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What does it mean to "love" someone? (romantically)


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Old 12th September 2018, 2:27 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Fearless Motivation View Post
sounds quite cynical. With the last sentence of pay rates, quite like person who just uses people.
I reckon I'm one of the least cynical people on the board.

I simply don't see how taking a week off for some ex of an aeon ago falls into the category of what you do for 'love'. Wanting someone where there's been minimal contact over the years to take leave from their day job or family and work for free is what I see as using.

I pay people who work for me. Or if it's a smaller job, I might barter. I expect the same in return - even from an ex.

Would you not pay someone who's working for you?
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Old 13th September 2018, 10:48 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Tailor2000 View Post
Interesting thread.

Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?


It fundamentally doesn't click/spark. But hey that's what "love" is all about right? Persevering through the lack of spark?


Good point about a difference. I do not believe I have ever experienced love, as you describe it, as no one has ever put my needs above their own very much or at all or even asked if I had any...hmmm...but I have been "in love." Only once, I guess, by the way you describe it as a spark. Long ago.
Hmm...
All those years...I was the only person loving anyone...that sucks...I am glad for this thread though, as stupid as I feel now...
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Old 14th September 2018, 12:39 AM   #18
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What True Love Means To Me

Personally, Love is as complicated as it gets, but I can break it down into components.

For me, love, is one hand - pure empathy. When they are having a bad day, you help them out. Not because you know it is the right thing to do, but because you feel their pain. Thereís an undeniable bond that you both share, where your emotions are in tune. Their victories are your victories. Their losses are also your losses.

Secondly, similar to empathy, is understanding. You know the functionality of your partner. For example, on the way they deal with conflict. Those who are in love will give their partner space if that is what he/she desires. Or the opposite, and give them a helping hand along the way. Not only do you understand your partner but you compromise components about yourself. Not that you are losing yourself, per say - but you may sacrifice some T.V time to give your partner a call, or expend some extra energy in cleaning the house, running some errands, or coming up a small surprise of flowers. Your actions are predicated on your knowledge of your partner, and you do your best to accommodate to their liking.

But love is also familiarity. Which is kind of the messed up thing, but itís true. We may have grown up with very cold parents, who dismissed our emotions as a kid. So now when someone comes along, and tries to talk about emotions, and is very nurturing, we may be happy with the way they are treating us, but we donít seem to ďloveĒ it. Not that we donít enjoy other people supporting us, and showing us how much we care, but if that love isnít similar to the love we got to know as a child, then it doesnít seem authentic. Seems disingenuous, almost fake.

But there are many more thing I could say, but thatís the jist of it
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Old 14th September 2018, 3:50 AM   #19
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Love is an inconvenience.
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Old 15th September 2018, 12:18 AM   #20
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Love is patient, love is kind...I am reminded of this right now. I know what love is by this passage and I cannot love and bear a record of all the wrongs or I would be in deep ____ too!
Yes familiar sounds right. My stepdad was...abusive. I never received comfort or regard for my life and the things he did to torment me as a child. And still I loved him like the bible said to honour your father and mother. He even chopped off my pinky finger in a car door when I was two. Had multiple surgeries and am deformed slightly in my right hand. I picked men like him my whole life. Men who physically wanted me at their convenience and discarded me and I covered for them or did anything they asked because subconsciously as a child I had to obey my step dad and I loved my mother to much to hurt her. I got by many years with men not asking much but all it took was that first time someone asked for more than I could legally afford and I snapped and looked for the worst traits I could find in men to feel that familiarity. Now I know. And I steer clear of men especially the one's who make me feel afraid or who want to use me and not date me properly or who use power to gain a response from others. I know how powerful the past can be and how it influences decisions. The more you know...right? Took me so long to figure it out. I didn't want it to be true. I also don't really need to do this anymore either. I've always fixed my own problems and always will. Pity is the last thing I need or help for that matter. I got this. I know what to do and how to work things out for my own self and God always makes them to work for the best. I love myself and my life and that is good enough for me!

Last edited by KatCha; 15th September 2018 at 12:26 AM..
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Old 16th September 2018, 7:07 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
I reckon I'm one of the least cynical people on the board.

I simply don't see how taking a week off for some ex of an aeon ago falls into the category of what you do for 'love'. Wanting someone where there's been minimal contact over the years to take leave from their day job or family and work for free is what I see as using.

I pay people who work for me. Or if it's a smaller job, I might barter. I expect the same in return - even from an ex.

Would you not pay someone who's working for you?
Hello,

hmm....maybe we have little misunderstanding... or we simply see things differently.

Yes, I saw your posts here, you do not resemble cynical or bad person, although this post and the previous one would sound to me... although we just see things in a very different angle, that is all.

Ok, thank you for your reply, Basil
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Old 16th September 2018, 7:11 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by jjb117 View Post
Personally, Love is as complicated as it gets, but I can break it down into components.

For me, love, is one hand - pure empathy. When they are having a bad day, you help them out. Not because you know it is the right thing to do, but because you feel their pain. Thereís an undeniable bond that you both share, where your emotions are in tune. Their victories are your victories. Their losses are also your losses.

