Jump to content

Mental Healthcare Sucks


Recommended Posts

Cupid's Puppet

I really just need a place to vent. I think mental health treatment sucks in this country, and it probably sucks globally too. I am sitting here crying because there are so many thoughts in my head and no one to help me process them. I remember a few months ago I went to see a counselor to get over a guy who ghosted me. I think 10 minutes went by without her saying anything. She didn't try to initiate a discussion, dive into my past, anything! But I eventually got over the guy on my own. Shortly after I find myself in an abusive relationship. Now there is usually someone in my circle I tell some secret to. But this thing, no one knows about the abuse. And it's so hard keeping it inside. What is sadder is that I find no hope in counseling. I just picture the counselor giving false hope and saying how there are good guys out there and some other shallow thoughts. There's no good way to end this post. End.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You just got a crappy counselor the first time around. Just like there are good and bad teachers or good and bad cops the same thing can happen with doctors.

 

I had the same experience as you when I revealed something very intimate, it was my darkest secret at the time that I forced myself to throw up after eating, and that lady just sat there and stared at me in silence for what felt like eternity.

 

Don’t give up hope though. Just find a better counselor. How long were you in an abusive relationship for? I’m glad you got safely away. Not everybody does.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cupid's Puppet

She was actually my 4th counselor. They've all been crappy, but she takes the cake. I had 3 counselors when I lived elsewhere, but now that I'm in Huckleberry Finnville, my job mental health benefits only allow me access to a few. And guess who's always the only one available when I need to talk to someone right away? Now if I want counseling over the phone, then it usually is a wait time of over a month. When I go through a mental crisis I can't wait over a month for support. That's how much of a joke it is. Mental health breakdowns need to be addressed with the same urgency of a broken limb. What was the latest groundbreaking treatment or research we heard about for mental health? Times are changing and they continue with the same dated treatments.

 

I was in an abusive relationship for 2 months. Sad thing is he is the one who ended it. I never had the strength to walk away for good.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Indeed you are right, the trouble with mental health starts at the college and medical school level - most students don't find this field appealing because it's not sold well and they see the old treatments and no advances just like you do. We are not individually powerful enough to change this sadly. What you can do is continue to work through your feelings here - for dirt cheap - and maybe one day get a psychological breakthrough. The most recent advancement is something called Deep Brain Stimulation - placing electrodes in the head and buzzing areas of the brain of those people with treatment resistant depression. It takes some work to get to this type of treatment.

 

Your best bet currently apart from the good citizens of Loveshack, is to seek out a treatment team that is multidisciplinary. This is a serious ordeal you are going through - I agree - stand with your chin up high and uphold your safety above all things. Then - devote yourself to the journey of recovery.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I was in an abusive relationship for 2 months. Sad thing is he is the one who ended it. I never had the strength to walk away for good.

 

Women shelters offer out-patient counseling for those who have been in an abusive relationship. They use to be free, I’m not sure if they still are but it’s worth checking into. I received the best care there than from any place I paid for through insurance.

 

I’m not a big fan of medicine to treat mental illness. I guess if you’re very unhinged then maybe but a lot of times I think the meds keep you numbed up rather than allowing you to feel your feelings.

 

Psychotherapy is my first choice of treatment. It’s basically just talking through it.

 

Have you tried journaling? That also helped me a great deal to get my feelings out, if only just on paper.

Link to post
Share on other sites
When I go through a mental crisis I can't wait over a month for support.

 

This sentence really stood out to me. It tells me that your crises are recurring and you need the tools to manage them on your own rather than to go to a counsellor each time they happen. If you think of the talk therapy you've been doing, their strategy keeps them in business.

 

Instead of counselling, try a psychologist. Ask them specifically to help you learn the tools to manage crises on your own. To help you build the resilience you lack. In the meantime, do some reading about resilience. There's a lot about how to build resilience in children, but you should be able to get help as an adult to learn this stuff. A good psychologist will make themselves redundant.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cupid's Puppet

Basil67, the counselors were psychologists.

