LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Mind, Body & Soul > Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

Does anyone else think that they may be a narcissist?


Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being Start off with a great foundation! The place to ponder the journey towards improving yourself!

Like Tree33Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th February 2019, 10:38 AM   #16
Established Member
 
CantGetEnuff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: US
Posts: 184
Haha, I have to love the consistency here sometimes.

We have one poster poking fun and implying that I'm a narcissist partially because of me asking the question in the first place...

and then on the OTHER hand...

We have another poster making the opposite argument, that a narcissist would never ask the question!

I understand this place is no way, shape, or form a substitute for expert analysis; it's just interesting that you get two such different takes on the exact same fact pattern.

And for the record, I really dug into narcissist info last night, looking at psych sites, and yeah I probably have some narcissistic traits, but full-blown narcissists are just...wow. I don't think that's me.
__________________
If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation.
CantGetEnuff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 11:35 AM   #17
Established Member
 
Rayce's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 343
lol... this sight has a little bit of everything. It's kept my interest so far. Everyone has narcissist traits.

Last edited by Rayce; 7th February 2019 at 11:38 AM..
Rayce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 12:28 PM   #18
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by CantGetEnuff View Post
Haha, I have to love the consistency here sometimes.

We have one poster poking fun and implying that I'm a narcissist partially because of me asking the question in the first place...

and then on the OTHER hand...

We have another poster making the opposite argument, that a narcissist would never ask the question!

I understand this place is no way, shape, or form a substitute for expert analysis; it's just interesting that you get two such different takes on the exact same fact pattern.

And for the record, I really dug into narcissist info last night, looking at psych sites, and yeah I probably have some narcissistic traits, but full-blown narcissists are just...wow. I don't think that's me.




Im glad you read about narcissists. Itís actually really interesting stuff to read. I just wanted to share my two cents. Also, I have a narcissist parents. A true narcissist and even though heís been horrible to me and my siblings when we were younger, he puts all the blame on us. To this day I am the problem, not him.
Songbird4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 1:09 PM   #19
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 6,271
Quote:
Originally Posted by Songbird4 View Post
To this day I am the problem, not him.
Not a psychologist, but I believe this trait has to be there in order to actually BE a narcissist. They truly don't think they are ever wrong. MAYBE they will "admit" that some people "take things the wrong way" with regard to their behavior, but that is STILL the other person's fault....not the narcissist's.

Last edited by CautiouslyOptimistic; 7th February 2019 at 1:33 PM..
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 2:46 PM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 7,123
Quote:
Originally Posted by CantGetEnuff View Post
Haha, I have to love the consistency here sometimes.

We have one poster poking fun and implying that I'm a narcissist partially because of me asking the question in the first place...

and then on the OTHER hand...
'Consistency', in this context, isn't the whole world thinking the same thing; it is ONE person being consistent in how he or she views the world, and/or what she or he believes or accepts for truth,
and/or how he or she expresses and interacts with others.

The term 'narcissism' is best considered as also an 'umbrella' for other personality traits, including a superiority complex, selfishness, and human arrogance. All of which cannot exist within a psyche
unless there is also a massive dose of multiple-level ignorance. (Self-delusion and illusion.)
__________________
"Good or benign intentions do not provide a defence." ~ Tony Wong, Reporter
Ronni_W is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 3:06 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,137
Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
MAYBE they will "admit" that some people "take things the wrong way" with regard to their behavior, but that is STILL the other person's fault....not the narcissist's.
Yes. Permanent state of victimhood / 'life is unfair' syndrome. This is how it was explained to me.
littleblackheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 3:28 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,034
Eh, self awareness is good. I am well acquainted with a narcissist. What I feel is that when they 'admit' they are wrong, they are doing it not because they feel they are wrong, but they are trying to appease someone and figure they are controlling the situation by being able to manipulate someone into feeling ok because they tricked them into thinking they were really apologizing.


The thinking they are always right and they are the smartest person in the room is the one that as long as they think that, I don't feel they will get better. I have heard a person say something on speaker phone that 4 people heard, then fully deny ever having said that. If you play back the recording 4 seconds later, they still deny it through specious reasoning...they say, "you could have altered it with software to make it sound like I said that". You say, "In 4 seconds, how could I alter it and play it back?", they say, "I know one guy that could do it in 2 seconds". You say, "That's the most absurd thing I have ever heard", they change the subject and call you a liar.


