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What does happiness look like to you...


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What does happiness look like to you...

 

Yes this is a real question so try to take it seriously. This is my home work for my therapist next week and I don't have an answer.

 

If you read some of my other posts, you will know that I have been through the mill like a lot of us.

 

Long story short, loved a drug addicted wife for 26 years, did not really realize what was going on until about 2 years ago. She got sober 18 months ago and about 3 months ago I was finally ready to divorce her and told her so. She immediately woke up an is currently trying to help me heal from every thing that she had done for all those years.

 

Now, my issue is that I just started to realize how much resentment I have about everything and I don't know if I will ever be able to forget it.

 

To her credit, she has really been doing a great job for the last 3 months.

 

It actually took her getting sober and me getting to stop moving from one crisis to another for me to get the clarity to understand what I had been through. I took care of my wife, raised 3 great kids, was the single bread winner, and had a high stress job to boot. While I did have a mild stroke about 2 1/2 years ago, it is kind of a wonder that I just did not keel over.

 

So, I just don't know what happiness looks like, I don't remember the last time I was happy over all.

 

I am a musician and I enjoy doing that but I am not going back on the road again, I'm 52 years old. And in the music arena both of my boys are young musician and I need to help them out as much as I can. BTW, (bragging here) they are opening for a band called "Puddle of Mud" next week, I here POM is kind of a big deal, I have never hear any of their stuff.

God this sound so pathetic when I write it out.

 

Anyway I just really don't know how to answer my therapist's question?

 

Any insight or advice is appreciated...

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I realize it is kind of a stupid question.

 

 

I am at loss to find out what happiness really looks like....

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todreaminblue
I realize it is kind of a stupid question.

 

 

I am at loss to find out what happiness really looks like....

 

 

 

its actually a hard question.....and really kinda unique for everyone....happiness for me is a reflection...happiness looks looks like love to me....people i love...places i love..being alone i can still see reflections or remember...seeing them feeling them love me back..doesnt end when they walk away...so my happiness isnt dependent on people...it involves people but doesnt depend on them........so ...to me happiness is a reflection that stays...helps me through bad times....sad times....rough patches....when i feel lonely....happiness i know well....

 

now true joy.....which is happiness overload....i have felt it...its awesome and rather humbling.......i want that to one day be constant for everyone around me....then i will have that joy myself..........

 

theres this quote that says ....find yourself in the service of others.....i believe that self...when in the service of others.....will and can feel happiness....or it does for me.....and i believe a lot fo people can fidn happiness...by making others happy...it comes naturally and is an unaffected and honest happiness.....

 

whatever you feel happiness is...its most likely for me something like a reflective memory that automatically brings a smile to my face...its that place..where you feel everything is new even though its old..like seeing someone you miss.....or love.......like a child does..just happiness to be there in that moment.....where old is new.....and sadnesses and worries and troubles dont fit in....:0)...deb

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What does happiness look like to you...

 

A lot like a vagina. :D

 

I know you're not looking for cuteness here sorry but in all seriousness, sexual satisfaction and fulfillment makes me very happy. I assume the big picture here is asking what's the foundation of a happy life and for me that sort of joy is one of the main building blocks. With that as a base you can go on to enjoy other things overall in their place. :)

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First, the absence of major stresses due to serious health, relationship, or financial issues. I have that at this point in my life.

 

 

Then, the presence of loving, caring relationships with friends and family, but most especially with a spouse, with the latter relationship to include a satisfying sex life plus many shared interests, activities, and goals. I now also have this.

 

 

The presence of the latter group can help alleviate the stresses of the prior group, but working to eliminate the stresses makes it much easier to appreciate the good things in life and focus on increasing them.

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Happiness to me is having peace of mind.

 

It comes from inside me and is not dependent on anyone or anything external to me.

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jen1447 you are a wonder no doubt, and wise way beyond your years. I like that you know what you like and you went for it.

 

Don't get me wrong I like sex a lot and I like it with different women. But, If I stay married that may not be an option.

 

Even if I don't, as jaded as I am, I just don't want to fall in love with a woman like I love my wife. I let my love screw me over I think. And sill I can't really stop. I could get out, I just don't know yet.

 

If I do the other problem rears its ugly head. My various GF's almost without out fail fall in love with me. I may be flattering, but it is not at all what I want. I really don't know why women do that constantly but it drives me up the wall. It does not matter how honest I am with them, they just assume that the sweetness between their thighs will change my mind.

 

It does not, but they still try. Then there is the heartbreak thing that you have to deal with, and that always sucks.

 

You are the queen of your situation and that is great. It sounds great but that probably would never work for me.

 

I do like your advice as always. You always give everyone a lot to think about.

 

Thanks, Jen

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Midnight as simple a statement as that is I think I can wrap my brain around that.

 

 

I'm not sure how to get there, but I like the concept.

 

 

Thanks...

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jen1447 you are a wonder no doubt, and wise way beyond your years. I like that you know what you like and you went for it.

 

Don't get me wrong I like sex a lot and I like it with different women. But, If I stay married that may not be an option.