 

But this isn't just about me looking to work through healing from abuse. Sometimes I want someone to help me work through the reasons I make the choices I do. Or I need someone to help me figure out why I struggle to develop long-lasting relationships. Even if they can help us understand each other or the way we think. For instance, one counselor encouraged me to read about depression because I thought depression was like the commercials show it - someone looking drained of energy despite having loving family and friends surrounding them. So I thought I wasn't depressed because my sadness was circumstantial. When I read about depression, I discovered that I did have the illness, and I believe acknowledging it was my first step to managing it.

 

Anyhow, it was something good a counselor suggested and there needs to be more of that. There are so many people come on here asking strangers why their partners lie, cheated, or abandoned them. If we could get a good research of some of these relationship issues that have gone on for centuries that would be great. Instead the only answers we got for why people cheat is... because they can. Or why people abandon others is because?? Similar to me gaining knowledge of depression, I think if people had a better understanding of why they hurt others or why others hurt them it can help the person heal better. Instead these counselors suggest "getting back out there", "go to Meetups", journal your thoughts, etc. They need to get new material.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No offense but you’re the one in counseling seeking answers to your questions. You can try to study the behavior of others all you’d like but the truth is the only behavior you can control is your own.

 

If you look to find blame with everyone else, your counselors, society, the system, whatever, it alleviates you from doing the hard work of looking inward and changing your reactions to whatever life throws at you.

Edited by amaysngrace
typos
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cupid's Puppet

I don't seek to change others behavior. I seek to understand them. I didn't put blame on anyone. I said the mental health field sucks, and it does. And I don't subscribe to the idea that we control our destiny. We are all interdependent. So it's impossible to take sole responsibility for every good and bad thing in my life when other people contribute to it. It's like when someone tells a person that the common denominator is them in all their failed relationships. Well it takes two to tango. So yeah I have a systematic view of things and I am going to look both inwards and outwards.

Edited by Cupid's Puppet
Spelling
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup

Sometimes it takes a while to find the right therapist to talk to and connect with and trust. During my time when I was struggling with anxiety, I sought out 3 different therapists and all of them were awful, then I found one T who was wonderful, helpful and I felt so comfortable with her. She specialized in anxiety disorders and did CBT.

 

Don't give up, you'll know when you find the right person to open up to.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It is frustrating when you are in crisis & there is no one available to treat you. I have my share of awful counselors but when you find a good one, it's like a miracle.

 

With respect to the abusive relationship, if it rose to the level of criminal conduct report the abuser to the police. Then you may qualify for social services.

 

Do look outside of just psychologists. Try someone with an MSW who sees private patients. Some people find it helpful to talk to a religious or spiritual counselor.

 

Best wishes finding somebody who can help. In the interim consider reading some self help books & watching TED talks. Journaling can also be a powerful outlet

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't seek to change others behavior. I seek to understand them. I didn't put blame on anyone. I said the mental health field sucks' date=' and it does. And I don't subscribe to the idea that we control our destiny. We are all interdependent. So it's impossible to take sole responsibility for every good and bad thing in my life when other people contribute to it. It's like when someone tells a person that the common denominator is them in all their failed relationships. Well it takes two to tango. So yeah I have a systematic view of things and I am going to look both inwards and outwards.[/quote']

 

You are the common denominator in all your failed relationships though.

 

Mental healthcare helps people everyday. But like with everything else in life, you only get out of it what you’re willing to put in. Hey, getting well is hard work. It requires diligence and a strong desire to get better. I know because I’ve recovered from many many things in my life and I see in you someone who would rather blame a system than do the work required.

 

There’s nothing wrong with trying to understand people because it will help you to understand your reactions to certain types more but the primary focus should be on understanding yourself. That’s where journaling can help but it seems you’ve even pooh-poohed that too.

