my lack of self-esteem

[AcaciaStrain]

I'm a 20 year old man, who all through my life i've struggled with my self esteem and confidence. I can talk to people, but i won't go out of my way to have a full blown conversation. Recently i've realised this has became worse and i find myself struggling to find topics/things to talk about. Especially to women.

 

Now many people have told me I'm good looking, i usually get considered a 7/10 or 8/10. Many girls have expressed to me that they have had crushes on me ect and I've even had a 2 year relationship. Some of the girls i have been intimate with have been gorgeous, but now I'm starting to find it harder to talk to people.

I even struggle to find new jobs because I'm scared what people will think of me.

 

In my job now, i find I'm one of those people that wont speak much or I'm scared to have my opinion expressed. I always look at myself and think I am just a plain boring man. I don't know what to do with my life in terms of a career, i have 3 paths i wont to go down and choosing one of them is hard because of the lack of confidence i have. I have my passion, music. Then either Policing or barbering.

 

Have i got problems within me mentally or is this not unusual?

[RiverRunning]

Is it possible that you've put all of your eggs into the looks basket, and other than that, you find you come up short? Being good-looking certainly helps you get your foot in the door in just about every scenario in life, but it's possible that in the meantime, you just haven't really honed your other skill sets.

 

Do you think that you're intelligent? Do you think that you have a kind, giving, generous personality? Start thinking up some examples that support your best traits (i.e., "I am intelligent: I earned straight A's in college. I won that big science award.").

[AcaciaStrain]

That's a possibility and i hate the fact that could be true, I'm not that type of person. I'm a intelligent person yes, but i didn't really apply it into school and as a result didn't do so well, which then backfires my intelligence. I'm very kind, and sometimes too kind to people, i think that maybe another problem as people do walk over me when they get that opportunity.

 

I find sometimes i can be confident with people and it'll be alright, then other times I'm a wreck and become really shy, it's weird. I find myself wondering about my future with careers ect, as a result of this. Maybe it's something to do with maturing. Help please.

[KungFuJoe]

You have anxiety. Very common. If you have access to a therapist I would see one.

 

It may pass on its own...it may not.

[KathyM]

Social anxiety disorder. Fear of being judged by others and not measuring up. I would also suggest what the poster above did, which is to see a therapist to help you overcome this. The therapist will likely teach you to practice positive self talk, will discuss your qualities and help you find new things to develop more self esteem, and will probably suggest putting yourself into more social situations to help you overcome your fear. She may do some role playing with you where you could practice small talk with a woman.