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A realization for me but a bit too late (strugglers read)


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Hi all, so as you guys know, I've been trying to crack the code on how to successfully attract women. I think I've got it but I only have one problem: I can't be that guy. It really hit me when I was having drinks with my co-workers the other day. A lot of them were surprised I was having a beer. "Dude are you even 16?" "Holy ****, I thought you were 20?!?!!" "Can you even legally drink?" Yes to all those questions. I'm 23. This further tells me that I am not seen as a man and I probably never will be seen as man, especially by women. It took me a few days to process but that was the final part of the equation.

 

So in response, I wrote this to what I've been experiencing. It pretty much clarifies my purpose here and what I need to focus on. For guys who have been struggling with girls, this may help you too. This may be my last post here.

 

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The mission was never to get girls, even from day one. In the back of my head I've always had a voice saying "get better, get better". Get better at what exactly? I didn't really figure it out until I started to grow into myself. I have a disposal of ridiculous resources at my fingertips. I'm not starving in Africa. I'm not a homeless person on the city streets. I have a college degree and two parents who are still together, dammit. Isn't that enough? But no, I want more. I always wanted more. I thought a girl who understood me emotionally and satisfied me physically would be the answer. Once that happens, my life will be complete. Wrong. I'll be back at square one again. "I have a girlfriend. Now what?" The cycle will continue, I'll always be deficient.

 

The struggle is the way. Being comfortable is a mystery. All my friends have toys, should I get them too? Some of us aren't meant to have toys. That's just the way it is. I understand I play but a very small role in this machinery we call life. My ultimate purpose is to become great so that I can help others. Be the best I can be so I can advance this miserable existence in any way I can. It's not my purpose to have a girlfriend. Maybe to do other things. I was given a terrible starting point. I was skinny. I was socially not adept. Among other things. In the past couple of years, I've made great strides. I'm actually seeing progress in the gym!!!!

 

Yes, I will get lonely at times. That is the nature of the beast. But in the end... we all get locked in a casket and shoved 6 foot under at the end of the day. What is the legacy you will create? I want to create one based on positivity, ethics, growth, subsistence, and good will. That is what I want to create and that is what I strive for.

 

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I wish you all the best and I hoped this helped someone out there.

 

 

Godspeed,

 

Ryan

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most_distant_galaxy

There will be a time when you will have charming grey hair and a babyface... And this is going to be awesome. Until then, dress as manly as you can, wear shirts for instance, even grow a beard or mustache. The gym is a great idea too. Dont give up.

 

*i look much younger too, just like you, when I was 22 people thought I was 16. Now Im dressing more womanly and it doesnt happen that much.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ryan, buddy, I don't post too much on here, but I'll throw in my 2 cents.

 

I was a bit of a late bloomer myself, and have always looked pretty young for my age. I was also always a kid that did pretty well in school, and I've managed to parlay that into some fancy degrees and a profession that is considered pretty "successful."

 

College was a good time to "get laid," I suppose, but I've never found drunken, blackout sex with some random chick very fulfilling. Maybe it offers a cheap ego boost if you have a fragile ego--but fulfilling, not so much. I can distinctly remember the time when I graduated from college and started working, and it literally felt like the whole supply of women just simply dried up. Women were around, but it seemed like the whole post college bar scene was a totally different animal than the college party scene. The college girls suddenly seemed too young because I was the old working guy, and the women my age were suddenly all dating guys that were 28 or 29, had decent jobs, money, time, etc.

 

So, I'm 31 right now. Finding women is easy--for sex, relationships, whatever. When I was little younger (27 - 28), I dated a woman who was 35 for a while. Great experience. I've shifted gears now, and many of the women I date are younger. Last girlfriend was 26. Went on dates with a few that were 23 and 29 respectively, but there wasn't much a connection. Newest girl I've been seeing and am starting to like is 24. So one reason you're having trouble finding available women is because they're dating guys like me. And some of your douchier friends the same age as you might be getting laid by being douchey, but trust me, the women they're with will eventually get tired of their BS and then date someone like me because I've already gone through my "try to be a douche bag to get laid" phase.

 

The male sexual prime being 18-20 is complete and utter garbage. Trust me, the 31 year old version of me is a wayyyy better lay than the 18-20 year old version. I have a better understanding of how my own body works, and how to work my way around a woman's body. Peak sex drive doesn't equal "sexual prime" either. It just translates to a lot of desperation, fumbling, and premature ejaculation.

 

I think you're on the right track though. Striving for constant self-improvement is key. Success in your job or whatever you do is important. Taking care of your body or getting the body you want is important. If you're scrawny, try to bulk up. If you're fat, try to cut down. I used to work out a lot in my younger years and built a decent physique that I still haven't lost (although it does get harder to maintain with age).

 

I've read some of your other posts--there is no "magic secret" to getting women. Attractive intelligent women want to date attractive intelligent men. If you are that attractive intelligent man that they want, then all you have to do is just enjoy getting to know them and building whatever kind of relationship the two of you want.

 

Another quick note on things--find whatever climate you suits you for meeting the women you want. The bar scene isn't for everybody. If you're not super tall and super extraverted (and super drunk), it's harder. I've personally started online dating some, and have found it to be surprisingly nice. Granted, it has it's own set of limitations and problems, but overall, I've met some pretty quality women via that route.

 

The point is, just keep doing what you're doing. Just work towards improving in whatever area you lack. And when you finally do turn the corner and realize that you're able to attract women that you want, don't be a bitter dick and abuse it. You'll have a better experience getting to know them and learning about them than if you feel the need to punish them for your previous lack of success.

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