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im not saying im a bad person but there are some things i think make me not want people to be around me like me love me date me etc....

i blame it on my life its just the way it goes

as i try to do what i can do im my daily life i struggle and i wonder and think and think and sometimes overthink,i react too quicky, need to learn how to think before acting and talking sometimes

i can read and read but usually can never follow advice etc...

my heart is just very broken and want to be loved and i get hurt alot and i mean alot over and over again for many years

i pray i think i talk to myself and of course i write and vent in these forums all the time and i really say how i feel and what i mean sometimes stupid etc

i want to be a better person so that i can make friends and find a man to love me

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HisGraceisSufficient

In my opinion, most people do not and cannot change-especially when given strength, intellect, and ability are all limited. Our self effort of change may work for a while, but it usually fails us. We need to be changed, not change ourselves. If you could have changed, you would have done it by now.

 

You only have so much strength. You only have so much discipline. You only have so much ability. Where do you go when it runs dry? When nothing is left?

 

Self help is a dead end because change cannot be stirred by what is not there. We cannot cultivate change. It comes from outside ourselves.

 

If you believe in God, I recommend you start there.

Edited by HisGraceisSufficient
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Self help is a dead end because change cannot be stirred by what is not there. We cannot cultivate change. It comes from outside ourselves.

 

If you believe in God, I recommend you start there.

 

Wierd response. Sorry, but I just think it's all pretty negative. Self help is a dead end? Really? I suppose God will fix it all for us?

 

Self help is not a dead end, maybe not everybody anyway.

 

OP, you're just too hard on yourself. I, too, am the same way. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner (original, I know) but each day I try to change, just a little bit, and that's all we can do.

 

OP, take a vacation. Quit punishing yourself and blaming yourself for where you're at right now in life. You're better than that! Find one thing about yourself you can change today, and make that change. And keep working at it, build up that self confidence again, and next thing you know, you got a man who loves you to death. Boom. Problem solved.

 

And if God can help you along the way, more power to you. Whatever gets you there. Good luck to you OP, hang tough

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If you believe in God, I recommend you start there.

 

I also believe that a relationship with God brings clarity to our own personal purpose in this life, and is a catalyst for a total life transformation.

 

However, if you don't believe in God, I do think that there are techniques we can use to better cope with life's obstacles. In this case, it seems that forming meaningful social bonds is proving challenging right now. Well, don't worry...you're not alone! And there is hope.

 

First, ask yourself what scares you about getting close to others. (Don't say nothing scares you! We all do what we really want to do, and you seem to find some level of comfort in keeping your distance right now). When you have some light on the why (the cognitive side), you'll be able to move past it with the how.

 

It seems that you push others away a bit, possibly with a quick temper...? I'm not sure, just going by your post. But you know yourself best...do you think that you have any feelings of inadequacy when you are with others? If so, can you think where that might stem from?

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im not saying im a bad person but there are some things i think make me not want people to be around me like me love me date me etc....

i blame it on my life its just the way it goes

as i try to do what i can do im my daily life i struggle and i wonder and think and think and sometimes overthink,i react too quicky, need to learn how to think before acting and talking sometimes

i can read and read but usually can never follow advice etc...

my heart is just very broken and want to be loved and i get hurt alot and i mean alot over and over again for many years

i pray i think i talk to myself and of course i write and vent in these forums all the time and i really say how i feel and what i mean sometimes stupid etc

i want to be a better person so that i can make friends and find a man to love me

 

The bold ^^^ Have you ever tried to discipline yourself with silence?

 

Meditating in silence builds your character and teaches you to be in better control of your tongue and to be in the moment.

 

Not reacting negatively to others takes self discipline. You can get there but it takes some work. Start off with moments of silence, then graduate to 30 minutes, then one hour. If you can, if possible take a vow of silence all day. And go about your day in silence. Be positive in your thoughts. Get to know yourself. Be introspective. Release worry and grow from the experience. Use it as a learning tool. Listen closely to what you tell yourself in silence. It's very telling.

 

If your mind begins to chatter needlessly, quieten your spirit by deep breathing in and out using two words, such as, breath in say, 'love', breath out say. 'me', till your mind relaxes. Love, me. Love yourself, faults and all. Who better deserves to be loved and cared for than you? No one. You are a gift to this world. If you don't like who you are appearing to be, look within you and find your authentic self. Be that person. And accept and love who you were intended to be. Acceptance releases you, calms you, opens you up to accept love from another when it comes your way.

 

Healing thoughts. :love:

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HisGraceisSufficient
Wierd response. Sorry, but I just think it's all pretty negative. Self help is a dead end? Really? I suppose God will fix it all for us?

 

Self-help's assumptive theory is that the person is fully capable, responsible and able to help him or herself from self-destructiveness and self-defeating behaviors.

 

But, how can we change when it is ourselves that have created much of the mess? Self-help wants to help the self but it is the self that is flawed and given to instability. It is a circle of confusion, frustration and disappointment.