 

Even if I don't, as jaded as I am, I just don't want to fall in love with a woman like I love my wife. I let my love screw me over I think. And sill I can't really stop. I could get out, I just don't know yet.

 

If I do the other problem rears its ugly head. My various GF's almost without out fail fall in love with me. I may be flattering, but it is not at all what I want. I really don't know why women do that constantly but it drives me up the wall. It does not matter how honest I am with them, they just assume that the sweetness between their thighs will change my mind.

 

It does not, but they still try. Then there is the heartbreak thing that you have to deal with, and that always sucks.

 

You are the queen of your situation and that is great. It sounds great but that probably would never work for me.

 

I do like your advice as always. You always give everyone a lot to think about.

 

Thanks, Jen

 

Too many women fall in love w you? That's some problem there Blues. No wonder you're so miserable. ;)

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To me, happiness means having nothing to worry about. No financial problems, no issues at work. No serious stress. Spending time with people I care about.

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You know what I mean, you start a casual thing and it is cool and the next thing you know the ILY's start.

 

 

I mean I like them but I am not in love and really don't intend to be. I'm straight with them from the start.

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You know what I mean, you start a casual thing and it is cool and the next thing you know the ILY's start.

 

 

I mean I like them but I am not in love and really don't intend to be. I'm straight with them from the start.

 

I'm just taking the piss out of you BP. :p Sometimes that helps w perspective.

 

If you're having issues w the quality of romantic communication in your life, well ....look at it this way - your outlook's still pretty rosy compared to the ppl who have no romantic communication in their life. It's kinda like if I cried about how I wish I got more fruit-flavored puss to ppl who never get any. ;)

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GorillaTheater
To me, happiness means having nothing to worry about. No financial problems, no issues at work. No serious stress. Spending time with people I care about.

 

 

Not picking on you, but "life" is kind of like the definition of History: one damn thing after another. I think the trick to happiness, which I'm still working on after 54 years on the planet, is finding contentment despite the annoyances, petty or otherwise, that pop up. Happiness is a perspective that I believe can be chosen, although it's a choice that's easier to make if we have a life full of good things: people who love us, activities that enrich us, and as much laughter as possible.

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I am holding off for now. She woke up about three months ago, and she has been sober for 18 months.

 

She is the mother of my three great kids and I feel like she deserves a chance to prove to me that she loves and respects me. So far, she is doing a really good job with that.

 

I am having a hard time getting over my resentment of her and what she has done, but I am trying. So we will see.

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Happiness looks like today..

 

Happiness looks like watching my son playing with my girlfriend. Sitting out on the deck in my favourite place in the world watching elephants bath in the river. A full belly from an awesome BBQ cooked by some of the best friends I've ever had.

 

When i was younger i used to think id be happiest when I "won", when I got above other people, fought my way up in the world. I thought i had to make this great big impact on the world.

 

But i changed my mind. Happiness is right now, and its all around us. Its in the people you love and the knowlege that you are loved. Its in the day to day. For me its not the big grand gestures, its the little smile first thing in the morning.

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todreaminblue
An open mind and an open heart; full of fun and curiosity.

 

Thats me.

 

i think having that open heart and open mind stirs up happiness in acceptance and understanding satu...deb

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thefooloftheyear

I've often joked that true happiness is only reserved for the stupid or the ignorant...But in some respects, its probably true...The more "complex" a personality one has, the more difficult it will be to secure said happiness..

 

If you are a person that's a perfectionist and likes all their "ducks in a row", then it will be almost impossible to be truly happy or content...Life is full of let downs...That's been my biggest problem.....That, and feelings of guilt and compassion weigh heavily in many of my decisions...That will often kill happiness as well..

 

I wish I had the answer...I do find much happiness in my loving and loyal family, my daughter who is everything to me, and my dog....She never lets me down and is always there.lol....And I take care of myself physically...That makes me feel pretty good..So I guess there are some pluses...Ill never get the whole deal, and that's fine at this point....Ive come to terms with it..

 

I also found that women find it easier(it seems anyway) to find some degree of happiness..Especially at my age.just crossed 50...I'm amazed at how someone like my mom, who has endured horrendous strife and poor life experience can remain pretty upbeat and cheerful....

 

TFY

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To me it's all about perspective, though out my life I have had what I considered true happiness but like GorillaTheatre says.. life keeps coming on.. the next thing happens that removes some of that happiness and you must go search for it again...



 

With me losing 2 of my 3 parents to cancer removed much of my happiness at the time, I found it again but it did take some time..

I have found happiness within my self, my job and my family..

 

I think for someone who is married to a recovering addict that your happiness used to revolve around her and your codependency to the addict.

This is probably why the therapist is having you do the exercise.

 

You need to realize that you are/were codependent on your wife's addiction.. even if you didn't know at the time you were codependent on her behavior.

 

Today as your wife goes thru her journey with sobriety it is important that you change as well, you need to find new ways to be happy..

Look inside yourself and look at all the little things in your life that you enjoy and that will be an easy start.

 

 

 

 

 

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