Am I forever a loner?

[JohnM]

Having an on off period atm with my mood dipping. This week I seem to have gone deeper into the analysis of the fact that I'm becoming less and less social. I feel like I don't actually having any friends I see, and go out with. I don't get invited on nights out, I have been on like one in the past 18 months. I dunno, I feel like I don't have a social group anymore. My close friends from university are now back in their home towns, and its been that way since 2008 now anyway. I make extremely strong friendships, but I also tend to have lots of one on one friends that I can contact to do something, but not groups, probably because I am not as comfortable in a group including largely unknown people, I need time to build trust and rapport.

 

I find it hard to make new friends and I am slow to interact socially and also to make the reach out. I always seem to feel foolish, like I would be putting my soul on the line to try arrange a night out with people I don't know well and forge new friendships. I feel like I'm in some terrible down spiral. Some days I am in the depths, others I have the strength of will to pull my self up and carry on for a few weeks before something sets me off and I sink again.

 

I am currently unemployed and all I seem to do is sit in my room, alone, playing games and watching films. I see my girlfriend about two or three times a week which keeps my social bar up. I am currently waiting to have an operation on my knee which also means I'm missing my physical outlet of playing football, which I haven't been able to play for a year now, crushing.

 

I don't even really know the response I'm expecting from this as I'm not asking questions, I'm just releasing my thoughts and seeing what people think.

[AHardDaysNight]

I feel much the same way.

 

Although I'm not too bothered by the fact that I don't have many friends. I am a loner by nature, always have preferred the company of myself over others. And I am an introvert, which means that I get physically exhausted (and sometimes even get physically sick, like I'm going to throw up, and the room is spinning) by too much social interaction.

 

I want friends, but don't require them.

[JohnM]

I know what you mean, I suffer from that. Its social burnout usually.

[notsoleet]

Nothing wrong with that. I've always been more introverted and typically have a smallish core group of friends. Oddly enough, my friends do enjoy bar hopping. I haven't gone out with them in 2 months or so, even though they go almost every weekend. (Actually, they are partying right now, and I'm sitting here posting on a forum.) I'd much rather sit at home, relax, and watch TV or listen to music.

Edited October 29, 2011 by notsoleet

[cerridwen]

Do what you can, John, to break the pattern you're in.

Even if it's going daily to a coffee house for a cuppa.

Get out.

Being among people, soaking up the energy of movement and productivity, can help.

It can get your juices flowing; reignite your ambition; make you want to run with the pack or at least be a part of it.

 

You recognize isolating is not healthy, so interrupt the pattern.

 

Best.

[ffw]

I feel loner from time to time. John, I think you are in a better position than me. Currently, I am living in a non-English speaking country. Forget about dating or making friends, just to have a normal conversation is difficult here. Plus the fact that I am a bit introvert doesn't help the situation. My long time gf left me bcs she fell in love with someone else.

 

The thing that keeps me going on is my job/studies bcs I love my area. Also, the thought of moving to an English speaking country & one day I am going to fall in love again.

 

PS: John, you are still not an established member .

[danmorisson]

Sam boat here. Being an unattractive male it's just too damn hard to make any friends (especially female friends)

[JohnM]

Nothing wrong with that. I've always been more introverted and typically have a smallish core group of friends. I'd much rather sit at home, relax, and watch TV or listen to music.

 

True, its my comfort zone and I enjoy that, I just want to balance it out with at least being asked to social events every now and then thats all. I do value my alone time alot.

 

Do what you can, John, to break the pattern you're in.

Even if it's going daily to a coffee house for a cuppa.

Get out.

Being among people, soaking up the energy of movement and productivity, can help.

It can get your juices flowing; reignite your ambition; make you want to run with the pack or at least be a part of it.

 

You recognize isolating is not healthy, so interrupt the pattern.

 

Best.

 

Thanks Cerridwen, I am trying again. I'm going to some lantern in the park thing with friends tomorrow. Then going to a party on Monday. We'll see how they go. I'll just have to keep making small pushes where I can. But I do need to get my social bar filling.

 

Do what make you happy even if that means nothing usually, sounds cliche but its the truth and your life

 

Again, very true. I find things to do that are fun and keep me entertained but sometimes you need that social interaction. Not that I'm pressured to get out more. The only person driving that is myself.

