glamtran Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Hi, in general, imagine a guy say in his mid 20's makes decent money, has very few expenses cause he lives with his parents (but helps them out) or has roomates, so rent is low, but still helping his parents out. No vehicle either, although he doesn't really need one per se, BUT he still has no problem dropping up to a couple of hundred dollars and upwards at a time on partying, bars, trips, strip clubs, and hobbies, toys, etc regularly. Is it worth entering a relationship with this person? Doesn't sound very grown up, but is that harsh of me to say? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Hi, in general, imagine a guy say in his mid 20's makes decent money, has very few expenses cause he lives with his parents (but helps them out) or has roomates, so rent is low, but still helping his parents out. No vehicle either, although he doesn't really need one per se, BUT he still has no problem dropping up to a couple of hundred dollars and upwards at a time on partying, bars, trips, strip clubs, and hobbies, toys, etc regularly. Is it worth entering a relationship with this person? Doesn't sound very grown up, but is that harsh of me to say? I have a hard time really being okay with people who spend needlessly. Not to say they are bad people, but getting particularly involved closely with them isn't something I want to do. My ex made more money than me, yet was always asking me for money. Hundreds of dollars I gave to him. He was financially irresponsible. I had to pay a few of his bills sometimes. Despite the fact that he made more money than me. I don't care whether a man makes $10,000 or $100,000, just please, be responsible with what you make and don't spend excessively! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MisUnderstood1 Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 There's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself, but if you're spending too much money on unnecessary things often, then that's not good. Just because you live with your parents and don't have many expenses doesn't mean you should be spending money anyhow. Always try and save as much as you can. It's great to live in the present, but you're the one who's going to use the money in the future too, so if you can cut down on unnecessary expenses now, you should. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Depending on where he lives a car could be considered a necessity. If he can drop hundreds on partying but doesn't own a car that may be a problem. Priorities, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Depending on where he lives a car could be considered a necessity. If he can drop hundreds on partying but doesn't own a car that may be a problem. Priorities, you know? Or it could be the other way around.. OP mentioned there was no need for a car... I know only a handful of people, in London, who have cars, for instance. It is not really a necessity, especially if you live closer to the centre. I'm sure there are other places like it. New York comes to mind as well! In any case... OP, it really depends on how YOU view it. I still go out A LOT, especially considering my age. And sometimes, it gets expensive. But I always make sure to save some money and to always have my bills covered... But if YOU don't go out, or don't like that kind of lifestyle, then this guy is probably not for you. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Or it could be the other way around.. OP mentioned there was no need for a car... I know only a handful of people, in London, who have cars, for instance. It is not really a necessity, especially if you live closer to the centre. I'm sure there are other places like it. New York comes to mind as well! Yea I said depending on where you live a car can be considered a necessity. Key word being "depending" But I know mid-20s who think not living with their parents is a necessity too. And many parents thinks that's true too. It really just depends. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Since this is posed as an "imaginary" person, I'd say they are imaginably in need of a reset on their priorities. Are they date material? Depends. Didn't read how they are intelligence wise, or civility wise. There are other dynamics needing to be ironed out to make such an imaginary response 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) I could never date someone who lives with his parents, no matter what the reasons are. I know there are sometimes good reasons for doing so but for me that's too much to deal with, so that would be a deal breaker. In this case it is even worse that he blows money on entertainment instead of saving up. It would be more responsible to save up to buy his own house, or save money for tuition if he's planning to go back to school. Independence is sexy in a man. Edited January 23, 2015 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
Author glamtran Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 Well in my city you don't really NEED a vehicle but it would help a lot, we don't have the greatest transit system but he has friends family and roomates that he gets rides from and gives them gas money for it. That's why I'm concerned I might be too harsh or judgemental. Also, he did live with his parents until he was 25 (last year) then moved in with roomates. But, he can afford to live alone. And 25 is a bit old to be living with mom and dad. To me, anyways. I just feel he can be doing better and have more going for him, and more to show for it. And that will bug me. But should it? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Well in my city you don't really NEED a vehicle but it would help a lot, we don't have the greatest transit system but he has friends family and roomates that he gets rides from and gives them gas money for it. That's why I'm concerned I might be too harsh or judgemental. Also, he did live with his parents until he was 25 (last year) then moved in with roomates. But, he can afford to live alone. And 25 is a bit old to be living with mom and dad. To me, anyways. I just feel he can be doing better and have more going for him, and more to show for it. And that will bug me. But should it? If you're only dating him you need to chill. It's none of your business really. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Hi, in general, imagine a guy say in his mid 20's makes decent money, has very few expenses cause he lives with his parents (but helps them out) or has roomates, so rent is low, but still helping his parents out. No vehicle either, although he doesn't really need one per se, BUT he still has no problem dropping up to a couple of hundred dollars and upwards at a time on partying, bars, trips, strip clubs, and hobbies, toys, etc regularly. Is it worth entering a relationship with this person? Doesn't sound very grown up, but is that harsh of me to say? Save for the partying and strip clubs, that was me in my mid-20's. Made good money in oilfield services, lived at home, already had a pickup truck, a car and a race car and was spending money not being saved for my first house on traveling around the western US racing. It was a good time of life. Irresponsible? Maybe. I paid cash for everything and paid mom and dad 200/mo for rent and putting up with me and the race car. This guy's style is his style. If he's attractive and a good time, no harm in dating him. This presumes you're not looking to get married next year. The 20's is a time of growth and change. In a year or two you and he both may appear as very different people than you are now. I remember changing markedly after buying that first house at 25. Racing stopped and responsible home ownership began. Things got far more 'serious'. YMMV! Link to post Share on other sites
