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i cannot handle change at all!


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how does one handle change? when something in my life changes for even something so simple as trash day it throws my whole life into a tzzy.

it does not matter what it is, if it is a change my whole system feels off whack, i feel out of control, my life feels in a turmoil, i want to run away,

i need to get it back immediately the old way, it takes forever to adjust to anything new for me.

 

this is bout drivin me nuts! i just need everything the same or i cannot deal with it! my fiance wants to do something different i go into a spin, my cats act werid it throws off my whole day. these are not exagerations either! what does one do in this instance?

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I don't mean this in a bad way whatsoever, but maybe you should talk to your general physician about this. It could be something like obsessive compulsive. It just doesnt sound healthy, and I can tell you are sick of it. Have you always been this way??

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bluechocolate

I was thinking exactly the same thing as Becks - that this is the kind of thing that leads to obsessive/compulsive disorder. I think you should seek professional help - you cannot exist in a world about change.

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thanks for the help guys but i do not have OCD or any other mental condition, i just do not deal well with change and was looking for something that may help with that.

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befuddled11
Originally posted by BOWWIE

thanks for the help guys but i do not have OCD or any other mental condition, i just do not deal well with change and was looking for something that may help with that.

 

However, you DID write the following:

 

i just need everything the same or i cannot deal with it! my fiance wants to do something different i go into a spin, my cats act werid it throws off my whole day. these are not exagerations either! what does one do in this instance?

 

It isn't exactly an indicator of good mental health to have the mindset that everything must always stay the same, because if it doesn't, that person cannot "deal" with it. Life is about continual change. If you admittedly "go into a spin" at the mere occurence of your fiance wanting to do something different, or your cat acting weird....then I'd say you have some issues that require professional help that require investigation. It's not "normal" or the sign of being "stable" to have such a difficult time dealing with such small changes in life...such to the extent that these small changes "throw off your whole day." That's awfully extreme and outrageous. Hopefully you'll seek professional help soon because I doubt your fiance will want to have to deal with this for very long. Nobody would want to commit their life (marrying) to someone who is always in a spin about things, who can't tolerate simple change.

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Bowwie - listen to befuddled. Being thrown off that badly by change is NOT an indication that you are fine. You absolutely do need to speak to a counsellor and explore this further. Regular people do not get thrown into a spin if your cats 'act wierd'. Mental ailments are a product of genetics and chemistry and not something wrong with your thinking. You're not to blame if there's something wrong. You owe it to yourself to get this checked out.

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Okay so maybe i am exagerating somewhat about the cats. my point is that when there is a change in my life that i get alot of anxiety. are all of you trying to tell me that when the status quo is changed it does not affect you at all? you've never had to move and felt it, you have never had a change in your scheudle that threw off your day, you never bought something new that was expensive and worried that something might go wrong for your ability to pay for it? are you all telling me that you have never felt these things with change?

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for even something so simple as trash day it throws my whole life into a tzzy.

 

This is your own description. Either you are using hyperbole for dramatic effect or you are reporting what happens accurately. If the first case, cut it out because we can't tell whether you're being melodramatic or telling the truth. If the second, then you do have a problem.

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befuddled11
Originally posted by BOWWIE

Okay so maybe i am exagerating somewhat about the cats. my point is that when there is a change in my life that i get alot of anxiety. are all of you trying to tell me that when the status quo is changed it does not affect you at all? you've never had to move and felt it, you have never had a change in your scheudle that threw off your day, you never bought something new that was expensive and worried that something might go wrong for your ability to pay for it? are you all telling me that you have never felt these things with change?

 

I don't think anyone here is saying that "change" is always a piece of cake, and easy to embrace....but you came across as being someone who can't deal with the slightest bit of change at all....that even the most seemingly mundane and insignificant things that are "changed", they throw a wrench into your entire day.

 

Would I feel anxious if my b/f changed his mind and wanted to something that was different than we'd originally agreed on? Probably not...unless maybe it was something that had been planned for a long time, something I'd really been looking forward to. Now if we'd decided to go see a movie and at the last minute he wanted to go do something else instead, no, that wouldn't ruin my day (or night).

 

Only speaking for myself, each day brings new changes and things popping up that weren't planned or anticipated. Even my drive into work each day isn't always as expected. A traffic jam, an accident up ahead that slows me down, a change in the weather that causes bad road conditions......it can sometimes be a nuisance, but I dont let it ruin my day. It's a waste of good energy to get all bent out of shape about the little things that you really don't have control of anyway, don't you think? You might want to get that book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff."

