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I have a chip on my shouler towards other women


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It's not towards all women, just certain "types," especially certain types that are mothers. I have had tons of issues with my own mother, so that's probably where this chip comes from. I know my attitude is negative, that it can hurt my relationships with other people, that it's not good to hold this much anger inside. Over the years, I have seen more and more evidence that contradicts my beliefs. I am now able to admit that my beliefs aren't completely true or fair. Despite knowing this, I cannot shake off my attitude. I have a deep seated hatred of certain types of women and I have conflicted feelings about children and my future - do I want to be a mother someday? Will doing so turn me into precisely the sort of person I hate?

 

 

I'll give some examples so my post will make a bit more sense. If I happen to describe someone who sounds like anyone reading this, it's nothing personal. If you get mad and attack me I won't respond to your post. It is actually embarrassing to admit some of these thoughts because I know how immature and petty and mean some of them are, but here they are.

 

 

If I see a woman acting immature (or what I consider to be immature), it annoys me but it rolls off my back. If find out she is a mother, I feel angry and I will feel a strong dislike bordering on hate. I will think to myself that someone like that should not have children because she is an idiot. For example, I once had an instructor at college who acted inappropriate with us. She did not maintain professional boundaries; she shared her private problems with us, played favourite with the students, and sometimes acted passive-aggressive with us. She also went on and on about her kids. Damn I felt sorry for her kids. If she acts that way with us I can only imagine what she might be doing at home. It's not fair that they have to grow up with that as a role model.

 

 

I also feel angry with women who can't afford their children yet continue to have more. It probably makes more sense for me to feel angry at the man too, but for some reason I only hate the woman, which doesn't make sense. I guess I see the woman as having more control over birth control than the man - she can take the pill or choose to have an abortion. I wonder what the hell is wrong with her.

 

 

Oh, I do hate men a little bit, mostly because they don't have to deal with getting pregnant. I get mad when I hear a man says he wants lots of kids. Well of course you do - it's not like YOU have to give birth to them!!

 

 

Hmm what else. I cringe when I see a woman talking in a baby voice to a baby. Yes, it is a baby, and it is cute (to you), but it's not an idiot, so why are you talking to it in such a stupid voice? I don't understand what's so cute about it anyway. It's just a blob of flesh that sits there drooling. Lord shoot me now. I don't understand women who think babies are just so great. Also, I think that pregnant women don't look very nice. If I ever become pregnant I will probably become depressed and call myself a fat ugly cow.

 

 

Anyway, I am usually quite good at hiding these feelings. I know it's not good to voice them so I don't if I can help it. Lately they are coming out more and more. I am seeing someone who has a huge family. I haven't even met his mother but I already have a bad opinion of her because she had so many kids. It wouldn't be that bad except she continued to have them despite being on welfare, I mean I'm sorry but I just do not understand. Does she not have access to birth control or something? I don't get it. So far I haven't voiced my thoughts. I am worried they will come out. I can't talk badly about someone's mother, I'm not even being fair. His siblings have all had kids, one of them neglects the kids emotionally, they are closer to my bf than they are to their own father, it makes me feel upset to hear it.

 

 

See this is the type of thing I don't want to be thinking about other people but I can't seem to help it.

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I get where you're coming from...but I wouldn't call it a "chip" on my shoulder, I'd prefer to say I'm more "sensitive" to particular issues.

 

After my dysfunctional childhood, it makes me upset to see people just mess around and have kids irresponsibly. I also was a man hater for several years. And, I have problems allowing people to get close to me and/or depend on others.

 

Now, I don't "hate" kids and/or people that have them...but, it's not like I have it in me to express any sincere happiness about them. I mean, I'll walk up to family and/or friend's kids and chat to them, play a little, but that's about it. When I pick volunteering, I make sure I pick the ones where I won't have to be working with kids - especially one on one with kids. Now, I did tutor a bit when I was in my late teens, but I was so strict. Not sure if the kids actually liked me or not.

 

I mean, like my brother's wife. She loves kids. You can see the joy she has in her kids and her family member's recent bundles of joy. I just don't feel it.

 

I look at Angelina Jolie and, while I don't agree on how she went about it (the "playing house/shacking up"), I think the kids are/were a good thing for her and Brad. But, she's got money. She can afford to pay nannies and stuff. But, even if I had her money, that's no way to raise kids, IMO. You know, on a 60 minutes interview, she was honest enough to say that she was not a good mom, that she is/wasn't at home like her mom was.

 

Once, when I was a raging man hater, my plan was to have a kid in my late 20's and raise it on my own (kinda like crazy Halle Berry, having a kid after you've been divorced twice). Thank God I woke up and realized a kid should not be deprived of a father; and, that single parents often struggle to provide both financially and emotionally for a kid on their own. To me, that's child abuse. Yea, a parent can't control death, accidents, and/or divorce, but to bring a child into the world where you intentionally deprive them of a parent and/or financial/emotional stability it just wrong.

 

My fav podcaster said that it took her until her mid 30's to decide she wanted to have a kid. Now she wishes she had more. Well, I'm gonna be 40 soon and the "baby itch" hasn't hit me. It's kinda hard to have that "itch" when you aren't married. I mean, like two years ago, when I wanted them to take out my uterus to deal with some fibroids, they wouldn't do it - saying I should 'consider that I might one day want to have kids'. Well, I cussed them out to the point where they told me not to come back to their offices, and, I had to do an alternate procedure before my health insurance was temporarily cut. Funny how they wanna tell me what I can do with my body - despite all the "my body, my choice" talk that goes around now a days.

 

Maybe, if I was married to the right guy, and married for at least three years, then and only then I'd consider having kids. But I'm turning 40. The older you get, the worst your eggs are and/or your kid could come out with some defect - I wouldn't do that to an innocent kid. About adopting in my 40's? Eh, that would be a stretch, cuz when that kid turns like 20, I'll be 60 and might be dependent on them - which isn't fair to them. They should have their youth to live their lives...

 

So, I guess I will continue to build my doggy collection and be the "krazy dog lady" of the hood.

Edited by Gloria25
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Thanks Gloria. I feel better knowing that at least someone gets me.

 

 

I used to think that I hated children. Looking back over my post, I see that I don't really. My real problem is with parenthood. I have no issue with mothers who have their heads on their shoulders. It's the ones who are a bit off-kilter that bother me. The red flags jump out at me. I get a bit angry at the husbands for not knowing better.

 

 

Oh and I'm not a huge Angelina Jolie fan. I don't like it that she moved in on another woman's husband.

Edited by SpiralOut
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