 

I’m just trying to help you but see first you need to help yourself. Do you really want to get better or have you become comfortable with being uncomfortable?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Mental healthcare helps people everyday. But like with everything else in life, you only get out of it what you’re willing to put in. Hey, getting well is hard work.

 

^ This is true. Your expectations may need some adjustment. It's not like taking an aspirin and expecting everything to be okay.

 

Therapists can't fix your life by talking to you for an hour, but they can help you arrive at insights that facilitate progress. They aren't there to be your buddy or sooth you every time you have a bad day. They strive to inspire growth in a healthy direction. That often means challenging beliefs and habitual reactions, and that often makes for difficult sessions. If you leave a session feeling wrung out, it probably means you made progress.

 

So please don't judge a therapist by how superficially supportive you perceive them to be. Some are obviously more so than others. Being supportive, affirming and empathetic is easy. Knowing when and how to challenge you to be more resilient, self-reliant and giving you the skills and confidence to grow is much harder. In my opinion the feel-good therapists are usually the ones who aren't as skilled (except when that type of support is necessary).

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

It is difficult to find a good therapist. I refer to the U.S. Is OP from this country? Some do not know the right questions to ask, much less the answers to them. Often they claim numerous specialties but actually only have 1 or 2 mental health expertise areas. I really think a therapist must like you as a person to help you--they will not admit it. They say they understand you, of course, but often it is only superficial. I could write an article on this.

 

Try to interview on the phone first. Be very clear of your expectations and desires and goals and do not accept vague answers.

Choose one older than you but not too much older. Ph.D. or Psy.D. or M.D.

Link to post
Share on other sites
It is difficult to find a good therapist. I refer to the U.S. Is OP from this country? Some do not know the right questions to ask, much less the answers to them. Often they claim numerous specialties but actually only have 1 or 2 mental health expertise areas. I really think a therapist must like you as a person to help you--they will not admit it. They say they understand you, of course, but often it is only superficial. I could write an article on this.

 

Try to interview on the phone first. Be very clear of your expectations and desires and goals and do not accept vague answers.

Choose one older than you but not too much older. Ph.D. or Psy.D. or M.D.

 

And you believe the patient always does, so it's as simple as giving them a little quiz on the phone? Even the assumption that therapy about answering questions is, well... And they must like you, but they will never admit it. Man are you just making this stuff up, or do you have insights that no one else does (rhetorical, no need to answer)?

 

The best way is referrals from other therapists. Ask several who are the most respected in the area, and note the name that keep showing up.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cupid's Puppet
It is difficult to find a good therapist. I refer to the U.S. Is OP from this country? Some do not know the right questions to ask, much less the answers to them. Often they claim numerous specialties but actually only have 1 or 2 mental health expertise areas. I really think a therapist must like you as a person to help you--they will not admit it. They say they understand you, of course, but often it is only superficial. I could write an article on this.

 

Try to interview on the phone first. Be very clear of your expectations and desires and goals and do not accept vague answers.

Choose one older than you but not too much older. Ph.D. or Psy.D. or M.D.

 

That's interesting. You should write an article. I never considered the idea of bias being a component of how willing they are to help. But it would not surprise me because medical doctors have bias and there's been research on how some demographics aren't offered the same treatment options as others. So it's probably the case with mental health professionals.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cupid's Puppet
You are the common denominator in all your failed relationships though.

 

Mental healthcare helps people everyday. But like with everything else in life, you only get out of it what you’re willing to put in. Hey, getting well is hard work. It requires diligence and a strong desire to get better. I know because I’ve recovered from many many things in my life and I see in you someone who would rather blame a system than do the work required.

 

There’s nothing wrong with trying to understand people because it will help you to understand your reactions to certain types more but the primary focus should be on understanding yourself. That’s where journaling can help but it seems you’ve even pooh-poohed that too.

 

I’m just trying to help you but see first you need to help yourself. Do you really want to get better or have you become comfortable with being uncomfortable?