 

“WE CANNOT SOLVE PROBLEMS AT THE SAME LEVEL AT WHICH WE CREATED THEM.” ~Albert Einstein

 

Until we reach a point of freedom from self-forgetfulness, self-help ultimately hinders, often destroys and offers little reward.

 

Self help is full of positive promises but offers little. The truth of the Healer sets captives free and offers abundant life.

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HisGraceisSufficient
How exactly are "strength, intellect, and ability" limited?

 

Having experienced a self-help, agnostic approach, I was exhausting my resources of cultivating "self-esteem," using all my strength, intellect, ability. There came a point, after many years, that I realized nothing I had done worked. How was it possible? I had the knowledge of self-help. I had the ability to help myself. I had the strength to do the exercises found in countless self-help books. But, it was limited. There was little seen and felt progress. Instead, self-help magnified the self (which is the fundamental root of disorder and dissension) and what happens is that it begins to contribute to selfishness, self-centered worldview and most insidious of all, pride.

 

 

 

Good question.. where do you?

 

Psalm 118:14

 

The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.

 

 

When you say "Change cannot be stirred by what is not there" it really means that your english is so bad it got stirred in my toilet and really was not there.

 

We don't change because of what is found within. We change because of His great love for us. This simple truth has changed me and taken away the burden and frustration of self help.

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The spirit of God lives within me so when I seek Him I go within myself. There is a voice that lives within me that never steers me wrong, it is the voice of God. Our true authentic self.

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  • 2 weeks later...

“WE CANNOT SOLVE PROBLEMS AT THE SAME LEVEL AT WHICH WE CREATED THEM.” ~Albert Einstein

 

Just because Einstein said it, doesn't mean it's the truth for everybody.

 

Besides, that quote is pretty vague when it comes down to it. It all depends on what the problem is. I have many problems that I've created, but each day I grow a little bit more and am able to reflect on things and get a better picture. Thus, I am able to grow more each day. I am helping my "self". You can learn from your mistakes and use that knowledge to correct/ prevent those same problems from coming back.

 

Faith may help for alot of things, especially when trying to stay optimistic. But faith alone doesn't solve all problems. If God could fix everything then LS wouldn't be here, would it? There wouldn't be people sharing their opinons and listening to eachother, trying to offer advice or any of that stuff.

 

You can try and recruit people to join your religion all you want, and that's all fine and dandy. But don't kick a dog when he's down and tell him he's not strong enough to get back up on his own, unless he seeks the lord. Cheap recruiting tactic, if you ask me.

 

It kind of seems like you're just using somebody's weaknesses to steer them into your religuous beliefs. And you offer nothing but negativity to anyone who wants to try and get through things on their own.

 

You should watch the movie Jesus Camp, there's alot of people in that movie that do exactly what you're doing.

 

Just my opinion, but I don't think God would want you to run around and tell people they can't help themselves. That's just sad.

Edited by The_Face
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skydiveaddict

i want to be a better person so that i can make friends and find a man to love me

 

You can completely change everything about your life. It's as simple as doing it. I know because I did it.

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“WE CANNOT SOLVE PROBLEMS AT THE SAME LEVEL AT WHICH WE CREATED THEM.” ~Albert Einstein

 

Just because Einstein said it, doesn't mean it's the truth for everybody.

 

Actually, Einstein's truth applies to everyone. Although I think it was used in the wrong context here. Another way to understand what Einstein may have meant is... An ignorant man can't solve the problems he created if he remains ignorant. Understand?

 

Although I do agree God is the bigger picture and finding this Truth will greatly improve your life. I don't agree with the dogmatic views of God. However, I do agree as well that self-help is beneficial, it's a step towards becoming a better person. And you do need to work on yourself, how else can you improve?

 

Anyway, OP you overwhelm yourself in thoughts. And most of the thoughts are negative, such as what you lack and so forth. I noticed you like to vent your frustrations and pray. All of which is good but you are missing the component of taking action on being a better person. Instead of wanting to be a better person, which is only wishful thinking. Start being it.

 

So how do you start being a better person? Stop the negative story of how your life sucks. It only reaffirms what is lacking in your life. For you I would recommend going to the core of the issue and fixing this first which is loving yourself. It's not an egotistical love but a love of who you are, for your unique qualities. You are amazing and glorious. Everything about you is incredible. Believe it.

 

Understandably, it may not be easy to love yourself because of the habit of being negative. But here's a simple action step that you should start with. (It's an exercise mentioned in You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L Hay). It's the core of all change and I know if you did this you will see changes.

 

Twice a day. Mornings and Night, go to the mirror and say. "Your name, I really really love you." And then think about all the great qualities you have and be grateful for them. That's it.

 

I would suggest just trying this small thing. Changes to your life doesn't always have to be a big step.

 

"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" - Lao Tzu

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