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Finding it extremely hard to build a life after emotionally abusive relationship?

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Old 29th October 2017, 7:24 PM   #1
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Finding it extremely hard to build a life after emotionally abusive relationship?

So I got out of a 6 year emotionally abusive relationship 6 years ago. I am finding it extremely difficult to build a new life because my self esteem is so low. I had no friends in the latter 4 years of the relationship, because of how bad I felt. I had one friend before that which ended when she and my now ex ended up kissing behind my back. I was too scared at the time to leave my ex and from there it went downhill really. I ended I am in college this year repeating first year, as a result of the abuse, I failed last year. The people there assume I am not repeating and am in first year for the first time like them, I don't want any questions and definitely do not want to say about the abuse, so I just quietly go along to my classes. The people there made friends in freshers week etc...I reactivated my facebook account when we have to for this group project. I have yet to add the people for the project, cause I am a bit embarassed about the fact my facebook is completely empty apart from a profile picture. I also had friends from my old school on the facebook and I guess it would have been nice for one of them to send me a message or something. Nobody says anything to me. I feel so isolated. I looked at other peoples photos and they have so many of them at parties, events etc...looking healthy and happy, and really good. I have none, how do I get out of this? and start a new life for myself, without people judging me for my lack of life at the moment or the fact I haven't had one in years other than what I had with my ex?

I just want to find a level of happiness, and not feel lonely, but I am scared because I am just figuring out things myself as well, and am not able for much social pressure.
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Old 30th October 2017, 12:23 AM   #2
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Youre doing this all wrong. Why are you looking at other peoples lifes and thinking oh gee why dont i have that. People only show you what they want you to see on social media and guess what its one of the masks they wear. Its not really WHO they are..

If you keep chasing this perfect happy, healthy, and really good you ll spend your whole life chasing it because it doesn't exist. And i can guarantee you one day you will get bored out of all that you are seeking right now. Dont worry about people judging you, no matter what they ll judge you anyway. The only thing you can do is be true to yourself and live the life that makes you happy
Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.
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Old 30th October 2017, 11:16 PM   #3
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Listen, everything at this point backwards is the past, reinvent yourself, just because Joe Neighbor is supposedly having a wonderful time in the Bahamas etc., doesn’t mean he or she actually is! People lie, who cares, don’t worry about the WHAT IF’s in life, get yourself together and plan you future. Who cares about the could be’s or maybe, work on yourself, concentrate on yourself, and get the job done! Give yourself little goals, branch out socially in baby steps; one little step may be asking a new person to study, or to help with something…if you cannot stand up on your own, seek out professional help. The school you’re going to, the internet, and other resources are available for the rich to the struggling! Help yourself, stand, go to your churches pastor, join a community group, research and find yourself a great group to attend and to work on yourself….more importantly, forgive yourself, the abuse is not your fault and it’s something that is a part of your history and that is all!

You are important, you are valuable, and you are integral to the futures success! Keep us updated! I will pray for you.
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Old 12th November 2017, 9:22 AM   #4
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It is unfortunate that you find yourself in this situation. But there is always hope - as ayoung73 said, it's all uphill from here - reinvent yourself. Maybe start with finding one friend you can talk to, and parallely start finding your identity again. What are the things that you like to do? What makes you happy? It sounds like a cliché but find some activity to participate in, it REALLY helps in the long run. I joined local volunteering group at a similar point in life, and later I took up an instrument. Lots of friendships came out of that. Also, try not to compare yourself to other people so much. They have their stories and you have yours. What is important now is that you work on yourself instead of trying to escape this negative feelings by finding a new relationship/ abusing drugs or alcohol/ drowning in sorrow all day. Try to push through and it WILL get better.
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