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Getting my life on track


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Hi guys,

 

I've posted a couple of times before, mostly overthinking anxious panic over dating scenarios. But this includes more general things too.

First dating; I can't seem to relax at all during dating periods, and overanalyse everything. I always did this in my previous relationship and it was a massive issue. I've been single for almost 4 years and have not had sex for 3. Right now it feels like I want to be intimate with someone again, but the minute the possibility arises, I freak and run away. It's like I've become so immersed in being alone and having all book boyfriends at my disposal, I've forgotten what it is I want and need in a real person. Sadly I just seem to end up talking to guys who want "naughty" pics, most likely as lonely as I am but don't treat me like another human being. And then I'm fussy and don't know what I want. Seems a total disaster and makes me consider celibacy.

 

On the other hand, I like my freedom. It's great. I'm trying to save for my own place. But I'm an impulsive spender and have had the opportunity to put together a deposit for the past 9 months for an apartment. I have nothing saved. It's like I have to buy stuff but part of me finds it excruciating because I know it's wrong.

This out of control feeling as led to me giving up on my physical fitness and I have gained 28lb the past few months. Might not sound an awful lot compared with those with serious obesity but it's a sign of me giving up on myself. I gave up gym, Zumba and pole dancing classes, and once more loathe my body as I did a few years ago. This has translated to my new job too and I feel myself stagnating with no new training opportunities. I still don't speak much in group meetings as I am still quite shy.

 

I apologise for the rant! Everything has only just started become clear to me. I'm newly 25 and want to find ways to climb out this hole I seem to have dug myself where self-loathing, anxiety and alienation from new love reigns.

Everyone tells me to make more of myself and have self belief. But how?

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You need to do something to snap yourself out of the hole you've dug yourself into. With regard to relationships, there's nothing wrong with having high standards and doing without until the right person comes along and is equally interested in you - I find it admirable. As to your weight, lack of physical activity, spending, and lack of oral participation at work, engage in something that will instill some discipline.

 

My recommendation is to join the UK's Army Reserve, previously called the Territorial Force. It'll get you some physical activity, and during periods of training, you won't have time or opportunity to spend money on things. There are units in Scotland, and your employer will give you a leave of absence for your time. If you are a pacifist, this would be a problem, because the world is an uncertain place, and your unit could be put in service abroad.

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