bohica Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) I am in my forties and living with his mother. I know how bad that is... I have been here for almost two years due to extreme financial difficulties and to work on my failing business. I once had a good job and a little money, a nice place to live and traveled often. In retrospect a good life but I had a career that I hated. I started my own business with hope I would find happiness with in. I have no desire to be here and never have but I am still having difficulties financially and want to move to a specific geographical area. I am also single and want to meet someone. The question is. Should I move anyplace, anywhere just to get out and be a responsible grown up? Even if it means living in some basement somewhere or should I milk it until finances are better and/or I find a place in the desired geographical location? Also, what is worse telling a women you live with your mother to build your business or telling her you live in some dingy studio under someones kitchen ? I feel if I just move anywhere I'll be putting myself into an unhappy situation. I am looking for some solid advise here. Edited May 1, 2013 by bohica Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Doesn't anyone have some advise. Over 70 people have read this and no one has any constructive comments ? Link to post Share on other sites
Emma11 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Things happen and your reasoning for staying there is a financial one, so its nothing to be embarassed about. I know a few people in your situation and if someone judges you because your trying to work back towards the things you lost, then they're a shallow person. Are you currently working or seeking work? My advise is do what makes you happy, don't go by what other people think. Personally I'd stay where I was until I could get back on my feet rather than rush things. It sounds like you're doing well and focusing on getting back on your feet-just take it easy and don't go by others opinions. Only those who don't judge you should be the opinions that matter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dougmccoy Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 my advise is to stay there a little longer until you reach to a point where you can pay for your own expenses and have enough to put on your pocket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) Thank you both. To answer Emma. I am employed. I have a business but it is in a tough competitive field. I don't have a second job. The situation was ok at first but now its getting a bit embarrassing and hard to tell people, particularly women. I think part of the reason my ex lost interest in because of it. What makes matters worse is that my mother doesn't really want me here. She wants her space. She isn't the cookie baking type of mom. She has a boyfriend and likes her space. The boyfriend was recently diagnose with Cancer. Non Hotchkins.. I have managed to pay off bills and even went back to school and earned a degree while here. I have a little money saved but moving will break the bank. Inspite of my achievements while here I feel I should have saved tens of thousands. Between my original post and this I got a call from my old landlord saying my old apt is available. It's in a basement! I think maybe I should suck it up and take it. Pay a few months in advance.... Edited May 2, 2013 by bohica update Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I have no desire to be here and never have but I am still having difficulties financially and want to move to a specific geographical area. I am also single and want to meet someone. IMO, work on yourself and your circumstances first, then share the benefits of that journey with a person who can benefit from your new-found success and stability. No harm in asking his mother for advice, either, IMO. Hmm... maybe I read your post wrong. Will review. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I agree with carhill. I also suggest you read about the city that interests you. What is the housing situation? What is the cost of living? Would it be good for your business? What is it like being single there? How high are taxes? Crime rate? If everything looks positive, then focus on that, make it your goal while you are preparing. Things have a funny way of happening when your intention is clear. Synchronicity! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 The move would be from the burbs to the city. I live in the outskirts of nyc and it would definatly be benefiting for me to live closer to or in the city. I work in a creative field and being closer to the action and closer to people who share the same interests in always beneficial. However, it is expensive and I really do need to get out of my current situation. My previous landlord just offered me my apt back at the same cost, no deposit or security. It's not in the city but on the beach and although its a nice one it is in a basement. She gave me a mirth to month option to. I think all considered I have to jump on it even though its not want I want. It saves a lot of hassles and will give my mom and her bf the space they need. Agreed? Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 No, I don't agree. If you want to be in the city, why waste time and money with a move to somewhere you don't want to be? I'd be looking for rooms for rent in the city, or people who want to share an apartment. If you know what you want, don't get sidetracked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bohica Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 No, I don't agree. If you want to be in the city, why waste time and money with a move to somewhere you don't want to be? I'd be looking for rooms for rent in the city, or people who want to share an apartment. If you know what you want, don't get sidetracked. I agree with you 100% but it's not just my life I am effecting. I've been selfish a little too long and if you haven't read the above I need to give my mother the space she deserves. Her boyfriend is sick and I feel bad she hasn't the space and alone time she should be having in her own home. It has been difficult to find a place in my price range in the city or any place else. Especially one with no broker fee, security, application fee, board approval, credit check, etc. It may be time to suck it up. This is an easy move. I think the opportunity is presenting itself for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) I would love to have this month to month situation in the city. Sounds perfect for you. Move there, organize your life put it on track together, give your mom the space she needs. Slowly start to rebuild connections and move to the place you want down the road. We could all argue that it's great to be saving on rent, and wait a little more to save more. But is it real an adult life? You've been there for a while. Time to move on and rebuild your life and meet girls where you won't be embarrassed to be living at your mom's place. Guy I'm seeing now is, and it's a huge turn off for me, as I can't tell whether he issue is the one he told me (sick mom) or something else (financial ruin?) (bum)? Pteromom also gave an excellent suggestion maybe subletting/sharing usually cheaper could be a great alternative in the first months. Good luck and sorry if I was blunt, just a dating woman perspective. Edited May 7, 2013 by edgygirl Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Nibbles Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 You don't have to be embarrassed to live in mom's basement or your man's mom's basement. You can choose to be embarassed about it, but that is your choice. Hopefully mom is OK with it for now and you're nice to her because she won't be around forever. I lived with my mother for years and then she died. I actually got to know my mother instead of avoiding her. It could be a blessing and not a curse. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 How about getting a job if your business isn't making enough? You can run the business on the side. If it isn't making enough, you are probably not that busy with it. Get a job, get your own place in the city, get into the middle of the community that helps your work, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 I am in my forties and living with his mother. I know how bad that is... I have been here for almost two years due to extreme financial difficulties and to work on my failing business. I once had a good job and a little money, a nice place to live and traveled often. In retrospect a good life but I had a career that I hated. I started my own business with hope I would find happiness with in. I have no desire to be here and never have but I am still having difficulties financially and want to move to a specific geographical area. I am also single and want to meet someone. The question is. Should I move anyplace, anywhere just to get out and be a responsible grown up? Even if it means living in some basement somewhere or should I milk it until finances are better and/or I find a place in the desired geographical location? Also, what is worse telling a women you live with your mother to build your business or telling her you live in some dingy studio under someones kitchen ? I feel if I just move anywhere I'll be putting myself into an unhappy situation. I am looking for some solid advise here. I would date soemone who lived with their mother.......and who wasnt so prideful they realised the benefit from saving and living at home...it shouldnt be shameful to get on your feet......if you sponge its a different matter..paying your way, contributing and saving....... there is no shame in that......i dont like dingy damp places i dont think its a realistic advantage to live in a place like that....health wise....emotionally or financially to prove you are independent.......i have never been bothered by partners parents.....i have lived with them until i found accommodation......and appreciated their kind heartedness in letting me stay till i found my feet.......do what makes you happy...the right girl would understand....deb Link to post Share on other sites
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