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It all ended in disaster


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loveweary11

Well, the yoga chick is trying to friend zone me.

 

I'm not having it, so I'm breaking off our friendship as well.

 

Feeling really, really hurt and depressed because she was literally the only girl I was interested in at all.

 

Now, there are none.

 

I was multi dating, but only had feelings for one, which is usually the case for me.

 

Topping that off, a fuel company trucked in a batch of "I don't know what" to my boat and destroyed both brand new engines. So the yoga chick and I flew to NY....and things are getting worse by the minute.

 

I am not interested in anyone. Not interested in her now. Not feeling like going out to meet people.

 

Feeling quite depressed.

 

Why bother? I feel like there is no such thing as happiness through love or other people.

Edited by loveweary11
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Sorry about the boat, man. That sucks. Can't imagine how they'd queer up a load of diesel, which I'm presuming is what your offshore boat runs on, sufficiently to ruin the engines. I hope it wasn't a permutation of what led Bob Hoover to develop his namesake ring and nozzle, because someone mistakenly loaded JetA into his AvGas fueled piston airplane, causing it, him, and his passengers to crash.

 

The relationship stuff though, meh. I can appreciate the disappointment and negative feelings; I guess, at some point, some of us, after a long life of it, simply accept it and move on, without expectations. I never thought I'd get to that place. It's certainly not as exciting as the heady throes of romance, so hang on as long as possible. You never know.

 

From defeat springs new opportunities. One never knows what the new day will bring. Good luck!

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StalwartMind
From defeat springs new opportunities. One never knows what the new day will bring. Good luck!

 

This so much. I never saw defeat as something negative, we all fail, experience loss and have really bad periods sometimes (even for years). I'm optimistic for sure, but I also would feel ignorant if I just blindly gave up on things, even after many defeats. This is probably greatly influenced by having enjoyed competitive sports from a very young age. There is no shame in losing, the world doesn't stop going on and nor should we.

 

I've always thought happiness and love through people should be seen as something to amplify your own current existing passion(s). I can't blame people for multi dating, even if I couldn't do so myself. I just feel it's difficult to truly give all of you, if you have to split your focus between people, but each to their own. I'm sure it's the fewest people that enjoy reject, but again like said above, it's a good thing, it show you that something wasn't meant to be so you can move on to pursuit someone who will very much want to receive you and all you are.

 

The unfortunate boat misfortune is frustrating, it's always a bitter experience when bad events happen, especially those outside your own control. Everyone can be dragged into a pit of doubt and despair when they can't prevent certain things from happening, but this is where it's important we don't get stuck in negative thoughts which can spiral even more out of control.

 

It doesn't matter what our problems are, they shouldn't be compared to each other anyway. Everyone's struggle is equally significant and it's about overcoming whatever obstacles are in our way in order to find peace, happiness, love and whatever we feel will give our life meaning.

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Sorry to hear this LW. Don't have anything I could possibly say to make it better, but don't let this girl and this boat get the best of you, okay?

 

Chin up, you'll get through this. *hugs*

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SycamoreCircle

Sorry Loveweary, but I feel like you engineered this.

 

Why, now that she's suddenly out of the picture, is she the one?

 

You have to own up to statements you made here on LS. You've made repeated references to other options, to interest in other options. So, either admit that that was all bull or your "dedication" to this woman was bull. Because right now all I see is a guy who pushed too hard, blew his chances and wants to feel sorry for himself.

 

Tough Love Syc

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Oh man, I'm sorry to hear all of the bad news.

 

Bad fuel? Their insurance will have to pay, right?

 

As for women... You know my philosophy: You can definitely find happiness. Just don't expect it to last. Get comfortable with that and the world is your oyster. A good life is nothing but a series of good moments in between the bad ones. Live in the moment and you won't be disappointed.

 

 

That's what I try to do. And I'm not dead. So it has worked that well at least. :D

Edited by Robert Z
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That’s too bad. People change. Just the way it is. Don’t let her changing make you depressed. I’d bet it is about her and her life and not about you.

Don’t drag it out. Tell her that you’re not ok with not having sex and that you don’t want to be friends so she can get off the boat before she’s too far away from home and might have trouble getting back to a place and people she knows.

