LifeIsCruel Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 My issues???? Major/Chronic Depression-Recurrent----battled it forever it seems. Been to many therapists, many meds, meditation, prayer, etc.....to sum it up: the tide comes in, the tide comes in, the tide comes in....but NEVER goes out! That is my depression. Anxiety/Panic Attacks----I started having those whenever I lost my father 7 years ago, he was/is my best friend, my idol, my hero! These things are horrible! NO self esteem---I have NEVER liked my looks...my body....see, I tried also, for ages, to build muscles (Google Greg Valentino, Ronnie Coleman, Phil Heath--these are guys I want to look like) BUT--I never could get there:( I worked out over four years, had a trainer, took supplements, ate/slept right--even did 2 cycles of steroids--bad mistake!! I could "barely" tone...I am an ectomorph body type:mad: And you know what? I always compare myself to other men...it does not have to be the 3 I mentioned above..just any male..and I say to myself..."If only I had their this or that features...... THIS is the primary reason why I attempted suicide...twice...(last one was close...) I loathe myself. I feel so inadequate, insecure, and inferior…..:-( Also...my hair...it is thinning tried all the "stuff" Rogaine, Peopecia, etc....to no avail.....I will not do a transplant as I have seen to many horror stories on those... You know, it hurts to see a guy who has "it all" muscles-hair.......and then I look at me...and even “during” so-called relationships—have females who supposed to be with me..talk about and lust after these men!!! I can handle being alone...but not being able to even "like" myself has become destructive. I am back in therapy....but not sure they are going to be able to help me.... A horrible cycle of events! Sorry if I went on a rant:( Depression for me…. “The tide comes in, the tide comes in, the tide comes in, and the tide comes in,…but NEVER goes out! Throw in a hurricane or so a day…and you have it!!! Mind is flooded, drowned, and barely alive.” Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Life, I hear you. I'm sorry for the loss of your father, and that things have been so difficult. Hugs, Ronni 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Zen Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 You should talk to a counselor for this level of depression. Its not healthy to be chronically miserable. It will effect your physical health too and have a bad domino effect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeIsCruel Posted September 11, 2014 Author Share Posted September 11, 2014 I am back in therapy...see near last line...... Link to post Share on other sites
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