scared of not being believed, or not believing what he was like, was one reason I stayed in my dysfunctional marriage for so long.

2. it desensitises people, makes them less empathetic, quicker to dismiss other people's situation.

3. it makes it more about attributing blame than accepting responsibility.
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Old 16th February 2019, 9:15 AM   #41
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3. it makes it more about attributing blame than accepting responsibility.
This is why so many attach the word narcissist to their story as it conveys a seriousness and a sense of drama that it may not really deserve.

He is a bit moody and self absorbed at times - talk to him, work out what is wrong.
He is a narcissist - RUN.

Borderline is another "diagnosis" that also totally shifts responsibility.
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Old 16th February 2019, 9:55 AM   #42
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Borderline is another "diagnosis" that also totally shifts responsibility.
Oh goodness, yes.

And that is also thrown around here, any spouse who is being unreasonable is self-disagnosed with BPD. People are more willing to discuss their borderline spouses crazy behavior and I want to say — you married this person! And sometimes, you stay with this person...
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Old 16th February 2019, 10:21 AM   #43
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I think it's a good thing in general that people are more aware of personality traits.

Knowledge is power, as they say.

If it helps someone leave a dysfunctional relationship or get to know themselves better, it's all good. After all, people come here for support and a shoulder to cry on, not judgement and prejudice...

The main thing is self-awareness and knowing your own limitations; nobody is perfect.

Not sure how this helps you, OP! Apologies for the thread-jack.

Last edited by littleblackheart; 16th February 2019 at 10:33 AM..
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Old 18th February 2019, 1:29 PM   #44
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No worries, @littleblackheart.

And yeah I found it interesting as I researched the diagnosis, but frankly I am probably just a human being who prioritizes his own interests over the interests of other people, even those closest to him.

So yes I am flawed, but I really think evolution programs us to be self-interested, you know, to ensure our survival and all.
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Old 18th February 2019, 2:00 PM   #45
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I really think evolution programs us to be self-interested, you know, to ensure our survival and all.
Our basic instincts ensure our survival at a primal level.

Evolution, in theory, should make us smarter and less prone to obey our basic instincts, imo. Even as we age, experience and observation will have taught us to adjust our behaviour according to any given situation.

So yes, we're all flawed basically (though you wouldn't think it on LS, as we all dispense our knowledge as though we were all experts ) but I guess what matters is our willingness to acknowledge and work on our flaws.

Self-awareness is, arguably, the easy part. So the question to you is - are you good with yourself as a self-interested man?
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