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loveweary11
Sorry Loveweary, but I feel like you engineered this.

 

Why, now that she's suddenly out of the picture, is she the one?

 

You have to own up to statements you made here on LS. You've made repeated references to other options, to interest in other options. So, either admit that that was all bull or your "dedication" to this woman was bull. Because right now all I see is a guy who pushed too hard, blew his chances and wants to feel sorry for himself.

 

Tough Love Syc

 

It was bull.

 

Out of all the options, she was the one I wanted most.

 

I tried to put a good, positive multi dating face on, not care, say, " whatever... there are plenty more." But truth is... she's the only person I've really loved since my ex wife.

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loveweary11
That’s too bad. People change. Just the way it is. Don’t let her changing make you depressed. I’d bet it is about her and her life and not about you.

Don’t drag it out. Tell her that you’re not ok with not having sex and that you don’t want to be friends so she can get off the boat before she’s too far away from home and might have trouble getting back to a place and people she knows.

 

I'd never leave anyone in a bad spot like that. We are working it out right now.

 

It's off.She still keeps sort of coming back on to me though.

 

I've got to break this. It's not healthy.

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Sorry to hear it. Are you sure she is trying to friendzone you? I expect you know what's what. It's the pits when you really like someone. Maybe instead of cutting her off, you could stay friends but not spend much time with her at all. Give her chance to miss you without making her feel you are the cold, cutting off type.

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LoveMachine67

Sorry to hear about your misfortune LW. That's awful how it turned out with your lady friend. Can't offer you any advice about her, except to move on and don't waste your time if it's not what you expected it to be.

 

I'm devastated to hear about the bad fuel and your motors being damaged. Is there any hope for getting them repaired? :sick::sick:

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I'd never leave anyone in a bad spot like that. We are working it out right now.

 

It's off. She still keeps sort of coming back on to me though.

 

I've got to break this. It's not healthy.

 

I don't understand what that part in bold means.

 

You can break it off. Just be clear and concise.

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You're a good looking white guy who runs his own business. You have plenty of women to choose from, but you didn't the specific chick you wanted.

 

I'm having some difficulty being sympathic.

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It was bull.

 

Out of all the options, she was the one I wanted most.

 

I tried to put a good, positive multi dating face on, not care, say, " whatever... there are plenty more." But truth is... she's the only person I've really loved since my ex wife.

 

I think it's good for you to admit this and open up on it.

 

Like sycamore said, you've put up a certain strong face, and I know it certainly wasn't for OUR benefit, but for yourself. In your own mind, I imagine you did not want the truth to be true, and hoped by changing your mindset, reality would change as well.

 

But thinking that way won't benefit you. Being 100% honest and upfront with yourself (and us! you may hear things you don't want to hear, but much of it will be useful), is the best way to get through this.

 

It will hurt... but it's okay for you to feel hurt about this. And there's certainly nothing wrong with admitting that you are hurt. You don't need to put on a facade.

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**Hugs**

 

I haven't followed your posts about this chick 100%, but feel your pain...

 

You put all your concentration on one dude and if fizzles...Like you, I have/had options and blew/blow them off consciously and subconsciously cuz like you, I'm a one man woman and for what? What a waste of my bleepin' time :mad:

 

And, like when things are good with someone...there's rainbows, bunnies, and all's right with the world. Shoot, even if your boat blew up, you approach it with a smile cuz you got someone in your life/heart.

 

But, when things are bad with someone...it's like it's raining and raining, and the whole world is pooping on you. Or, like me, you give out a lot of middle fingers and walk around like Queen of the Byaches...

 

Hang in there, hopefully in time you can move past her. I just hope you don't have to see/run into her on the regular (unlike some people...)

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You're a good looking white guy who runs his own business. You have plenty of women to choose from, but you didn't the specific chick you wanted.

 

I'm having some difficulty being sympathic.

 

*sigh*

 

So we've got a man here in the process of losing a woman that he loves, and you want to send a kick his way while he's down because of his looks and profession?

 

Pretty damn cold, and exceptionally unnecessary, don't you think? :(

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BlackOpsZombieGirl

LW, sorry things with Ms. Yoga didn't work out for ya.:( I had a bad feeling this was gonna happen. But you know what? Better for you to find this out NOW than if she had strung you along and THEN dropped the 'friendzone' bomb on you weeks or even months later, after you've invested even more time with her and fell in love with her even more.