You play a sport and they don't. You have spent years and years in locker rooms and playing with people of all degree of talent and have uncommon insight to what goes on. They never played. They make a statement one day about "what really goes on in the locker room is...". You tell them that is not completely accurate. They say you are dumb and don't know what you are talking about, they had a friend that played and HE knows and told him all about it. Then you talk to that friend he mentioned later and that friend will say, "I never really said that, he really took it out of context" and the narcissist will then say, "Nope, that guy is a liar , I haven't talked to him in a year because he lies".


In both cases they leave thinking you are dumb and KNOWING they are the smartest person in the room. You are embarrassed that they have no self-awareness and despite having all the proof you could ever hope for that shows they are not only wrong, but so wrong you can prove it scientifically 20 different ways, they will never accept it. Usually when it comes time to prove it to them they will just walk away because they are right and don't care what you have to say.


You could get a Presidential medal for Accounting and try to explain a tax situation and the narcissist will disagree with something and say, "You're really just a data entry clerk. You don't do real accounting" despite having no idea what your job entails or what exactly you do.


I find that the narcissist will call people that are beyond reproach, liars. Smear their character because you don't have to argue the facts with a known liar! You could find 50 people that would say, "One thing about Frank, he has never told a lie in his life and I would trust what he said over anyone"...the narcissist will meet Frank and in 10 seconds will call Frank a liar that lies about everything.


These are not the smartest people in the room by far. They may be at the top of their field in Medicine and may be the smartest in that arena and they think since they gained that status in one field, it applies to all fields because if Medicine is tough, Engineering is simple in comparison so they would be the worlds top engineer if that is what they chose, so they are an expert on engineering by default.


The one narcissist that I deal with seems to latch on to a new "expert" all the time. Just certain people become their hero and everything they say they take as god's word. When I meet those same people I find them intelligent and good at their field of expertise, but not necessarily exceptional in any way in any other subject. They meet a guy that played semi-pro somewhere and determine he is the greatest player ever to play. Then they meet a Hall of famer and say, "That guy wasn't good, he was lucky, he only got in the Hall of Fame because his grandfather is in the HOF".


OP, it's good that you have self-awareness of how you feel. Maybe you should take a step back and analyze how you come across in social situations and try to put yourself in someone else's shoes, if they were watching you. Swap places with someone that knows nothing about your field of work and then imagine them telling you all about your work and how it should be done and rolling their eyes when you try to interject. You might view yourself in a different light. Because that's likely how they view you...book smart and life dumb.


That's not an insult to you OP, I am just saying how a narcissist comes across. Very wrong in many instances, but not willing to admit it so they have to take those around them down to keep their "Higher" status.


At least those are my thoughts based on limited experience.
ChatroomHero is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 6:29 PM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 947
Nah... I can't possibly be a narcissicist. I am too perfect to have a personality disorder.

Seriously I really believe most people care about others.
Gretchen12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 6:42 PM   #24
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 24,901
If you want to do a simple test to find out where you are on the spectrum of the various traits, there's one in Dr. Dale Archer's "Better Than Normal."

You could be a sociopath or a narcissist or both or just be delusional with some combination of other traits. Thinking you're smarter than other people is a very common criminal sociopathic trait, and it's a dangerous one -- because you're not!
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 10:37 PM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 724
lol no I'm the opposite.
Highly neurotic, self-deprecating and usually think I am wrong, I have to ask literally everyone's opinion before making a choice, not argumentative/confrontational and I always follow rules...eh you get the idea. Not to mention that good old dose of low self-esteem.

Well, you do sound like a narcissist based on your description. But except that ur self-aware of it, which is more than you can say for other narcs. I guess you could say narcissist exist on a spectrum, with you being less of a narcissist because you are self-aware, but more of a narcissist than an individual that feels the need to change and be better.

I hope that makes sense

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 7th February 2019 at 10:44 PM..
HiCrunchy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 10:51 PM   #26
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 724
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleblackheart View Post
I didn't know what narcissists were until I got into therapy when I left exH.

