march31 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 so me and my boyfriend have been together about a year. before me and him started dating he was a huge whore and never had a committed relationship. im his first real relationship. when we first started dating, he came up to me and had hickeys on his neck from another girl. then a few weeks latter he got a lap dance from a girl i dont get along with. since then hes been a really good bf. but lately hes been paying more attention to other girls then to me. he even texts a girl who tried kissing him a few months ago. for some reason its been extremely hard for me to trust him and i get REALLY jealous when he does things. even little things. like when he let a girl where his jacket today. he says im over reacting and i feel like im losing him. please help Link to post Share on other sites
Asante Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 From what you've described you have reason to feel very uncomfortable. Listen to your own inner voice over the words of someone who may or may not be worthy of your trust at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
BillieAnn Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 You have the right to jealousy. Yes. But try not to show jealousy to the guy. Be smart. Behave as you are unique and you will be! Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I don't think your uncomfortableness is completely unfounded. He seems like he used to be (hopefully just used to be) quite the pig. You've tried talking to him about it and he told you the problem was yours. I think that would be enough to make most girls second guess themselves. If he cared enough about you and really has changed his ways he would be much more understanding about your concerns. Has jealousy been a problem for you in previous relationships? If it hasn't and it seems like it's just this guy that's driving you a bit crazy, that's your gut telling you it isn't right. We all deserve to feel comfortable and secure in our relationships. If you don't, this isn't the right relationship for you. Some girls just aren't compatible with former pigs and you might be one of them. And let this be a lesson to the younger people on this forum, yes bad decisions you made in the past can come back and bite you in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author march31 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 yeah i guess you guys are right. i mean i love more than anything and i know he loves me too. but i just feel extremely uncomfortable and jealous when im around him and hes doing things like texting his ex or letting a mutual friend where his jacket. we've talked about it multiple times and though he aknowlegdes my feelings, most of the time hes keeps asking me to leave his past "in the past" and i've told him, how can i if you wont. hes stopped texting ex's but i not the girl who tried kissing him. shes always telling him how much she loves him and misses him. (they are best friends though) but i still told him i dont like her best friend or not. was this wrong of me? Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 hes stopped texting ex's but i not the girl who tried kissing him. shes always telling him how much she loves him and misses him. (they are best friends though) but i still told him i dont like her best friend or not. was this wrong of me? Absolutely not, that's not wrong of you. it's not friendship unless both people are in it for the same things. Clearly his ex wants more from that relationship than he does, or at least than what he's telling you he wants. It shouldn't matter how good of friends they are. If he loves you he would be willing to cut down on contact with her. Or at least tell her what is appropriate for her to say to him and what isn't. If he can't set that boundary, he is either lying to you, lying to himself or has absolutely no backbone or moral compass. I'm not real sure if I could date a pig that has such trouble setting boundaries... If you want my honest advice on this one, run for the hills and don't look back. He doesn't seem like a guy worthy of your love and devotion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author march31 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 i think your right but its been about a year of us being together happily. and its all happened so fast that i dont really know what to say or do. we've gotten so comfortable with each other that i dont think i can ever picture myself with anyone else. i talked to him about this yesturday actually. seeing as it was thanksgiving, what better day to talk about it right? so i told him exactly what you were telling me about him leaving everything behind if he loves me. and all of this other stuff. and so far he hasnt contacted her. even when she's contacted him. but then again its only been a day. im sorry i keep writing back and forth. its just that it feels amazing to finally have someone to talk to about all of this. -- one other thing. it may sound extremely silly but he wants to go out with his guy friends this weekend, even though we had something planned, and im getting jealous/worried. his friends are all good guys but they are all also single. should i tell him to keep his plans with me or should i give him his free "guy" time. Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Don't be sorry. That's what these forums are here for. We've all been in a situation where we are just desperate for someone who isn't invested to listen and give their two cents. It's ok I think you may have misunderstood me a bit though. I didn't mean that you can force him to give up his old ways. I meant that if it was for real, he would do it automatically. Man whores are a tricky breed. They are the type that want to have their cake and eat it too. They also tend to be liars and manipulators. Hence their ability to bed tons of women who would normally never do such a thing. If you keep letting him know how upset you are about it, it doesn't necessarily mean he will stop doing it. It means that he will be less transparent about doing it. Now that you've told him about it and he knows how you feel, I wouldn't bring it up again. Just observe his behavior and decide if that is something you want to live with. As for him going out this weekend, I've never been the type to tell any guy they can't do something. But I also don't ever get serious with guys I don't have a strong sense of trust with. I would say let him go. Use this weekend as an exercise to try and trust him. Call up a gaggle of your girlfriends and go out yourself. Try not to think about what he could possibly be doing with his friends. Definitely don't let him know you are suspicious, that will make him clam up. Just let him be and have a good time with his friends. Don't grill him about what he did that weekend but see what he tells you. If he seems to be withholding info or acting suspicious then you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
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