Lacking self confidence.

[Tonic]

Hey guys and girls,

 

I thought id put this out there because a lot of people have this problem and maybe we could all benefit from a bit of advice, myself included.

 

I have very little confidence when it comes to talking to woman, or even in group situation. Its almost like my mind goes blank and i don't know what to say. More so when i dont know people that well. Which sucks because I've met plenty of nice woman, and i have been to much of a pussy to say, you know what, you are a nice girl, how about we go grab a coffee some time.

 

so my real question is - how can i improve my confidence when in comes to woman.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Ronni_W]

so my real question is - how can i improve my confidence when in comes to woman.

It really goes to knowing what YOU have to offer to other people...instead of coming from a place of, "what does she have that I don't?" or "what does she have that is going to help plug the 'holes' that I perceive in myself?"

 

One way is to basically expand your 'base of knowledge'. Can you talk a little bit about what is going on in NFL AND tennis AND golf AND Formula 1 AND track, AND did you hear about that cricketeer who died recently from a ball to the neck? (Endeavour to know just a little bit; you don't have to try to be an "expert" in any one, or in more than one.) Full disclosure: I'm not really up on what's happening in the NFL, NHL or NBA; but I'm more-or-less up on the others.

Music, same thing. Coldplay AND the Beatles AND Bach (AND whoever is actually current...I don't know that, either.) Or history, or entertainment, or whatever.

 

Spend 20 minutes a day scanning the headlines at the BBC website. Hit on the sports page; then world news (each continent), then science and tech, then business, then entertainment. (Okay, so that's just my order of business . Choose your own, but you get the gist. Once you have crap to talk about, then you'll feel more confident just talking in general.) Follow through on whatever articles/subjects are your personal interests...become a bit more savvy in those areas.

 

On the other side, do some self-study on 'assertive communication' and 'active listening'. You'll pick-up pointers as you're learning-and-growing. Soon you'll be so attractive to yourself that you will KNOW, without any doubt, that others will also find you interesting and attractive.

 

What are your likes and dislikes? Are you spiritual; what kind of spirituality? Who are your favourite current and classical authors? WHY do you like the kinds of books, movies, entertainment that you like? What do you find interesting, appealing about those ones?

Get to really know the real you, so that you can communicate that to others. They will find you interesting; fascinating, even!

 

Best of luck.

[JDPT]

With regards to women, and this is what works for me and many men fail to apply. Us men focus on how "gorgeous" a girl can be, we tend to focus on that and only that and have this immediate perception that we aren't worth their time. The reality of it is that their beauty is just a façade, a vessel if you will. SO, what I do, when I decide to talk to a girl, I view her as conversation only and nothing more, I don't focus on what they are wearing, I don't focus on how gorgeous I think their hair looks or how beautiful their smile is, matter of fact I don't care to complement them on any of that why you ask? because there were a million other idiots before me during the day that complimented her on the exact same thing so my approach is to have a neutral and normal conversation that she can appreciate. I'm a bit rusty right now due to my previous breakup but I project myself to come out and play soon, it's been too long being alone.

[d0nnivain]

Do you have confidence in other areas of your life? How did you get that? It's usually a function of past success with a foundation of hard work -- you studied or you practiced.

 

 

Take those life lessons & apply them here.

 

 

Know your own good qualities & strengths. Envision the conversation going well.

[Tonic]

I've spoken to a few mates about it, and they have all said im more confident than i think i am, but i honestly can't see it. My confidence went down the shoot when my ex broke up with me after 3 years, and quitting my job, i almoat feel as if i have no purpose at the moment.

 

Also lacking confidence in appearance. I always try dress nice, smell good and over all look clean. But id consider myself "average looking" which i dont think is good enough.

[nofeelings22]

Hey guys and girls,

 

I thought id put this out there because a lot of people have this problem and maybe we could all benefit from a bit of advice, myself included.

 

I have very little confidence when it comes to talking to woman, or even in group situation. Its almost like my mind goes blank and i don't know what to say. More so when i dont know people that well. Which sucks because I've met plenty of nice woman, and i have been to much of a pussy to say, you know what, you are a nice girl, how about we go grab a coffee some time.