 

My post was about the system being broken. How did you figure I don't work on myself when I mentioned how I put in the work to overcome depression? I didn't say I was against journaling. I said it was old advice, so old, it's so wellknown you get the advice to journal for free from the internet. So why go to a counselor paying nearly $200/hr for a suggestion you get for free on loveshack?

 

I really hope you're not in the field. When someone has been abandoned for no reason in one relationship and abused in the next relationship, you don't jump to the conclusion of "well you're the common denominator in all these failed relationships." Dear Lord...and without.knowing.a.thing.about.a.person other than anonymous posts that I keep vague to prevent exposing my identity.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cupid's Puppet
^ This is true. Your expectations may need some adjustment. It's not like taking an aspirin and expecting everything to be okay.

 

Therapists can't fix your life by talking to you for an hour, but they can help you arrive at insights that facilitate progress. They aren't there to be your buddy or sooth you every time you have a bad day. They strive to inspire growth in a healthy direction. That often means challenging beliefs and habitual reactions, and that often makes for difficult sessions. If you leave a session feeling wrung out, it probably means you made progress.

 

So please don't judge a therapist by how superficially supportive you perceive them to be. Some are obviously more so than others. Being supportive, affirming and empathetic is easy. Knowing when and how to challenge you to be more resilient, self-reliant and giving you the skills and confidence to grow is much harder. In my opinion the feel-good therapists are usually the ones who aren't as skilled (except when that type of support is necessary).

 

You and the other poster must like to hear yourselves talk. Putting words in my mouth. Quote me where I said I need my therapist to be my buddy or soothe me whenever I have a bad day? Going through a mental crisis when traumatic experiences occur is not having a bad day, first of all.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I hear you. Where I live, the mental health system is not particularly responsive, it is actually better designed to deal with more acute “solvable” problems than the long term needs of some individuals, and struggles to deal with mental health issues complicated by other things like addiction. It is far from a perfect system.

 

That said, I think you need to find the right counsellor. It’s like dating, when you find that person, you will know. When my mom died, I got bounced around and saw three counsellors for what was actually only a few visits. I really liked the first counsellor, thought the second was ok, and decided I could do better on my own after I met the third counsellor... ;)

 

Best wishes. I hope you find the answers you seek.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cupid's Puppet
It is frustrating when you are in crisis & there is no one available to treat you. I have my share of awful counselors but when you find a good one, it's like a miracle.

 

With respect to the abusive relationship, if it rose to the level of criminal conduct report the abuser to the police. Then you may qualify for social services.

 

Do look outside of just psychologists. Try someone with an MSW who sees private patients. Some people find it helpful to talk to a religious or spiritual counselor.

 

Best wishes finding somebody who can help. In the interim consider reading some self help books & watching TED talks. Journaling can also be a powerful outlet

 

Here's the thing, and I was really trying to avoid going into detail about the abuse. I just wanted to speak about mental health resources, you know, how they're limited and how the latest research is stale. I just mentioned the abusive relationship as a side point to say how I can't imagine counseling helping me based on my experiences thus far. Anyways, back to your suggestion of reporting it to the authorities... I did go to the emergency room and there was a lady from the YWCA who was there to counsel me. She gave me a lot of resources, and one of their reps called 2 weeks later to check on me. She did tell me about the support circles but I never went, and I'll explain. When I went to the emergency room they did an examination, asked me for my story, and asked if I wanted to press charges. I said no. And I think people get really angry when victims protect the abuser which is why I really didn't really want to talk about this. Anyhow, I'm not sure if others go through this but sometimes you feel like the abuse you had may not have been worse than others. So I felt I didn't belong in those support groups, even though the lady from the Y was really supportive in trying to help me understand that all abuse doesn't play out like CSI epusode and the guy was a monster.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You and the other poster must like to hear yourselves talk. Putting words in my mouth. Quote me where I said I need my therapist to be my buddy or soothe me whenever I have a bad day? Going through a mental crisis when traumatic experiences occur is not having a bad day' date=' first of all.[/quote']

 

Well, first of all I wasn't even responding to YOU specifically. The fact that your post was not the one I quoted is a clue. Secondly, I can see more clearly now the kind of temperament behind the disgruntlement.