 

I also admire you for admitting to your false bravado regarding all of the 'available options of women' that you had and how you supposedly weren't particularly attached or developing feelings for any one of those 'options'.

 

You seem to be a good guy who took a leap of faith with one woman who you were attracted to on many levels and with whom you wanted to eventually settle down and share your life with. Just take your time in healing yourself emotionally...and next time, proceed with more caution. Men or women, our hearts are (and can be) a very delicate and fragile spiritual aspect of ourselves that should be guarded with care - but not so much so that we miss out on the chance at finding true love.

 

Good luck with your healing and with everything, Loveweary.:cool: Now I think I understand your username and why you picked it.

 

 

 

.

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*sigh*

 

So we've got a man here in the process of losing a woman that he loves, and you want to send a kick his way while he's down because of his looks and profession?

 

Pretty damn cold, and exceptionally unnecessary, don't you think? :(

 

Oh fu*kin please! He'll find another women, I don't think he'll have a problem attracting another pretty girl.

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Oh fu*kin please! He'll find another women, I don't think he'll have a problem attracting another pretty girl.

 

:sick:

 

I hope you never lose someone you love.

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:sick:

 

I hope you never lose someone you love.

 

Oh would you stop being so damn dramatic. It was someone he liked, not a GF and don't think he'll be hurting for too long.

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Oh would you stop being so damn dramatic. It was someone he liked, not a GF and don't think he'll be hurting for too long.

 

 

He said she is the only woman he has loved since his ex wife. Apparently you don't what it means to fall in love.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl
He said she is the only woman he has loved since his ex wife. Apparently you don't what it means to fall in love.

 

Yeah, when I read that part in his post, it made me take pause...and it also influenced the content of my post to him in this new thread.

 

 

I hope you never lose someone you love.

 

Sounds like you're speaking from experience.:( Sorry you had to go through that. I did - twice. It was almost enough to make me give up hope of ever finding that kind of love (or better) again. I'm thinking though...that it's gonna be a LOT harder if I ever do find it again; because I'm going to be so guarded and so careful...I fear that if I ever do find it, I'll be too afraid to let it develop and too afraid to let it in...:confused::(

 

 

 

.

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lollipopspot

Well, are you sure it has to be so final? Are you wanting her to leave, or is she wanting to leave?

 

The so-called "friend zone" is not necessarily a permanent state. Even people in long term relationships move in and out of passion and friendship. Depending on what has happened, it could just be that if you continued on, and she saw you doing your thing, with no pressure from you, that she'd develop some more romantic interest in time.

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Sounds like you're speaking from experience.:( Sorry you had to go through that. I did - twice. It was almost enough to make me give up hope of ever finding that kind of love (or better) again. I'm thinking though...that it's gonna be a LOT harder if I ever do find it again; because I'm going to be so guarded and so careful...I fear that if I ever do find it, I'll be too afraid to let it develop and too afraid to let it in...:confused::(

 

 

I hate to hear things like this. I understand the despair but don't close yourself off. It took me over 50 years to find the greatest love of my life and I'm chasing women half my age, but I'm not giving up. I know life has more good to offer just around the corner. Gotta keep the faith! We only get one chance to live. Don't waste it on despair or fear of being hurt.

 

 

Take away the good from your experience and leave the rest behind.

Edited by Robert Z
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Having read other threads and subjects about different things LW I can't help but think you're over reacting to what is a transitional situation.

 

You've been going hell for leather with the boat and work for months.

It also sounds like you and Yoga go hell for leather when you meet up.

 

Knowing you're going to be together for a much longer period of time is about learning about each other and each other's habits, building into being a team.

It sorta sounds like you wanted her there for sex.

 

She could have felt this was to be a step up towards a different vibe between the two of you

You saying she is friend zoning you could well just be her being her normal day to day self.

 

She might have felt the vibe that you had other options.

 

Did you actually have a conversation beforehand about what this trip meant?

Have you actually had a conversation since you realised you really are interested in her? She isn't a mind reader so she may not have a clue what you are thinking at all.

Sex isn't the thing which bonds, intimacy is and it takes time to build.

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