 

Would I get anxious or uptight if I bought something expensive and then be left worrying with how I was going to be able to pay for it? Not likely...because I generally wouldn't buy something expensive unless I had it figured out prior to purchasing it, how I was going to pay for it. But that's just me.

 

Sounds like you might have issues with anxiety..and with dealing WITH anxiety. Maybe some issues with control? Maybe you feel a loss of control when things don't go the way you want them, or don't go as planned. Maybe you need to learn a bit of stress management? Regardless though.....seeing a therapist or counsellor about all this isn't a bad idea. Life is filled with change and if you want to enjoy life as much as possible, you're going to have to learn to go with the flow a bit more.

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Life's too short to worry that much. Roll with the punches - it hurts less.

 

Could be depression too, often manifests as anxiety.

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bluechocolate

it does not matter what it is, if it is a change my whole system feels off whack, i feel out of control, my life feels in a turmoil, i want to run away,

 

.......these are not exagerations either

 

Okay so maybe i am exagerating somewhat about the cats

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Some people don't like change because it is different and what's different can be perceived as uncomfortable, even threatening. What's uncomfortable to one person can be fine for another. Most people find house moves stressful but I have to say that the three examples you quote in your first post are unusual in that most people would not find them stressful. If you were short sighted you'd get glasses. This is the same. There's lots of things that you can learn to do that will help. Severe anxiety over small changes is reason enough to seek help. It doesn't mean you definitely have a mental condition.

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befuddled11

bowwie, you wrote:

 

"for even something so simple as trash day it throws my whole life into a tzzy."

 

What does your self-professed inability to deal with change have to do with trash day throwing your whole life into a tizzy? Trash day is generally the same day each week, no matter where a person lives. Where's the "change" that's involved with this? (other than the obvious change of changing the garbage bag from one that's full to one that's empty).

 

Can you explain what is it, specifically, about something as mundane as taking out the trash each week, that throws your whole life into a tizzy? What sort of feelings does the thought and occurence of "trash day" stir up in you? Is it the fact that you feel resentful that you have to be the one to get the garbage out to the curb instead of, say, your fiance? That the responsibility rests on you? Sorry, but I just don't get it. Can you explain this?

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Sounds like you might have issues with anxiety..and with dealing WITH anxiety. Maybe some issues with control? Maybe you feel a loss of control when things don't go the way you want them, or don't go as planned"

 

befuddled i think you nailed it with the above phrase. i think alot of the time i feel so out of control when things do not go the way they are suppose to. i need to feel in control of most aspects in my life or i do feel the anxiety. not sure either what i meant about the trash day so x that one out. my whole point is that when things come up i feel anxiety, and or out of control. if i have not control of things then i feel this anxiety. i feel out of control when things change, like having plans and i was prepared for one thing then we end up doing something else, so now i have to prepare myself for the other thing instead, or when we are going to go do something that i do not really want to do, i feel out of control then too, or when my fiance wants to go do something that he normally does not go do like to a movie with his brother or a friend, it is not a trust issue but a control issue because i wont be there to control what happens, maybe he wants to go to the bar (unlikely) or maybe he meets someone and has a wonderful fulfilling conversation with them, not jealousy of him cheating but just the loss of control again.

yes i think you nailed it right on with the control issues and the anxiety they or lack of it brings on me. that makes much more sesnse and i did not see it that way before but now that you point i t out, it seems very likely that it could be the problem.

i do not feel outwards anxiety just this internal maybe fear is what i could call it. or something inside my head that is saying i did not plan this, this is not what we/i was suppose to do! well something to that effect anyway. okay so maybe i am crazy!

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No, there is no issue of 'craziness'. In fact, nobody is crazy. People have mental ailments caused by biological and chemical problems. The effects of the ailments are that people behave in counterproductive ways. These ailments can be treated. The desire to control can occur if one bit of your brain is over- or under-stimulated. Tweak that bit of the brain with meds and/or therapy (usually both) and it goes back to working as it should.

 

It's not mystery, magic, or madness. It's just medicine.

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i'm sorry but i just can't think of this as a mental ailment but rather something that i can fix and or get over if i knew what it was from or what to do about it. i've been thinking alot about this since earlier post and it does seem that there is a control issue going on here or lack there of of one. maybe i should make new post called "how do i stop feeling the need to control"? the control sure sounds like it could be a big possibility here, but i do not think it warrants counseling as that has been my way of life, well, all my life!

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if you havent read this book try it out: "Who Moved my Cheese". Its about how different people deal with changes. Its not doctor/theory/boring junk. Its in a story book form and it really makes you think about how you see changes and what is the best way for you to deal with them. I listened to the audio tapes but the book is widely available.

 

 

I hope this helps

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