 

Otherwise, I stand by my opinions as stated. You as a client have to do the work, and no counselor or therapist can change history or edit the thoughts in your head. All they can do is help you gain insight and alternative ways of perceiving things. That doesn't mean anything is broken... about the system.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
When I went to the emergency room they did an examination' date=' asked me for my story, and asked if I wanted to press charges. I said no. And I think people get really angry when victims protect the abuser. Sometimes you feel like the abuse you had may not have been worse than others..[/quote']

 

Are you still in this relationship CP? I only ask because there are two issues here if you are - one is a short term need to get you some support and get you out of a dangerous situation. The other, is a long term need for education, to help you to develop more self-awareness and better coping skills.

 

I was thinking when I first read your post that the suggestion to speak with someone from a women’s shelter (or this woman from the Y) may not be necessary... but, I have changed my opinion. You are exactly the person who would be well served by these kind of counselling services, at least as it relates to educating yourself about abuse and helping you to find a safer place. If you still have that woman’s number, please call her. The rest will come with time...

Link to post
Share on other sites
I really hope you're not in the field. When someone has been abandoned for no reason in one relationship and abused in the next relationship' date=' you don't jump to the conclusion of "well you're the common denominator in all these failed relationships." Dear Lord...and without.knowing.a.thing.about.a.person other than anonymous posts that I keep vague to prevent exposing my identity.[/quote']

 

You chose these men to be in a relationship with. Dear Lord...do you not own any of your part and just shift total blame whenever it suits you?

 

Why wouldn’t you hope I’m in the field? You already have a poor opinion so that would just solidify it for you and give you cause to be even more justified in thinking you’re right about everything.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time.

Access to therapy is certainly a struggle and finding the right one is quite the Challenge.

you can’t expect the counselor to dive into your past and start analyzing right away. Talk therapy is just that, the patient talking. If you are looking for therapy that’ll go deep into causes of mental health issues that started in your past, it can be done with a few meetings.

Some people are in therapy for years!

 

That being said, talk therapy isn’t for everyone. I personally find it very hard to open up to a stranger no matter how much I tell myself it’s their job. I’m more of an autodidact and have been doing some work on my own using a cognitive behavioral therapy book I bought on amazon. PM me if you want to know which it is.

 

Other than that, if you are in a crisis, Inwould suggest you go see a medical doctor so you can have access to medication if needed, at least temporarily.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Cupid's Puppet
Are you still in this relationship CP? I only ask because there are two issues here if you are - one is a short term need to get you some support and get you out of a dangerous situation. The other, is a long term need for education, to help you to develop more self-awareness and better coping skills.

 

I was thinking when I first read your post that the suggestion to speak with someone from a women’s shelter (or this woman from the Y) may not be necessary... but, I have changed my opinion. You are exactly the person who would be well served by these kind of counselling services, at least as it relates to educating yourself about abuse and helping you to find a safer place. If you still have that woman’s number, please call her. The rest will come with time...

 

Thank you for your concern. I am no longer in the relationship. Ugh I can devote a whole thread to that, but I won't. It ended about 2 months ago. Surprisingly I have coped pretty well for the most part. And it's weird how I moved past it. There are just times, like when I created this thread, I feel burdened by this secret and think how it would be nice for someone to help me process it all. It's in the past, but you never forget. Anyhow, your post inspired me to look back at the package I was given. There's some pamphlets with numbers to 24-hr hotlines for counseling and groups. I don't know though. I really don't want to be in contact with other women who were in that position and more than likely experienced worse for a longer period of time. This is also making me angry all over again.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...