Fed Up with Life

[UpandAway]

Hi,

 

I'm posting here because this doesn't have a whole lot to do with my relationship but it obviously affects it...

 

So, I'm at a bit of a cross-roads right now. About to finish a postgrad course and have actually, somehow, managed to land my dream job (but it's only temporary)... I should be over the moon. But I just feel like, "So this is it?"

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm super-grateful and happy to have gotten this job. I spent so much money, time and effort (literally, the past 6 years) getting this degree and job. I've sacrificed traveling abroad (which I really want to do) and pursuing other things that interest me just to get to this point.

 

I'm feeling more annoyed by the day however. There are a couple of factors. I'm stuck at home with my parents but will be shortly moving in with my boyfriend. The trouble is, he wants me to move to his hometown which is quite small, boring and tbh, kind of a dump. I've lived there for a few years already (to save up for my Masters). Aside from drinking, partying, etc there isn't much to do there. When I moved back to the city to college, I realised how much I prefer the city and urban life. I'm kinda past the drinking and stuff and want more out of life.

 

But my boyfriend is adamant about staying in his town, at least for a few years. He says it's to save money, which is a vaild point, but I think it's mostly to be near his friends, who I do think are great, however despite pushing 30, still act like frat boys. I'm just over the whole thing, tbh.

 

Tbh, I'd love to leave my country and travel to somewhere where I'd have a much better quality of life. With my new degree, I could get a better job somewhere else a lot easier than if I stay. For practical reasons, my BF can't leave with me (he plans to start college soon so he's stuck here for another few years.) I'm 26 and the thought of being in that town for 3 more years actually makes me feel sick!

 

I just don't know how much longer I can wait for my life to start. I feel incredibly selfish because he has supported me through my degree but I'm just fed up with the arsing around.

 

I love my boyfriend and don't want to break up. I'm not even sure what advice I want exactly. Am I being selfish or unreasonable? Or does he need a kick up the backside to get motivated?

[d0nnivain]

Do you have to move in with your BF? I'm a firm believer that moving in just to save money is a bad idea. Move in because you are trying to deepen your relationship, not pad your wallet.

 

 

When you reach some of your goals and don't have new ones to replace them with you can feel like you are at loose ends. You simply need to figure out what's next.

[endlessabyss]

Kind of fed up with life as well, OP.

 

As I was sitting in my friends kitchen on the 4th, watching everyone drinking and playing games, I asked myself if this is what my life has boiled down to?

 

Inside I felt pretty lonely, even amongst the house full of people, and just tried to numb the pain with alcohol and drugs. Granted, I was thankful to be around people for the holiday, but it all felt so empty and unsatisfying.

 

Other than these events I feel like I have no real purpose in life. I'm not too big on materialism, and am not focused solely on a career/being rich; I get the most fulfillment out of learning and understanding things in life.

 

I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to live comfortably, but nothing outside of my means.

 

Also, nearly eclipsing my thirties, the prospects of me find a significant other, and having a family, are slowly fading in the abyss. I don't even know why I am rambling about myself, these are just some ideas that have been on my mind the last few days.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I was you I'd ask if you really want to be with this person you are with. It seems like you have built some distance, maturity wise, and have different goals in mind. Since you are finished with school, as of now, it seems like this is a new transition, an important/critical one on top of that, so hopefully you make the right move to better yourself for the future.

 

All we can do is keep pushing forward, and have hope better times are ahead.

 

Good luck.

[writergal]

Hi,

 

I'm posting here because this doesn't have a whole lot to do with my relationship but it obviously affects it...

 

So, I'm at a bit of a cross-roads right now. About to finish a postgrad course and have actually, somehow, managed to land my dream job (but it's only temporary)... I should be over the moon. But I just feel like, "So this is it?"

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm super-grateful and happy to have gotten this job. I spent so much money, time and effort (literally, the past 6 years) getting this degree and job. I've sacrificed traveling abroad (which I really want to do) and pursuing other things that interest me just to get to this point.

 

I'm feeling more annoyed by the day however. There are a couple of factors. I'm stuck at home with my parents but will be shortly moving in with my boyfriend. The trouble is, he wants me to move to his hometown which is quite small, boring and tbh, kind of a dump. I've lived there for a few years already (to save up for my Masters). Aside from drinking, partying, etc there isn't much to do there. When I moved back to the city to college, I realised how much I prefer the city and urban life. I'm kinda past the drinking and stuff and want more out of life.

 

But my boyfriend is adamant about staying in his town, at least for a few years. He says it's to save money, which is a vaild point, but I think it's mostly to be near his friends, who I do think are great, however despite pushing 30, still act like frat boys. I'm just over the whole thing, tbh.

 

Tbh, I'd love to leave my country and travel to somewhere where I'd have a much better quality of life. With my new degree, I could get a better job somewhere else a lot easier than if I stay. For practical reasons, my BF can't leave with me (he plans to start college soon so he's stuck here for another few years.) I'm 26 and the thought of being in that town for 3 more years actually makes me feel sick!

 

I just don't know how much longer I can wait for my life to start. I feel incredibly selfish because he has supported me through my degree but I'm just fed up with the arsing around.

 

I love my boyfriend and don't want to break up. I'm not even sure what advice I want exactly. Am I being selfish or unreasonable? Or does he need a kick up the backside to get motivated?

 

Don't move to that small town to live with your boyfriend. Just because he wants you to, doesn't mean that you have to, especially since you lived there for 3 years already and didn't really like it.

 

Tell your boyfriend that you aren't willing to move back to that small town and be honest why. You can stay with your parents and save even more money while you work through your temporary dream job. This will allow you to save money to either move back to the city, or after you finish your temporary dream job, use the money you save to travel abroad for a gap year if you need to.

 

Since your boyfriend is adamant about not leaving his small town (where his social network of pals is), then you need to decide which is a priority to you:

 

• pleasing your boyfriend by moving to a small town you don't like
  

 

or

 

• making yourself and your life's goals a priority
  

 

If you move back to that crappy small town just to please your boyfriend, you're setting yourself up to constantly be in a powerless position with your boyfriend, because by moving there, you've sent the message to your boyfriend that his needs are more important than yours.

 

The best compromise, I think, is to stay put at your parents, and reason with your boyfriend that it's to save money for your plans after you finish your temporary dream job. Once you move to that crappy small town where your boyfriend lives, you're stuck there. Do you really want to be stuck there, with no job prospects and no real social life or creative outlets for any hobbies that you have, and be far away from your family and friends?

 

I've had three friends who've moved across the country or moved abroad for their boyfriend have wound up miserable and bitter. Why? Because their boyfriends didn't help them to establish themselves in their new city, didn't like them trying to make new friends, didn't like them being independent without their boyfriends. All three friends broke up with their boyfriends within a few years of their move. So, really think about what your priorities are. Are you willing to sacrifice your happiness just to please your boyfriend, by moving to a small town you already've lived in and didn't like? How will moving there impact your career aspirations? Your social life?