As my life unravelled the 2 psychologists I spoke to seemed to think exH was a malevolent narcissist. I looked into it a bit and it seems to fit, but I'm not a medic and I've been told NPD is notoriously difficult to diagnose.

Narcissism as a personality trait isn't that uncommon so you may well be one, like plenty of others.

To qualify for a diagnosis, that personality trait needs to be pervasive and affecting others in a negative way.

Do you need to see your reflection in the mirror multiple times a day?

Do you lie a lot to get attention?

Do you get under people's skin for fun and need to have the last word?

Are you incapable (literally, as in you don't have the capabilities) to think about anything but yourself?

Do you need constant validation?

Have you bern told that you were self-centered and lacked empathy and emotional response by people who know you well? And you have a close circle of friends?

Do you lose your temper quite drastically when you don't get your way?

Do you seek revenge on those who wronged you? Like using stuff from someone's past to denigrate them?

Are you financially irresponsible?

Do those who don't know you think you're great?

Do you exaggerate your successes?

Are you chameleon-like? Like you change your values and opinions depending on your audience.

Do you think you are a misundersdood genius?


ExH had all of these traits (and a few more), but mainly he lacks self-awareness. If you are a lot of those things, you're in trouble!
These are good questions OP. I'd like to know the answers to them!
HiCrunchy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th February 2019, 10:59 PM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 172
I think we should avoid putting labels on ourselves when possible. There are so many degrees of narcissism. Iím sure thereís a few things that Iíd fall under given one of the many different criteria for it. Then on the flip side I have incredibly low self esteem and get depressed because I feel Iím worthless (once in a while). I think you just need to know your own strengths and weaknesses. Self awareness is great and then take action on what you want to improve.
MetallicHue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th February 2019, 11:28 AM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 270
@cantgetenuff. I really just think you bored, lack the lust and desire with your wife. The major addiction to other women is the LUST of another. You may have broken that desire for your wife and finding it very difficult to get back. Been there still there...... major problemo!!!!! Do u feel a strong pshycial attraction to her or is she just security and safety??? Eager for your reply.
Naivewomen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th February 2019, 1:20 PM   #29
Established Member
 
CantGetEnuff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: US
Posts: 184
I can't possibly answer all of these questions, but I'll try to hit a few of the basics...

No I don't spend all day in the mirror. My wife primps as much as I do, maybe more.

Most of my lying has been hiding the affairs. I do not affirmatively lie on a daily basis. I am a pretty honest person, generally speaking, and every word I've typed on here has been truthful.

I don't have a bad temper. I rarely drink. I have been in two fights in my life, and they both lasted like 30 seconds max. My hair got messed up but you should see the other guys! (their hair got messed up too)

I am financially responsible. The riskiest behavior I engage in is low level gambling. For example, I have a poker game this weekend but I'm using my own money for that, not family money.

Etc Etc

Basically, I think most people I know in real life dig me and value me as a person, and vice versa.

Re: @naivewomen's questions, the honest answer is, "I still find my wife attractive, but she's so familiar that the lust has died down some. I still enjoy sex with her. It's just that when you compare your familiar spouse to a hot, mysterious new person, the new person is going to have that shiny allure that the familiar person doesn't have."

Please do not attack me for saying this. I am just being honest. I don't see any sense in lying here.
CantGetEnuff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th February 2019, 2:10 PM   #30
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 270
I understand your honesty. At no time did you have feelings for any of the other women?? Do u simply cut off the emotional aspect of it?? I'm curious as I was in a long term affair and love to get a cheating males perspective here.
Naivewomen is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
coping with narcissist behavior - is he a narcissist or something else? HansonGirl Coping 4 8th November 2015 11:58 AM
Anyone else feel like they're lonely and won't meet anyone else? Emma1234 Breaks and Breaking Up 48 4th October 2013 9:30 AM
does anyone else just get angry when they see their ex? lost86 Coping 3 17th August 2010 9:13 PM
Does anyone else have a best friend they couldn't live without? cal gal Friendship 18 13th February 2006 11:44 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:54 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.