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is this depression or something else

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Old 9th December 2010, 10:38 AM   #1
drewsmom's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 48
is this depression or something else

My stbxh has the strangest behavior, he asked me for a divorce last january, yeah almost a yr ago and still not done, ugg, I didnt fight him on it, I was to worried about taking care of our son to worry about begging for him to come back. he has always had a short fuse, was very anal about everything, my son at 5 would actually stick up for me if he bitched about something, for example he said one day, who put a mark on the door. my son whispered tell him i did it mommy, I will take the blame i dont want him to yell at you. pretty sad. but I said I did it. anyway he has pretty much always had some issues. his brother says he has issues from way back when his own parents got divorced, he was a teenager, his mother never cared about how the divorce affected the kids, she was very selfcentered, it was all about her,(thats part of the reason I didnt fight the divorce, I wanted to focus on my son, I seen the results of a child that wasnt cared for during a divorce, that would be stbxh.) But he seems to be getting worse, he would never forget anything, now he forgets everything.

My son tells me they were locked out of his house the other day. that would have never happened, he comes to pick my son up and is totally in another world, I had to kinda snap him out of it the other day and ask if he heard a word I said, he said he had alot on his mind. an excuse i am sure. he stands at the table when he comes here petting the cat looking out the window, in space for like 10 minutes. he comes over and cleans the litter box out. hello you dont live here. i dont mean just scooping it either i mean empting it and washing it out. If he calls and were not home he will continue to call, like every 15 minutes. even my attn said she couldnt believe how many times he calls when she looked at the phone records. he is also obsessed with his weight, he is 45 yrs old 5'8 and his pant size is 26 he looks terrible, he told my brother if he eats a burger with my son from mc donalds he is on the tred mill immidiatly, my son said he just bought the wii fit. his face is almost skelatel, he grew a gotee that is all gray, his brother sat with me one day and said the family keeps asking him to shave it, that is the least of my worries, his weight is my concern, his own doctor told him to stop losing weight. his family isnt the close type that would even sit him down and say anything about the weight and how bad he looks.

I see people that run into him and say what happened to him he looks terrible, they tell him he lost alot of weight, i am not sure he takes it as a compliment, these people dont mean it as one but of course there not gonna say you look terrible, they say it to me though. his brother said he had to tell his family to but out of stbx's business(the divorce part) he told them stbx is 45 yrs old and he needs to make his own dissions, not sure what that meant, bil told me his brother is a little confused. I told him i couldnt take him back if he wanted to come back, he is to screwed up and needs help, bil agreed. I just want him to get help if he needs it. I dont want my son with him if he is this screwed up, he was on meds and bil said he went off them. that scares me, to know my son is with him and at any time he can snap. I want to write him a letter telling him that people are saying he looks terrible and he nneds to concider getting help, he wont listen anyway but i want to at least try. I notice my son saying now look at my belly its fat. I dont need my son to have an eating dissorder seeing his dad doing it.
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Old 16th December 2010, 4:08 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 236
Sounds like male anorexia. There might be an underlying issue here. Losing or gaining significant amounts of weight in a sort period of time could mean depression. Does he still do the things he used to enjoy? Does he seem lethargic? Is his voice more somber? Does he hide in the bathroom for long periods of time (crying? or worse)? How is his additude? Being hard on himself puts him at risk. Has he picked up any new addictions? Is he more irritable than usual? If any of this sounds like him, you can certainly share your concern, but it is up to him to do anything.
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