 

so my real question is - how can i improve my confidence when in comes to woman.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

What you need to do is to stop thinking of women as anything other than people, which is what you are doing.

 

There are a few minor differences between men and women, but by and large, we are all the same.

 

While being mindful of not talking about stupid man stuff like tech stuff, fishing, cars, sports (unless she is into these things), just talk about whatever you would talk about with guys.

 

Also. in any conversation, find out about the other person, don't spout off about yourself. Ask questions. Don't feign interest in the Kardashians or any subject she talks about, BE interested. Be interested for her, even if you wouldn't be normally.

 

Example: I understand the difference between a foundation and a primer when it comes to makeup. No straight man should know this! (fml....lol). BUT, not only did it please my ex wife, but also has brought many a girl over to my side now that I'm single again.

 

The key is to BE interested in the conversation and make sure you keep in mind, no matter how hot she is and how huge her boobs are sticking out of the top of the shirt at you, she is exactly like you.... a human being.

[Tonic]

So in other words (viewing them as just humans lol) i shouldn't look at a real good looking girl and think she is out of my league.

 

And i completely understand what you mean, generally when in conversation, ill always sound genuinely interested in what they are saying, and about 90% of the time i am, and ill ask questions to keep the flow, but always to avoid talking to much about myself because i hate talking about myself

 

Thanks for the input mate.

Edited December 21, 2014 by Tonic

[nofeelings22]

So in other words (viewing them as just humans lol) i shouldn't look at a real good looking girl and think she is out of my league.

 

You shouldn't even think about hooking up with a girl or any future or context with her in initial conversation.

 

Just think about the moment and be in the moment as if it's a guy.

 

And league? There are surprising number of girls that would do Marilyn Manson. There are girls for every guy. There are no leagues. There will be rejection and plenty of it, but if you don't talk to a girl because you think she's out of your league, you're making a huge mistake.

 

I wish i could post up at least body pics of the girls i get. They are ALL out of my league. lol

 

But I never for a moment felt they were any better than me or considered what a league even is. I just engaged them.

[Tonic]

Thanks mate, that got me really thinking. I guess i just need to put this in motion and see how it goes

[d0nnivain]

Since you are between jobs at the moment that is probably playing on your sense of self. Fix that then worry about dating.

[nofeelings22]

One more thing...

 

I missed the job part.

 

Men are conditioned to think our jobs are not what we do during the day, but WHO WE ARE.

 

I lost a company once. Wiped out everything I had and then some. I felt like a failure as a man. One of the hardest and most important lessons to learn in life is this:

 

YOUR JOB IS NOT WHO YOU ARE

[apedrerov]

The moment you make them laugh they forget about everything else.

[Tonic]

One more thing...

 

I missed the job part.

 

Men are conditioned to think our jobs are not what we do during the day, but WHO WE ARE.

 

I lost a company once. Wiped out everything I had and then some. I felt like a failure as a man. One of the hardest and most important lessons to learn in life is this:

 

YOUR JOB IS NOT WHO YOU ARE

 

You really hit that on the head because thats exactly how i feel. Sorry to hear about your company and i hope everything is on track for you now.

[Gotram]

So in other words (viewing them as just humans lol) i shouldn't look at a real good looking girl and think she is out of my league.

 

THIS! Because in the end that's what girls are (and isn't it what all girls want anyway? Being treated equally?)

 

Just think of it, girls get hungry too, they need to sleep too and they have to take a sh*t as well. And no, contrary to popular belief, it doesn't smell like flowers when they do!! lol.

 

Also, the more "naturally" you act toward them (i.e. not showing them you feel they're out of your league), the more they are attracted to you. Girls, especially those who you consider "out of your league" become really insecure why you don't feel attracted to them. They think about what's wrong with them or why you are so confident and not worried about attracting them. This makes them get emotionally invested which in turn increases your attraction!

Edited July 9, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Remove link