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To be utterly depressed about turning 30?

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Old 10th December 2017, 2:59 PM   #1
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To be utterly depressed about turning 30?

I have to say that I have not yet been in therapy, but for the past last year I have been struggling with insomnia and anxiety and turning 30 is partly the reason why I am freaking out. I am not where I thought I would be in my 30s.Not even close to that.

I have a job, but not the dream career I envisaged for myself when I was student, I still live with roommates ( I live in one of the most expensive cities in Europe), my dating life is a disaster, my last relationship was 3 years ago and as much as I want I never manage to find someone interested in a serious relationship. Partly the reason why I could not maintain a long term relationship is that i lived in 3 countries in the past 10 years. However, the older I get, the more confusing I find the dating scene.
My parents got divorced last year and that affected me a lot and made me more bitter about relationships.

Turning 30 is making me feel as if everything will go downhill from now on, my looks, my career prospectives, my chances in general. Since I was a teenager I’be Always lived with the idea that somehow I have lost “ the last train”. This is how I feel now.

Any advice would be appreciated.
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Old 10th December 2017, 7:07 PM   #2
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“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.”

― Lao Tzu
Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.
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Old 10th December 2017, 7:09 PM   #3
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I get all weird every birthday & more so when they end in a zero. Look at it as a new page; a time to redefine yourself. Take some stock. What is it that you want to accomplish? Make a plan to do that. Also schedule yourself to something fun & uplifting.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:02 PM   #4
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You know there's nothing stopping you form doing whatever you want, to pursue that dream career of yours. The only one stopping you are yourself. You moved country 3 times before you wrote, the you must be very well aware that nothing is impossible and even if it seems hard it's still doable. Somethings require more work than other. So I would say, write yourself a list; what is it that you want to accomplish? 30 years old is nothing, you are as old as you make yourself and in today's society you study longer and in general also live longer. So when you look at your parents or grandparents you can see that we live quite different from them, neither of my parents finished high school and started working when they were 16. I graduated around 23 and got my first job at 24. They had both been working for around 8 years before they decided to have kids or on a life partner.

People in general rush too much in life noways, and might think that they are unsuccessful because they are older and haven't achieved everything in life before the age of 30. We have too stop thinking about the social norms and live life the way it makes us happy, not the ways we think it should make us happy.
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Old 26th December 2017, 4:52 PM   #5
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Unless there are some other reasons you are not mentioning, I am willing to bet that your insomnia starts with you lying down (or just any time of day really), and next thing you know, all sorts of thoughts flood into your head. Most of them are actually depressing ones. You are probably lying there thinking something like, "I am almost 30, but I am no where near close to where I want to be. What can I do to get there? Where is my soulmate? Will I still be like this in a year, five, or ten years?" Then, you start thinking about the reasons why you may never find or achieve these things, and that time is running out for you--that you do not want to be old and alone without the things that you want in life--; however, you also have no idea what you can do to make things work out or where to take your life, and that being lost is what makes you anxious.

Most nights where you cannot sleep are probably a repeat of this scenario. If I am right, all I can say is to avoid thinking about things at night. It has a way of making all of your thoughts just as dark and miserable. Even if I am not right, the following still applies.

Stop thinking too much about nonsense and focus your thoughts on achieving your goals.

What goes on in your head drives your life--literally. If your thoughts are focused in a direction, you will eventually get there. On the other hand if your head is going in circles everywhere, I would be amazed if you were not confused and lost.

Try to organize your thoughts and motivate yourself to work on a list of priorities that you have set. Make something like achieving your dream career the first priority, and do everything you can to reach it. You can still leave room for windows of romance on the side when you have free time from your goal. Patience is key on the romantic side since nothing you can do can force that to happen after all. Regardless of what you decide to do, just do not sit still and let yourself and your thoughts stagnate. Your thoughts are like water, constantly cutting a path through life for you, but like water, the moment you stop the flow, it will fester. Keep focused, push forward. When you have a clear direction and know what to do next, your anxiety will disappear, and when you see that you have achieved something, you will no longer be depressed.
The morning dawns upon everyone and returns all the tears of yesterday to the heavens.
Turn into the rain of blessing that will awaken the sleeping sprouts still resting in the scars remaining on the land.

Last edited by Nilfiry; 26th December 2017 at 5:04 PM..
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Old 26th December 2017, 8:19 PM   #6
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Will be 49 in three days and I have no idea where I am 'supposed' to be right now. Never placed great value in creating professional or person targets. Too rigid and unadventurous. I am at my best health-wise, great family and doing my best to maintain the wonderful relationships I do have and learning from those I have lost.

It sounds like you've placed yourself on a rigid time-table w/o consideration to the fact that it's not all up to you AND you are bound experience far more disappointments if your life is so rigidly defined.

One day at a are still very young. Prioritize, but give yourself permission to live, enjoy life without the rigidity.
__________________ being a father!
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