LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Mind, Body & Soul > Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

Moral obligation towards someone who has withheld money he owes me


Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being Start off with a great foundation! The place to ponder the journey towards improving yourself!

Like Tree10Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 22nd September 2018, 10:48 AM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: London, United Kingdom
Posts: 18,471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
I think when marriage ends, so do any "verbal" agreements made during the marriage.

That's why we have written divorce decrees, they spell out each party's obligations, thus removing the uncertainty you've described here...

Mr. Lucky

We had business ventures after divorce - though none of them exist anymore.
Emilia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2018, 10:54 AM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: London, United Kingdom
Posts: 18,471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post
I base my actions on my conscience and I don't compare myself to others. When it comes to money, I try to do the ethical thing.

If his karma bites him, then that is his problem and he has to live with that.

I'm not going to attempt to understand all of the real estate transactions, divorce decree or marital separation agreements that may or may not apply. If you feel you, ethically, owe him some money (net of what he owes you) then write the check.

As far as the profit, maybe use the date of your divorce and estimate the value (as of that date) for the basis of the land and calculate the profit off of that figure??
If I used the divorce/separation date as a marker, I would owe him nothing because commercial gain has grown over the past 10 years.

I created this thread because I tried to see beyond my emotional reaction towards a person who knew that he held the cash that for many years had been my absolute fall back. Yes he is my ex-husband so many say - quite rightly - that I should have had no outstanding financial obligations with him. However, that doesn't absolve a person, I don't think.

I spoke to my former brother-in-law to make sure my ex husband didn't have some massive debt that I knew nothing about but he took a dim view of this situation too (I still get on with my former in-laws).

I guess I don't feel right now that I owe money to a thief. I am prepared to deal with the moral judgement on that statement.
Emilia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2018, 10:58 AM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 13,685
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilia View Post
We had business ventures after divorce - though none of them exist anymore.
And yet I doubt those were handshake deals, right? There were deeds, partnership agreements, etc., that spelled out each partner's rights and responsibilities.

Again, divorce is handled the same way...

Mr. Lucky
__________________
Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct -

Eleanor Roosevelt
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2018, 11:01 AM   #19
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: London, United Kingdom
Posts: 18,471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
And yet I doubt those were handshake deals, right? There were deeds, partnership agreements, etc., that spelled out each partner's rights and responsibilities.

Again, divorce is handled the same way...

Mr. Lucky
Actually we had almost purely handshake deals over the 25 years that I have known him. This is the first time that we had this problem, that's why it was so left field. Having said that, they were mostly smaller ventures, not really financially that significant.

I still believe in moral obligations beyond divorce papers though, like Lemming said. Though obviously I draw the line somewhere.
Emilia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2018, 1:34 PM   #20
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 21
It's all about ethics and a person's moral compass. You ask 10 random people that don't know either of you, you'll get 10 different answers. So why bother, unless you're going to follow the majority rule or something?


If you want to give him some, or all, or none of the money that might be due him for ethical purposes, then do it. Doesn't take a random vote of strangers to decide this one.


That much being said if you're looking for votes, mine is to keep everything for yourself.
Estes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd September 2018, 2:15 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: London, United Kingdom
Posts: 18,471
Quote:
Originally Posted by Estes View Post
It's all about ethics and a person's moral compass. You ask 10 random people that don't know either of you, you'll get 10 different answers. So why bother, unless you're going to follow the majority rule or something?
Because intelligent people have something to say that makes me think from a different perspective. Is that not the point of Loveshack?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Estes View Post
If you want to give him some, or all, or none of the money that might be due him for ethical purposes, then do it. Doesn't take a random vote of strangers to decide this one.

That much being said if you're looking for votes, mine is to keep everything for yourself.
Other people have been able to provide insight into their reasoning. Are you not able to do that?
Emilia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd September 2018, 1:16 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 389
He also had full and complete use of the flat for years paying you no rent and you deriving no benefit. You donít owe him.
PhillyLibertyBelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th September 2018, 10:00 AM   #23
Established Member
 
PegNosePete's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 9,732
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilia View Post
by British law if the debt is older than 6 years, there are no legal ways of claiming it anyway
That's not necessarily true. If you've divorced then all finances should be dealt with in your consent order or court order and there's no time limit for enforcing that. If you don't have one then there's no statute of limitations for applying for one. However the court would place weight on the fact that he's been living in the flat as though it's his, and you've had the land as though it's yours, for a long time.

Ethically he lost all high ground when he screwed you over on the flat. From that point on, it's each for themselves.
__________________
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-- Douglas Adams
PegNosePete is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th September 2018, 1:25 PM   #24
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 24,151
I have to say, you were very gullible going for this deal trusting an ex that he was looking out for your best interests. He never intended to pay you.

Stop worrying about why and just get an attorney and go after him, now!
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Weakness v Moral Obligation to Block? Eggplant The Other Man / Woman 26 5th February 2014 7:25 PM
Ex owes me money but i dont want to break contact!!! shamone222 Coping 1 8th March 2012 7:18 PM
stupid ex owes me tons of money chelle21689 Dating 22 24th November 2011 9:12 PM
Ex owes me money LondonBoy Coping 4 17th February 2006 12:58 AM
How do I get the money my ex owes me without being a heatless bitch???? Tangerina Breaks and Breaking Up 15 9th November 2005 1:07 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:06 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.