 

I feel loner from time to time. John, I think you are in a better position than me. Currently, I am living in a non-English speaking country. Forget about dating or making friends, just to have a normal conversation is difficult here. Plus the fact that I am a bit introvert doesn't help the situation. My long time gf left me bcs she fell in love with someone else.

 

The thing that keeps me going on is my job/studies bcs I love my area. Also, the thought of moving to an English speaking country & one day I am going to fall in love again.

 

PS: John, you are still not an established member .

 

That sucks man, I can only imagine thats hard. I just spent 7 months in New Zealand and making friends in a new country was difficult and thats without the language barrier to contend with. Sounds like you have a nice outlook for your future though so thats good. I need a focus to emerge too like career wise, but thats a seperate affair. Established member? Says I am that and have been for a while haven't I? O.o

[ffw]

Established member? Says I am that and have been for a while haven't I? O.o

 

Yes, you are. Sorry for not seeing it properly.

[Star Gazer]

I am a pretty social, outgoing person, but even I have moments of isolating myself and needing "me" time, usually just from feeling burnt out and run down. Some bouts are longer than others... but I'm careful to make sure I break those ruts. You have to force yourself though. Like exercise, just getting off your butt and out of the house is most often the most difficult part.

[JohnM]

No need to apologise. Wouldn't want to lose my well earned title

[danmorisson]

This maddens me. I can't get a woman and I happily accept that, heck I don't mind being alone, I wouldn't be able to handle a relationship anyway. But what maddens me is that most girls look at us ugly men as if we were evil or something. I guess that stereotype will never go away.

 

Anyway....

 

Just watched another crime show there (watch them nearly every night) and the killers were 'ladies men' again. The killers 9/10 times are 'ladies men' -- men that pick up attractive women for fun. More women need to watch these shows. Yes, women, take note, the overwhelming majority of known serial killers are 'ladies men'.

[Anna84]

Sam boat here. Being an unattractive male it's just too damn hard to make any friends (especially female friends)

 

you know, I don't know what you consider unattractive. Is it about looks or what you eminate? and does that have an effect on making friends or is it circumstances? That's what i've been asking myself lately. I'm not sure being physically unattractive to the majority has that much to do with it.

 

As far as I can judge by experience I don't think I am unatractive, and most would say that it's easier for women than men. I live in a northern-European non-english-speaking country and find it quite hard to build up a satisfying social network. I've been travelling a lot so maybe that's the reason, but I also doubt myself at times.

 

Anyway.. I doubt that it has everything to do with the level of physical attractiveness.

[cerridwen]

True, its my comfort zone and I enjoy that, I just want to balance it out with at least being asked to social events every now and then thats all. I do value my alone time alot.

 

 

 

Thanks Cerridwen, I am trying again. I'm going to some lantern in the park thing with friends tomorrow. Then going to a party on Monday. We'll see how they go. I'll just have to keep making small pushes where I can. But I do need to get my social bar filling.

 

 

 

Again, very true. I find things to do that are fun and keep me entertained but sometimes you need that social interaction. Not that I'm pressured to get out more. The only person driving that is myself.

 

 

 

That sucks man, I can only imagine thats hard. I just spent 7 months in New Zealand and making friends in a new country was difficult and thats without the language barrier to contend with. Sounds like you have a nice outlook for your future though so thats good. I need a focus to emerge too like career wise, but thats a seperate affair. Established member? Says I am that and have been for a while haven't I? O.o

 

Enjoy your party today, John.

Have a wonderful Halloween and keep on with the small steps, eh?

[JohnM]

I shall, just been to watch a re release of ghostbusters, now I have to put together an outfit for this party as I now know its fancy dress lol. Free social events are my budget being unemployed lol.

[danmorisson]

you know, I don't know what you consider unattractive. Is it about looks or what you eminate? and does that have an effect on making friends or is it circumstances? That's what i've been asking myself lately. I'm not sure being physically unattractive to the majority has that much to do with it.

 

As far as I can judge by experience I don't think I am unatractive, and most would say that it's easier for women than men. I live in a northern-European non-english-speaking country and find it quite hard to build up a satisfying social network. I've been travelling a lot so maybe that's the reason, but I also doubt myself at times.

 

Anyway.. I doubt that it has everything to do with the level of physical attractiveness.

 

Too many people are 'mean' for it to be just 'circumstance'. And yes, it is all about physically appearance because they make that abundantly clear that it is. Do you think people like me want to be loners? Where I live ugly people (most notably men) are loners and the physically attractive are popular.