Why I can't I be confident with myself? What more can I do?

[kel22]

Hi, this is my first post here.

I'm 22, 6'3 and in college. I am not happy with my life and suffered depression for 8 years. I went from 325 to 244 pounds. in a year and a couple months, and I have more to lose.

 

I workout 4-5 days a week and I watch what I eat. I am solely losing weight for aesthetic reasons and to attract women. Being "healthy" is not as important because I was healthy at my fattest .

 

Even though some people (none are women my age) say I look different, I feel that I look the same when I was at my heaviest. The only difference I see is a little difference in my arms and shoulders.

 

My worst problem is having manboobs. My doctor denies it being gynecomastia however they're bigger than guys even FATTER than me. I can't afford cosmetic surgery. I work out my chest the hardest and I get nothing but a weak 325 pound bench press. I'm trying hard to fix this and I'm not getting the results for the effort given.

 

I am also sexually frustrated. I've only had sex once in my life (8 months ago). This feels worse than being a virgin, because I crave sex more.

 

I also feel very inadequate about my size. I don't fit into the stereotype of black guys having huge penis and being sexual experts. Actually I don't fit into most black stereotypes at all. For example, I have very light skin (even pale in some areas), freckles, reddish brown hair and I'm not biracial.

 

I have been stretching my penis and jelqing for over a month and my penis is beginning to hurt.

 

I lost the weight and my penis size is still the same as before I lost weight. I've heard so many people say for each 20-35 pounds you lose you gain 0.5-1 inches. My penis hasn't grown at all. I did the work and I get nothing.

 

 

I can never feel happy for myself or feel confidence.

 

Why should I do for all of my problems.

[pteromom]

Being "healthy" is not as important because I was healthy at my fattest .

 

1. Obesity is a slow killer. You are healthy until you aren't, then one day you have bad knees, diabetes, high blood pressure, and can't breathe well, and you're like "Sh*t... should have lost weight years ago."

2. You were not healthy. You were depressed.

 

The only difference I see is a little difference in my arms and shoulders.

 

Look at photos, and you'll see the difference. And note that you DO see a difference. A difference in your arms and shoulders is still a difference.

 

My worst problem is having manboobs.

 

Keep losing weight. They will likely go away. Also, have your hormone levels checked. It's possible you have a hormonal imbalance that is causing them to be bigger than they should be.

 

I work out my chest the hardest and I get nothing but a weak 325 pound bench press. I'm trying hard to fix this and I'm not getting the results for the effort given.

 

There are some people on here who are really good at working out. Go to the physical fitness board, post your routine and your goals, and ask for feedback. They'll help you do the best workout for you.

 

I am also sexually frustrated. I've only had sex once in my life (8 months ago). This feels worse than being a virgin, because I crave sex more.

 

There's no reason you can't date now. 6'3" and 244 is very desirable for a lot of women.

 

I also feel very inadequate about my size. I don't fit into the stereotype of black guys having huge penis and being sexual experts.

 

Unless you have a 3" penis, don't worry about this. Most women are not looking for a "huge" penis. There's actually a website out there called Mr. Average. Google it and check it out (not work safe). Almost ALL men are very close to the same size, and the % of the men who are either very small or very large is small.

 

Actually I don't fit into most black stereotypes at all. For example, I have very light skin (even pale in some areas), freckles, reddish brown hair and I'm not biracial.

 

So? Embrace who you are. You aren't Denzel Washington, so don't be him. Just be you. There is some woman out there who will kiss every one of your freckles. If your reddish brown hair looks funny to you, color it. No biggie. (Hard for me to say without seeing a pic.)

 

 

I have been stretching my penis and jelqing for over a month and my penis is beginning to hurt.

 

Don't do that. You are gonna end up permanently hurting yourself. A penis that gets nice and firm is MUCH more important than its size, so please don't eff-up your penis.

 

I lost the weight and my penis size is still the same as before I lost weight. I've heard so many people say for each 20-35 pounds you lose you gain 0.5-1 inches. My penis hasn't grown at all. I did the work and I get nothing.

 

Wrong thing to focus on. Your penis is what it is. You have very little control over how big it is. But there are things in your life you DO control. Like your weight - keep up the great work on that! Or learning to be more confident. Or advancing your career. Or working on a dating strategy. Thinking about your penis just keeps your focus off the REAL work you need to do, so let that go.

 

I can never feel happy for myself or feel confidence.

 

Why should I do for all of my problems.

 

Why do you think that is? Aren't you proud of what you've accomplished? Is there a reason you focus on the negative instead of the positive? Is there a reason you can't accept yourself the way you are?

 

Here's what I think you should do:

- Make a conscious effort NOT to worry about your penis. Accept that you are normal, and anytime you are thinking about it, force yourself to stop.

- Keep working out. Tweak your routine to get the results you want.

- Make a conscious effort to think positively. What are you thankful for today? What are you proud of? What do you like about yourself?

- Read. There are tons of articles and books about positive thinking, building confidence, learning to love yourself, etc. Reading these articles and books would be MUCH more constructive than stretching your penis.

- If this isn't enough - find a therapist. You could need medical intervention if you are clinically depressed.

[tman666]

Dude, a 325 lb bench press isn't "weak" unless you're trying to be a competitive powerlifter. Since you plainly stated that you're only training for aesthetic reasons, why do you care about your bench press?

 

The key with proper aesthetic training is symmetry. Arguably, symmetry is just as important for strength and power pursuits as well, but we don't need to talk about that since it's not what your focus is.

 

I second pteromom's suggestion that you start a thread in the physical fitness subforum in which you outline your diet and training. You'll probably get a mixed bag of advice, but you might be surprised at what you pick up.

 

As far the other things your mentioned, I think it's important to focus on your strengths. Don't necessarily dwell on your weaknesses. If they are things you can fix (such as social skills, cleaning up your appearance) work on them, but there are some things that are out of one's control (penis size, for example). I'd stop that dick-stretching stuff if I were you. That sounds like a recipe for hurting yourself permanently. And for what? An extra half inch? Do you really think that's going to make or break your ability to perform sexually given the chance?

[soccerrprp]

 

I have been stretching my penis and jelqing for over a month and my penis is beginning to hurt.

 

I lost the weight and my penis size is still the same as before I lost weight. I've heard so many people say for each 20-35 pounds you lose you gain 0.5-1 inches. My penis hasn't grown at all. I did the work and I get nothing.

 

Is this a joke?! Who told you your penis will get larger because you lost weight???? Maybe I don't know my physiology, but where did you get this???

[Wizeass]

Is this a joke?! Who told you your penis will get larger because you lost weight???? Maybe I don't know my physiology, but where did you get this???

 

Perhaps its a proportion/perception issue. If he is losing weight but his penis stays the same size then proportionally his penis will appear to be larger than it was before.

[soccerrprp]

Perhaps its a proportion/perception issue. If he is losing weight but his penis stays the same size then proportionally his penis will appear to be larger than it was before.

 

I was thinking that.

[pteromom]

Nah, they say that every 10 pounds lost makes a difference in penis size, because the pubic fat pad shrinks, revealing more shaft.

 

I don't know how true it is. My husband lost 40 pounds, and I don't notice a difference in penis size.

[kel22]

Nah, they say that every 10 pounds lost makes a difference in penis size, because the pubic fat pad shrinks, revealing more shaft.

 

I don't know how true it is. My husband lost 40 pounds, and I don't notice a difference in penis size.

 

So I guess is varied among people. I think I may have to lose 100 pounds to see a difference.