Author glamtran Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 If you're only dating him you need to chill. It's none of your business really. So earlier it might have been a problem, but now it's none of my business? Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 If she is going to date this guy then of course it's her business. It's okay for people to have standards about the people they date. OP if you are having this many doubts about him already then he may not be your type. Unless of course you do like him but are more worried about what people may think. In that case don't worry what they think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
melonmint57 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 OP, I don't think you're harsh at all for having concerns about his spending. Sure everyone has different priorities, but if he's not actively saving for his future and spending money frivolously, it could potentially be a red flag. I'll also say there is nothing wrong with living at home if you have all intentions of using that time to save up for a house/apartment. My ex-boyfriend of 3.5 years was horrible at managing his finances. (I'm the exact opposite) He lived at home, dropped out of college and decided his money was better spent buying "toys" on Amazon. He also would help others financially when he really couldn't afford to do so, but that was all for the "Wow, look what I did for you" factor. His issues were much deeper than mismanaging his spending, but I'll say I'm glad I dodged the bullet on that one! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 So earlier it might have been a problem, but now it's none of my business? Yea because he's living on his own, he's paying his own bills and unless he owes you money it's really none of your business. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 If his bills are otherwise covered & he is comfortable with this transportation choices, how he spends his discretionary income is solely his choice. If you don't care for the party scene, you might be incompatible if he spends a lot of money & time that way but the choice remains him. However, how somebody passes the time when they are single is not always how they pass the the time when they are in a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author glamtran Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Yea because he's living on his own, he's paying his own bills and unless he owes you money it's really none of your business. Well no he's not on his own like I said in my OP he has roomates after living with the parents until he was 25, and only moved out because all his buddies would be renting a house together. And, even on your post #4 in this thread that this could be a concern. So you're all over the place. Either way, is this a reason to dump someone? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 What's your relationship goal? E.g, dating, a committed relationship, living together, getting married and having a family, etc, etc. Each persons goals are their own and compatibility turns, in part, on those goals. For example, a great guy for dating today might be a lousy marital partner today. However, in five years, he could be a great marital partner. Or still lousy. If you're looking to date and socialize, that's one path. If you're looking to get married, that's another path. Etc, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I would say it is....a bit strange and immature. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Well no he's not on his own like I said in my OP he has roomates after living with the parents until he was 25, and only moved out because all his buddies would be renting a house together. And, even on your post #4 in this thread that this could be a concern. So you're all over the place. Either way, is this a reason to dump someone? I didn't say yes or no to dump him...I said it's none of your business unless he owes you money. Does he owe you money? In my post #4 I asked if having a car was a necessity to determine his priorities. You said there's public transportation. If he's living with roommates he's on his own. He isn't living with his parents and he's splitting the bills. Do you have your own place and your own car? Is that why you're wondering if you're compatible? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Someone who lived with his parents and had no car but spent hundreds of dollars regularly on clubbing would not be someone I would consider for a serious relationship. Actually, my answer is probably biased because I'm not generally attracted men who go to strip clubs or nightclubs regularly anyway, regardless of whether they can afford it or not. But the fact that he does it when he can't really afford it makes it worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glamtran Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Do you have your own place and your own car? Is that why you're wondering if you're compatible? I do, and I don't even make as much as him, and I've worked hard for it. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dickens said it well (through a character in a novel) back in the 19th century: "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen [pounds] nineteen [shillings] and six [pence], result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery." Actually I'd update that now to make it clear that current expenditures must include contributions to a retirement fund and emergency fund that is fully adequate to needs. Also see The Ant and the Grasshopper, A Fable by Aesop - EnchantedLearning.com and Proverbs 6:6 Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! and Are You the Spender or the Saver in Your Relationship? Strictly speaking, I wouldn't say this behavior is a red flag....in other words, it isn't a benign warning of worse trouble ahead. The reality is here and now. WYSIWYG. Some people are fine frittering away their pennies and never giving a thought for tomorrow. To savers like us, to see the frittering in action is agony......when the much-needed resources drain away like water with minimal upside to show for it. Up to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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