kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) Lately I've been having a rough go in my career. I'm a hairdresser and finally took the plunge and left my old salon, which was nice at one time but recently on the decline, and attained a position at a higher-end establishment. I thought this was a step in the right direction but unfortunately I lost a ton of clients in the move and, because there are so many stylists at my new salon higher on the "totem pole", I haven't gotten many new ones either. I am just feeling massively unsuccessful. So this semester I decided to go back to school to complete my business degree and perhaps pursue a new career path. I am still employed as well, but my business is minimal. I am making pittance. Next semester I plan on taking a full course load rather than part-time since work hasn't been busy. I live with my wonderful parents so I am lucky to not have to worry about housing expenses, so financial strain is not a concern. Unfortunately, I just feel like a total loser lately. I thought I'd have my life together by 25 and despite working hard and pursuing the best possible education in my field, I can't even support myself. Going back to school has been a wonderful experience, but it will be a couple of years before I have my degree and can find a better job. My boyfriend is a successful doctor and despite the fact that he's been so amazingly supportive, caring, and understanding through this whole ordeal, I can't help but feel like such a failure compared to him. He is so successful at a young age and meanwhile here I am living with my parents because my career has failed. I haven't told him that I worry about his view of me, but even so he's been so supportive, and even proud, of the risks I've taken (finding a new job) and the effort I've put into going back to school. He told me last night how proud he was of me and I almost started crying like an emotional dummy! But I can't help it. I feel like such an utter failure. I don't want to make boatloads of money...I just want to support myself! Even if I marry my boyfriend, I don't want to depend on him. I want to contribute to our life together. That just seems so out of reach at this point. Edited November 9, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Epic fail and stress is comparing yourself to others. Most successful individuals have failed often. Risk taking is a requirement to achieving success. Soak up the support and praise of your BF. Follow your own path and best of luck in school. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Firstly its safe and nice for especially a girl to live at home with her parents if its going well. Second I don't think a business degree is really that helpful, than again it looks good on a resume... so don't spend much money on it. Preferably just start a business or work at one and skip the degree. School is overrated experience is where its at and education is way to expensive because of government backed student loans. Finally feminism and this ideal of women marrying the state aka being independent is a joke. Men love to take care of their women. Reality is many men can't afford to have a wife/gf who isn't pulling their weight. Literally can't afford it. If your man does make good money don't feel you have to compete. If you were a man it would be a different story but you're not. Also you wouldn't knock a man for not making as much money as you if he was doing his best so realize you are the best kiss and make up you can be and let that be enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Firstly its safe and nice for especially a girl to live at home with her parents if its going well. Second I don't think a business degree is really that helpful, than again it looks good on a resume... so don't spend much money on it. Preferably just start a business or work at one and skip the degree. School is overrated experience is where its at and education is way to expensive because of government backed student loans. Finally feminism and this ideal of women marrying the state aka being independent is a joke. Men love to take care of their women. Reality is many men can't afford to have a wife/gf who isn't pulling their weight. Literally can't afford it. If your man does make good money don't feel you have to compete. If you were a man it would be a different story but you're not. Also you wouldn't knock a man for not making as much money as you if he was doing his best so realize you are the best kiss and make up you can be and let that be enough. I'm not spending much money on school (comparatively). I'm attending community college for my gen. eds and then a local but small public university for my more advanced classes. I tend to agree that school is overrated but unfortunately a Bachelor's degree is the new high school diploma. It's quite difficult to get even an entry-level job without one, especially in the current job market, where hundreds of thousands to millions of qualified, educated workers are unemployed. My major is technically global supply management...my hope is rolling it into my previous experience as a hairdresser and becoming a brand rep for a global beauty company. I've also considered opening my own business...it's a possibility and something I think I'd enjoy. But thank you for the words of encouragement. I know I shouldn't compare myself to my boyfriend, but it's hard not to. And even if he has the capacity to take care of me some day when we are married, I'm not really the type who wants to be "taken care of." I want to know that I can look out for myself if need be. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) All I can say is that I understand how you feel. You sound like someone who cares about having an enjoyable career you can feel proud of. There are lots of other people in their 20s who are still struggling to make it. It's not easy!! I'm 28 and still feel like I'm not getting anywhere but the only thing to do is keep trying. Either keep trying where you are, or maybe try elsewhere at a different company where your luck may be different. Or the business school thing could work too. Whatever you decide to do, you can do it. Don't give up. And I bet your boyfriend is really proud to have someone like you as his girlfriend. How many women out there would just grab at the idea of having a doctor take care of them? You have perseverance and ambition and that's admirable. Edited November 9, 2012 by SpiralOut 1 Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Dont take it personal but your at home Living with your parents... He is a Doctor.... He prob has other girlfriends or is dating... Unless he wants a kind loving women to have his Children... Then your job is of no importance... If you love him id feel him out on what his Plans in the relationship are... Long term Sex Fling Bachlor that dates many women... Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 #1. Stop comparing yourself to your boyfriend. You are not in competition with him. #2. Be proud of the fact that you are pursuing your degree and moving forward in your life. #3. Start putting the word out to friends and relatives that you are offering a discount on fees, and would appreciate their business and their referrals. My nephew's wife was your age when she started her own business as a beautician by renting a space/chair in an existing salon and built her client base through friends and relatives and their referrals. Have business cards printed and pass them out to people you meet and people you know. #4. Always remember that your value as a person is not tied to your career. You have many other things going for you, and you can derive happiness from many things other than your job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Dont take it personal but your at home Living with your parents... He is a Doctor.... He prob has other girlfriends or is dating... Unless he wants a kind loving women to have his Children... Then your job is of no importance... If you love him id feel him out on what his Plans in the relationship are... Long term Sex Fling Bachlor that dates many women... Uhhh...we've been in an exclusive relationship for a year and a half, spend virtually all of our free time together, and have discussed a future together. But...thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 #1. Stop comparing yourself to your boyfriend. You are not in competition with him. #2. Be proud of the fact that you are pursuing your degree and moving forward in your life. #3. Start putting the word out to friends and relatives that you are offering a discount on fees, and would appreciate their business and their referrals. My nephew's wife was your age when she started her own business as a beautician by renting a space/chair in an existing salon and built her client base through friends and relatives and their referrals. Have business cards printed and pass them out to people you meet and people you know. #4. Always remember that your value as a person is not tied to your career. You have many other things going for you, and you can derive happiness from many things other than your job. Thanks Kathy. As for #3, unfortunately I've tried that and virtually everything you could think of. Mailers, promos, business cards, etc...done it all. But thanks for the words of wisdom...it does help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) All I can say is that I understand how you feel. You sound like someone who cares about having an enjoyable career you can feel proud of. There are lots of other people in their 20s who are still struggling to make it. It's not easy!! I'm 28 and still feel like I'm not getting anywhere but the only thing to do is keep trying. Either keep trying where you are, or maybe try elsewhere at a different company where your luck may be different. Or the business school thing could work too. Whatever you decide to do, you can do it. Don't give up. I know, and I know that in this economy I have many peers that are struggling; it just doesn't help that my boyfriend and all my close friends are relatively successful! I keep comparing myself to them. And I bet your boyfriend is really proud to have someone like you as his girlfriend. How many women out there would just grab at the idea of having a doctor take care of them? You have perseverance and ambition and that's admirable. Thanks for the kind words. I think (hope) he feels that way too! Edited November 9, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 And I bet your boyfriend is really proud to have someone like you as his girlfriend. How many women out there would just grab at the idea of having a doctor take care of them? You have perseverance and ambition and that's admirable. x2 I understand that you don't want to be a freeloader or dependent on him, but he likely appreciates you (and is truly proud of you) for your personality traits and work ethic. It's not like you're sitting on the couch at home eating Cheetos and watching Jerry Springer all day while he's bringing home the paycheck. You're taking the logical and reasonable steps to improve your career. As a guy, I can assure you that the type of traits you're showing (ambition to improve your career, showing concern that you don't want to be dependent on him) are something worth admiring in a partner. My advice is to keep your nose to the grindstone. Minimize your expenses, finish your degree (two years isn't really all that long of a time in the grand scheme of your career), and know that there are many other ways to contribute equal parts to a relationship apart from finances. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Uhhh...we've been in an exclusive relationship for a year and a half, spend virtually all of our free time together, and have discussed a future together. But...thanks... You should listen to that other poster. Maybe your boyfriend is homosexual or is actually a black man. Never know, right? Don't be too hard on yourself. If you have goals and are doing what you can to achieve them, being patient and allowing them to come together is the only other thing you can do. One day everything will change all at once. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 It may sound iffy but do you have internet presence, blogs, youtube channel, twitter. I know you may be lacking customers right now but if you work hard enough you can get endorsements for different product companies. Idk just an idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) I was asking to see where his intentions lay.. Good friend of mine female was a high up in a fourtune 500 company making 100k a year..... Met the man of her dreams now she raises two kids.. He perfers her not to work ... Before you put alot of time into school... see if he wants children and a family If he says no focus in school..... Becuase your Not marring him and its ok..... If he wants a family kids call him out.... A yr and a half exclusive should be plenty of time If he ain't put a engage ment ring on that finger Chances are he never will..... relationships of people together more then one yr With no engagement are a sign of no commetment.. If he wad serious you would be living together in school And he would love you and not expect much in the form Of finacial knowing your in a tough spot..... Right now he has you were he wants... not at his Place gets sex when he wants u exclusive with No ties to you he could walk any moment... If he loves you after 1 yr and a half he would not Want another man having you.... Id push for a comment over exclusive.... In a mans eyes exclusively means " shes only ****ing me no one else " Comment means " we only **** each other " Or just enjoy the dinners dates and gifts A yr and a half is a long time it willl be 5 yrs or how ever long he wants.. Push for a comment Edited November 9, 2012 by charlietheginger Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Is your passion still with hairdressing, or (financial issues aside), are you yearning for something different, career wise? I'm wondering if you feel that you "need" to go back to get an academic degree so you can feel more on par with your boyfriend? If this is the case at all, I don't think it's the right path. Only if you really have an interest in pursuing a business career. If you love doing hair, there are probably still other avenues you can pursue to gain more business. Maybe this salon is simply not the right place? Maybe a very small, trendy, exclusive one where there is not so much competition? I know it's hard to build up a new and loyal clientele. Have you considered getting additional training or licensed for other skills in the beauty industry? For example, esthetician, color specialist, Brazilian blowout, waxing, eyebrows, etc.? Many salons that have multiple stylists only have one provider for those services. Anyway, keep up your spirits and enjoyment of the good things in life, including your boyfriend! Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 I Met the man of her dreams now she raises two kids.. He perfers her not to work ... Before you put alot of time into school... see if he wants children and a family If he says no focus in school..... Becuase your Not marring him and its ok….. Are you from a different century? Women don't typically make their decisions about how to conduct their professional lives dependent upon what their boyfriend's family plans are. If the OP doesn't want to work and hopes to stay home, supported by a husband and raising a family, she hasn't told us so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Is your passion still with hairdressing, or (financial issues aside), are you yearning for something different, career wise? I'm wondering if you feel that you "need" to go back to get an academic degree so you can feel more on par with your boyfriend? If this is the case at all, I don't think it's the right path. Only if you really have an interest in pursuing a business career. If you love doing hair, there are probably still other avenues you can pursue to gain more business. Maybe this salon is simply not the right place? Maybe a very small, trendy, exclusive one where there is not so much competition? I know it's hard to build up a new and loyal clientele. Have you considered getting additional training or licensed for other skills in the beauty industry? For example, esthetician, color specialist, Brazilian blowout, waxing, eyebrows, etc.? Many salons that have multiple stylists only have one provider for those services. Anyway, keep up your spirits and enjoyment of the good things in life, including your boyfriend! To be honest, no, I'm not sure my passion is still with hairdressing. I'm not sure if the financial woes have just sucked all the life out of it, or my bad experiences at my old job, or what. But I don't get excited about doing it anymore. I am a licensed esthetician as well (in my state, a cosmetology license includes hair, skin, nails, waxing, makeup, etc.) and I do specialize in color. While I do have clients that come to me for eyebrow waxes and makeup, I primarily do cuts and colors, and that is what I enjoy the most. But even that seems to have lost its luster. No, my wanting a degree is not so I can feel more "on par" with my boyfriend. I can see how it would be easy to think that though. I'd say it's half personal fulfillment, half wanting to have more flexibility should I want to change careers. With nothing but a high school diploma and a cosmetology license, I feel I'm totally trapped. Trapped on this roller-coaster of good weeks and bad weeks (lately mostly bad weeks) and unreliable income. I'm just not sure I want to deal with it anymore. What I actually would like to do is open a business. Without pinpointing specifically where I live, the major city to my suburb has been downtrodden for decades and is finally starting to make a come back. I love this city. I would love to open a business, maybe beauty-related, maybe not, and be a part of bringing the city back. Of course, the chances for failure there are great, too. Life is full of risks, I suppose! I really thank you for your post. You are one of the wisest contributors on LS and I always look forward to your input. Are you from a different century? Women don't typically make their decisions about how to conduct their professional lives dependent upon what their boyfriend's family plans are. If the OP doesn't want to work and hopes to stay home, supported by a husband and raising a family, she hasn't told us so. I'm just ignoring his posts at this point. Whether or not my boyfriend wants to marry me is irrelevant. If he does, then great, if he doesn't, I'll live. I have no desire to plan out a future as a stay-at-home mom at this point (not that there is anything wrong with women who do stay at home with their children); in fact I'm not even sure I want kids. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Can't you go work in one of those chain hair salons that you can just walk into? Their cuts cost around $15 and I usually give $20. My son gets a #1 and it usually takes about ten minutes. Not forever but just until you're done school? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Can't you go work in one of those chain hair salons that you can just walk into? Their cuts cost around $15 and I usually give $20. My son gets a #1 and it usually takes about ten minutes. Not forever but just until you're done school? I think I'd rather shoot myself in the foot. I am looking into other part time jobs in reception and etc., but how miserable I'd be working at one of those chop shops just wouldn't be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 (edited) Im only looking out for your best interest The why buy the milk when the cow is free.... Is a real life occurrence it happens men do it And women get drug along.... Was hoping you would see the obvious rather Then just ignoring anything that does not Sound like what you want to hear..... In life people only see what they chose... You seem like a wonderful person... Hope things workout with your School and relation ship..... Focus on yourself stay strong and be happy Dont look to far ahead into the forest or you miss the beautiful flowers as they pass by... It was wrong of me to put you u on the spot About your relationships.... I apologize..... but i also know a few doctors all of them have stay At home wifes... So that might be a issue if you want a career... Edited November 9, 2012 by charlietheginger Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 Im only looking out for your best interest The why buy the milk when the cow is free.... Is a real life occurrence it happens men do it And women get drug along.... Was hoping you would see the obvious rather Then just ignoring anything that does not Sound like what you want to hear..... In life people only see what they chose... You seem like a wonderful person... Hope things workout with your School and relation ship..... Focus on yourself stay strong and be happy Dont look to far ahead into the forest or you miss the beautiful flowers as they pass by... It was wrong of me to put you u on the spot About your relationships.... I apologize..... but i also know a few doctors all of them have stay At home wifes... So that might be a issue if you want a career... I didn't ask how to make my boyfriend marry me. I was expressing my exasperation at my own career, and my problem of comparing myself to others. I don't even know how you got on the page you're on. If my boyfriend wants a stay at home wife right now (uh, he doesn't want kids), then he can find someone else. My goal in life is not to be married. My goal in life is to be happy and fulfilled. I know a few doctors too. Actually I know a lot, through my boyfriend. Most of them are actually married to other doctors. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 I think I'd rather shoot myself in the foot. I am looking into other part time jobs in reception and etc., but how miserable I'd be working at one of those chop shops just wouldn't be worth it. You've tried it before? I don't know anything about them, only that there are always people waiting. If you could do 4 or 5 in an hour it may be more than what you make now if you are only getting a tip off a $80 haircut. Why are they so awful? I only go there for like 15 minutes every month so what is so terrible about them for the time being? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 You've tried it before? I don't know anything about them, only that there are always people waiting. If you could do 4 or 5 in an hour it may be more than what you make now if you are only getting a tip off a $80 haircut. Why are they so awful? I only go there for like 15 minutes every month so what is so terrible about them for the time being? Let's just say it's a bit of a death sentence for a stylist. It's where hairdressers go to die. I personally have not worked at one, but know many people who have (and seen how much they hate it). You are confined to about 15-20 minutes per client and therefore are basically forced to do subpar work (I don't care how great of a stylist you are - no one can do a great consultation, cut, and blow-dry in 15 minutes). They offer no education, and this combined with constantly performing sub-par work causes your skills to erode over time. Your clientele is majority kids (I really don't like children in general, let alone cutting their hair) and men (not my favourite). I'd be miserable, and it wouldn't be worth it. I would literally dread going to work. It would be one thing if I was out on the street starving to death and that was my only option, of course, but my back isn't exactly up against the wall, so I'm not going to make myself miserable. I'd rather do reception work for a similar hourly rate and not abhor my job. Please note that I'm not making a dig against people who go there...especially for kids, I think it's perfect! Who wants to spend more than a few bucks on a kid's cut anyways? But it's not the work that I got into the industry to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted November 9, 2012 Author Share Posted November 9, 2012 x2 I understand that you don't want to be a freeloader or dependent on him, but he likely appreciates you (and is truly proud of you) for your personality traits and work ethic. It's not like you're sitting on the couch at home eating Cheetos and watching Jerry Springer all day while he's bringing home the paycheck. You're taking the logical and reasonable steps to improve your career. As a guy, I can assure you that the type of traits you're showing (ambition to improve your career, showing concern that you don't want to be dependent on him) are something worth admiring in a partner. My advice is to keep your nose to the grindstone. Minimize your expenses, finish your degree (two years isn't really all that long of a time in the grand scheme of your career), and know that there are many other ways to contribute equal parts to a relationship apart from finances. Hang in there. Thanks T-Man. That helps a lot. You should listen to that other poster. Maybe your boyfriend is homosexual or is actually a black man. Never know, right? Exactly! Actually my theory is that he's actually an alien from another planet. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you have goals and are doing what you can to achieve them, being patient and allowing them to come together is the only other thing you can do. One day everything will change all at once. Thanks Johan. I have my goals...just gotta get better at the "being patient" part. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Let's just say it's a bit of a death sentence for a stylist. It's where hairdressers go to die. I must have misunderstood. I thought you didn't want to do this anymore once you got a degree. My brain's kinda fuzzy today. Link to post Share on other sites
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