LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Mind, Body & Soul > Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

Who you are now [Updated]


Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being Start off with a great foundation! The place to ponder the journey towards improving yourself!

Like Tree26Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th December 2017, 11:46 PM   #1
Established Member
 
mortensorchid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 4,381
Who you are now [Updated]

Last weekend a long time guy friend was over. We've been friends for over 20 years now. I told him just as he was leaving that I was going on a diet to take off a few extra pounds here and there. He said the problem with me and all women is that we don't see something important. What? He said men don't want who you were when you were in high school - they want you as you are now - 40 and fabulous.

Really? Any observation on this? I am going to be 43 in a few weeks and I feel so good about myself and yet I am so resigned to some things as well.
mortensorchid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th December 2017, 11:50 PM   #2
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,187
In my experience, that's total B.S.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th December 2017, 11:57 PM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Into the great wide open
Posts: 699
Oh boy. This post might bring you down. 😑

I have a lot of women j know who I have known since they were in their late teens and early 20s. A lot of them I really miss the people they used to be that I knew them as when they were younger. Now they are in their 40s.. mother's and wives .they seem mean, very opinionated, sometimes even nasty. Still people I'm hold dear .. but not the people I used to know when they were really young.
jjgitties is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 12:47 AM   #4
Member
 
Popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 8,663
Not all men are alike. Some like older women and some don't. Usually the ones who value emotional connection a lot like older women.
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 12:50 AM   #5
Member
 
Popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 8,663
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjgitties View Post
Oh boy. This post might bring you down. 😑

I have a lot of women j know who I have known since they were in their late teens and early 20s. A lot of them I really miss the people they used to be that I knew them as when they were younger. Now they are in their 40s.. mother's and wives .they seem mean, very opinionated, sometimes even nasty. Still people I'm hold dear .. but not the people I used to know when they were really young.
As a woman, my experience has been different. The men I knew long ago, seem just as nice as they used to be, maybe even nicer and more mellow than what I remember, but not as physically attractive as they used to be. Like drastically different.
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 12:52 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Fair's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 659
A lot of men like women in their forties... men of all ages, too. We're not old, but we have a little extra something now that men seem to want.

I thought when I turned forty it was over. It's not! That's just a myth society feeds women to keep us feeling like crap about ourselves.

And the reverse is true... I don't want men as they were in their 20's. They get better with age, too.
Fair is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 12:53 AM   #7
Member
 
Popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 8,663
Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
In my experience, that's total B.S.
lol I agree with this but only because men typically tell you whatever you want to hear when they are in your face.

Not that it's a complete lie, but they will always say something favorable to you in that moment. That is, if he's a nice person and is attracted to you. Which is good, right???

Enjoy it but see it for what it is.
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 1:35 AM   #8
Established Member
 
NuevoYorko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 918
Personally, I prefer that a woman in her 40's is in fact fabulous, rather than trying to be her 20 year old self. That usually doesn't play well. It doesn't mean that I'm not interested in an attractive looking face and figure.
NuevoYorko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 2:46 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,998
yeah , dunno about that one.
l like her in good shape and if she's lucky enough to look as good as she did 20yrs ago , l ain't complaining.
Do your diet , do it for you , you'll feel great.
Chilli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 3:41 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 5,690
It's not possible for anyone to be the same person as they were 20 years ago.

If this is just about weight though, going on a diet tends to be a temporary fix.
Fad type diets are not sustainable, nor healthy.
The majority of people I have known (including myself back in the days when I used to 'diet') put the weight back on and more once they return to a regular eating.
'Diets' actually make weight loss difficult and unsuccessful for long term weight maintenance.
GemmaUK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 7:10 AM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Into the great wide open
Posts: 699
Oh, if this discussion was about body figure and body type.

FWIW,OP, the women that I know who are in their 40s that sort of look what they were like in their 20s when I knew them, as far as body type goes, meaning, they still are very slim and skinny. Those are the ones that never married and never had kids and are still single. But they are also the ones that it seems never ever eat anything when you see them in public. They are also the ones that were always skinny, even in their early 20s.

If you were to ask me, so I find them much more sexually attractive than other 40 year old women that aren't as skinny -- absolutely not. I actually think they look a little unhealthy IMO. They look too bony. Not my type.

dg
jjgitties is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 7:31 AM   #12
Established Member
 
heartbrokenlady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Asia
Posts: 244
I have 2 contrasting perspectives on this.

1 - I struggle with my weight. I have my whole life. SO if I could choose, I'd choose to be a healthy weight. For health mainly now, as I get older, but also because I feel unattractive.

2 - The way I think I would choose to look, at my advanced age, on other women, I think is a little sad. I think women look better if they age gracefully.



I know those perspectives are contradictory.
heartbrokenlady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 10:21 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Michelle ma Belle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,953
Quote:
Originally Posted by Popsicle View Post
Not all men are alike. Some like older women and some don't. Usually the ones who value emotional connection a lot like older women.
Agreed.

Can't emphasis enough the "not all men are alike".

I've been very fortunate to have met and been with men of all ages who appreciated my age and all that comes with it. Even my high school boyfriend, with whom I reunited and dated for a short while, loved the 'older' version.

Personally, I LOVE the woman I've become, scars and all.

That's not to say I don't catch myself fantasizing of having a tighter body or not having to color my hair every 3 weeks to keep the grey away. The maintenance that comes with age can be daunting sometimes but that's life. As much as I may sometimes wish I had my youthful body and looks, there is a much bigger part of me that happily embraces and even celebrates my older self.

Not everyone is going to like it and that's fine. In fact, I see it as a vetting tool and so far, it's worked perfectly for me.

Aging is a part of life and one you can't escape no matter how many injections you do or surgeries you undergo. Besides, nothing looks older than a woman trying to look young
__________________
"Stupid is as stupid does" - Forrest Gump.

Last edited by Michelle ma Belle; 8th December 2017 at 10:24 AM..
Michelle ma Belle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 11:33 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 15,412
Quote:
Originally Posted by mortensorchid View Post
He said men don't want who you were when you were in high school - they want you as you are now - 40 and fabulous.
I was on the dating market from age 45 to 50 and that has been my experience. I had plenty of men pursuing me and they certainly were not after the teen look and were attracted toward women that had lived and their face and body was testifying of it.

If someone doesn't want you at 43 then why would he pursue you?

Just get busy doing your thing and men that want a fabulous 43 year old will pursue you, no need to worry about what the other men want.
__________________
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th December 2017, 11:58 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Transitioning
Posts: 1,150
I have been way more popular since turning 40 (quite a while ago!) than I was in my 20's. Cute, fit girls are a dime a dozen when you're 20. A mature woman who looks good and has her **** together is prized at 40+.
introverted1 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Not over it [updated] imsosad The Other Man / Woman 234 5th June 2016 3:30 PM
Is it him? Or me? [updated] BilleRae Dating 18 8th May 2016 9:27 PM
Can someone tell me what's going on? **Updated** Ryan52 Breaks and Breaking Up 28 21st February 2016 6:26 PM
I know... (Updated) longjourney Infidelity 56 12th November 2014 10:05 PM
is it too much to ask to keep you updated? sniffys Long-Distance Relationships 5 6th March 2011 8:31 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 6:58 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.