Secondly, similar to empathy, is understanding. You know the functionality of your partner. For example, on the way they deal with conflict. Those who are in love will give their partner space if that is what he/she desires. Or the opposite, and give them a helping hand along the way. Not only do you understand your partner but you compromise components about yourself. Not that you are losing yourself, per say - but you may sacrifice some T.V time to give your partner a call, or expend some extra energy in cleaning the house, running some errands, or coming up a small surprise of flowers. Your actions are predicated on your knowledge of your partner, and you do your best to accommodate to their liking.

But love is also familiarity. Which is kind of the messed up thing, but itís true. We may have grown up with very cold parents, who dismissed our emotions as a kid. So now when someone comes along, and tries to talk about emotions, and is very nurturing, we may be happy with the way they are treating us, but we donít seem to ďloveĒ it. Not that we donít enjoy other people supporting us, and showing us how much we care, but if that love isnít similar to the love we got to know as a child, then it doesnít seem authentic. Seems disingenuous, almost fake.

But there are many more thing I could say, but thatís the jist of it
HOLY MOLLY!

After reading all those different insights I just wanted to close thread with "ok, I see, we all see things differently" and now I read this...

Exactly!

You put words into what I only felt... your pretty much verbally formed my feelings. Thank you!

Yes, please, anything else you have to say - please write it


As for the last paragraph - yes, I think this is very true indeed... reason why some just nice people repel us and why others attract us even though we can't explain why...


Thanks!
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Old 16th September 2018, 7:35 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Tailor2000 View Post
Interesting thread.

Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?

I mean I love my girlfriend and want the best for her, I frequently put her needs above my own. But am I in love with her? Whatever that might mean, I would say no.

It fundamentally doesn't click/spark. But hey that's what "love" is all about right? Persevering through the lack of spark?
well, as for me, I never use "love" easily. If I say it, it means a lot. So loving and being in love are quite similar feelings, but second is an emotion, you don't control it. The first one, you can decide who you perceive as love worthy.
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Old 17th September 2018, 1:15 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by Fearless Motivation View Post
HOLY MOLLY!

After reading all those different insights I just wanted to close thread with "ok, I see, we all see things differently" and now I read this...

Exactly!

You put words into what I only felt... your pretty much verbally formed my feelings. Thank you!

Yes, please, anything else you have to say - please write it


As for the last paragraph - yes, I think this is very true indeed... reason why some just nice people repel us and why others attract us even though we can't explain why...


Thanks!
Last thing I should say is that love is wanting the best for someone.

In my case, like many others here, I was in a relationship, and I do believe I did love her and she loved me.

We didn’t work out. We were very different, headed in very different directions in life, and I can only speak for myself but moving on was the hardest thing I have ever done. After all the long nights, long drives, and fighting through all the tears, I found peace. I found acceptance in knowing we weren’t meant to be together. And more importantly, I found happiness.

But throughout this whole process, I did not wish her anything but the best in life. Those were my last words at the time, and I still remember it vividly -

“I’m not sure if this will be the last time I see you, but always remember I want the best for you. I wish you well in your studies, your mental health, and that you succeed in all facets of life. I hope you find happiness, even if I’m not there to see it.”

And a year later, we’ve rekindled a friendship. No bad blood. No love lost.

To me, that’s true love. Even after the fire, you both rise above the ashes and still see the beauty in each other.

I can’t say you and your ex will be friends, lovers or even anything. I can’t even say she loved you. Only she knows that. But I can say she does remember you. You were a component of her life. Someone special. And the moments you shared together can never be taken away by anybody.

Last edited by jjb117; 17th September 2018 at 1:57 AM.. Reason: Filling in sentences
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Old 18th September 2018, 4:03 PM   #25
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Last thing I should say is that love is wanting the best for someone.

In my case, like many others here, I was in a relationship, and I do believe I did love her and she loved me.

We didnít work out. We were very different, headed in very different directions in life, and I can only speak for myself but moving on was the hardest thing I have ever done. After all the long nights, long drives, and fighting through all the tears, I found peace. I found acceptance in knowing we werenít meant to be together. And more importantly, I found happiness.

But throughout this whole process, I did not wish her anything but the best in life. Those were my last words at the time, and I still remember it vividly -

ďIím not sure if this will be the last time I see you, but always remember I want the best for you. I wish you well in your studies, your mental health, and that you succeed in all facets of life. I hope you find happiness, even if Iím not there to see it.Ē

And a year later, weíve rekindled a friendship. No bad blood. No love lost.

To me, thatís true love. Even after the fire, you both rise above the ashes and still see the beauty in each other.

I canít say you and your ex will be friends, lovers or even anything. I canít even say she loved you. Only she knows that. But I can say she does remember you. You were a component of her life. Someone special. And the moments you shared together can never be taken away by anybody.

Once again, I could not agree more. as if I read my own feelings, just written by someone else. Interesting... is this random or is this real point of love, only you were able to describe? all the other people... I dont know... like what basil said... I just feel very hard to see "love" behind it. Rather "yeah, I feel good with you, but once you disappear from my life you disappear from my mind and kindness"... sounds more like employer-employee relationship than love

Anyway, yes. when I was younger I felt something more for several people. at same time I used to be full of fear, anger, resentment... Those negative feelings are long gone, but the only one, what I call love remained. Just does not change over time. Maybe slightly, as my personality develops, changes, so does my feelings.

hmm....

cool.
I am not really in romantic mood these days, so it is hard to expess my feelings. But one thing I know doe sure this love thingy is leaving a huge mark in me and forms my personality.

Hmm...
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